Love Consists of This
by One Happiness in This Life
Summary: Dimitri is unexpectedly pushed back into Rose's life, when he accepts a temporary guardian position for Jill Mastrano for the Christmas holidays back at Court. Trying to adjust her sudden re-association with Dimitri proves hard enough, but when a new Strigoi threat emerges Queen Tatiana employs Rose and Dimitri on a mission. Will their past catch up to them?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

1.5 Years Ago

The sunlight crept in slowly, lighting up the entire bedroom. As the rays hit my face I stirred in my bed, slowly opening up my swollen eyes. For a moment, I thought that the events from a few weeks ago were all a dream, but as reality started to set in I could hear the echo of his last words to me: _love fades, mine has_. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to push those words out of my mind, but instead I saw his expression, his determination in his eyes that were a plea for me to leave him alone.

I went to extremes to ensure that he would be saved. I nearly ruined my chances of becoming Lissa's main guardian by suddenly departing the Academy and I had broken out a criminal from a Moroi jail to learn how Spirit can restore a Strigoi's soul. The determination I saw on Lissa's face as she began her attempt to stake Dimitri made me fantasize about the moment he would see me. I dreamed of holding him in my arms to comfort him after the reality set in. That everything we had before he had turned would resume where we left off. I was wrong, painfully wrong. He wanted the complete opposite. I never even got a thank you for saving him, only Lissa did.

I felt broken and weak; two things I never wanted to be. I had lost more than a big love, I lost a friend and a mentor. We had established a trust with each other and somehow, he always believed my crazy antics. He listened to me and genuinely cared about my well-being, not just how I was doing in our private training sessions. Through thick and thin I always felt like I could trust him and go to him if I needed advice. He pushed for me to succeed and be the best that I could be. He was one person I wanted to have a constant connection with, regardless of where our underlying feelings. That connection was severed. I doubt anyone would understand me the way he did.

I wiped a few tears away from my eyes and glanced at the clock, realizing it was the middle of the night in Moroi time. Knowing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep anytime soon, I adjusted my position in the bed to stare out the window at the birds up in the trees trying to change my thoughts to something else. I struggled getting the echoes of his last words to me out of my mind, I knew that it would be hard. I needed a constant distraction, something to get my mind off of him.

A body shifted next to me and let out a groan as the sunlight hit his eyes. "Little Dhampir, you promised me you would close the curtains before you went to bed." He tugged the comforter over his head, continuing to swear and complain.

"Sorry, I'll close them," I said, wiping underneath my eyes, so he wouldn't catch the tears I had been shedding earlier. I climbed out of bed and quickly drew the blackout curtains shut, taking one last glimpse of the beautiful spring day. I turned back around I saw Adrian peering at me with his sexy smile, as he eyed my body in just a lacy, black bra and matching underwear.

"What time do you have to report for guard duty?" He said with a yawn, as I crawled back into bed positioning myself close to him. Instinctively he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer so I could stare into his bright green eyes.

"Not for another four hours," I sighed, running a hand through his messy hair.

I did have strong feelings for Adrian and I knew once Dimitri would become irrelevant in my mind I could focus on us. I always was drawn to the humor and discernable sexiness that was Adrian Ivashkov. After the constant patience he had waiting on me, I knew I had to give him a fair chance. He treated me well and genuinely cared about me; he wasn't that Royal playboy that the average person would automatically assume.

"That gives us plenty of time to—" He slyly said, his hand tracing across my bare stomach and up to my breasts. I eyed him and gave him a sly smile in return, positioning my face closer to his.

He kissed me softly, but then quickly deepened the kiss as intensity grew. My heart beat quickened as our tongues met and he pulled at my hips to draw me closer to him. My arms wrapped around his neck, with one arm exploring his backside and the other intertwined in his hair. He was fairly muscular for a Moroi; the type of muscular that you would see on male models in stores like Abercrombie and Hollister. Pretty good for hardly working out.

As we continued kissing and exploring each other, I could feel my body wanting something more. The tension was rapidly rising between us and I wondered if this was the time that Adrian and I would have sex. Despite being together for a few months, we hadn't gotten to that point yet. Part of it was not wanting to rush the relationship and another part was my ties to Dimitri, especially with the thought of being able to restore his soul. At the time, I didn't know if things would go back to where they were with Dimitri. Sex would Adrian would complicate things, but not anymore.

My mind was distracted in this moment and the feelings of being broken were gone, as well as any tug towards the special bond Lissa and I shared. No darkness, no sadness, but just pure bliss living in this moment. I was completely intoxicated in this moment, wanting more than ever to keep going. My hands moved down his abs, then to the elastic band at the top of his briefs. I wanted this. I started tugging down his briefs, not breaking the kiss.

Adrian caught up to speed with me and took off my bra, before using both hands to grab at my breasts. I let out a moan as he grabbed them and broke his mouth away from mine to start kissing them. As he kissed one of my breasts, I could feel his hands moving down to my panties and immediately started moving them down my leg.

As my panties moved down my leg, my body seemed to immediately stop wanting it. I didn't want this right here, right now. I couldn't have sex with him, I couldn't use him for sex when I was still had feelings for Dimitri. I stopped kissing him and pulled away from his embrace, preventing the next events from occur. Giving me a curious look, I knew he was just as confused as I am in this moment.

"I'm sorry, I can't," I whispered, sitting up straight in my bed, running my hands through my hair.

"It's okay," He said quietly, placing a comforting hand on my back. "I remember to bring protection this time, so you don't have anything to worry about." He started leaving trails of kisses across my neck then down my shoulder blades. The sensation of his touch was intoxicating and my mind and body started caving in momentarily.

Maybe I did want to have sex with him, maybe I was just nervous. As I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of Adrian surrounding me as he playfully planted kisses around my neck, I quickly snapped out of it when I started thinking about Dimitri. Maybe I was paranoid that having sex with Adrian would leave to heartbreak, since having sex with Dimitri led me there. It was a mental roadblock, something I couldn't seem to get over. Sex with Dimitri fucked with my mind and getting over it couldn't happen overnight.

"Adrian, I just don't think we should right now."

"Is this because of Belikov?" He retorted, with his voice rising. He pulled back from me and narrowed his eyes. I knew this conversation wasn't going to end well, especially with Adrian's distaste from Dimitri when they first met at the ski resort.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "No," I said lying straight to his face, hoping he didn't notice I lied.

We sat there in silence, with Adrian unsure how to reply to me. Dimitri's haunting words slipped into my mind again and I could feel the pain of sadness start spreading throughout my body. I needed an escape and if it wasn't sex, then I knew what I needed. Flicking my hair to a side of my neck, I looked at Adrian with intensity trying to wordlessly tell him what I wanted.

Adrian's eyes widened as he stared at my neck, then back at me. "Are you sure?" He whispered, moving his lips close to my neck. I knew once the idea was put in a Moroi, then the temptation was hard to turn back.

I nodded and quickly let a moan escape me as he bit into my neck, without any more hesitation. Time seemed to stand still as the pain throughout my body attenuated. The endorphins from his bite gave me the relaxing, care-free feeling that caused every ounce of worry and sadness to disappear. It was pure bliss, something that both Adrian and I could both enjoy.

When he finished, he proceeded to kiss my neck, cheek, and then lips. "Hathaway, you are quite the person. You know I love you," he whispered into my ear. "You know I told you this is the best non-sex alternative."

Without responding I gave him another kiss, then leaned back on my pillow letting myself run on the high of the bite. I felt Adrian wrap his arm across my chest and settled back into his sleep. There were no thoughts of Dimitri on my mind, as I slipped into a relaxed, deep sleep.

* * *

Present Day

I sat on Lissa's bed flipping through one of her fashion magazines, patiently waiting for her to finish getting ready for the day. It was amazing how long she took to ensure she looked very regal. I didn't understand how she had the energy to put herself together like that in each passing day, but then again, she _was_ a Princess. I slightly envied her time she had to make herself put together every day. She got to do her hair, put on cute clothes, and shoes, then socialize with fellow royals to discuss new policies and laws.

For Dhampirs, it was as completely different story. I would start my day guarding her with my hair wet, which was usually tangled, and little to no makeup on my face. A heavy morning workout, followed by a quick shower didn't do anything for my appearance. Not to mention the professional, yet boring guardian outfit I was required to wear when I was on duty. A part of me missed putting myself together to feel beautiful and sexy; I didn't have that anymore. Life was drastically different than it was at St. Vlad's, as one would expect. But I didn't understand the extent of what the change would entail. Training, guarding, then spending free time with Adrian, Christian, and Lissa was my life now. There wasn't time for going out to fun parties and enjoying myself. I always felt like I needed to be alert and on duty. It was an adjustment, that would take some time to get used to.

In other news, Adrian and I were no longer an official couple, but every once in a while, when I needed a high and he needed pleasure, we would hook up. The sex was satisfactory, but the majority of the time my body would still crave the high from the bites he would give. I wouldn't call myself a junkie like the feeders, but it was something that my body craved when I needed a temporary escape.

"Lissa, we are going to be late if you don't hurry up," I shouted, after glancing at the clock on her nightstand. It was around midnight and Lissa was invited to a lunch with the Szelsky family..

Lissa quickly emerged from the bathroom, rubbing her lips together after applying a shimmery pink lipstick. "Rose, what shoes should I wear with this dress?" She said, as I glanced up to view her emerald green shift dress.

I tossed the magazine aside and climbed off the bed. "Your four-inch shiny gold heels. Change it up from the usual black or nude," I said, quickly walking towards her closet and snatching them for her.

"Thanks," She glowed, as she sat down at the foot of her bed and slid on the heels I handed to her. "I want to continue making an impression on the family. Queen Tatiana wants to make sure—"

"Make sure that you have good relations with all the Royal families to secure your position after she steps down," I said, completing her sentence. She gave me a look and I pointed at my head suggesting that I read her rapidly firing thoughts through the bond.

"Rose, you know the majority of Royal families and even many guardians are not for Moroi helping fight Strigoi." She walked in front of her floor length mirror and started fussing with her hair and slightly adjusting her bracelets and necklace. "You think these earrings are too much?"

I shook my head at her. "Lissa, you have good reasons for Moroi to use magic during battle. Hell, Christian and I fought off a heard of Strigoi at St. Vlad's, you healed many of the wounded guardians after that battle, and not to mention both you and Christian took down Dimi—" I paused at the name, but quickly shook away any further thoughts of him. "You're a badass and charismatic and have the capability to convince anyone that you're right."

I felt confidence radiant throughout her in the bond, knowing that I said what she needed to hear before this luncheon. I walked over to her and placed my hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "You can do anything that you put your mind to, Lissa. I'll be in the back of the room supporting you every step of the way."

"You really are the best friend a person can have," She whispered.

"Well right now I'm technically your guardian," I said turning around, letting out a soft laugh. "Anyways, grab your purse and let's go bond buddy."

Lissa rolled her eyes and snatched her purse off a nearby chair and followed me out of the room. "You know I really hate it when you call me bond buddy."

I shrugged and let a smile creep over my face as I walked down the hallway to greet Christian, who was wearing a matching emerald green tie. He quickly grabbed ahold of Lissa and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "Beautiful as always," I heard him mutter to her. Her face blushed slightly and I felt her getting warm and tingly at his presence.

Her love for Christian was so pure and strong, anyone could see it. I envied that easy love Lissa had with Christian. Marriage and children were a place in the Moroi lifestyle, but rarely a guardian's. Swearing to protect Lissa meant throwing away a chance of a real relationship. At one point in my life I thought I could make it work, but not anymore. That was part of the reason why Adrian became casual, I couldn't make the time to fully commit to him and I never felt like I could obtain that big love with him. Maybe I wasn't meant to have this great love again. Maybe my one and only duty was to protect Lissa from here on out.

* * *

Lissa shone at the luncheon, as expected, convincing the majority of the Szelsky family that Moroi should have the option to learn how to fight and use magic in battles. Her examples of the Spirit benefits and Christian using fire in battle with me, helping further push the idea to the family. Turning Strigoi's back to their original form was something that really touched home with them, especially since a few of their beloved guardians had turned Strigoi and had been hunted and killed in the past.

After I switched off my shift with Lissa and left her and Christian alone in her room, I could feel the excitement radiating through her. Smiling at the sense of her excitement, I walked down one of the hallways that looked out towards the gate that led into the Court.

A few inches covered the snow, setting the overall holiday mood across Court. Christmas would be approaching soon and I was looking forward to it. I organized to have Christmas day off of guarding, so I could devote real time with Lissa, Christian, and most likely Adrian. I needed a break from my guarding duties with Lissa and the additional Court guardian duties that came with staying here.

My phone started ringing and I quickly grabbed it out of my jacket pocket, seeing that it was Eddie calling. Smiling I flipped open the phone. "Hey Castille, I just got off duty. St. Vlad's still dull without me?"

Eddie had been allocated to guard Jill Mastrano, the secret Dragomir sibling. Only a few of us knew about the true identity of Jill, with Jill not even knowing herself. She knew that her dad wasn't her birth father, but never questioned more than that. Jill was happy with how her family was back in Michigan and Queen Tatiana pushed that Jill would be told when the time was right.

"Boring as usual, but I'm making light of the situation. They got some new training equipment in, since it appears our group beat them up a little too much."

I laughed recalling the anger I would constantly take out on the practice dummies when something didn't go my way. To be fair, that happened the majority of the time, but I never would openly admit to it.

"Excited to explore the beauty that is Ann Arbor, Michigan?" I teased, knowing Eddie wasn't particularly looking forward to spending the holidays with Jill and her family.

"Actually, that was part of the reason why I called you," He said. "Guardian Steele contacted Alberta and Jill has been requested to spend the holidays at Court. She will meet her parents there. We are set to leave in two days."

Excitement shot up inside of me, thrilled that Eddie and I would be able to spend time together. Before he was allocated to Jill, we had spent our mornings and evenings sparring and working out together in the large guardian gym at court. I had continued to grow closer to Eddie, especially after the Spokane incident. It was nice to have a friend that wasn't Lissa and Christian because after some time being the third wheel was boring and quite awkward.

"You think Queen Tatiana wants Jill to know?" I whispered.

"How would I know more than you? I feel that Lissa would be made aware before us and you would be aware," He whispered back, referring to the bond.

I thought back to the last time Lissa had a meeting with Queen Tatiana. It was at least a month ago, but there was no mention about Jill. Instead the conversation was about pleasing families and what other classes Lissa should be taking online.

I sighed. "I don't know the full story, Eddie, but regardless of what is going to happen regarding that it will be great to spend some time with you again."

"You too, Hathaway. I better get going, it is almost my shift to walk the grounds. I see Guardian— "He stopped short for a second. "Never mind, it doesn't matter, I won't bore you with the details. I can't wait to see you and everyone else soon. Send Lissa and Christian my best regards."

"Eddie, for once you stop short on the details and I'm internally grateful," I said sarcastically. "I'll see you soon, say hi to Alberta for me and tell Stan that I can still find ways to bother him from Court."

I hung out the phone and continued walking to my room, knowing that I should take a quick nap before my late-night shift patrolling the Court grounds. The one downfall of being a guardian at Court was the constant change in schedules. If Lissa were to live outside of Court with me and another guardian, it would be easier to keep a consistent schedule. "At least I will get to see the sunrise," I thought, knowing that the sunlight would feel good on my skin.

My phone vibrated and I glanced at it seeing that Guardian Steele, the head Guardian at the Court, wanted me to come to his office. Turning around and backtracking to his office in the main building, my thoughts drifted off to the upcoming holidays. Little did I know the extent of what this holiday season would entail.

* * *

Author's Note:

Hello everyone! This is my first time writing a Vampire Academy fan fiction and I was inspired by a few of the "love fades, mine did" fan fictions that I have read. This idea and what will happen came to me one night, so I immediately started writing it. So lemme talk about how I'm planning on structuring the story real quick. There will be flashbacks about Rose's past in St. Vlad's, after Dimitri told her he didn't love her, and when he left for St. Basil's. The memories serve as a way to understand the dynamic between Rose and Dimitri, as well as her relationships with Lissa, Christian, Adrian, and more. The whole flashback thing was inspired by the tv show "This is Us" and how they use different time points to help explain the present. I'm excited for doing this idea and I can't wait to continue incorporating it into the majority of chapters.

I'm planning on updating weekly or biweekly, depending on what my schedule looks like. Hopefully, I will have a better schedule set soon. I would love to hear what you guys thing/want to see in future chapters. So please review because it is very much appreciated and I promise I will respond to every single one. Your opinion/thoughts for the story will influence and inspire me in my writing. :)

OH! So for Dimitri fans (I mean probably the reason why you're reading this story lol) , I promise you will be seeing a lot more of him in the next chapter and future chapters to come. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

1 Year Ago

Adjusting to long hours of standing around doing nothing was hard. You would think after all of those years of training to become a Moroi's protector, your body could handle the sleepless nights, the push to be constantly alert, and the sheer stamina of standing in a place for a long period of time. Boy, was I wrong. My first overnight shift guarding the hallway where Lissa's room stood was painful and I could feel my feet aching the longer I stood. I could see why Stan would be grumpy some class periods after his rare overnight shift.

Letting out a huge yawn, I walked across the lawn towards the Guardian's gym at the Court. The sun's rays were starting to slowly fade into the horizon and I knew only a select few guardians would be willingly awake to trade positions with the overnight ones. It was quiet and peaceful, something that I easily lost during the day with the Court commotion.

Lissa had been very busy since we decided to stay at Court for a year, before she attended Leigh. After everything both of us had been through since the accident, we both felt like we needed consistency and time to adjust to our post-St. Vlad's life. But of course, there is Queen Tatiana. She took this time to make Lissa an "understudy" to learn from her how to rule an entire Moroi/Dhampir community. I was proud of Lissa and how far she had come since the accident, especially when it came to controlling her darkness and Spirit powers. Although my darkness was still an issue, I had at least learned to manage it by continuing to train.

I quickly changed into my workout clothes and soon enough I was hitting and the punching bag with my usual warmup I always did at St. Vlad's. Despite my exhaustion, it felt good to be letting out any stress or worries I had into the bag. Oh, and to actually stretch out my legs and body from standing for so long.

Being alone in the gym was certainly something I looked forward, the rare time it would happen. I was able to blast my corny pop radio tunes on the stereo system and completely focus on myself. Technically I was still carrying out my duty; these high intensity workouts would benefit Lissa if a threat were to ever come. Then again, the threats felt like they would always come with Lissa, especially if she would be the next ruler.

"Your form looks horrible," I heard someone say behind me, rudely interrupting my thoughts. I stopped the punching bag from swinging and turned around to see Dimitri. Of fucking course.

I didn't reply, but instead turned my attention back to the punching bag and planned to continue ignoring him. He made it very clear to me that he wasn't anything to me now, so should I bother giving him the time of day?

Heck he had been trying the past two months to get a baseline friendliness, but I knew it was too forgone. Would any normal person who had their heart broken give that person friendliness after? Of course, I wasn't a complete bitch to him, I had to maintain some professionality since we were both guardians at Court. He didn't deserve my forgiveness, sarcasm, or any satisfaction that what he did was okay. I knew he strived for that sense of normal before anything happened between us, but I knew that would never return.

Unfortunately for me, the Court was too unsure how soon they would allocate him to a new guardian position. Even though they had reinstated him as a temporary guardian for the Court, they still were surprised with the whole evil turned to good thing that Lissa did. This continued astonishment made many Moroi's hesitant to request him as a guardian. He went from the most highly requested Russian God guardian to nothing. Ouch, that has got to hurt.

I heard him turn down my music and I quickly stopped punching to turn around and glare. "I was listening to that," I said with a snarky tone. "This is my time to train."

"And mine as well," He stated back. "I'm not changing your music, I'm just turning it down, so I can concentrate on my training. Being locked up in a prison cell doesn't give you the opportunity to maintain a certain level of intensity."

"Whatever, asshole," I muttered under my breath, grabbing a quick drink of water. I sighed and started punching the bag even harder, maybe even with a purpose. Out of all of the guardians on campus he had to be the one that came into the gym to train at this hour. I mean I shouldn't have been overly surprised. After all, he always made me get up at sunset to start training at St. Vlad's.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him standing a few feet away from me, frowning. I didn't know what he possibly wanted right now and I knew the tiredness I felt wouldn't help my mood to be civil towards him. "Can I help you with something?" I abruptly said. He shook his head and said something in Russian, before stepping closer and grabbing the punching bag to steady it. I groaned in frustration, crossing my arms and glaring up at him. "Are you incapable of leaving me alone?"

"I told you that your form is not good. I thought the Academy and our training sessions taught you better than that. You look like a freshmen year novice, at best."

I rolled my eyes. "Is this some lame excuse to talk to me? Do you have some fantasy that you will start helping me with my technique and we will develop a friendship again? Last time I checked you weren't my mentor anymore or even my friend."

He stared at me with those deep brown eyes that always made me so weak. I immediately broke eye contact and walked away grabbing my water bottle, contemplating whether or not I should cut my training short and come back later.

"I never said I didn't want to be your friend."

"You ruined that when you refused to see me after I went through hell and back to save you. When I left the academy in an attempt to stake you, then when I found a way to bring you back to you. I never even got a thank you for saving your soul from eternal damnation. Now if you excuse me, comrade, I'm going to go for a run." I glared at him before walking towards the gym doors.

"I'm leaving Court tomorrow, Roza."

I froze at hearing the name he would always call me. I hadn't heard him call me that name with that softness in his tone for months. "When will you be back?" I said with my voice cracking.

He walked closer to me with a solemn look across his face. "I got a temporary position to teach at St. Basil's. I think it is time for me to visit my family and get away from this part of the world for a period of time. It's what best for me and you."

I stared at him, slightly in disbelief. As much as I wanted Dimitri gone, a part of me still didn't. He had been a large part of my life for the last year; it was hard to picture what life would be like without him. I would be free of seeing him and I would be free of the sadness and anger I would feel when I was around him. But yet, a part of me still didn't want him to go. My anger subsided, as I came to terms with his transfer out of the Court.

"I guess this is it then," I said softly, stepping closer to him. "I doubt we will ever cross paths again."

He gave me a small smile and I could sense he was feeling some sort of sentiment. "Perhaps. Regardless of the future, I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. I'm proud of how far you have matured as a guardian and as a person. The Rose Hathaway I first met was very . . . insubordinate."

Surprisingly, I laughed shaking my head and gave him a slight smile. "Thanks for what you taught me as my mentor," I said, making sure I didn't refer to anything else he ever was to me. "St. Basil's is lucky to have you. Maybe you will find another Rose Hathaway there that will want to bend the rules."

"There is no other Rose Hathaway that exists," He said. My heart fluttered a bit and I could sense the sentiment in his voice. "Thank you for saving me, Roza. I will never forget what you and Lissa did for me." I expected him to turn around and walk away from me, but he did the unexpected. He leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran one of his hands through the hair that he always loved.

I didn't interpret it as a romantic gesture in any way, but more of a way to show his gratitude towards me and Lissa. It was his way of closure to his mentorship, friendship, and relationship he had with me. I placed my hand on his arm, giving it a light squeeze and a genuine smile before he turned around and started walking out of the gym. I couldn't help but feel emotion spreading throughout me like rapid fire as he began walking away.

"Comrade, wait!" I shouted, not even thinking twice about calling him by my old nickname for him. "I thought you said you were going to train?"

"I'm not. I came just to see you again," He replied, giving me a smile. "Make sure you drink two cups of coffee before the overnight shift when guarding. It will make it more bearable."

I stared in disbelief that he knew I had the night shift. Guardians around here never paid attention to each other's schedules, unless they were trading shifts. "How did you know that?" I said once again.

"Your form. It would never be that sloppy if you weren't exhausted." Dimitri stated.

Before I could reply he picked up his beloved duster on one of the chairs near the exit and left. I stood in my spot with tears brimming in my eyes knowing that this would be the last time I would see him. My heart still was broken, a part of me still hated him, but I knew this was all for the best. I would finally be able to move on and fully free myself from him. I would probably go through emotional hell and back several more times, but I knew this situation would only make me stronger in the end. "Bye Comrade," I said to myself, before refocusing myself back to the punching bag.

* * *

Present Day

"Why would Jailbait and her parents be coming to Court if it wasn't something regarding her being the illegitimate daughter of a Dragomir?" asked Adrian, as we laid naked in my bed cuddled up.

After my meeting with Guardian Steele, I had found Adrian waiting outside of my room in the Guardian building. He had a bottle of champagne in one hand and a box of my favorite macaroons in the other. Even though we weren't together, he still felt that I deserved the little treats. Maybe giving me gifts was a way to ensure that I would give him what he wanted. Either way, I wasn't going to complain.

I shrugged and continued tracing circles around his bare chest. "Maybe Tatiana just wants to get to know her people better. I think the Mastrano family used to have some ties with Court several generations ago. Long before Lissa's father sleeping with Jill's mother incident."

"You said Lissa was shocked when you told her Jill was coming?"

"Mhmm," I said, biting my lower lip. "She is worried that she will act differently around Jill, since she knows that Jill is her half-sister. I think Lissa will be fine and I'll be there to make sure she doesn't say anything to hint towards Jill being a Dragomir."

Adrian ran a hand through my hair and nodded his head. We laid there in peace, while both staring at the trashy show that was on the TV. Adrian always insisted on watching human reality shows with the idea that we would feel "better" about our current lives.

I didn't need to feel better about my life; I was perfectly content and didn't need anything in my life to change. If you asked me a year ago I would have a completely different response, but I changed. I learned to live after being broken, even Adrian noticed that change. My aura was less dark and seemed to be lighter after going through the absolutely darkness aura period of my life a year ago. In the end, I didn't need some grand love in order to feel at peace.

"When will you be back with Jailbait? You said tomorrow evening?"

I nodded, thinking about my latest conversation with Guardian Steele. Due to Jill's secret status, it was important that we ensured she was safely flown to Court with more than just Eddie. Steele had requested that me and Meredith were to be two of the additional guardians to fly to St. Vlad's. We were to leave early in the morning.

"Jill is getting a second guardian apparently," I said, rubbing my sleepy eyes. "Steele told me that Jill needed higher protection during her occasional travel outside of the grounds or back home to Michigan. It would be easier if it was always two standardized guardians. He said that the second guardian position should be established in the new year."

"Makes sense. Any clue who the second guardian is?" he said, pulling me a bit closer to him and kissing the top of my forehead. I breathed in his scent and smiled, melting into his warmth.

"No, Steele wasn't sure who would be assigned. With the guardians being so low, they had to start shifting them around. I'm guessing it will be one of St. Vlad's standard guardians that will just transfer over to join Eddie when Jill graduates in a couple years."

Adrian shifted his position so he was on his side facing me. He smiled at me with those beautiful green eyes and ran his free hand through my hair. "Happiness looks good on you," He whispered, "I don't think I have told you that before."

I smiled back at him. "You helped contribute to that," I replied.

"Do you think you would ever want to go back to a couple?"

"I don't know what the future holds, Adrian," I whispered, sitting up to push myself closer to his face. "For now, let's just enjoy what we have and take advantage of this situation. I don't have any guardian duties for the rest of night and we both happen to be naked." I coyly smiled at him, before pushing him over to his backside and climbing on top of him.

He gazed up and down at my naked body and I could feel his excitement pressing up against my inner thigh. "Little Dhampir, you are one invigorating women. I always knew I would want a woman with high stamina for certain activities."

I let out a laugh, then quickly laid on top of him to press my lips against his.

* * *

"You know I hate it when you have to leave me," said Lissa, as we stood out on the runway waiting for the plane to be ready to take off. It was pushing 5 p.m. in Moroi time and I had nearly lost it when I saw Lissa walking down to the runway to say goodbye to me. I wasn't expecting her to get up to see me off, even though I would be back later that night, but I could sense her fear that something would happen to me or her in that short amount of time.

Ever since I took a short leave of absence from St. Vladimir's on my eighteenth birthday, she constantly worried and feared for me. Part of her was worried about what would happen to the darkness side effect of Spirit if I were gone, but she mostly feared losing the one person that stood by her side since the day we met at the Academy.

I gave her a tight hug and felt her stress ease. "Lissa, I will be back before you know it. Spend time with Christian and practice Spirit with Adrian. You know I will be there for you if you need anything," I said giving her a warm smile.

"Rose, I just have a bad feeling about this." I sensed her nervousness and doubt that everything will go as plan. She was paranoid she would let slip her relation to Jill or that she would be too awkward. How was she supposed to act around Jill?

"You don't have to pay that much attention to Jill, Liss. Jill will be too busy with her parents once they arrive and I think some of her Moroi friends will be spending the holidays at Court. You probably will barely have to spend time with her, so nothing will be awkward. Just focus on you and do whatever Tatiana wants you to do."

She smiled and gave me another hug, as I was called to board the plane. "Send me something as soon as you land. When you get back tonight, come over and we can watch a movie with Eddie and Christian. It's been far too long since we hung out with you off of duty."

"Promise," I said, picking up my "just in case" duffle and throwing it over my shoulder. I turned around and boarded the plane, greeting Meredith as I boarded. I felt a sliver of sadness in the bond, but then happiness as Lissa got a text from Christian to tell her to come back to her room. Oh Lissa, you will be perfectly okay without me for a day.

Before I knew it, I was off to St. Vladimir's or as Lissa's hated term, "Vampire Academy". I never expected to be back so soon, but I knew it would be nice to see Alberta again and have a chance to walk the grounds. We were arriving mid-morning and would leave late afternoon, after Jill was done with her last day of classes before winter break.

Meredith gave me a light tap on the arm, waking me up as we began our descent in the air. I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, happy that Lissa's charmed ring still helped subdue my headaches. Adjusting my hair and outfit, I looked outside at the grounds with a slight longing of returning back to my life at St. Vlad's and the years of innocence.

I knew Lissa missed her life at St. Vlad's where she didn't have to worry about impressing everyone and learning how to rule a country. She loved her secret moments with Christian in the attic of the Church and her secluded room in the royal Dhampir section in the dorms, maybe she even loved the parties I dragged her to on multiple occasions. Wow, times were different. I rarely ever had the opportunity to party now, then again I rarely had a full day off of guardian duties at Court.

"It is as if nothing changed," said Meredith, who sat across from me, as the plane gently landed on the runway. "Remember when we just wanted to be done here? We took every day for granted."

"I wish I could go back to some parts of it," I replied, applying a quick coat of my neutral lipstick. For once I had the time on the plane ride to put energy into my appearance. I wasn't trying to impress anyone at St. Vlad's, I did it for a longing of actually having the time to make myself feel good.

Meredith and I stood up when the plane door opened chatting about the pranks that we did on Stan, as well as a few other fond memories that we had throughout the years. Our class of guardians grew up training together. We grew and matured as teenagers and novices. It was weird to think we would never all be in the same place at the same time together. Those fellow Dhampir's at the Academy were part of my family, through every bit of blood and tears that were shed over the years.

"Do you remember when . . . Guardian Belikov?" said Meredith, stopping in her tracks, as we were halfway towards the edge of the runway.

"What about him?" I asked. "Meredith, you can't just leave off mid-sentence and not say anything else. You're leaving a girl hanging." I glanced over at her, not noticing that she had stopped walking. Her eyes were wide, with her mouth slightly ajar. What was her deal?

I adjusted my gaze to meet hers and instantly froze. In his brown duster with his long hair tied back, Dimitri Belikov stood on the runway next to Eddie and Alberta. We instantly made eye contact and I stared into his deep brown eyes, that I knew so well. Something about him looked different than the last time I saw him. Maybe Russia did give him the cleanse he needed from the world; it certainly helped me. As we stared at each other, the feelings that I had pushed back for a year started creeping up. A tingle of pain shot through me and I quickly broke eye contact to gaze at Eddie wondering why he never mentioned this. Eddie must have sensed my confusion and slight anger at him considering he wasn't looking at me, but instead shamefully looked at the ground.

Taking my confused and conflicting thoughts in, my mind could only come to one conclusion about Dimitri's unexpected presence. What the fuck was he doing here?

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Hello everyone! First of all I would like to thank everyone for the lovely reviews, follows, and favorites. Since I'm relatively new to fan fiction and how it works, I realized I couldn't reply to the guest reviews. Someone asked what happened to Hans Croft as the head of guardians at Court. Without revealing too much, I promise you will see what happened to him in future chapters.**

 **I decided to update earlier than I initially thought because I'm a HUGE procrastinator when it comes to actual studying and decided to write to ease stress. And I just got really excited and motivated to share this chapter with you guys early. Hahah, anyone else like that? I am also planning on update Friday or Saturday of this week. ALSO! Please tell me what days you prefer for me to upload a chapter, which that schedule will start next week. Right now I'm thinking a Sunday and Wednesday sort of schedule, but I'm curious to hear what you prefer? I hope everyone has a lovely week and I can't wait to hear from you. :) **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

2 Years Ago

I ran next to Dimitri, both of us in silence, as we both took the time to enjoy our morning run. Usually I would be blabbing about silly high school things, while Dimitri smiled at my antics, but this time things were different. It was our first official training session back together since the incident in Spokane. Ever since I received my marks for the two Strigoi kills I felt even more determined to focus on my training. What happened to Mason was something I never wanted to happen to one of my friends again.

We finished up our last lap and soon were back in the gym. I took a long drink of water and started stretching out my legs before practice techniques. Dimitri kept eying me carefully to make sure I was in an okay mental state to train. He didn't know how to comfort me without overstepping the mentor and student boundaries we needed to continue to maintain, even though I desperately just wanted more with him. Of course, I would be the one to end up in a forbidden love.

"This is the longest you have ever been quiet," noted Dimitri, as he grabbed a few pieces of equipment out of one of the storage rooms. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I just need to focus more on training." I swung a few punches at the punching bag, not breaking my focus to Dimitri hovering in the background.

He stared at me concerned at first, but then his face softened. "You killed two Strigoi by decapitation, something that the majority of guardians have never accomplished. I do not think you need to train harder."

I ignored him, punching the bag even harder and letting the anger from the incident rise. "Then why don't I feel like I'm good enough?" I shouted, causing Dimitri to be startled at my sudden outburst. He walked over to me and quickly grabbed the punching bag telling me that was enough.

Not fazed by this, I started pacing and running my hands through my hair. "I look around at my classmates who have so much confidence and yet I feel so weak. I'm the only one who has additional training sessions morning and evening on top of my guardian classes and yet, I don't feel like I'm prepared," I stated, with my voice shaking.

I saw him deep in thought, as he looked at me with concern. "No matter how hard you train you will never feel that you are fully prepared. Your classmates have confidence because they have only ever practiced on each other and other guardians. Their perspective and confidence will change once they face their first Strigoi."

"They talk about me when I'm not around. They bring up Mason and how I failed to save him," I said, pushing away any tears that were beginning to form.

Dimitri walked closer to me, once again taking the student and mentor boundaries into consideration. "They can't relate to what you are going through right now, Rose. Your first kills and the person who you killed for you will never forget. Don't let them get to you."

I failed to drop my emotions, as I ignored what he said. "The guilt eats away at me every time I'm in class. I stare at the empty seat that next to me and realize that he is supposed to be here. We were supposed to graduate together and rank top in our class. That is never going to happen now because of my stupidity," I said, choking on my own words as it got to me.

I couldn't prevent the tears this time and they immediately started falling out of my eyes and down my face. Embarrassed, I turned around and quickly started wiping my tears, trying to push away my emotions. But as the more I wiped away at the tears, the more started falling out of my eyes. I hadn't feeling this way.

Dimitri's hand touched my shoulder and pulled me around to face him, with little resistance from me. Out of everyone that I knew, I wanted his comfort. He always knew what to say to me in any situation. It was that connection that furthered my attraction to him. If only I could act on it.

He gently started to wipe the tears away for me, then ran a hand through my hair to smooth it down. I gave him a small smile and thank you, not breaking his eye contact. "Roza, please don't do this to yourself. I know he won't be next to you when you graduate, but a part of him will always be with you. Those marks represent Mason and your last act you did for him. He wouldn't want you to be this way." His voice was soft and silky, which instantly started calming down the flow of tears and suppressed the incoming sobbing.

"I just feel so alone. I know Eddie and Christian suffered through Spokane, but I feel I suffered differently. Christian and Eddie were one of the first people out of the house, then I had to be the last one. I saw Mason's neck snap, no one else did. I had to be the one to kill the Strigoi, with no silver stake near. I was alone."

"You were so brave, Roza, so brave."

"At one point during my capture I remembered thinking, if this is going to be it I wanted you to know that I love you and that I hoped I wouldn't disappoint you with what I did."

Silence spread between us as we stared intensely into each other's eyes. The look in his eyes told me that he wanted to kiss me, but I knew that it would be too dangerous to do that. We were both going to be Lissa's guardians, there wasn't a way that we could make this work, we had already established it. It was painfully hard to need comfort from the person you loved, but not be able to get anything in return. Falling out of love with him seemed impossible, especially since being around him strengthened every bit of affection I had towards him.

As silence spread between us, he placed both hands on either side of my face looking directly into my eyes. "I will always be here for you. You don't know how proud I will be standing there when you pass your final exam and then get your promise mark."

"Promise me?" I whispered. "I want you there to calm me down and give me your last words of Zen wisdom. I know I always complain about them but— "

He smiled at me and pulled me into a warm hug. "I'll always be there for you no matter what happens, Roza. I will do anything I can to ensure you won't feel any more pain. I promise that I'll be there."

I suddenly felt at ease, as I rested my head against his chest. The sense of his touch and his scent intoxicated me and I didn't want to let go. I thought he would pull away from me and resume training, but instead we stood there for minutes wordlessly. This moment was something that I would remember forever, regardless of what the future had in store.

* * *

Present Day:

"Guardian Hathaway, Guardian Periweather, what a pleasure to have you back here," Alberta greeted happily, as we walked closer to them. "I know you are well aware of the timing and arrangement of the stay and the departure, so please enjoy yourself here. We appreciate the last-minute arrangements you made to help with the trip to Court."

We both gave her a warm hug and I switched my gaze to Eddie, then briefly at Dimitri. What happened to Dimitri's transfer to St. Basil's? What happened to him wanting to get away from America and me? Even though I was past the heartbreak, I still had no desire to see him again. This appearance better be temporary and meaningless.

"Hathaway, good to see you on your battle grounds again," said Eddie, with a crooked smile. He walked over to me and gave me a tight hug. "I didn't know how to tell you he would be here. I didn't see that it would be a problem since you would only be here for half a day," He murmured into my ear.

I pulled away from the hug, not replying to Eddie. Yeah, I was kind of angry that he failed to mention that Dimitri was back. I knew he didn't know how to approach the subject matter, since in the past it was always a sensitive one, but I thought he would at least give me a heads up. I'm sure I had come across as a complete idiot on the runway just moments ago, as I stared with my mouth open. God, how embarrassing.

Wanting to get away from this awkward greeting to collect my thoughts, I quickly turned to Alberta. "I have a slight headache that I think I need to sleep off. Is there a spare room I could temporarily use, Guardian Petrova?" I asked politely, ignoring Eddie's look. He definitely knew I was lying, considering that I had not had headaches for a substantial amount of time. Ever since Lissa gave me some Spirit infused jewelry, my headaches and visions had vanished.

"Yes of course, I grabbed a set of keys just in case you needed a place to stay for the day," Alberta said pulling a room key out of her pocket. "Be ready to go around four o'clock, we will meet on the runway again with Jill."

"Thank you," I said quickly walking away from everyone towards the guardian's building, deliberately ignoring Dimitri.

The fresh Montana air felt good against my skin and part of me felt like I had returned home. Growing up in Montana since I was a toddler certainly made this campus feel like home. Others never saw it that way, but I always did. The long summers running around the mostly empty campus were the best. As a result, I had learned all of the shortcuts and even some of the secret guardian tunnels, thanks to convincing Alberta.

"Rose, wait up," a sharp Russian voice said, interrupting my thoughts. I could hear the crunch in the snow as he ran to catch up with me.

I groaned knowing I couldn't escape this one. "Guardian Belikov, I would like to get some rest," I said, not bothering to slow down my pace.

"I know you're surprised, but I am just as equally surprised at seeing you. As you're well aware, the academy lost several guardians last month. It was imperative that they replenished some of the numbers and when Guardian Petrova called me to offer me a position back at St. Vlad's I agreed. I didn't think I would see you again."

"Why were you waiting for the plane then? What are you trying to accomplish here? You wanted nothing to do with me, Dimitri. I'm just trying to respect your wishes."

"I was speaking with Alberta, when she was on her way to greet you, about a student I agreed to mentor. She got into trouble the other day with a few other Dhampirs and I- "

I stopped and stared at him in disbelief. "Oh, so looks like you're repeating the pattern. Mentor a female student who tends to get in trouble, fall in love, fuck her in an old cabin on campus, then break her heart."

"Rose, I don't think it is fair for you to assume anything. She is nothing like you and I would never do that with another student again. I think we both learned our lesson there."

Rolling my eyes, I started picking up the pace, but I knew his long legs would easily catch up with me again. I knew it was unfair to assume that this new girl would be a repeat of me and him, but I knew it was out of jealously. I always thought I would be Dimitri's first and last student that he mentored. We made plans for him to guard someone at Court, while I was with Lissa. We would be an epic love story that my mind couldn't help but fantasize. Too bad that was all over.

"Please listen to me, Roza, please," He pleaded, grabbing ahold of my arm and stopping me in the tracks. He stepped in front of me staring into me with those beautiful deep brown eyes that I always loved. "I meant what I said a year ago when I told you goodbye. That there would never be another Rose Hathaway."

I closed my eyes, temporarily breaking eye contact. I pushed back any sort of feeling knowing that I couldn't fall back into that hurt I felt. "You have told me that twice and yet your feelings have changed."

He was hesitant in his response. "Have yours?"

What was I going to say to that? Any feelings I had left for him I buried deep within me the past few months. I adjusted to life without him, hell, I could even say I was genuinely happy. He was right in some ways about leaving me and not giving a relationship a true chance. It was what was best for us and it took me a long time to understand.

"My answer will not make a difference," I said. I took a deep breath and looked him directly in the eyes. "I don't love you, I don't like you, and I certainly don't want to be around you." I quickly yanked my arm out of his light grip.

Ouch. His body tensed as soon as I spoke his words. A flicker of sadness passed over his eyes. We stared at each other unsure what to say or do next. My heart pounded in anticipation to his reply and what he would do. I wasn't expecting to be a complete bitch, but the words just slipped out of my mouth before I had the chance to think. I mean when I thought about it, I never really got a chance to yell at him after he said those words. It was bound to happen at some point, right?

"Rose, I never wanted it to— "

Before he could fully respond I slipped more words out that had been boiling inside of me for so long. Ever since he told me that he didn't love me anymore and was leaving I kept thinking back to that moment shortly after Spokane. The moment where I was at a low point in my life, the moment where I felt so alone.

"You promised me that you would always be there for me. You promised me that you would be there to give me advice when I took my final exam, that you would see me get my promise mark. I accepted that you wouldn't be there for it because turning Strigoi was out of your control. But you also told me you would do everything to make sure I didn't feel pain. You didn't protect me from pain Dimitri, you fucking caused it."

Silence.

"Dimitri!" an excited female voice shouted from about ten feet away. "I went to the gym to look for you for training, but you weren't there. You said something about being punctual today so I didn't know if I was so late you gave up."

I broke my gaze from him and glanced at the Novice approaching us. Her dark hair was pulled back into a high pony tail and I could tell that she was quite pretty. Of course, the world was against me and wanted Dimitri to be with some other gorgeous brunette. As I saw her approaching, I felt like I was staring into a flashback of my past.

As she got closer, I realized that I didn't recognize her (pathetic, I know). I never paid much attention to the younger classes, especially since the past year in high school had been complete hell. From returning to the Academy, unearthing the true nature of spirit and being shadow-kissed, to losing a best friend, and hunting down your Strigoi-turned mentor, socialization was at an all-time low.

"I was just finishing up discussing travel arrangements for Jill Mastrano with Guardian Hathaway," Dimitri said stepping away from me and towards the student. "Start with ten laps around the Academy for warm up, then meet me back in the gym."

"I should go take a nap. Tell Alberta to let me know if there is anything I need to do," I said clearing my throat and trying to calm down. "Have a good training session Guardian Belikov."

I hoped he wouldn't follow me after he got the novice girl to do her laps. Sighing I pulled out my phone, sending Lissa a quick text to tell her that I arrived safely at St. Vlad's, making sure I left out the whole Dimitri thing. I would just tell her what happened as soon as I got back tonight, I didn't want to disturb her day at all.

After being lost in my own thoughts, I was soon kicking off my shoes and flopping across temporary guardian bed. I inhaled and exhaled deeply trying to calm down my anger that Dimitri triggered. Whether the anger came from me or the darkness side effect of the spirit bond, I didn't know. I knew that it was unfair how I approached the subject to Dimitri. I knew he didn't deserve to be yelled at especially with other guardians and novices nearby. So much for taking the high road.

"I'm such a fucking bitch," I murmured, before closing my eyes and trying to forget about earlier as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

It felt like I had been asleep for hours when there was a light knock at my door. I slowly opened my eyes, slightly disoriented to where I was, before remembering what happened today. Still a bitch. I rubbed my eyes and checked the time, realizing that there were still several more hours until we would depart with Jill.

"Hathaway, open up," shouted Eddie's voice on the other side of the door.

I groaned and threw the covers off of me, before standing to open up the door. Wordlessly he stepped into my temporary guardian room as I closed the door, letting out a huge yawn. My hair was a mess and I'm sure my breath smelled atrocious. I was no sleeping beauty, especially after I woke up from a deep sleep.

I sat down on the edge of my bed with Eddie standing in front of me. "What brings you here?" I asked. "Stan eager to see me? Alberta assigning me a temporary task?"

Eddie smiled at me and joined me on the edge of the bed. "Neither, but likely Stan will want to see you briefly at some point. He has been prank free for a long time, which leads him to believe every single prank was your doing."

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "Okay there was that one time Mason did the entire prank. I didn't partake in that, I was busy training that morning."

"But who inspired him to do that?"

"Guilty as charged," I said with a crooked smile. "So, what brings you here to interrupt my nap?"

His happy face quickly fell. "We might not be leaving for another day or two. There is an incoming winter storm and it won't be safe to fly. If we wanted to bypass it we should have left hours ago. I brought your duffle from the plane, just in case this were to occur." He pointed to my small gym duffle bag that was packed with extra sets of workout and guardian clothes. It was something that we were always told to do when we were doing trips, just in case. I had completely forgot about it as soon as I saw Dimitri.

"Great," I sarcastically said, not looking forward to being around Dimitri for a few more days. "Do you have a shift schedule for me?" I knew I would be automatically assigned some simple guardian duties since I would be trapped for a few days. I knew I could spend those days hanging out with Eddie and catching up with Alberta and maybe even playing a few pranks on Stan for old time's sake.

"Alberta is rearranging the schedule now to add you and Meredith into it. She contacted Guardian Steele and Lissa to let them know about the delay." He looked down at his hands, looking slightly guilty. "Listen, Rose about Guardian Belikov . . . I didn't know how to tell you that he had a position back at St. Vlad's. When the arrangements were made for you and Meredith to come, I didn't think you would even cross paths during your short trip. I— "

I held up my hand, gesturing to him to stop talking. "Let's just not mention him anymore. I already did a bitchy, immature thing today when I saw him and I don't want to relive that."

"Deal," He said, with a crooked smile.

A few moments of silence passed and I could feel my stomach growling, demanding for food. "Well, Eddie how about we go stuff our faces with food and make the best out of it?" I smiled. He quickly agreed and I threw on my shoes and grabbed my heavy winter coat, feeling even more hungry as I stood up.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! The love and support I received on my previous two chapters has made me so happy and motivated me to continue writing. Next week is finals for me, so that will hold a higher importance (although, I don't want it to) so I will try to get up one or two chapters. Once finals are over I think I will have a Monday, Wednesday, Friday posting schedule. Let me know what you think! I love hearing from you guys. :)**

 **Mini Preview for Chapter 4:**

"Are you finally happy?"

Clearing my throat, I remade eye contact with his deep brown eyes. "Yes, I am happy. Are you?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

1 Year Ago

I sat on Lissa's bed and stared out the window that overlooked the enormous plot of land in the back of the Court. I often wondered why Lissa picked this particular room with this view, but I finally understood why. It was peaceful. Something about staring at the snow sparkling as the early morning sun rose brought a sense of comfort to me. It reminded me of St. Vlad's in Montana and how me and other novices would throw snowballs at each other after the first good snowfall of the season.

I had taken an unexpected personal day off of guarding Lissa, due to Dimitri's upcoming departure today. I felt it was best for me to stay away from the guardian's and Moroi's talking about the once Strigoi's departure out of the country. The environment today would be too toxic to me, considering my past with Dimitri, that more people had sneaking suspicions about. Not to mention, I didn't want to see him off.

Yesterday's conversation was the best way we could depart from each other. It was civil and sentimental, there was not more I could expect out of it. Oh, and at least he finally thanked me for what I did for him. Lissa was happy that Dimitri thanked me when I told her about that encounter, but I was still angry at everything that happened. I knew Lissa didn't know how to make me feel better about the situation, but instead knew not to the drop his name at all.

I laid down on the bed, pulling myself into Lissa's mind to see how soon she would be back. Even though the bond was only one way, Lissa always knew when something was troubling me, especially when it came to a boy. She knew I needed to vent about Dimitri and Adrian and drown my sorrows out in some of the kitchen's ice cream that she would snatch on her way back to the room. It wouldn't surprise me if she snatched a few bottles of wine too. I needed to let it all out.

Lissa walked beside Dimitri in the lawn towards the gate, where the car was waiting to go to the airport. Ever since she restored him as a Dhampir, he had looked at her as if she was his guardian angel. When he was locked up in temporary confinement the only person he ever wanted to see was Lissa. They became close, as one would imagine after restoring someone's soul. During that period of time I begged that the roles would be reversed. That instead of Lissa being Dimitri's number one choice it would be me.

"I think St. Basil's will be good for you. You can get a fresh start and maybe even find someone to guard again," said Lissa, adjusting her umbrella from the incoming sunlight.

Dimitri nodded silently, appearing as if he was deep in thought. "Thank you, Princess, for risking everything for me. You gave me another chance at life and there is no way I could ever make that up to you."

"I did it for Rose," she said softly, immediately sensing his dismissal of my name. They approached the car that was idling and waiting for Dimitri, with a few guardians surrounding it. "Dimitri, she still loves you, even though she won't admit it to me. Are you sure that there isn't any part of you that still loves her?"

Damn it, Lissa. Why were so insistent on bringing up that subject with him? I was starting to let it go and move on with my life, but her question sparked up a glimmer of hope that I still had.

He hesitated for a moment and I could tell that he was facing some sort of internal dilemma. Lissa couldn't pick up on that conflict, but I knew Dimitri well enough to know that he didn't know how to express his exact feelings. He cleared his throat and glanced at Guardian Steele, who was patiently waiting nearby. They knew Dimitri's goodbye to Lissa was important, especially since every guardian saw how Lissa was his "guardian angel".

"Rose will always have a special place in my heart, but I cannot love her again," He said softly. "I did terrible things to her and even though she can forgive me, I can't look at her and not be in pain for what I did to her. I think of every bite I gave her, when I -" He choked on his words and I could have sworn he was about to cry.

Lissa placed a hand on his arm, giving him a warm smile. "You will get through this pain and torture, Dimitri. I believe in you, Christian believes in you, and so does Rose. It might be hard to acknowledge what you did in your past, but I truly believe that you will be able to learn how to accept and forgive."

"Take care of her, Princess," said Dimitri, pulling Lissa into a warm hug. "I don't want anything to happen to her. She deserves so much more than me and I want her to be happy."

"I promise," said Lissa, leaking tears from her eyes. "Go find happiness as well, Dimitri. You deserve it too."

I pulled out of her head, noticing my tears streaming down my face. My stomach quenched in a knot, as I processed this conversation. I knew I needed to have one long cry about Dimitri, then I needed to be move on for good. He was right: we both deserved happiness. I thought me and him would find that happiness and love together, but life wanted something else to happen. The problems with him from the start was probably the universe's way of saying that it shouldn't happen, that would never work out in our favor. But I ignored the signs and just followed my heart. Apparently, that was a dumb ass mistake.

"A part of me will always love you, Comrade," I sighed, curling up into a ball. The tears continued to pour down my face and I started sobbing for about the hundredth time about Dimitri. I knew I was acting ridiculous and like an immature teenage girl, but I was experiencing my first real heartbreak for a man that I had done so much for. It sucked.

I barely heard Lissa come into the room, but I immediately smelled her perfume as she climbed into bed next to me. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me close. "I had a feeling you would be watching," said Lissa.

I didn't reply, but started wiping away my tears and sniveling. We stayed in that position for hours, with Lissa never growing tired of my complaints and emotions as I let them pour out. I used to always be afraid to be vulnerable around her, but I knew that in order to let go of a thing in your past sometimes you needed someone to listen.

* * *

Present Day:

"Lissa, I promise that I will push to be on the first safest flight out of here. No, I won't miss Christmas. Yes, I'm reading you through the bond," I said, trying to convey as much reassurance as possible. I hated the fear that I had instilled in her when I left her to hunt down Strigoi Dimitri, especially when I was the only family she had left.

I felt her tension ease slightly, but I could tell she was still unhappy about the situation. "Stay safe, Rose, and try not to bother Stan too much. Was he happy to see you?"

"He acted like it was no big deal, but I think it is safe to say that he desperately missed the fun Rose Hathaway brought into his life." I paused, with the urge to tell her that Dimitri was here at St. Vlad's. I used to keep a lot of secrets from Lissa, which I knew was unfair since she could never keep secrets from me. She had been hurt when I went almost a year without telling her about Dimitri and I being in love, so I knew I couldn't keep this one from her. After all, she was there for me after Dimitri was restored, she checked up on me every day to make sure I was healing from my broken heart. She deserved to know.

"What aren't you telling me, Rose? It is unlike you to stop short in conversation," questioned Lissa.

There was silence across the phone, as my mind came up with a way to present to her that Dimitri was here and that I was emotionally intact. "Well, I was kind of surprised when I arrived here actually. You see with the guardian rearrangements due to some recent losses, they have recruited guardians from around the world. To replace the few that were lost at St. Vlad's, they brought back one of the best."

"Dimitri," whispered Lissa instinctively, with a hint of protectiveness in her tone.

"Yep, he is back in full guardian mode. He even has some new trouble maker novice that he is mentoring here. Don't worry about me, Lissa. I'm doing okay with it and it will be easy to avoid him since St. Vlad's is so large."

"Have you talked to him in private yet?"

"Well if you call private me yelling at him on the grounds about how he is an asshole then . . ."

Lissa quickly cut me off. "Rose, what were you thinking? You promised me that you would be civil if your paths ever met again. Did he say something rude to you to set you off?"

I didn't respond.

"I'm guessing that is a no then," said Lissa, with disappointment in her voice.

"I wasn't planning on yelling at him for any bystanders to overhear. Just seeing him again and him begging me for friendship just set off a fuse that I couldn't subside. Liss, no it wasn't any extra darkness flooding into me. It was just your normal anger you would get seeing your ex. It also didn't mention that he is mentoring someone that resembles me, that kind of scream creep. Don't you think?"

I could sense Lissa rolling her eyes at me and I could easily picture her expression. "Yes, that is creepy I will admit. Although, you probably don't know the full story. I highly doubt he would have the audacity to seek out a Rose Hathaway wannabe."

"Yeah, well hopefully I don't have to see either one of them. I swear if I hear he has made one mood on her I will –" I paused, not quite sure knowing where I was going with this.

Lissa sighed. "Be civil, Rose. You are supposed to be the future Queen's guardian, so taking the high road is a must." She let out a small laugh and I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, I must get going. Christian and I are going to be having dinner with Tasha, who surprised us for the holidays. Text me as soon as you know when you will be back."

I promised her and hung up the phone, tossing it onto my bed. Dinner with Eddie had been great and I had even gotten a chance to pester Stan a little bit. Lucky for me, Dimitri was nowhere to be found at dinner so I didn't even have to deal with a potential situation. It felt great to be sitting around former teachers and not have to worry about my grades and training. Meredith was having a great time too, especially visiting some of her younger friends that were behind us. Part of me felt like it was old times; it was a great feeling.

* * *

Throwing on my heavier winter coat, I grabbed my guest room key and headed out of the guardian building. I knew it wasn't wise to be stepping outside when a snow storm was approaching, but I knew I craved the fresh, crisp Montana winter air. The average person would hate the snow and cold air, but something about it was invigorating to me. It gave me a sense of life and home, considering my entire life had been spent at the Academy.

Snow was falling heavily and I could barely make out the main campus building in the distance. The cold arctic wind blew across my face, that seemed to freeze me in time. My thoughts were drifted off to the memories of Mason and I running around during the middle of a huge snowstorm freshmen year . . . the innocence we had as we were starting our heavier training to become guardians. I remembered we both were exhausted from one of our training classes and just wanted to have a fun escape.

Mason. Oh, I missed him every day that passed. He was always in love with me, but I could never see him more than a brother. We grew up together and wanted to be close to each other when we were assigned our guardian positions. I wondered if he would be proud of me and everything that I had accomplished these past few years. I hoped that he was at peace.

"Rose, what are you doing outside in the middle of storm?" said Dimitri, approaching me in the storm. He wasn't as bundled up as you would expect, considering he was from Siberia. To him, this weather was absolutely nothing.

"I don't see how this affects you, Guardian Belikov," I retorted. "How about you stop stalking me and leave me alone?"

He groaned and stared at me with his eyes narrowing. "Is this how every conversation is going to be? The immaturity you showed earlier was embarrassing to yourself. You're supposed to be a guardian."

I scoffed. "I'm nineteen going on twenty, in case you haven't forgotten. Still have plenty of time to fully mature. And yes, I am a guardian, but that doesn't mean that I have to be like you and constantly shut off my feelings."

"I don't shut off my feelings, but I can hide them. Maybe that is a concept you should incorporate into your daily life" He replied, with his Russian accent becoming thicker as his voice rose.

"I have a right to be angry for what you did," I snapped. "You never gave me the chance after you turned back. You refused to see me when you were locked up, when I just desperately wanted to hear your voice. I knew it would take time and patience for you to get back to you and I was willing to wait until we would try again with a relationship."

He shook his head. "I told you I didn't love you anymore, Rose. What part are you incapable of understanding?"

"The part where you didn't even fucking try!" I shouted.

At this point in time we were angrily yelling at each other. If the storm wasn't so noisy, I'm sure the entire guardian building would be hearing our argument, the second one today. The tension of the conversation radiated off of us and I knew it would be going nowhere. Remembering Lissa's words to me on the phone, I took a deep breathe letting any anger subside. Brushing a few snowflakes that had adhered to me face, I turned to face him directly.

Taking a deep breathe, I closed my eyes. "Let's just forget about this, this conversation isn't going anywhere. I don't want to spend my time and energy arguing with you."

"Lissa told you to take the high road," He said, with his voice calming down. I absolutely hated how he still knew me so well.

I gave him once last glance, before turning around to walk back to my room. So much for a relaxing time outside. "Have a good rest of your night, Guardian Belikov," I stated. "If I don't see you again, I hope you continue doing well."

I felt a warm gloved hand, grab ahold of my hand, as I was reaching towards the door handle. Not fighting his grasp, I turned around to face him again. My eyes pleadingly looked at him to let go so I could return my bedroom, but it didn't look like he would let go anytime soon. Snow fell between us and I could see the snowflakes sticking to his hair. Even after everything that had happened the past two years, my body still was sensitive to his touch.

"Why won't you let me go?" I spat angrily. "Are you asking to be hit?"

"I just want to ask you one thing, Rose," He said with the softness to his tone that I used to always hear. "Are you finally happy?"

Slightly shocked at his question, I broke his eye contact. Thoughts raced through my head, wondering if he had another ultimatum when he asked me this question. I thought back to when Lissa last saw him before he departed. His last wish for me was for me to be happy; maybe he still genuinely cared at me.

Clearing my throat, I remade eye contact with his deep brown eyes. "Yes, I am happy. Are you?" My anger had temporarily subsided and I felt a sense of calm throughout me again.

"Yes," He said, gently releasing his light grip from my arm.

We continued staring at each other, ignoring the fact that we were standing in the middle of an incoming snow storm. I felt tears brimming in my eyes, which I immediately pushed away by breaking eye contact with you. I thought of all of the things I wanted to say to him, but I was frozen in his gaze.

"We better get inside," Dimitri whispered. I silently agreed and we quickly stepped inside, not exchanging anymore words towards each other.

As we approached the corridors down to the various rooms, I stopped at my door and pulled out my key from my coat pocket. Expecting Dimitri to continue walking to his room, he paused at my door. I gave him a curious look, as I unlocked my room door, wondering what he was expecting out of this. "Can I help you with something, comrade?" I said, instantly regretting myself for slipping out his old nickname.

He stepped closer to me, with a conflicted expression across his face. The awkwardness was heating up and I was fighting the urge to run into my room to escape. Dimitri looked me in the eyes and then I could see his eyes wander to my hair. It was shorter than what it used to be, not like pixie cut short, but chopped to my shoulders. "Your hair, I told you to never cut it," He murmured, loud enough so I could hear.

Abruptly, he turned around and started walking quickly down the hallway, before I could even respond to him. Leaving me filled with mixed emotions of anger, hurt, and confusion.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you for the support and love. Still wondering about Hans Croft? You will learn more about him the next chapter and why he is important.**

Chapter 5 Preview:

"Adrian, we need to discuss a few things," I said quietly, not wanting to make direct eye contact with him, but forcing myself to anyways. His green eyes were staring directly into my brown ones, with a glimpse of worry.

"I think I know where this is going," He said, with a slight hint of anger in his face. His brows furrowed together, as he broke eye contact with me. He intently looked at the floor, fiddling with his hands.

Shit, this wasn't going to be easy.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

10 Months Ago

Two months passed since I last saw Dimitri. As each day passed I felt more like myself and life got easier without him in it. There was no pain, no complications, and I finally felt at ease with everything going on. My aura even looked brighter than usual, according to Adrian. Yes, I still had that swarming darkness that would never go away because of Spirit, but still, it _was_ better.

As the pain of heartbreak slowly faded away, I also started coming to my senses that leading Adrian on might not be a good thing. I knew he was developing feelings for me with each passing day and I thought I would as soon as Dimitri was out of my life, but I simply couldn't fully fall for him. I knew what I had to do.

I knocked on Adrian's door, taking a deep breathe, as I waited for him to answer the door. Within seconds he was at his door, with his usual big smile on his face. "It's about time you showed up," He said, quickly grabbing me around the waist and pulling me into the room. Adrian pressed me up against the wall and gave me a long, deep kiss that I couldn't help, but cave into momentarily.

I pushed back as soon as things were heating up. He looked at me confused that I would be stopping this, especially since I usually craved it after a long shift. I gave him a small smile and quickly walked over to his living room area, not sure how to start off this topic of conversation.

I ran a hand through my hair that I just recently cut, still not used to having it shoulder length. "Little Dhampir, have I told you that you look completely sexy with that new hair?" I couldn't help but blush at his comment. I had been so nervous about cutting my hair, especially since it had been long for years.

"Are you sure it isn't too much of a change?"

"Change looks good on you," He added, pressing his lips against mine again. His lips lingered and I pulled away again, knowing that I had to refocus on ending things with him. He gave me a look of intense curiosity and I looked to the ground.

"Adrian, we need to discuss a few things," I said quietly, not wanting to make direct eye contact with him, but forcing myself to anyways. His green eyes were staring directly into my brown ones, with a glimpse of worry.

"I think I know where this is going," He said, with a slight hint of anger in his face. His brows furrowed together, as he broke eye contact with me. He intently looked at the floor, fiddling with his hands.

I bit my lower lip, not sure how to continue this conversation. Why were breakups so painfully awkward? I mean I guess this was better than anger, but still, this was awful. "I was using you these past few months," I stated, waiting for an outburst. "It was a way to mask the pain that I had been going through ever since the whole Dimitri disaster and it is wrong for me to do that. I don't want to lead you on if I can't reciprocate the same amount of feelings."

I expected anger, but instead I got laughter from Adrian. It started off softly, but then increased in loudness. I didn't know where this was going or how to respond to this. "Little Dhampir, do you think I'm stupid?"

"I mean I thought you were – "

"I knew you weren't in it for love, but more or less just using me for comfort and pleasure. I was just okay with it because I like you and I wanted to help you get over that tool bag. Yeah, I love you, but more like a good friend. You gave me a fair chance, when I knew you weren't completely into me so why can I complain?"

My mouth dropped open, at a loss of words for how to reply. What the actual fuck? I was waiting for his anger to come, for him to say he was actually angry, but instead I got more laughter, as he stood up to pour himself a drink of whisky. He smirked at me and shook his head. "Little Dhampir, I won't be opposed to the occasional hook up. I do feel like we give each other a lot of pleasure, whether it is sex or a bite from me. I mean I'm game if you are?"

My eyes were still wide and I finally closed my mouth, still confused and equally surprised at his response. "I mean that would be great if you don't think that would be awkward."

He shrugged. "I mean if we are on mutual terms, I don't see the harm in that. Just if stuff gets too weird and we start developing real romantic feelings, then we should just stop completely."

Before I knew it, he was pushing me out of the room, saying that he needed to drink in peace. Secretly, I knew he wanted to watch his trashy reality TV about humans, still not quite sure what appealed to him the most. As I left his room, relief spread over me, happy that everything that went over smoothly. And hey, I still got someone to have the occasional hook up with.

Although, it almost felt like it was too easy to end things with Adrian. Especially since he pushed so hard to date me in the first place. "Men are so fucking weird," I murmured, as I continued down the hallway, not noticing the girl approaching Adrian's door.

* * *

Present Day:

I tossed and turned in my sleep, cursing that I slept on the plane and took a nap. Usually I never had an issue falling asleep, especially after a long day of guarding and training. I knew it had to be more than my brief naps throughout the day, I knew my subconscious thoughts were racing with my encounters with Dimitri.

My emotions around him confused me. How could I be so angry at him, then have a civil conversation? Why was I letting him still have power over me? I covered my face with both of my hands and took a deep breathe, trying to shake him from my mind. But as I attempted to clear him from my mind, I kept thinking about the way he looked at me and my hair right before he parted for the night. The comment to my hair that he adored so much, why did he even mention it?

Fed up with lying in bed and not getting anywhere, I quickly climbed out of it. I knew it was early in the morning and the pathways were still covered with ice and snow, but I didn't care. I need to distract myself and I might as well do it in the gym. Slipping on a pair of workout clothes and my heavy winter coat, I grabbed my keys and head out of my bedroom following that familiar path to the training gym.

I thought of how many mornings I would wake up to train with Dimitri. I was usually sore and bruised up, especially at the beginning, but I was always motivated to go. Sure, part of my motivation was to spend some one on one time with him, but also, I knew I needed to be at a certain level of intensity in order to have a chance of being Lissa's guardian. Wow, times had certainly changed.

Before I knew it, I was lifting weights and running laps around the gym floor doing one of my usual circuits. It felt nice being back in this gym that I knew so well. It was always so quiet and peaceful at this time of morning, especially with no one around. I was lost in time and it felt rejuvenating.

But of course, my life was just filled with interruptions. I heard the routine swing and creak of the door open to the gym and I quickly slowed down one of my laps, praying that Dimitri wouldn't walk in the door. I was in luck, no Dimitri, but instead it was his new mentor student.

"Oh shit, sorry to interrupt your workout," She said, taking off her winter coat and throwing it over one of the chairs.

I shrugged and finished up my ab set on the ground, taking a quick glance at her. She awkwardly stood there staring at me, slightly stunned at watching me. I guess I would take that as a compliment. I stood up from my workout, wiping the sweat from my hairline, and gave her a small smile.

"I was just finishing up," I said, grabbing my water bottle nearby and taking a long drink. Grabbing a workout towel, I started wiping the sweat off my face and walked towards her. I knew I needed to be civil, especially since this novice didn't do anything wrong. Wasn't her fault that she got assigned Dimitri as her mentor.

"You were the one talking to Dimitri yesterday, right?"

"Yeah, the name's Rose Hathaway," I replied, hoping that she didn't hear any of my yelling yesterday to Dimitri.

"Oh, so you're Dimitri's former trainee," the Novice stated, looking even more stunned. "He mentioned that he trained someone named Rose here, said that you turned out to be a phenomenal guardian."

I stared back at her, slightly shocked that Dimitri would even mention me to this Novice. I felt touched that he even had the decency to mention that I ended up being a strong guardian because it was the truth. I knew I was a badass guardian and I wasn't afraid to admit it. Self-assured, one would say? Yes, and I didn't care. "What is your name?" I asked.

"Andrea."

"Nice to meet you, even though it will only be brief," I coolly said. I started walking away from her, not sure what else to say. Was there even anything else to be said at this instance? Doubtful, and I just wanted to take a shower and then go wake up Eddie for breakfast. As I was grabbed my discarded workout shirt on the ground, I heard the Novice let out a loud sigh with hints of frustration.

She looked like something was bothering her, something that she wanted to talk to someone about it. I didn't necessarily want to speak to her, but I sensed that she wanted to talk to me about something. "Everything okay?" I questioned her, holding the shirt tentatively in my hands.

Andrea shrugged, then started stretching. "I feel like I'm not learning anything from Dimitri. He is cold towards me and just makes me run laps.

I rolled my eyes, throwing my shirt over my sports bra. "You will learn lots, trust me. I use some of the stuff he taught me to this day. Just keep showing up and putting lots of effort in; it'll benefit you. You just don't see it now," I stated.

"But—"

"Just be lucky you have him as a mentor to support you," I said, quickly leaving without another word. She opened up her mouth to say something else to me, but I was out the door before she even had a chance to speak.

* * *

Alberta had assigned me to patrol the grounds later that day. Unfortunately, Eddie was preoccupied with other Guardian tasks so I wasn't able to have his company. I buried my hands in the deep trench coat pockets, with one hand holding my silver stake, as I walked slowly across the property lines.

The environment was completely still after the snow storm last night. The moonlight shone on the snow causing it to glisten, while the air had that scent of freshness. The snow crunched beneath my feet, as I kept glancing across at the wards. They looked perfect, as they usually were. Ever since the Strigoi attack that happened here they had taken extreme precautions with the wards. Now the likelihood of another Strigoi infiltration had definitely decreased.

As I started walking near the gate, I saw that familiar duster in the distance. "Of fucking course," I muttered, realizing that fate seemed to not be on my side. I was still a mix of emotions from the previous encounter with him, especially since he went from acting like a complete jerk to acting like his old self. I knew it would be wise to continue acting civil towards him to show he wasn't getting to me, but sometimes it was too hard to take the high road.

As I approached him, I knew it would be best not to do more than nod my head, but a part of me was tempted to talk to him. What happened last night? What did it mean? I needed answers. "If I didn't know any better I would say that you are stalking me," I shouted towards him, as he turned around to make eye contact with me.

"Why do you think I have this obsession with seeing you?"

I kicked a bit of fluffy snow and let out a laugh. "Because you have a funny way of turning up multiple times within my last twenty-four hours here," I stated.

He shook his head and stared off outside the gate. I often wondered if he ever thought about what life would be like not being a guardian. What if Dhampirs could settle down like Moroi . . . they could have a family and not have to constantly worry about Strigoi? I mean that did happen, but it was usually frowned upon . . . why couldn't that change?

Realizing I shouldn't push this innate tension further, I quickly changed the conversation topic. "Gate duty? That sucks, Alberta must be out to punish you. Why would they put a bad ass guardian to stare out a gate where cars rarely leave? At least I get to move around, while you stand there in one place."

Dimitri stared into my eyes briefly, before breaking eye contact to continue staring out in the distance. Wow, nothing. Some person I had to attempt to entertain. Why I was even bothering to do this, I don't know. Maybe it was out of boredom or curiosity. Maybe I was just confused where we stood in this awkward reunion. Our emotions had been so up and down; I just wanted to figure it out.

"You wanted to talk to me yesterday, even accuse me of acting immature after everything that happened, but now you don't want to talk," I exasperated. "I mean you even fucking commented about my hair and why I cut it." I walked around him and stood in front of him, with my arms crossed.

"I'm sorry," He stated, not bothering to look down at me. "I shouldn't have accused you of immaturity when you had every right to be angry with me."

Damn fucking right. "Doesn't sound very sincere," I noted, seeing a flicker of annoyance across his face. "Listen, Dimitri, quite frankly I still don't like you and you confuse me, but I want to leave this off on a positive note like before."

He looked surprised at what I said, I mean I was surprised I haven't attempted to punch him yet. "I think we can manage that," Dimitri replied casually. "Anything to report on the patrol?"

Really? That was the topic of conversation? Geez, it felt like he had reversed back to his non-conversational self when I first met him. Despite the closeness I once had to Dimitri, he had never been much for conversation. Unless, he was invoking his Zen logic on me or talking to me about my techniques. "Nope, same old same old."

"Good."

Could this get any more awkward? I knew I should be getting back to patrolling, but I didn't want to leave this conversation on a painfully awkward moment. "How was Russia? Is your family doing well?" I asked casually.

That is what did it. Before I knew it, he flew into a long conversation about how everything was for him this past year. His family was doing well and he had even connected with some old friends from St. Basil's. I listened carefully, smiling and nodding at his enthusiasm. As he spoke, I noticed the lightness to his tone and happiness across his face when he spoke about his home in Baia. He barely mentioned guarding at St. Basils', but when he did it was that he had an arrangement to go home on the weekends with his family. I saw that happiness he told me had discovered and I couldn't help but feel happy for him. If I deserved happiness, so did he.

When she finally had an opportunity to speak, she looked at him with wonder. "Is this job here at St. Vlad's only temporary then? Are you planning on going back to Russia?" I softly said.

He shrugged and took time to collect his thoughts. "I cannot predict the future, but I want to stay in America. I love my family and friends, but I have come to terms that America is the better place for me."

"But you look so happy when you speak about Russia."

"I speak fondly about America to my family and friends back home," He replied. There was a brief moment of silence and he turned to face me, disrupting my thoughts and bringing myself back to the conversation. "I have a question to ask you, Rose. There is something that I'm not completely caught up on since temporarily leaving America."

"Sure, go for it," I said, hoping that it didn't deal anything with my personal life.

"Where is Hans Croft? I sent him a message a few months ago, but I never heard back from him."

My face quickly darkened at the mention of Hans's name. That was a completely different story than what I was expecting. Hans Croft was the latest hot topic of this past year, especially for the Guardians. I didn't know how to approach this matter, since it was still very controversial, but I knew Dimitri should be caught up. I mean he was a guardian in America again, right?

I cleared my throat. "He is no longer working at Court."

"Is that why Guardian Steele arranged for Jill's transport with Alberta?" Dimitri questioned.

I nodded. "A few months ago, Croft was going into town with a group of guardians and one of the Moroi who worked at Court. It was during human day, with a slight overcast, so they saw it as an opportunity for them to run several errands. They contacted the Court to tell them that they had arrived in town safely and should be back early Moroi time. It was all the normal protocol, except they never showed."

"Didn't you track them?"

"Oh, they sent a group of us out to go track them after we didn't hear from them for hours. We initially assumed there was traffic or some other delay, but as it approached midnight at Court there was still no sign of them. I was with the group to go searching in town for them, but on our way, we found the Court car pulled over on the side of the road." I paused, trying to push away vivid memories of what I witnessed. I would spare Dimitri the details, mostly because I didn't want to relive them.

I swallowed, then took a deep breathe before continuing. "Inside the car there were the guardians and the Moroi dead, by a Strigoi attack. Hans was nowhere in sight. We thought that he had escaped the Strigoi attack, but there was no trace of him. As days passed we could assume that he was either turned or taken and murdered. We couldn't track the Strigoi's on the attack at all, they must have covered up their tracks."

Dimitri stared at me in surprise, not sure how to respond. It was kind of surprising he hadn't heard about this attack in Russia, since stuff like this hadn't happened for a few years. Usually routine town visits with Moroi and guardians was very secure, but what exactly happened? One could only guess.

"The one thing that made it even interesting was that as they were going through Hans's stuff, they noticed his recent bank account activity. He had withdrawn all of his savings account in cash. Why would he be doing that unless he knew something was out to get him?"

He looked just as puzzled as I had been when I first heard that information. It was one thing to get attacked by Strigoi and disappear, but it was another thing when you would withdraw a substantial amount of money from your bank account before disappearing. Was Hans planning on turning Strigoi? Was he running from something or someone? There was silence between me and Dimitri as thoughts ran through our head regarding Hans Croft.

"Is the investigation still occurring?" Dimitri pressed.

I shook my head. "No, they abandoned it last month. He is now presumed to be dead, but I still think there is more to his disappearance. I pushed Guardian Steele to further investigate, but he wouldn't budge."

"Is there any other information?" Dimitri whispered. I could tell that he was saddened and disturbed at this news, especially when Hans Croft was involved. Hans Croft had stuck up for Dimitri when he was restored, after he came to turns with Dimitri no longer being Strigoi. They had parted on good terms and both agreed to keep in touch, so I knew it must be hard for Dimitri. It wasn't like he had many friends back in America.

I bit my lip thinking of everything that I knew during the time this happened. It had been discussed at multiple guardian meetings, but it was hard to remember all of the little details leading up to the disappearance with the many argumentative debates. But I did remember one detail, that had been bothering me quite a bit.

I took a deep breathe. "Yeah, there was one little thing. The last person he spoke with before he left on the routine trip to town was Queen Tatiana."

* * *

 **Author's Note: Thank you everyone so much on your reviews, favorites, and follows since my last chapter! Honestly reading your reviews made my day when I was busy studying and I appreciate each one of you very much. Expect the next chapters Monday, Wednesday, and Friday next week. Hope everyone has a great weekend! :) **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

6 Months Ago

I was abruptly pulled from my shift guarding Lissa for an emergency guardian meeting. Confused on what was going on, I quickly hurried to the guardian meeting room worried there had been a massive Strigoi attack. We couldn't afford to lose anymore guardians, mostly because the numbers were already so low. What made it scarier was the law to have novices graduate at sixteen instead of eighteen, to help with the guardian numbers. That was a heated discussion at Court, that had been back and forth for quite some time. Luckily, no decision had been made yet.

As I entered in the room, my mother was there speaking quickly to Guardian Steele. If her trip back was delayed it must be something big. We briefly made eye contact, with her eyes telling me to sit down and not say a word. Obeying her orders, I found Meredith in the crowd and slid in next to her. I could tell that she was tense about the topic of this meeting.

"Wow, they even told you to come here? Must be something major if they made you end your shift early with Lissa," said Meredith, breaking the nervousness that surrounded us.

I nodded my head, seeing the distress amongst some of the guardians that I knew. Gazing around the room I tried searching for Hans Croft to read his expression, except he was nowhere to be found. "Have you seen Guardian Croft?" I asked Meredith, surprised that he wasn't taking place at the front of the room to get everyone seated.

Before she could reply, Guardian Steele entered the room swiftly, letting the door slam shut behind him. Wordlessly, the remaining guardians took a seat with my mother near the front of the room. Where was Hans? Guardian Steele took the front of the room, clearing his throat and taking a drink of water.

"Guardians, I know you are all curious what brought you to this emergency meeting. I can assure you this would not be called unless it was something urgent. The Moroi Mr. Timothy Walton, Guardian Miller, Guardian Buchan, and, unfortunately, Guardian Croft have gone missing."

The uproar began, with questions shouting when they went missing and how they knew the group was missing. Guardian Steele was paling standing at the front, as guardians argued back and forth about the last time they heard from them. Three missing Court guardians, including the head one, in addition to a Moroi working at Court was far from ideal. One noisy guardian was saying that they should start installing trackers in the cars and we needed to catch up with simple 21st century technology. I couldn't help, but let out a smile at his comment.

"Let me finish," shouted Steele, silencing the crowd. "The four were last heard from approximately eight hours ago, upon their arrival to the town. It was a short trip to run a few errands and they were expected back around six pm. As you know, it is approaching midnight. We have tried contacting each one of them several times, but we have not heard back."

I sat there stunned that something like this was happening. Usually these day trips were nothing too crazy, but then again it had been a heavy overcast day. Maybe it was possible for the Strigoi's to grab people in the shadows, without being harmed. But how did a group of Strigoi's manage to get through three guardians? Why would they target a random Moroi?

"To further examine this, we are sending a team to town and retracing their exact routes. We have great hope that we will find the team and be able to save all four lives."

"Yeah right," I muttered under my breath. If they lost touch in communication for eight hours the likelihood of it being a good outcome was incredibly low. I knew it was natural for people to hope for the best outcome, but I never worked myself up with hope. I learned that things never work out the way you wanted them to.

Next my mother stood up to stand next to Guardian Steele. For my mom not having a permanent place at Court, she sure held grandeur to everyone here. I mean my mom was a badass guardian. She had this expression on her face when something wasn't going her way, that would immediately convince people to follow her orders.

As Mom explained the mission, my thoughts drifted to the first Strigoi murders I had come across a little over a year ago. The Badicas. The lifeless bodies of the Moroi and guardians still haunted my thoughts, especially seeing the best ranked guardian completed mauled.

When mom started calling the names of the guardians going on this search mission, I wasn't expecting my name to be called. I was still a relatively new promised guardian, so it would be awhile before they would instill this amount of trust on me. Well, I was wrong.

". . . and Guardian Rose Hathaway will be joining us today. Please meet near the garages in an hour, your current guardian duties will be covered."

* * *

Before I knew it, I was piled in one of the two very full cars, speeding down one of the back roads. It was a very dark night, with little to no light being shone on the roads. Perfect night for heightened Strigoi activity. I clutched onto my one of my silver stakes, trying to distract myself from other things. Lissa was nervous that I had to leave for this short mission, while Adrian just told me not to die. Rolling my eyes at thinking of his last comment, I quickly snapped out of it, when I heard Guardian Steele let out a gasp and slam on the breaks.

"Fuck, this isn't good," another guardian said in the car.

I glanced out the window and saw one of the Court guardian cars pulled over to the side of the road with the windows smashed in. The car pulled over to the side of the road and we silently got out of the cars. We all knew that there were just dead bodies in the car, it was impossible that they survived that attack.

As we approached closer to the car, I immediately picked up on the smell on fresh blood and heard flies buzzing around. Guardian Steele went ahead of all of us, with my mother lingering a few paces behind. The rest of us all stood in silence, anxious in anticipation of what we would see. I wasn't much for gory sites, especially when it would come to seeing people that I actually knew. Hans Croft and I had a rough relationship at the beginning, but soon we came to be on great terms. Apparently, he had stood up for me when they were assigning guardians to Lissa.

Steele opened up the door and immediately one of the guardian bodies toppled out of the car, with a deep gash in his neck and his eyes glazed over. The smell of a decaying body immediately hit us all and I held back tears that were beginning to form. One of our own, gone. My mother opened up the back doors and I could tell from her expression that it was just as gruesome as the first.

Damn.

"Timothy and Buchan back here, dead," my mom said. I could tell that she was trying to hold any hint of emotion back. "No sign of Hans; spread out and look for any sign of struggle. I'll call the alchemists."

We did as we were told with little to no argument. Steele and I started walking into the woods, to see if there was any blood or footprints in the mud that we could track. Steele had a blank expression across his face, the more we started walking into the woods. I could tell that he was feeling doubtful for finding Hans, unlike the rest of the guardians who were still clinging on to a bit of hope.

Steele was a man of very few words, which could be easily seen across his straight face that he typically wore. He had this harsh jaw line that was always accompanied by a clean-shaven face. Never had I seen any hint of a five o'clock shadow. His hair was dark and slicked back with a lot of gel. I swear he looked like someone from the Matrix, the only thing missing was sunglasses and a black leather jacket. I was never a fan of him, especially since he always came across to me as big-headed.

Suddenly, a sweep of nausea hit me and I knew without a doubt that there was a Strigoi. Before I could say a word to Steele, our silver stakes were out and gripped in our hands. The Strigoi approached me with menacing expression and I immediately flew into my innate guardian attack mode. I swiftly gave the Strigoi a few punches, making sure to dodge its attack. Steele ran around back, trying to catch the Strigoi off guard, as the stake was thrown from my hand. No time to get that.

My eyes focused in on the fight and soon enough I was giving the Strigoi a swift kick to the stomach, throwing it to the ground. Steele immediately dove on top of the Strigoi, holding down its arms trying to retain him. "Do you know where Hans Croft is?" shouted Steele at the Strigoi, as I approached the Strigoi with the recovered stake in my hand.

The Strigoi snarled in return.

Steele made eye contact with me and nodded, as I took my silver stake and slashed it across the face. There was a cry of pain, proceeded by more resistance, which Steele quickly apprehended. "I will ask you one more time, nicely. Where is Hans Croft?"

"You will never know," chuckled the Strigoi.

I didn't even hesitate when Steele gave me the cue. I knelt down and plunged the silver stake into the Strigoi's heart, hearing it gasp before it died. Steele released his grip and made eye contact with me, with his routine blank expression. But I could have sworn I saw a hint of sadness and grief in his eyes.

Steele stood up, offering a hand to pull me up. I heard the other guardians approaching, including my mother. "Guardian Steele, Rose what on Earth happened?" She shouted, quickly approaching us.

"Hans Croft is missing, either turned or dead," stated Steele, in a matter of fact manner. "Tell the alchemists we have another one further in the woods. And congratulations, Guardian Hathaway, you have earned yourself another molnija. Let's clear out."

* * *

Present Day:

The next day, I was sprawled across one of the couches in the guardian lounge, enjoying the warm fire and sense of quiet. The past couple of days were filled with too emotion, as a result of Dimitri, and I needed calm and relaxation for once –especially before the Christmas chaos. Sipping my hot chocolate, I leaned back in the couch closing my eyes, giving them a brief rest.

Dimitri was confusing on his back and forth emotion, I wasn't quite sure how to interpret it. I still felt like me and him never got to truly talk since he changed back. The one time that we truly talked he told me he didn't love me.

Maybe it was just too complicated to be around each other, especially after everything that had happened in the past. Since I had seen him again, I felt like I lost every bit of clarity that surrounded me and Dimitri. When he left I knew that he didn't want to be surrounded by me and needed a fresh start, but now he was here and it appeared his trip wouldn't be short.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the guardian lounge door swing up. I opened up my eyes and smiled, when I saw Eddie walking towards me holding a brown paper bag.

"Booze?" I said, taking a glance at the bag.

"Nope, better. Two chocolate donuts left over from breakfast. I snatched them on the way out of the cafeteria for you," replied Eddie. He gently tossed the bag on the couch next to me, then sat across from me in one of the leather armchairs.

"Much better."

He glanced at the tree that was in the room, then back at me. "How is everything with Dimitri being here?" Eddie said quietly. Wow, what a great conversation starter.

I opened up the bag and immediately started scarfing down one of the chocolate donuts, giving him a shrug. "As great as it can be. It's awkward and emotions are back and forth for both of us. Apparently, he wants to stay in America, but just gave me some bullshit reason why."

"You think you will ever truly talk about everything since he turned?"

"Doubtful. Any chance we can get out of here as soon as possible?"

"Yeah, actually was just coming here to tell you. Guardian Thomas is on her way to the Academy. As soon as she arrives, we are out of here tonight."

I threw my head back in relief, knowing that I could get back to my normal schedule. I missed being around Lissa, Christian, and even Adrian. Quickly finishing off the second donut, Eddie and I sat there chatting about random things and plans of stuff to do at Court. Despite the pleasant and funny conversation with Eddie, the thought of leaving Dimitri still lingered in my mind.

* * *

Eddie and I walked back to our rooms, that were just down the hall from each other, laughing about a few memories with Mason. This was probably the first time we were able to have a light conversation about Mason without it turning depressing. We still missed Mason every day, but the more we talked about the great memories we spent with him, the easier it was.

As we parted ways when we approached my room, I told him that I would see him at the runway with Jill and Guardian Thomas. When I entered my room I quickly sent something to Lissa to tell her that I would be back that night, with the bond immediately telling me she was excited. I knew that I needed a movie night and girl talk night, especially after everything with Dimitri. Grabbing my toiletries from the bathroom and folding up the few clothes I had, I heard a soft knock at the door.

"It's open!" I shouted, zipping up my duffle bag. I threw my hair up in a messy bun, happy that it had finally grown enough that I could go back to this style. I didn't regret my haircut until I realized I couldn't pull it out of my face like I used to.

Dimitri opened up the door, with slight hesitation on his face already. I knew I should have been surprised at his appearance, but I wasn't. I kind of expected to see him one last time before I would return back to Court. He looked at me intently before glancing around my room. He cleared his throat, "Rose, I heard you were leaving tonight."

I nodded. "That would be correct."

"Take a walk with me," He stated suddenly, his dark eyes meeting mine. "I think we should try to part as friends, since we may be seeing more of each other in the future."

I was necessarily planning on seeing more of him in the future, especially since he was the Academy and teaching again. Unless he came to Court, but I doubt that would occur anytime soon. "I don't know how we can be friends since we never have talked about what happened since you turned Strigoi, Dimitri," I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

I saw the flicker of pain in his eyes. That same flicker that I saw when he first turned back and would have to think about everything that he had done. Dimitri cleared his throat. "I was unfair the way I treated you and how I called you immature. I had to process a lot of things when I saw you, repress the memories of what I did to you as a Strigoi . . . "He stopped mid-sentence unsure how to continue.

I slid on my coat, seeing him stare at me. "I could use one last walk around campus," I said, giving him a smile. "Lead the way."

* * *

We walked around campus both silently at first, not sure what to say to each other. My hands were deep in my coat pocket and I regretted wearing my hair up with the cool winter breeze. It was one of those times where I dreadfully wanted to be on the human day schedule and have the sun warm up the surroundings.

"Is Lissa doing well?" asked Dimitri, putting an end to the awkward silence.

"Yeah, pretty good actually. She is taking a gap year before we start college, so she has been preoccupied being basically Queen Tatiana's understudy. She is still practicing spirit with Adrian constantly and I'm pretty sure Christian will be proposing any time now."

"Sounds like a lot going on. What about you?"

"What about me?" I questioned, raising one of my eyebrows.

He shrugged. "There must be something new with Rose Hathaway."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Yeah, that is a major no. I just guard, train, and occasionally spend real time with Lissa, occasionally Meredith. How is Sonya's new baby?"

Dimitri looked at me, furrowing his eyebrows. He was confused why I would know this about his family, but then it quickly dawned on him that I had spent a significant amount of time with his family in Baia that of course I would know about Sonya's pregnancy. "She had a daughter named Katya," He said. "Yeva says that Katya will have a bright future with much love surrounding it, so we were all pleased."

"Still predicting the future?" I said.

"She will never change," He assured me. It felt weird talking about his family with him, since in the past he was always rather quiet about it. During our old training sessions, I used to always press him for information, but hardly get anything in return. When he was starting to open up about his home, he was turned. What made it even stranger was that I had spent a significant amount of time in his home, when he wasn't even present.

"My family asked about you when I arrived back home," Dimitri stated. "They said that they enjoyed your company when you came to Russia."

"I enjoyed their company too," I softly said. "It was nice to be around a mother who honestly cared about getting to know who I am rather than asking about Lissa and how many training is going. I'm very thankful your family took me in for that short period of time."

He gave me a light smile, still slightly uneasy of the circumstances as to why I met his family. "I never dreamed that you would meet my family, especially in that way."

"I never thought I would run away to Russia, but some things happen that you don't expect," I noted, before silence spread amongst us some more. As we continued walking around campus, I realized that we had naturally avoided the cabin at all costs. Damn, that would have made things even more awkward if we went by there.

He started up the conversation again, which surprised me. Usually it was always me who would initiate every conversation with him. "I thought about you when I first got to Russia, quite frequently. I never wanted you to be in pain, Rose. I truly wanted what was best for you because you deserved so much more than what I could ever provide you."

I stopped and stared at him, slightly stunned that he willingly brought up this topic. I had often wondered if he had thought about me after he went back to Russia. He made it seem like I was completely out of his thoughts when he broke things off with me and left, which always brought me pain when I thought about it. How could my former mentor, my former love could erase me from his mind so easily? But now, I was getting the clarity I knew I deserved. He didn't actually forget about me, I guess I did have a lasting effect on his mind.

We stared at each other for a long time, before he broke eye contact and we continued walking. "Roza, you never need to forgive me for what I did to you before and after I was restored, but I hope you can learn to respect my decision. It would have been unfair to you if I led you on."

Startled at him calling me Roza, I closed my eyes briefly to collect my thoughts. "I'm not sure if you will ever have my forgiveness, Dimitri, but I know I will never understand what you went through. Feelings can change, I now understand that they do. Mine have," I said.

We stopped again, staring at each other in the moonlight. I saw his mouth open to say something, but he stopped. I pulled my hand out of my pocket and grabbed ahold of his, giving it a light squeeze to give him reassurance. I still deeply cared for Dimitri, but I knew I didn't feel that sense of deep love around him anymore. Maybe he was right; feelings can change. My hand lingered on top of his for a bit, before I pulled it away and buried it back in my pocket.

"Dimitri, I just wanted you to know that I – "

I was quickly cut off, not by Dimitri, but instead a blood curdling scream in the distance. It was coming from the front gates. With no hesitation, both of took off in a sprint, knowing that this wasn't good. The adrenaline pumped through me and I heard Dimitri frantically panting something in the radio system. "Guardian Hathaway and I are almost at the gate."

Before I knew it, we approached the gate to see the doors wide open. On the other side of the gate a standard guardian car was pulled up with all doors open, surrounded by Strigoi. There were at least ten Strigoi, making the guardians outmatched. I withdrew my silver stake and ran out of the Academy perimeters, with Dimitri close to my side.

I noticed the smashed in windows, which quickly brought me back to the Hans Croft investigation. This time there weren't any dead bodies in the car; this time it was different. As I rounded the car, curious to see where the scream came from, I froze at what I saw. Laying on the ground with a Strigoi hunched over was Jill's second guardian, with Strigoi teeth sunk in her neck. Her body was limp as she was gasping for life, too weak to move.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the chapter, my apologies for the cliff hanger. :P Please review and follow! I love hearing feedback and replaying to messages. :)**

 **Thank you so much for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites. It really means a lot to me, especially since this is my first time ever writing a VA fan fiction. Also, brief heads up. Also to note: Chapter 7 will not have a flash to the past. What I have laid out for chapter 7 will be dense enough and the focus will need to be on the present.**

 **ALSO! Christmas is on a Monday and I am planning on posting later that night or on morning of the 26th. I am currently planning on having it closer to 5000 words instead of my usual 3000 to 4000.**

 **Soooo since I'm so grateful for the love and support I have received as I kick started this story, I have decided to let you guys request something to be included in that chapter. (Note: major things that would derail from the main plot of the story will not be included.)**

 **So who are characters and character interactions you would be curious to see? What is a flashback you would like to see? (Can be anything from Romitri romance to Lissa and Rose hanging out) The only thing I will tell you about the plot for this chapter is that it will take place at Court and will be a Christmas ball and possibly a Russian God will be there? Anyways think on it and lemme know. Have a great week! See you Wednesday. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Present Day:

Without even thinking, I jumped and tackled the Strigoi off of Guardian Thomas, immediately scraping its face with the stake to temporarily incapacitate it. I heard the bitten guardian gasping for breath, as she began bleeding out across the ground. The white snow soon was turning a deep red and I wanted desperately to help her.

Standing up, I gave a swift kick to the Strigoi in the shoulder, followed by a punch to the face. The Strigoi fought back hard with great strength, as a result of its recent feast from Guardian Thomas. I took a hit, immediately feeling pain ripple across my face, as I clutched the side of it. Ouch, that was going to leave a mark.

As the Strigoi rounded for another attack, I narrowly dodged its blow, nearly losing my stake. Within a few more combinations of kicks and hits, I managed to get the Strigoi pinned to the ground. As I swiftly ended the Strigoi's life, I stood up and glanced at Guardian Thomas, who was still alive and attempting to cover her wound. Yanking off my scarf, I ran over to her and quickly moved her hand away to apply pressure to the wound. It was the best I could do right now.

"It's okay, you'll be okay. Hang in there, help is on the way," I said to her, trying to be as calm as possible. I placed her hand over my scarf that was holding down the wound, seeing the fear in her eyes. I pushed back any emotion, trying to remain confident that she would be okay. If I was being honest with myself, she was far from okay.

"Rose look out," shouted Dimitri's voice, immediately throwing me to the ground. I hadn't even noticed that a Strigoi was approaching behind me, when I was attending to Guardian Thomas. How many were there?

I quickly regained my composition and looked around for my stake that flew out of my hand. Quickly observing that there were no Strigoi approaching, I scooted towards where my stake laid and snatched it. I stood to join Dimitri in the fight and grabbed the Strigoi behind, holding his arms behind him. "Now!" I shrieked at Dimitri, but he was already one step ahead and on it. As I shouted to him, his stake hit the Strigoi's heart and I quickly let go of her, watching her slow descent to the ground.

We made eye contact briefly, both relieved that getting two Strigoi down wasn't too hard of a challenge. Assessing the other guardians, I saw that one was staking their Strigoi and the other was already done and trailing off to see if there were any more lurking. My nausea was still high, but I figured it was a mix of adrenaline and anxiety, not necessarily Strigoi. I made my way back over to Guardian Thomas, who was half way passed out. I knew there was no way that she would make it.

I could see the fear running through her eyes as she was slipping into death. Not knowing what to do, I sat down and gently moved her head into my lap. Dimitri stood close by, gazing down at the fallen guardian. She was young and looked to be around Dimitri's age. This could have been any of us. Once again there was another guardian gone too soon.

Tears were running down her face and I gazed down at her, stroking her hair and soothing her. "It's okay, Guardian Thomas, we will take care of Jill. Everything will be okay, you deserve peace from everything you have sacrificed as a guardian," I whispered to her.

She gave me a slight nod and I could see in her eyes, that death quickly approached. "I need to tell you something," She said slowly, taking a raspy breath in between each word. "Hans Croft is - "

That was all she said, before her body succumbed to death. I couldn't fight back the tears that were forming from my eyes and I quickly wiped them away, before looking up at Dimitri. He appeared to hear the name as well and gave me a confused gaze, wondering why the guardian would mention Hans Croft.

I slowly moved Guardian Thomas's head to the ground and stood up, brushing off the bit of snow that had stuck to my pants. But then, another wave of nausea hit me and I knew that there was another Strigoi lurking by.

"Dimitri!" I shrieked, seeing the Strigoi approaching him. The Strigoi appeared young and naïve, as if it had just turned and looking for some fresh blood.

He instinctively sensed the Strigoi and turned around to immediately stake it and catching it completely off guard.

Letting out the breath I had unintentionally held, I leaned against the car taking deep breaths, as the naïve Strigoi dropped to the ground. That was strongly reminiscent of the one time I saw him falter; the one time he lost the battle. I ran my hands through my hair and closed my eyes to regain my composition.

"Rose, are you okay?" Dimitri said softly. I gently opened up my eyes to maintain my straight guardian like face, but saw the concern written across his face.

"Yeah," I said, knowing that I was lying to him. Too much had happened in this short moment of time.

Before he could say another word, I heard shouts from Alberta approaching the gate. She was out of breath from her sprint and I saw her eye the scene carefully, gasping at Guardian Thomas's lifeless body. "What happened?" She demanded, looking at me first.

Of course, I was always the first to blame. Some things never change. "Guardian Belikov and I were taking a walk around campus and we heard a scream. As we approached the scene there were at least five Strigoi at the scene, with a sixth one lurking in the distance. Guardian Thomas was already bitten and dying by the time we got to her. The other guardians were too busy fending off Strigoi to seek immediate attention."

"Was she able to communicate anything to you?"

"No," I stated, lying to Alberta. I saw Dimitri's eyebrows furrow, knowing that I had lied to the head guardian at the Academy. I temporarily changed my gaze towards Dimitri, trying to communicate with him not to say anything to Alberta. The last thing I needed was to be caught in a lie.

Alberta gave me a long look, before turning around to one of the guardians that was on gate duty. I mouthed "thank you" to Dimitri, in which he gave me a nod, but also returned a look that we needed to talk.

"Guardian Petrova, I'm calling the alchemists," I said, in which she nodded to me. I needed to get away from this event temporarily, mostly because I didn't want to see Guardian Thomas's lifeless body. There was something about a fallen Moroi and Dhampir's body that I hated to see.

Walking back through the gate into the Academy, I grabbed my phone out of my coat pocket. There were a few missed texts from Lissa and Adrian, that I knew I would get back to soon. Instead of calling the usual alchemist number, I dialed up my own "personal" alchemist that I had met on my travels to Russia: Sydney Sage.

After I no longer needed her in Russia, she had decided to come to America and travel. Her goal was to visit every state, while still continuing her "spectacular" job of Strigoi clean up. I never knew why that job would appeal to anyone, unless you were supernatural enthusiast. Although after all of the alchemists that I had met, Sydney definitely didn't strike me as one.

She answered on the second ring. "Rose, never thought I would hear from you again."

I gave her a light laugh. "Yeah, I know, but actually just wanted to call in a few dead Strigoi."

"I'm not near Court and you know that there is the main number to call for a nearby Alchemist," She dryly stated. Same old Sydney.

"I'm at the Academy actually. Just came to pick up Jill and we ran into some trouble. You know I consider you my personal alchemist, especially after our fun in Russia."

I could picture her rolling her eyes and scoffing through the short silence. "You're in luck because I'm in Montana, actually. Wanted to get to see the true Montana winter you always talked about."

"Does it meet your expectations?"

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know why you went on about that one local burger place at the city closest to the Academy. I tried it and it was very unappetizing."

"Sydney, you have to actually eat more than a few bites of the food," I said, rolling my eyes.

Sydney blatantly ignored my comment, knowing that she was touchy about the subject of food. "I'll be there to clean up in an hour. Also, I'm not your personal alchemist. Just be lucky that I'm nearby."

"You're the best," I said in a song like voice, then hung up before she could respond.

As I pocketed the phone, I saw Alberta walking up to me giving me a look. Did she catch on that I lied to her? "Guardian Petrova, did you get the story from the guardians in the car and the gate guardian?" I asked casually, not wanting to hint towards my little lie.

She nodded, not looking pleased with what she heard. "I think this was a planned attack," Alberta whispered, just loud enough so I could hear. "It appeared that they were waiting for the car and purposefully targeted Guardian Thomas first."

"You think it has something to do with Jill's status?" I replied.

Alberta gave me a soft nod in return. "The Strigoi must have someone who is feeding them this information, someone with insight. I will alert Guardian Steele right away to let him know. Did you call the alchemists?"

I nodded and she thanked me, before walking away. As soon as she was out of sight, I saw Dimitri lurking in the distance. I knew that he wanted to talk with me about my lie to Alberta; I couldn't completely avoid him.

We continued to stare at each other and my mind quickly flashed back to him being grabbed back in the cave and then what happened moments ago. Why didn't he learn his lesson? Too much was racing through my mind and before I knew it I briskly walked over to him. My fists were clenched, as I got obnoxiously close to him.

"Why the fuck haven't you learned to watch your back when we are outside wards?" I yelled. I could tell I was too close for his comfort, since he appeared shocked and tense at my outburst. Even though I was much shorter than him, I still was able to scare people. Maybe, I inherited that trait from Mom.

"I'm not foolish, Rose. I heard the twig snap behind me and knew that the Strigoi was approaching. I was planning on catching her off guard, so it would be an easy kill."

I shook my head in disbelief, taking a few steps back from him. Running my hands through my hair, I could tell that I was shaking. "You don't fucking do that to me again. Promise me?" I shouted.

He looked alarmed at my outburst again, then quickly realized that I was being brought back to my post-traumatic stress. Dimitri walked towards me slowly, then slowly outreached his hand to lightly place it on my shoulder. I didn't attempt to resist it, but instead stood there staring up at him. "I won't do that again, I promise."

I started crying, letting every tear flow down my face. If my mind wasn't fixated on that trigger, then I would have kicked myself for crying in front of him. I had sworn to myself that I would never let Dimitri see me cry after what he did to me. I had to remain strong and not show him that he still could make me weak, but I couldn't help it. The anxiety had gone into overdrive and I couldn't calm down. Thank God Adrian wasn't around to comment about my aura. I was certain it was darker than usual.

"Roza, calm down. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about that," Dimitri said, trying to comfort me. He reached up one of his big hands and started wiping away the tears from my face, but they kept flowing.

"I thought you were going to be gone again, for good," I whispered. "I can't go through that again, I just can't."

Dimitri looked at me alarmingly and didn't respond. Instead, he pulled me into a hug that I didn't resist. The last hug I ever received from him was right when he told me he would get assigned to someone at Court, so we could be together. That was over two years ago; amazing how quickly things could change in your life. As I stood there in his embrace, I couldn't help but feel at ease. I hated myself for it. Regardless of what this moment meant, I let a few more tears flow down my face and took in the moment regardless of our past.

* * *

"Wow, looks like you have been through hell and back," commented Eddie, joining me in the guardian's lounge.

I had been sent to immediately fill out my portion of the paperwork regarding the attack, so it would be in before I left the Academy. Alberta had already informed me that my molnija would be given to me back at Court and that they would still take us back to Court tonight.

Finishing up my thought on the paperwork, I placed my pen down and gave a long stretch. "How much did you hear?"

"I heard the premise of it. Do you think it is safe to assume that Guardian Thomas being targeted was a result of her being Jill's second temporary guardian?"

"Yes," I stated slowly, making eye contact with him. I saw a trace of fear in his expression, since he knew that he was very likely to be the next target. If the Strigoi actually somehow knew of Jill's royal status then he would be next. "Court will be safe and I doubt they will let Jill or you outside of the wards. Don't worry about anything right now, other than getting Jill to Court."

Eddie nodded silently. When we were raised to be guardians we were always taught that the Moroi come first and there was always a possibility of death when we protect them. We accepted that when we were given our promise mark, but the thought of death could never escape our innermost fear –especially when we were so young.

We sat there in silence taking in the situation. The clock was ticking on the wall and I could hear footsteps walking down the hallway, as well as the playful chatter outside from the students. The majority would be leaving late in the Moroi night to go home for the holidays, with a lot of the Dhampirs staying here. Many people would expect that staying at school for the holidays was lame, but I personally never thought that. It was always fun to have the campus to yourself, especially when it was just you and a few of your friends. It was a way to actually enjoy yourself on campus when it didn't involve school or intense training.

"Well I better go turn these into Alberta. See you at the runway?" I said, with Eddie giving me a nod in return. I stood up and quickly stepped out of the lounge, making my way down the corridor. It was the routine quiet that filled the guardians' quarters, mostly because they were usually scattered about doing their duties.

As I approached Alberta's door, I noticed it was closed and she was talking to someone. Knowing that the conversation wouldn't be too long, I leaned against the wall across from her office. I attempted focusing my thoughts on what I was going to do with Lissa and my other friends back at Court, but instead I kept thinking back to Dimitri earlier. God, why did he still make me feel so weak?

"Well Guardian Belikov, I'm very happy that you were willing to change your plans last minute," said Alberta, as she opened up the door. Dimitri exited the door nodding his head and giving her a warm smile. "Hathaway, did you finish the paper work?"

"Yes, I finished my portion. I included everything I noticed," I stated, not meeting Dimitri's eyes. I handed her the papers.

She glanced through them, giving me a curt nod. "Thank you very much for getting these done. Fly is scheduled to depart the same time as before. It was great to see you again Rose, never be a stranger."

As she went back into her office, she shut the door leaving me and Dimitri standing in the hallway. He appeared to be pleasantly surprised to see me outside of Alberta's office, which I didn't understand why he would. Was he actually guilty for what he did to me? Was he trying to make it up to me?

"You didn't tell Alberta about what we heard?" I questioned, raising my one of my brows.

He shook his head. "No, I did not. It is not my information to tell. May I ask why you didn't tell her?"

I shrugged. "There just something that isn't sitting right with me about Hans Croft. The less people involved, the better it is. I think he is alive, but doesn't want to be found."

"You think he is feeding the Strigoi information?" Dimitri suggested.

"Not sure, but it is a possibility. I need to think about it some more, maybe even get more information on the case behind Hans Croft back at Court. I think I could sway Guardian Steele to let me see the files."

"I can help," Dimitri stated.

I gave him a confused look in return, then it suddenly dawned on me. He was going to be Jill's temporary guardian. He was coming to Court, meaning he would still be in my life. The expression on my face told him that he knew he didn't need to say anymore. Instead of saying anything, I started walking away from the hallway slightly angry. Was this some cruel fate?

I fully expected him to follow me down the hallway, instead he didn't. He was finally smart enough to know to let things go and give me my space.

* * *

"Wow, I don't think I have ever flown on my own personal airplane," shouted Jill with excitement, as we stepped onto one of the Court's private airplanes. It definitely was luxurious, but not the best one I had ever step foot on. The one that I would occasionally fly on with Lissa was even nicer.

Jill quickly found one of the comfy leather chairs by the window and claimed it, with much enthusiasm. Eddie and I smiled at her, knowing that she felt that this was the best Christmas vacation of her life. I sometimes wondered if it was best for Jill to remain oblivious to her true relations with the Dragomir family. Wouldn't it be best if she knew what she would be in for the rest of her life? Why hadn't she even questioned it?

Meredith soon joined Eddie, Jill, and I in the section of the plane gushing about how she had an amazing trip. I had nearly forgotten that Meredith joined me for this transfer, considering she had been absent from the Strigoi attack and my consistent run ins with Dimitri. Then again, she still had a lot of Novice friends, as well as being scheduled for duties at different time points than me. I could tell that she had a great time.

"Did you hear how Guardian Belikov is coming with us now because of the attack?" She said, clicking her seatbelt into place. Eddie and Jill looked surprised, with Eddie shooting me a look. I just looked away, not wanting to respond to that comment. I was still bitter.

"Really?" stated Eddie. "Doesn't he have a student he needs to mentor? Last I heard she was staying there for the holidays."

"Not sure, but I know he is coming. Are you excited about continuing to catch up with your old mentor, Rose?" asked Meredith.

There was a dropping sensation in my stomach. I had forgotten that Meredith remained unaware of everything that had happened between me and Dimitri. Luckily for me and my reputation, not many people knew the true extent of me and Dimitri's past. A lot knew about the falling out we had after he was restored, but not many knew about why the falling out occurred and how much we used to be in love.

I didn't respond, but instead gave her a fake small smile and nod. What else was there to say? Saying something negative would leave me with a lot of explaining to do and I really wanted to simper down my emotions.

Dimitri soon walked on the plane, greeting the captain and the group of us. I didn't know if he was going to attempt to talk to us, but instead he sat near the back of the plane and took out one of his beloved Western novels. Of course, some things never change with him.

I rolled my eyes and took out my phone, sending something to Lissa that I would be there in a few hours. I could feel through the bond that she was missing me and had lots to tell me about her latest meeting with Tatiana, as well as lending me a dress for the annual Christmas ball at Court. I hadn't told anyone back at Court that Dimitri would be returning with us. I couldn't even imagine the reactions from my friends, especially Adrian. Even though me and him were strictly just friends with benefits, he still got very defensive over me. God knows what he would do when he saw Dimitri.

I pushed away those unhappy thoughts and instead focused on my friends. Jill was asking about retelling my favorite memories at St. Vlad's, so I quickly dove into them. As I was telling her the story of the huge scavenger hunt my senior year, purposefully leaving Dimitri out of it, I saw him give a small smile towards me before returning back to his book.

This holiday season was going to be interesting.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Well there you have it! I even added in a little Dimitri and Rose moment for you guys. :P **

**I mentioned to one reviewer this, but I personally am not going to rush anything super romantically with Dimitri and Rose. After everything that they have been through emotionally in the past and present I feel that it wouldn't make sense for them to get back to each other so quickly. They have a lot to process and and I want it to be more "realistic" in that sense. That being said, I will not drag the whole "will they or won't they" idea until the last chapter. I want a great build up before anything happens. Also, we can't rule out the past flashbacks for a little bit of action. :P**

 **Anyways, drop a review if you want and I hope everyone is having a great week. :)**

 **Also let me know what you would like to see in the Christmas chapter. Woo woo!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

1 Year Ago

I laid across my bed on my side, staring at the movie playing on my computer. I had just gotten off of a long shift that overlapped with my overnight duty. This wasn't supposed to happen, Hans wasn't that cruel. But of course, a guardian had suddenly come down with a nasty flu virus and I had reluctantly taken over their place. It wasn't like I had anything better to do.

When I had real non-guardian time with Lissa she kept wanting to excessively talk about my feelings since Dimitri left. There wasn't really anything left to say about him; he was gone. Now it was time to let go of the pain and move on with my life. Find happiness that I knew I rightfully deserved.

Someone knocked at my door and I rolled over, glaring at it. It better not be another guardian needing me to do something. There was no way I had the energy to do anything more for Court at this moment in time. Pausing my movie, I sat up in bed and yelled that they could come in. Heck, I was even too tired to lock the door when I got to my room.

I wondered if it could be Adrian, Eddie, or Lissa, but instead Christian walked into the room looking slightly sheepish. Giving him a surprised look, I sat up a bit straighter eying him.

"What are you doing here Fire Boy?" I said. I was slightly embarrassed about the state of my room, considering a mixture of clean and dirty clothes were scattered amongst the floor. My garbage cans were over filling and who knew how many food wrappers and empty bottles there were. Rarely anyone would pay me a visit in my room, so I never saw a point in maintaining it.

"Haven't really gotten a chance to talk to you lately, so wanted to catch up," said Christian shrugging his shoulders. He tentatively looked at my desk chair that was piled with clothes, then gave me a slight look of disgust at the state of my room. "When was the last time you did laundry?"

"Some of it is clean. I don't have a personal maid like you royals," I said, climbing out of bed. Quickly grabbing the heap of clothes, I combined it with a pile of stuff in a corner, noticing the disapproving glance. "Seriously though, what do you actually want?"

He sat down on the chair and I sat on the edge of my bed giving him a curious glance.

"How are you doing with everything since he left?" Christian asked me. I wondered if Lissa had put Christian up to this, considering I had dismissed talking about Dimitri the past few times with her. Although by his expression it appeared that he had come here out of genuine concern for me. Christian was only one of the people who truly knew the extent of my feelings for Dimitri. He had suspected them for quite some time, but never mentioned it until there was a chance Dimitri could be restored.

I gave him a shrug. "I'm fine."

He eyed me carefully, unsure if I was telling the truth. Sometimes I wasn't even sure if I was being completely honest with myself. Was I actually fine? Or was I just convincing myself that I was?

"It's funny how much has changed in this past year and a half. Never would have thought we would actually like each other, Hathaway," He said, with a snide expression.

I let out a sarcastic laugh and shook my head. "I tolerate you Fire Crotch. That doesn't mean that I like you. I do it for Lissa's sake because she is completely head over heels in love with you."

Christian broke my eye contact and let out a smile at my comment about Lissa. They had this easy and great love that I had always envied. Being a Dhampir guardian, this simple love was nearly impossible. Take my parents for example: they were in love, had me, but couldn't be together for a multitude of reasons. Now they were kind of getting back together years later (I think), yet it still wasn't easy. I often wondered if Christian and Lissa understood how lucky they were.

"I actually have a question to ask you, Rose. About Lissa."

"What about her?" I asked.

"I'm saving up to buy her a ring," blurted out Christian, just loud enough so I could hear.

I opened up my mouth, slightly stunned. I didn't even know how to respond to that comment, especially since we were still young. Lissa was nineteen and not going to be twenty for another six months and still figuring out her life post-St. Vlad's. Did it make sense for them to get engaged? Then again, everyone knew that they were soulmates. Why even bother to wait if you just know who you will be with?

"Why are you telling me this?" I questioned.

"Lissa doesn't have any parents and you are her best friend so I wanted your blessing," He said sheepishly. Shocker, Christian Ozera was being somewhat traditional by finding someone close to Lissa. "It won't be for at least another year, but I just wanted to tell you before I truly started to save."

I gave him a smile, while seeing the hope and love across his face. I thought I had found my other half with Dimitri, but fate seemed to have it a different way. Ever since Dimitri and I fell for each other I had dreams of actually becoming a couple and not having to hide our affection for one another. I believed for quite some time that he was the one for me, but not anymore.

Bringing myself back to reality, I knew I needed to bring my focus back to Christian. "Of course, you can marry her, Christian. I know that you two belong together. That being said, if you cross any lines, I will not hesitate to show you what true pain feels like. Do we have a deal?"

Christian let out a laugh, shaking his head. "Deal, Ghost Girl. I can assure you that I won't do anything to hurt her."

I leaned over and gave him a light punch in return. I trusted that Christian wouldn't do anything to hurt Lissa, but a part of me was worried. Dimitri had promised me that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but look where I was now.

* * *

Present Day:

As the plane began to land on the Court runway, I looked out the window to see Lissa and Christian standing there to greet me. Smiling, I turned towards Eddie, Jill, and Meredith who were chatting about the festivities that were always so grand at Court. Jill was excited to see her parents and spend her first Christmas at Court, mostly to take in the grandness of the holidays that everyone always gushed about.

"Let's not forget that there are two dances at Court, with many Moroi coming in across America to go to. There is the Christmas ball and then the New Year's Eve party, that always has an elaborate display of fireworks," rambled on Meredith. I rolled my eyes, forgetting how Meredith could sound like Lissa on occasion. Those two certainly loved the formal, party atmosphere.

"Don't you have to work on both of those days?" questioned Jill.

Meredith shook her ahead. "I arranged with Guardian Steele to have both of those days off, so I could enjoy myself. What about you Rose?"

"Only have Christmas off. The start of my shift for New Year's Eve begins halfway through the party. I might not even go," I stated. "I don't really have anything to wear."

Jill nodded her head eagerly. "I only brought a few nice clothes because I figured my parents and I wouldn't be doing anything major. I'm not sure if my parents are even going to want to go to the Christmas or New Year's party, we usually have quiet nights back in Michigan."

"If you are at Court and a Moroi you are expected to go," stated Eddie. We made eye contact, knowing that Queen Tatiana would expect the secret Dragomir to be there. It was all to make Jill's face more recognizable, so when the secret would come out some Moroi would actually recognize her.

The plane gently came to a stop and I was the first one to jump out of my seat. I was ready to see Lissa and start distancing myself from Dimitri, who I hoped to not see until Christmas.

I grabbed my duffle bag and walked towards the door, waiting for it to open. As I stood there waiting, I picked up on a scent that I immediately recognized. Dimitri. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that he was standing behind me.

"Does it feel weird being back here?" I whispered to him, knowing I should at least say something to make it less awkwardly silent.

"A little," said Dimitri.

The doors opened, and with no hesitation, I started walking off the plane. Lissa waved excitedly and I quickly walked over to her, not paying attention to anyone else. We gave each other a tight hug, as soon as we could. It felt good to be back to my best friend, even though we only had a short period of time apart. The excitement she felt radiated through the bond.

"I missed you," She told me.

"Missed you too, but you know I was never really apart from you," I teased, hinting at the bond.

Lissa laughed lightly, pulling away from the hug. "Just have gotten so used to you always being around me since you're my guardian," She confessed. Her expression soon turned from excitement to shocked, as she stared behind me. I knew Dimitri must have gotten off the plane.

I noticed Christian tensing up beside her, confused on why he was getting off the plane. "Calm down, Sparky," I murmured to him.

"Guardian Belikov, nice to see you again," greeted Guardian Steele. "Thank you for the last-minute assignment for Jill's temporary second guardian here for the holidays. I hope it wasn't any inconvenience."

Lissa gave me a look, wondering why I had failed to mention to her that Dimitri would be returning to Court with me. Giving her a look back that I would explain later, I could feel the shock subside slightly from the bond. She knew that she needed to be nice towards Dimitri, even though she was still bitter what he did to me.

"It is no problem at all. I had no other plans for the holidays," stated Dimitri, giving Guardian Steele a firm handshake in return. Eddie, Meredith, and Jill shortly followed off of the plane and happily greeted Guardian Steele.

"Princess," said Dimitri walking over to Lissa. I stepped away from Lissa, to give them space. Plus, I already felt awkward enough in this situation and it was best if I got away from this.

"Nice to see you again, Dimitri," greeted Lissa. Her face had a happy expression across it, but I could tell that she was confused on how to behave around him. I was happy she wanted to defend me, but I knew she shouldn't be rude to him in return. He was my problem, not hers. "I didn't realize that you were going to be returning to Court so soon. You look well."

I admired how regal and contained Lissa could be, even though I felt a hint of anger through the bond. She definitely was meant to rule, unlike me who had trouble retaining my feelings. Instead of continuing on the conversation with Dimitri, she politely excused herself and walked over to greet the others.

Christian and I stood there, watching Lissa interact with the others. I saw him gazing at her with so much admiration in his eyes and I quickly gave him a light punch in his arm. "Snap out of daydreaming, Sparks," I grinned.

"I got the ring," He murmured to me. We made eye contact, with my eyes widening at his statement. This was really happening and, of course, Christian would be doing a cliché holiday engagement. "I'll show it to you later, if you want."

I nodded in reply.

Soon enough, we were walking back towards the main part of Court with little to no talking. Guardian Steele was informing Jill that her parents would be arriving soon and telling her where to find things at Court—since it was her first time. He also made to point out that my guardian schedule was posted and that I would be having a long shift tomorrow, since I had the benefit of an extended vacation at St. Vlad's. Yeah, as if I planned for that to happen. Steele could be such an asshole.

As we parted ways with Guardian Steele and the others, who were being shown their rooms, Lissa quickly pulled me aside in an empty hallway. "Rose, why didn't you tell me Dimitri was coming back? What even happened to Guardian Thomas?" She urgently said.

I took her arm off of mine, then looked around to make sure no one was around. "Guardian Thomas was murdered by Strigoi, when she was arriving at the Academy. They were waiting for her, so as the car stalled to wait for the gate to open they could attack."

Lissa looked absolutely horrified. "Were you there?"

I returned her question with a slow nod, not wanting to dive into the details. Especially about Guardian Thomas dying in my arms. "Got another mark," I whispered, with Lissa giving me a small smile.

She knew that killing a Strigoi wasn't as glorious as it was always built up to be. For the longest time, she would congratulate me on the kills, but she started understanding, once I thought I killed Strigoi Dimitri. Being a guardian did have its perks, but killing former humans, Dhampirs, and Moroi was not one of them, especially if they weren't willingly turned.

"I'm happy you're safe," said Lissa, grabbing my hand and giving it a light squeeze. "Are you going to be okay with Dimitri here?"

I shrugged. "I'm angry that he is in my life again, but I know it is only temporary. I don't feel sad around him, but just confused on how to act around him. It has been a lot of up and down in emotions on both of our parts . . . still not sure why he came back to America."

"You still think his reason doesn't make sense?"

"No, but I doubt he would tell me the truth. It has already been a struggle to have a conversation with him that doesn't result in yelling," I laughed.

Lissa giggled and shook her head. "I know what will make you feel better," She said slyly. I gave her a look and she grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hallway towards her room. "As part of my Christmas present to you, I ordered some amazing dresses for you to try on for the Christmas ball."

"Lissa, you did not need to do it. I could just wear one of my old –"

"Rose, just accept the gift. Besides, wait until you see some of the dresses. I know you won't be able to resist," She teased.

After her convincing stare, I agreed to trying on the dresses as we walked closer to Lissa's room. I knew I should take a nap to rest up for my shift, but I needed this time with Lissa. Besides, her making me try on an obnoxious amount of dresses would help take my mind off of things. Not to mention, a part of me wanted Dimitri to turn his head at my appearance at the Christmas ball. See what he lost when he cut things off completely with me.

* * *

As soon as my overnight into Moroi morning shift was over, I checked my phone wondering if Adrian had sent anything to me. I hadn't heard from him since my return back, which surprised me. I figured the news would have spread about Dimitri's temporary return back to Court and he would immediately text me, but he did not.

Seeing no messages from him, I sighed and pocketed my phone. Not wanting to go back to my empty room, I just decided to just go to his room and surprise him. It was early enough in the morning where he would still be in bed and, quite frankly, I didn't care if I would wake him up. If anything, I would be willing to take a nap with him.

Knocking on his door, he took his time to answer. He looked disheveled, with dark circles underneath his eyes and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a few days. Running his hand through his hair, he gave me a crooked smile with his intense green eyes. "Little Dhampir, I heard you came back yesterday. I missed you," He said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the room.

He pulled me into a hug and gave me a kiss. As much as I wanted to partake in these activities, I was too exhausted to even think about that. Not to mention, Adrian looked like he could fall back asleep standing. Pulling back from the warmth of his lips, I gave him a smile. "Want to watch some trashy TV and nap on the couch?" I suggested.

"That sounds perfect," He admitted, quickly guiding me to the living room area in his room. Without even asking, Adrian had grabbed one of my favorite fluffy blankets and handed it to me, as I sprawled across the huge sectional sofa. He turned on the TV and sat close to me, pulling my legs in his lap. "Overnight shift?"

"Yes, Steele's fucking punishment for me being gone a couple of days. Not my fault him and Alberta had terrible coordination with the winter storms approaching," I said bitterly. "At least I have the rest of the day and tomorrow off. Can't believe it is already Christmas."

Adrian started rubbing my achy feet and I let out a groan. I certainly needed a foot rub after all of the standing and walking I did for my long shift. I would have thought that my feet would be used to the long hours, but nope they never quite adjusted.

"How do you feel about Belikov being around?" He asked.

So, he did know after all. I did my usual shrug response, mostly because I was tired of people questioning me about Dimitri. Yes, it sucked that I was being forced to be around him, but there was nothing I could do about it. It was only temporary and I didn't want to let it get to me, but the constant reminders forced me to think about everything.

"Stop looking at my aura, damn it," I said, after seeing Adrian intently staring at me. He was had always been fascinated with my aura, ever since we met at the ski resort. After spending a significant amount of time with him, I could always tell from his expression when he was looking at it.

"It just looks different than its usual," He said.

"Well I have been through a lot the past couple of days. I feel fine right now, just tired and need to relax," I snapped back at him.

Adrian grinned and stood up to head over to his little kitchenette area. Pulling out a bottle of tequila and a shot glass, he walked back over to me. I gave him a disapproving look, considering it was still the morning. "You want me to stop looking at your aura and you want me to stop smoking, so this is how I take the edge off."

He poured himself a shot, then raised his glass towards me. Downing the shot, he proceeded to pouring himself another one. I glared at him and quickly pulled the blanket closer to me and bringing my attention to the television. Adrian was always one for being overdramatic, especially when it came to having a drink to subside spirit.

"Have I ever told you that you are absolutely ridiculous?"

"Have I ever told you to live a little?" He said, pouring a shot then waving it in front of my face. I gave him a look, but he pouted his lip begging for me to have a shot. "A little bit of alcohol can put you in a good sleep, Little Dhampir."

I rolled my eyes, knowing I couldn't escape out of this one. I didn't have to report for duty the rest of the day, so I figured one shot before a nap wouldn't do anything. Taking the glass out of his hand, I downed the shot and felt the burn racing down my throat.

Adrian gave me a laugh, before placing the bottle and the glass on the coffee table. Lounging back in the couch he turned up the volume, as I snuggled closer to him. I started to attempt watching the show, but my eyes began getting heavier to the point where I could barely keep them open. Letting out a yawn and curling up in a ball, I quickly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 **Author's Note : And there you have it! Please review, I would love to hear how you are feeling about this story.**

 **This chapter was kind of a filler chapter to lead up to the big Christmas chapter. Sorry if it wasn't very eventful, but occasionally you need a few chapters like that. :P Also there will be PLENTY of Dimitri in this Christmas chapter, sorry for the lack of him in this chapter.**

 **Thanks again for the reviews. It honestly means the world to me when I see an email saying a review was left for me. Also, thank you to all of my new followers. I appreciate the growing and continued support by each one of you. :)**

 **I'm uploading this early because I have a horribly long 17 hour car ride to my family in Canada tomorrow. I live in the United States, but all of my extended family is still up in Canada. So around Christmas every year we wake up at 3:30 am and drive straight there. 17 hours close to my family...yikes. On the bright side I'll be able to get some good writing in. ;)**

 **I hope everyone has a safe Christmas, if you celebrate. Next chapter should be up Christmas night or the 26th in the morning. Christmas chapter will be longer than this one, as a little present to all of my lovely readers. 3**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

22 Months Ago

It had been nearly two months since the Spokane incident occurred. A few therapy sessions combined with distractions of the upcoming field experience helped distract me from the reality. I slowly had come to terms with everything that happened. I missed Mason every day that passed, but I knew there was nothing I could do to fix it.

"You seem happier, as if you are back to your normal self," noted Dimitri, turning our evening run. The sun was beginning to rise, casting a beautiful array of colors across the winter sky.

I looked at him and nodded. "I miss him every day, but I have learned to live without him. Besides, it helps that people aren't talking about Spokane anymore. The latest gossip is about Adrian Ivashkov," I rolled my eyes.

"He seems like a person that would be interested in dating you."

I shot Dimitri a disgusted look. There was no way in hell I would date Adrian, especially when all of my feelings were directed towards Dimitri. After confessing that we were falling for each other after Spokane, it was hard to stay away from Dimitri. The more time we spent training each other, the more connected I felt to him. "Comrade, you know I don't return any of those feelings towards Adrian. Besides, if I can't be with the person I want to be with, I might as well focus all of my energy in the field experience."

"You'll be fine," Dimitri gruffly said, as we began picking up the pace. "You are the strongest guardian in your class."

"Wow, Comrade I'm surprised you would actually admit that. You always chide me for being too full of myself."

He let out a low laugh. "Just because you are top in your class doesn't mean that you are undefeatable."

We finished up our run and I could tell that my legs were going to be extremely sore tomorrow. I walked around slowly with my hands on my head, panting. Dimitri only looked mildly tired compared to how I was feeling. Why did he have to be so perfect?

"Rose, we need to get to the gym now," said Dimitri, after a few minutes passed. I was gazing at the sunrise, not wanting to leave the light. I hated being on the Moroi schedule sometimes. That human part of me craved for the sunlight and warmth. It was something that I missed about being runaways with Lissa. We lived on the human daylight schedule.

"Just a few more minutes, Comrade," I murmured.

"Rose, a few minutes with you always turns into more."

Ugh, sometimes I hated how well he knew me. Kneeling down on the ground, I quickly gathered a bit of snow in a snowball, feeling I needed a bit of rebellion for training. His back was turned to me as he started to walk away from me, beckoning for me to follow him. I was sore, tired, and for once didn't feel like hitting the gym. Couldn't I have one day off of sparing? Swiftly throwing the snowball at him, it hit him perfectly square in the back.

He stopped in place and turned around to give me a look. I started giggling loudly, happy that I was able to catch him a bit off guard. "I couldn't resist," I said.

I fully expected some Zen logic to fly out, with the unamused expression on his face. But instead, I saw him kneeling down to form his own snowball. Oh crap, better prepare for this. As he stood back up with the snowball I started backing away, hoping to dodge the snowball. "Roza, you really want to start this with a Russian?"

"I'm up to the challenge," I teased, narrowly dodging his snowball.

A snowball fight soon broke out between us, both of us laughing while throwing snow at each other. I loved hearing his laugh and seeing the pure joy in his face, as we ran throughout the corner of campus that rarely anyone went. I felt free, as if no one could stop me from what I was doing.

I quickly turned around, running backwards and trying to aim a snowball at Dimitri, as he chased after me. I was happy that the majority of campus was inside and eating because I truly felt alone with Dimitri. "Comrade, you have to try harder than that to hit me!" I teased.

I didn't notice the tiny slope behind me and I quickly fell to the ground, with my back flat in the snow. Before I could move out of the way, a snowball came flying at my face, with Dimitri giving a deep laugh. Spitting out some of the snow that landed in my mouth, I started laughing.

"Fine, you win," I murmured.

Dimitri hovered over me, giving me a smirk. "The Russian will always win in a snowball fight," He stated, looking very amused.

Rolling my eyes and returning myself to reality, I realized that I was laying in snow with just some winter workout clothes. No coat and no snow pants. I sat up quickly wiping some excess snow off my leggings, suddenly feeling the cold get to me.

"Maybe starting a snowball fight when we are just in workout gear wasn't the greatest idea," I said.

Dimitri agreed, then extended a hand to me. Grabbing ahold of his hand, he yanked me up to the point where we were standing dangerously close. Before I could move away, he did the unexpected. His lips met mine with such passion that it caught my heart off guard. My body tingled and I knew I wanted more than just a kiss. I wanted to be with him.

I felt that he wanted more with me too, as he ran one of his hands through my long hair and used his other one to wrap around my waist. This moment was the perfect escape from reality. But as the kiss continued, I knew that it would shortly end. This was already risky enough, since a Moroi night guardian could be walking by any second.

He instinctively pulled away, tucking a piece of my wet hair behind my ear. We gazed at each other, before he instinctively stepped away from me. Right, we had those guardian-mentor boundaries that we had to maintain. Sighing, we began walking in silence towards the gym.

"Comrade," I whispered, seeing him look over at me. "I love you."

I didn't think he would reply back, but instead he whispered those dangerous words back to me. "I love you too, Roza. Always."

* * *

Present Day:

Eddie and I met up later on Christmas Eve, after I spent almost the entire day napping at Adrian's. I had woken up to a text from Eddie asking if I wanted to spar with him a bit tonight, since he had the evening off. Filled with energy I quickly agreed and left Adrian's to grab some gym clothes. It was going to feel great having a consistent sparring partner during the holidays. I secretly hoped that Jill would have a permanent position at Court in a few years, so Eddie and I could always train together. It sucked training alone.

When I entered the gym, I saw that Eddie claimed one of the many mats for our spar. Some guardians were around either running on the treadmill or lifting weights, but none even looked like they were going to attempt to spar. That seemed to be completely normal for Court guardians, which I never seemed to understand. Wouldn't you want to keep up with your combat skills?

"Are you ready for me to kick your ass?" I snidely remarked, placing my gym bag down. I started stretching out my arms and back, knowing that I needed to loosen up a bit prior.

Eddie shook his head at me, rolling his eyes. "I highly doubt you will, Hathaway. I'm not as shitty as you think."

"But who finished first in their class?" I teased, walking closer to the mat. I noticed that he had two practice blunt end stakes laying across the ground. I picked both of them up and handed one to him, twirling my own in my hand.

"Who came in second in their class?" He said, teasing me right back.

I had always imagined me and Mason being first and second in the class, but ever since his passing Eddie had stepped up a few notches in his training. We both realized that we had to take every bit of our training more serious that we ever did. We never wanted that situation to occur again, especially to a Moroi on our watch.

Without hesitation or further exchange of words, Eddie launched a floor kick to me, but I quickly jumped over his leg. There was absolutely no way I would let him catch me off guard. One of the biggest lessons I ever learned from Dimitri was to always be on guard, even when you think you are safe. Yes, I know that lesson didn't really work for him.

As he was climbing back up to his feet, I quickly grabbed his shoulders and kneed his stomach. He let out a defiant groan, but quickly grabbing his arms around my legs to throw me to the ground. Knowing there was no way out of falling to the ground, I allowed myself to fall against the mat.

I recovered quickly and soon rolled myself over, before Eddie could "stake" me. Using my agility to quickly stand up again, I took a few steps from Eddie. Thoughts raced through my head about the best plan of attack, especially noting that I needed to change up my normal combinations. Eddie and I were trained together our entire lives. He knew my style almost as well as me.

Eddie regained his balance, giving me a look. "You got lucky on that one," He stated.

I rolled my eyes, dodging a blow from him. Damn, he was being on the offense and I was on the defense. Definitely not how I was wanting this spar to be. "Castile, you know I'm not that easy to defeat or even distract."

"Not even if I bring up Belikov?" He stated.

That was too far. My face dropped and my eyes narrowed at him, furious that he would even mention Dimitri. Out of everyone I knew, I thought Eddie wouldn't bring him up. Was he trying to mentally sway me from the spar? That couldn't happen.

"Stop fucking bringing him up. I'm fine with him here," I growled at him, quickly landing a punch in one of his shoulders, following by a kick to the chest.

"Then why do you keep talking to him? I swear you spent more time with him than me at St. Vlad's," Eddie sharply returned. Was he actually jealous?

I took a punch to the arm, not letting myself be fazed by the hit. I quickly ducked to dodge a few more attacks and when I had the chance I struck back, only feeling slightly bad when I punched him in the ribs. At this point in our careers, we were used to getting all sorts of bruises across our body. The routine bruises combined with our faster than a human healing really made it not a great deal to be hurt. Plus, if I got really banged up Lissa would heal me.

"I have moved on from him, Eddie. I don't love him anymore and the least I can do is be friendly towards him. He was there for a lot senior year before he turned," I said, through my teeth.

"Then how come I don't believe you when you say that you have moved on from him?" He said. "Did you ever think that was why people kept asking you about Dimitri?"

That made me snap. There was no way I was going to let this spar last any longer than I needed it to. Launching my full attack Rose mode, I caught him completely off guard by giving a swift punch to the side of the face. With him slightly incapacitated, I swung low and kicked his legs out from under his feet. Before he could regain his composition on the ground, the blunt end of the stake was hovered over him.

"Dead."

I didn't even realize that Dimitri had walked into the gym at some point.

I had just showered and changed into comfy clothes, knowing that the rest of the night would consist of relaxation. I was still quite angry with Eddie, especially how he was trying to mess with my mind so I would falter during the sparing match. Why the fuck would he do that? I still couldn't believe that he said those things, especially since it felt completely out of character for him. Pushing that thought aside, I took my hair down from the towel and brushed it out.

On top of Eddie saying those things during the sparring match, Dimitri had been present in the gym. For how long? Who knows. I had made sure to get the fuck out of there as soon as I finished the sparring match and made no eye contact with Dimitri. He hadn't either bothered to get my attention, which made the situation feel worse. He mostly likely heard all of the conversation, with him not even wanting to exchange words with me.

"Damn it," I said angrily, tossing my brush on the bed.

There was a soft knock at the door and I knew it must be Christian. I had sent him something earlier, telling him to come over after I finished training and showering. I was eager to see the ring, as well as here when he was going to propose to Lissa. Wow, this was actually happening. A year ago, it hadn't fully hit me, but now that he actually had the ring . . .

I swung open the door, inviting him in my room. He stared around at the pile of stuff, still with a disapproving glance. As if I had the time to focus on cleaning my room. "Have you seen my life lately, Sparky?" I said to him.

"You could at least devote some of it so you can move around this room freely."

I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, get to the point about the visit. Let me see the ring," I said anxiously.

He shut the door, then pulled out the little black, velvet box. I couldn't help but feel excited for my best friend. She really did deserve happiness and stability in her life, especially since the accident. Yes, Lissa had me and I guess one day would officially have Jill, but she needed the most support possible. Especially if she was going to ascend to the throne.

Christian opened up the box and I gasped at the site of it. It was the perfect ring and completely Lissa. The ring had a simple huge circular diamond, with a halo setting. The band was a simple, white gold. I was stunned by Christian's taste in rings, considering I had barely helped him out with planning the ring.

"It's beautiful," I said to him.

He looked down at it smiling. "You think she will love it?"

"Guaranteed," I said smiling at him. "When are you planning on proposing?"

"At the ball," He said quietly.

My eyes widened, the ball was tomorrow evening. Of course, Christian would be a romantic and give Lissa that fairytale proposal during her favorite holiday. He knew her so well, which used to always make me so jealous. When they started dating I wanted to be the only one that knew Lissa the best, but over time I learned to accept that Christian knew her as well as me.

"Don't listen in on the proposal though, Rose. I don't want to propose knowing that you are there. I want it to be private and intimate," Christian said, shooting me a look. I had the tendency to be nosy and use the bond to know nearly every conversation that Lissa was having with Queen Tatiana.

I started laughing. "You realize that if Lissa's emotions are high, then sometimes I get pulled in without asking for it. Part of how the bond works to ensure that she is always safe."

"Well try not to."

"No promises, Fire Crotch," I grinned.

* * *

Christian left shortly, after we chatted about a few other things. I could tell he was nervous for tomorrow and I kept giving him reassurance that Lissa would say yes. I never understood why the guy was always nervous about proposing, especially when you both mutually knew you were each other's soulmate.

Sighing, I grabbed my keys and started heading towards Lissa's room. We were going to do our usual traditional of watching cheesy hallmark Christmas movies, while decorating sugar cookies. We had been doing it since we were little, ever since I started spending Christmas's with her family. Hard to believe that this might be our last tradition, especially if she was getting married to Christian next year.

As I walked into the Royal section of Court, I started walking down the hallway I had become so accustomed too. Adrian had his own personal room down this hallway, as well as Christian and Lissa's not being too far away. From those visits and guarding this hallway occasionally, it felt like I lived in this hall more than my room! As I rounded one of the corners, I saw Dimitri walking down it. Damn it.

I ducked my head down and foolishly tried to walk away from him, trying to avoid talking to him. I was still embarrassed about earlier, especially since he most likely heard the entire conversation. Obviously, I was not able to avoid him.

"Rose," Dimitri said, giving me a nod. "How is your Christmas Eve going?"

"Good as usual, heading to Lissa's for the night. What are you doing?"

He shrugged. "Just briefly saw Tasha, then on duty tonight."

I nodded my head, trying to not let it faze me. Why did I still hold something against Tasha? Dimitri and I weren't together and we weren't really friends or enemies. Instead, we were stuck in some awkward in between.

"I was watching you spar with Eddie earlier. You looked very strong and didn't let anything Eddie say distract you. I couldn't help but feel proud," He said, failing to mention the words Eddie said.

"Dimitri, what Eddie said I –"

"Do you think he is right?" whispered Dimitri, just loud enough so I could hear him. His eyes met mine and I couldn't tell if he wanted to hear that Eddie was right or not.

I stared at him for a while, before looking away. Was there any truth behind what Eddie said? Deep down inside I knew that there was a possibility of still having a bit of feelings towards Dimitri. I didn't know if the feelings were love, or what, but I knew none of those feelings could be as intense as they once were.

I shook my head, knowing that I was partially lying to him. "He just wanted to throw me off mentally because that is the only way he could possibility beat me. I'm too good for that, thanks to your training," I said, tossing some of my hair behind my shoulder.

Dimitri chuckled. "You are the same old Rose, except wiser."

"Is that a good thing?" I asked.

"Yes, a very good thing," He replied sincerely.

We started walking down the hallway slowly, considering Lissa's room wasn't far away. I forgot how much I enjoyed my conversations with him, especially now that things seemed to calm down a bit between us. Yes, it was occasionally awkward, but the awkwardness was starting to not phase me. I suddenly realized I missed having him in my life, but still didn't know how it would be possible. He didn't have my full forgiveness for what he did. Could we forget our past and move on to become friends? Or was that impossible?

"Are you going to the Christmas ball?" I questioned.

He shook his head, looking sadly at the ground. "I would not feel comfortable there, considering I still get many stares from Moroi at Court. I also have a shift halfway through the dance, so I do not see a point in attending. I'll just video chat with my family or read."

I rolled my eyes at his reading comment. Of course he would be the one to reread an already worn out Western novel. "You cannot miss the Court dance for the second year in a row. You once told me to ignore what other people think of me, so why don't you take your own Zen advice?"

"Maybe," He said slowly, with hesitation in his tone.

"If you want people to stop fearing you, then I suggest you get out of your comfort zone and socialize. You should not spend Christmas evening in your room rereading a worn out Western novel. You know the ending hasn't changed, so you won't be missing much."

"It sometimes slips my mind that you can have quite the attitude," Dimitri remarked.

I let out a light laugh. "Hey, I haven't changed that much in a year."

We approached Lissa's room and stared at each for a few seconds, both not knowing exactly what to say to each other. I was the first one to speak up, before it got too awkward. "Have a Merry Christmas tomorrow, Dimitri, if I do not see you." I placed my hand over Lissa's door. She had told me the door would be unlocked, so I could come on in whenever I was ready.

Dimitri gave me a nod and wished me a Merry Christmas, before walking away. I watched him walk away for a few seconds, but quickly heard him say my name. My heart started racing and I turned around to see him a few feet away.

"I have something for you tomorrow."

Confusion spread across my face. Why would he get me anything, especially since I had been yelling at him across St. Vlad's a couple of days ago? "Dimitri, I –"

He cut me off. "Will you meet up with me at some point?"

"Okay," I said, biting my lip. He gave me a small grin, the turned around to walk away not exchanging any further words. What could he possibly be getting me?

* * *

I was relieved to be spending time with Lissa, not having to worry about any of my guardian duties. I honestly could not remember the last time I was around her alone and not on duty. We chatted over the Christmas movies playing, while decorating our cookies. Although, I had spent the majority of the time eating the cookie immediately after I frosted it.

"So, did you hear what Eddie had to say to me today?" I said, putting down the butter knife. I licked a bit of the frosting off my fingers, then quickly glanced at the movie on the television.

"No. What happened?" She questioned.

"He tried telling me that I haven't completely moved on from Dimitri. He thinks I might still be in love with him or something. Ridiculous, right?" I took a big bite out of my cookie, cherishing every bite. Noticing Lissa's response not being immediate, I looked at her.

She silently nibbled on her cookie, looking like she needed to figure out how to structure the sentence. I was tempted to use the bond to dive into her head, but I knew Lissa already hated when I did that (especially when I was right there). As great as the bond was, I knew Lissa hated how she completely lacked privacy.

"Liss, come on spit it out."

"Do you perhaps still have feelings for Dimitri? And don't lie, Rose, you know that won't help anything."

I looked out the window, shrugging. "I don't know for sure, Liss. Being around him so much lately has made me miss having him there as a friend. I think my feelings I have towards him are just friendship and care. I don't think I can be anything more with him, when I know he doesn't return the favor."

Lissa nodded slowly, taking in what I said. I could tell by her face expression that she knew I was being candid with her. "I know that was silly for me to ask, but I just wanted to know how you felt towards him. After everything that happened between you two, I just wanted to make sure you were okay emotionally."

I reached over and gave her hand a light squeeze. "Thanks, Liss. I honesty am doing fine. Dimitri and I briefly talked about what happened in the past and the conversation went well, I think. We still haven't nearly addressed the majority of it, but I feel like I got some closure."

I knew I failed to mention the mental breakdown I had after the Strigoi fight. Lissa knew about my anxiety I had after Dimitri was turned and restored. I was able to get over my paranoia about a loved one getting turned like that and I thought I got over the Dimitri paranoia. Yet, I didn't.

"I'm really glad for you," She said with a smile. "I actually talked to Dimitri today."

I gave her a confused look, why I wouldn't be able to pick up on that through the bond. Then I realized that I had spent the majority of the day napping at Adrian's, so of course I would miss a conversation I was completely interested about.

"What did you talk about?" I asked.

"The normal things, but I did ask why he came back to America. He was so set on leaving and staying in Russia a year ago, I was confused as you were on his reappearance. Anyways, he told me that Yeva kept telling him repeatedly that he needed to go back to America. She said that he needed to figure something out so he can finally settle."

I bit my lip, nodding at what she was saying. Yeva had this thing for predicting the future, much like Rhonda (except less shady). "Wonder what he needs to settle?" I said.

"You."

I shook my head, giving her a look as if she was crazy. "Lissa, it is no way it can be me."

"I think before he left Court a year ago, he still had a lot of stuff to process after he was restored. Maybe he finally is feeling remorse for what he did to you, Rose, and he wanted to see that you were okay."

"I highly doubt that Lissa."

She shrugged, as we quickly changed the conversation back to something else that wasn't Dimitri related. Soon enough we were climbed into her bed, watching the end of a movie. My eyelids soon became heavy and I fell asleep, thinking about Christmas. There were presents, the dance, and more importantly Lissa's engagement. I had a feeling this Christmas was going to be a good one.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Merry Christmas to those that celebrate! I did not have a lot of time to spend editing, so apologies for any mistakes. I was very eager to get this up for you guys. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and guess what . . . chapter 10 will be coming shortly (or may be already posted depending on when you read this). When I set up this Christmas chapter I realized that it was going to end up being 20+ pages so I divided it into 2 chapters, but decided to post both on the same day. My little Christmas present to everyone that follows this story. ;) **

**Thank you for your continued support and as always leave a review! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **Author's Note: I'm sorry if any spacing is funny. I have been struggling to post this chapter. I finally found some crazy way to post it that is not the usual. The doc manager keeps saying that there is an internal error or something wrong with this file. Ugh! Anywaysssss enjoy!**

* * *

Present Day:

I stared at myself in the mirror, once Lissa put the finishing touches on my hair and makeup for the Christmas ball. She stood next to me and stared at my reflection in the mirror, letting out a tiny squeal and gushing about how no one will be able to take their eyes off of me.

Wearing my signature black color that flaunted my curves, I put on the appearance of a sultry, forbidden princess. It was one of those dream princess dresses that no one could ever resist. The top half was a matte halter top, with the center of it plunging down to reveal a bit of cleavage, as well as the top part of my abs. The dress cinched in at the waistline, but then proceeded to poof out in tulle that had hints of sparkles. It was definitely too much for a guardian that wasn't even close to royalty, but it was too hard to resist.

Lissa had pulled back my wavy hair in a low messy bun, with some curls pulled out to frame my face. The bun was just high enough to reveal my promise mark, molnijas, and my zvezda, as I saw Lissa's gaze looking towards it. "Where is your ninth mark? The one for the Strigoi who killed Guardian Thomas," She asked.

I turned around to look at her. "Remember one of my molnijas was a mistake? I just counteracted that by not getting the one for Guardian Thomas."

"A mistake?" She asked, but then soon realized what I was talking about.

After I had returned from Russia, I thought that I had killed Strigoi Dimitri. Sydney had assembled the paperwork proof for me, so I went and received my molnija mark. During that entire ceremony I had cried, mostly for the love I knew I would never have. Well, turns out Dimitri survived my attempt to end his suffering and now that he was restored, the molnija mark even served more useless.

"I'm happy you now don't need to think about that," whispered Lissa.

I nodded at her and then quickly looked at her dress hanging out in the entrance to her huge closet. Lissa's dress was absolutely beautiful and sophisticated. It was a deep purple, with the top half being long-sleeved and covered in lace. She went with the typical A-line frame, which suited her long stature. She was going to look stunning, especially during the proposal.

"You look beautiful, Liss," I said, after she put on her dress. She turned around and smiled at me, before adjusting her half-up-half-down do. Lissa truly looked like a princess, especially with her small tiara. "Christian won't be able to take his eyes off of you.

She smiled at me. "I'm sure there will be plenty of people who won't be able to take their eyes off of me. You deserve to find someone that completes you. I don't want you to be completely alone your entire life."

At one point, I did have someone that once completed me. I doubt that I would be able to find another person like that again. Fate was taking me on a different direction, independent of romance and commitment. I was content with how my life was now and could get over the fact that I wouldn't have that great love again. Yes, I wanted it, but I knew it was not possible.

Christian soon arrived at the door to pick up Lissa. Lissa ran into her bathroom to grab her lipstick for touch ups and I walked over to the door to open it. Christian stood in his required tuxedo, actually looked very cleaned up. Although, his facial expression did not suit his overall appearance. He was grimacing, with a slight frown in his appearance. His lack of eye contact with me, suggested that he was nervous about proposing.

"She'll say yes," I whispered to him.

He looked up at me and I gave him an encouraging smile. His face immediately looked less stressed. Lissa soon emerged in the doorway and I could have sworn Christian was about to drop his mouth open at her appearance. He struggled to find words for Lissa, but eventually was able to stutter out that she looked beautiful. He even managed to tell me that I looked very cleaned up for once. I guess that was a compliment?

As Lissa locked up her door, we began walking down the hallway. Lissa and Christian walked ahead with her arm looped through his. I was nearly sickened by the look he gave her, especially that I was the third wheel. As we approached the end of the hallway, I saw Adrian standing there looking very cleaned up in his tux.

"Little Dhampir," He said, completely ignoring Lissa and Christian. He reached out his hand to her and immediately brought it up to kiss it. "I know we aren't together, but I still think you deserve to have someone take you as their date."

"I told him to meet us here," said Lissa.

"Thank you," I said to both of them, before turning to Adrian and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Adrian hated dances, especially when it involved cleaning up his appearance.

"You look very tempting, Little Dhampir," He murmured to me. "The dress really brings off your curves, making me want to rip that dress off of you."

I blushed at his comment, as we continued walking towards the grand ballroom at Court. As we approached the dance, I could hear the classical music grow in sound. This ball was nothing from the parties we threw at St. Vlad's.

We were arriving at this dance, at least an hour late. It wasn't necessarily intentional to be that late, but we always knew that it was totally lame to show up to a dance right on time.

Christian and Lissa went ahead, since Lissa needed to talk to members of all the royal families. I also knew that Christian wanted to give Lissa plenty of romantic dances to help set the stage for an upcoming proposal. I watched them descend the stairs down to the room, as I stood back with Adrian. I didn't want to take Lissa's entrance moment from her.

He gave me one of his gorgeous smiles and ran a hand down my arm, to reach my hand. Giving it a light squeeze he said to me, "Ready to bring out the jealous bitches and make Belikov wish he never hurt you?"

"I don't care about that," I said, brushing off his comment. He stared at me with those piercing green eyes, indicating that he knew I was lying. "Okay, maybe I want a few eyes on me and it would be nice to make a statement to Dimitri."

"I knew that is why you picked that dress. You look completely irresistible in it."

I kind of wished that he would call me beautiful instead of sexy. Ignoring that thought, I looped my arm around his and we began walking down to the ballroom. As expected, a few heads turned towards me. There were so many modestly dressed Moroi, with high neckline dresses with little to no cleavage showing. I knew they envied my traditional dress with a spin to flaunt my genetically blessed curves.

Ignoring the envious looks from the female Moroi and the hungry looks from the males, I inconspicuously looked in the crowd wondering if I would see Dimitri. There was no sign of him and I wasn't overly surprised. He wasn't one to be social in a dance environment, even with alcohol on the scene. Not letting it disappoint me, I held my head out high as we stepped into the dance floor.

"Look at her dress, what a slut," I heard a Moroi say to her husband. The husband nodded his head in agreement, but his expression said otherwise. I was confident that he was a fan of my dress.

"Let's get to the champagne, Little Dhampir," said Adrian, guiding me over to one of the waiters that stood on the side. Adrian grabbed two glasses off of the tray, with the waiter giving me a look.

"Excuse me, Miss, but are you of legal age to consume alcohol?"

Adrian quickly spoke, before I could think of something to say. "Lighten up, Gunther, it is the holidays. Besides, who is to say that both of these aren't for me?" He winked at Gunther, before quickly dragging me away.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at him. Adrian handed me the glass of champagne, then clinked his glass against mine. "You are lucky that your aunt is Queen," I said to him.

Adrian laughed and took a sip of champagne. "You're also lucky that I tend to be highly charismatic and would do perfectly fine without Aunt Tatiana."

I took a long sip of the champagne, enjoying the sweetness of it. I didn't know the last time I could be at such a public event and not have to worry about how many drinks I could have. Lissa was in a perfectly safe environment surrounded by guardians and I knew I didn't have anything to worry about. Especially with the incoming sunrise.

Adrian and I chatted for quite some time, with me constantly looking over at Lissa and Christian. Lissa was smiling and laughing with a few royal family members, with Christian right next to her partaking in the conversation. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Tasha Ozera break away from the crowd to walk over to me and Adrian.

"Rose and Adrian, so happy to see both of you here and together," She said, with her face beaming. I had to admit that Tasha looked stunning, all things considered. Somehow the scars on her face started to suit her and I hardly noticed that they were there.

"How have you been doing, Tasha?" I asked. I was lucky to find a way to avoid her this morning. Even though Dimitri and I weren't really anything, I still wasn't a huge fan of her. The fact that she was desperately trying to get Dimitri away from me a couple of years ago still irked me. Especially when she was convincing Dimitri to be with her so they could have kids.

I shuddered at the thought of that.

"Great, thank you. I'm sad that you couldn't come by this morning and had to work."

Adrian gave me a curious glance, very well knowing that I did not have to work this morning. He knew that I had joined him this morning for the usual hook up. Hell, in order to get out of seeing Tasha I convinced Lissa to lie to her. I gave Adrian a sideways glance to not ask any questions.

"Yes, but it freed me up the rest of the night," I said, taking another sip of my champagne. Ugh, this was awkward.

"Your dress certainly caused a lot of heads to turn," She said, with her tongue clicking slightly. Of course, she had to poke at me somehow because she wouldn't be Tasha Ozera if she didn't. I always found her jealously very amusing, especially when she was comparing herself to me.

I glanced around the room and saw Eddie standing against the wall, his eyes intently standing the room. It must suck having to spend your Christmas dance staring and doing little to no socialization. All of the guardians did not have to dress up in their usual uniform tonight, but instead could wear their own formal attire. Queen Tatiana and Guardian Steele felt that as long as the guardians were capable of fighting and had their silver stakes on them, then it would be fine.

"Sorry, Tasha, I need to go talk to someone quick." I politely excused myself from Adrian and Tasha, quickly downing the rest of my champagne. On the way over, I handed the empty glass to a waiter.

I approached Eddie, knowing that it would be in my best interest to apologize for over reacting last night. I knew Eddie wasn't intentionally trying to hurt me and cause a rise out of me. For a while I had even thought that he knew Dimitri was watching and wanted me to self-implode. I had admitted to myself that I was being ridiculous.

"Hey," I said, joining him against the wall.

"Hey yourself," He replied, with his eyes briefly meeting mine. "You look great, especially with the number of heads you made turn."

I laughed. "That wasn't necessarily my intention, but I don't mind the eyes being on me every once in a while. Sometimes it is boring hiding in the background."

Eddie smirked. "I know, Hathaway. I still remember your arrival at the senior equinox dance."

I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a light punch in the arm.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to say those things and I promise I did not know that Dimitri was in the room," Eddie said sincerely.

I nodded my head. "It was pretty shitty, but I can overlook that." I gave him a crooked grin. "Did I at least give you a few bruises for my revenge?"

"Yes," He said, slightly irritated.

"Then I guess you learned your lesson."

We both laughed a bit, then I stared out on the dance floor. Christian and Lissa were now dancing pretty close together, gazing into each other's eyes lovingly. My eye managed to come across Jill, who was laughing happily with her parents. I had never seen Jill look so put together in my entire life. Her hair was in a beautiful up-do and her makeup was done to make her look more sophisticated. She even seemed to have an extra added elegance to her. The more I stared at her, I realized that she truly was a Dragomir. Jill was more than capable of standing near Lissa's side in the future.

Adrian soon made his way over to me, after escaping a lengthy conversation with Tasha. He looked a bit annoyed coming over, but shook that expression off his face. "I think you owe me a dance after leaving me to talk to her," He said, secretly pointing over to Tasha who was near the food.

I laughed and told Eddie goodbye, before letting Adrian take me towards the dance floor. He pulled me into his arms as we began dancing amongst the crowd. In the distance I could see Tatiana smiling and talking to other Moroi, including Adrian's parents. Turning my glance back to Adrian, I stared up at him.

"You're a good dancer, Little Dhampir," Adrian softly spoke to me.

"You aren't so bad yourself," I replied.

Adrian gave me a quick spin, before pulling me back to his chest. Looking around the room, I saw Christian and Lissa talking. He whispered something in her ear and I immediately knew he was off to propose to her. Lissa was grinning and feeling very swept away by Christian tonight. Christian wasn't much for the social scene, but had improved substantially since him and Lissa first started dating. He knew that if he was going to be Lissa's husband, he needed to make a good impression.

"You're smiling," Adrian noted. "Who are you smiling at?"

I continued smiling, as I looked up at him. "Can you keep a secret?"

"For you, I can do anything."

"Christian is going to propose to Lissa. He showed me the ring yesterday and he told me he would be doing it at the ball."

Adrian's eyes widened. He was surprised that they were getting engaged since Lissa was so young, but he knew that they were soulmates. Adrian had gotten better at analyzing auras and they said Christian and Lissa's complemented each other. Their differences were able to balance and form a perfect pair.

Adrian cleared his throat, sensing that bit of jealously and sadness with Lissa getting engaged. "I'm sure you will find someone. Even if it isn't me or Belikov."

"I don't think I'm meant to be with anyone," I admitted.

He shook his head. "I doubt it. Any guy would be lucky to have you in their life."

"Thanks Adrian. You always know how to make me feel better," I murmured, resting my head against his chest. I quickly felt excitement radiate through the bond and I knew I would be sucked in to Lissa's head. "Just keep dancing with me, I'm being pulled in to Lissa's mind."

Lissa and Christian were standing on an empty balcony that overlooked the wooded area at the Court. He was standing right in front of her, holding both of her hands and intently looking at her. Christian could be such a hopeless romantic, especially since he timed the proposal with the sunrise. If I was around, I would have the perfect comment for him.

I tried pulling back from her mind, wanting to honor Christian's request at giving them privacy, but Lissa's strong feelings kept pulling me in. Lissa and I never understood why the bond didn't just pull me in when she was having strong feelings of danger or sadness. But I guess when being shadow-kissed was a thing, you didn't really get to dictate the rules.

"Liss, there is something that I have been meaning to ask you," Christian said, looking intently in Lissa's eyes.

"What is it?" asked Lissa.

Just then Christian got down on one knee, still holding her hands. He looked attentively up at her with every ounce of worry going away from him. "I know we haven't been together for a long time, but I think time does not matter for us. You complete me and make me a better person. You are everything that I would ever want: kind, smart, caring, and beautiful. I ask myself every day how we got so lucky to find each other and every day I know I do not want to be with anyone else. Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir, will you do the honor of becoming my wife?" He opened up the ring box and Lissa gasped at the beautiful sight of it.

Lissa immediately started crying of pure happiness. "Yes, Christian of course I will," She said. Before he could even slip the ring on her finger, she immediately pulled him into a passionate kiss.

On that cue, I was able to force myself out of Lissa's head. As I snapped back to reality, I saw that I was still dancing with Adrian. He gazed down at me, as I lifted my head from his chest. "Everything okay, Little Dhampir?"

"She's the happiest she has ever been," I said. I was soon interrupted by Lissa's thoughts pouring into my head. She wanted to see me as soon as possible to tell me the great news. "I'm going to go find, Lissa. Try not to get yourself in too much trouble." I smiled at him.

"I'll try not to, but it looks like that the open bar is calling my name."

I rolled my eyes and parted ways from him. On my way out, I skimmed the crowd to see if Dimitri was anywhere to be seen. There was no sight of him. Sighing, I lifted my dress and made my way up the stairs to congratulate Lissa and Christian on their happily ever after. Why did fate have it so I didn't get a fairytale ending?

* * *

Lissa was beyond excited when she saw me and immediately asked me to be her maid of honor; of course, I agreed. Christian was beaming with happiness and pride. Who would have thought that the dark Moroi would marry the Princess?

Afterwards, I decided to return to my room, not even bothering to head back to the dance. Mostly because Adrian had mysteriously disappeared from the area. I assumed he was off to smoke and drink with a few of his fellow Moroi. Dances weren't really his atmosphere, but I was happy that I got to spend a bit of time with him.

I began walking down the main hallway, that was decked out in Christmas decorations, to grab my clothes I left at Lissa's before heading back to my room. The Court sure loved going above and beyond for Christmas, especially since it took days to even set out all of the decorations. I was mesmerized at the decorations and my own thoughts, that I didn't even notice that Dimitri was walking down the hallway, until I heard him call out my name.

Wow, was all I could think when I saw him standing there. He was dressed in a tuxedo, with his hair pulled back into a neat pony tail. He looked so handsome, I couldn't help but admit this. The way he looked at me in return, I had a feeling he might have felt the same way about me.

"Thought you weren't going to make an appearance," I said casually.

"I thought about you when I went to read a Western," Dimitri shyly admitted. "Then I realized that I should at least make an appearance if this is my first and last Christmas at Court."

I smiled at him. "Never thought I would see you in anything willingly outside of your duster. I did not even know that you owned a tuxedo."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Rose, I own more than guardian clothes and my duster."

"Yeah, but I have never seen you in anything else," I pointed out.

Dimitri admitted I had a point and we stood there in silence. I saw his eyes glance up and down my dress and I wondered what he was thinking at this moment. Did he still find me attractive? Did he think I looked nice in this dress? Shaking away those thoughts, I met his gaze again.

He was the first to speak, after he cleared his throat. "Did I come too late? It looks like you are leaving."

"Well, Lissa just got engaged to Christian, so I thought I needed to give her space. Eddie is guarding and Adrian has decided to go smoke and drink with some other Moroi. I didn't want to be the girl alone and dressed up," I admitted.

"Any man would be lucky to even get a chance to dance with you."

My heart beat fluttered a little bit at that comment.

"I brought you something, like I promised," Dimitri told me. Taking out a box from inside his tuxedo jacket. He placed the box in my hands and I stared down at it, before looked back up at him.

"Dimitri, you really did not need to get me anything. I did not even think about getting anything for you, since we aren't really friends," I shyly said. I felt my face start burning, knowing that it was starting to turn red from embarrassment. I absolutely hated when people would give me a gift and I had nothing in return for them.

"I do not need anything from you, nor do I deserve it," He sternly said. "This isn't a Christmas present, but a very belated graduation present. When I was restored and able to go through my belongings back in my room at the Academy I came across this. I remember I had this plan to give it to you in private after you received your promise mark."

Emotion started sweeping through me rapidly, thinking about the time when we were so close to having our happily ever after. The time when we were completely in love and were going to go against all odds to make it work. I always wanted to see Dimitri's face after I completed my final test and after I received my promise mark. I needed to see the pride radiating from his face, especially with the amount of growth I had quickly gone through that senior year.

"I really do not need it. You have another student that you can give this to, why don't you save it?" I said, trying to push the box back into his hands. It was hard for me to find the will to accept the gift, especially with the intended sentiment behind it.

"No, this was meant for you." There was so much firmness in his voice, as he gently pushed back the gift.

"But why?" I said, concealing my emotion.

"When I started my position back at the Academy this past year, I was very curious about your performance during your test. I requested the video from Alberta wanting to know how your hard work paid off. As I watched, I couldn't help but feel so proud of you. You were even stronger than I ever imagined and I wanted more than anything to have been there in person."

I saw the pain through his eyes, when he remembered he started remembering his dark past. Tears started brimming in my eyes, knowing I could mask the emotion any longer. "I stood there before I went in, thinking about everything you would say to me. You would tell me not to underestimate the test and don't be too predictable. You would tell me to not be overconfident and just keep my focus intact on the task."

Dimitri's eyes stared into mine and I saw emotion spreading across his face. "I would have said all of those things, Roza," He softly said. "Why don't you open your gift?"

I nodded and took off the ribbon, then gently lifted off the top of the box. Inside was a note on the top, written in Dimitri's handwriting.

 _Rose,_

 _From when we first started training you were always eager to have your own silver stake. I thought it would only be fitting that I would be the first one to give you your own silver stake. Congratulations. I will always be so proud of you._

 _Dimitri_

I moved the note away, then stared at the silver stake in the package. It looked so beautiful with it completely unused. The shininess of it was absolutely stunning and as I lifted it out of the box, I stared at disbelief at the top of the stake. _Rosemarie Hathaway_ was engraved on the top of it. Clutching it in my hands, my eyes were welling with tears.

"Dimitri, I can't possibly accept this. After everything that happened between us I – "

"This stake was always meant for you, regardless of what happened in the past," He softly said.

I was so touched by this gift, I gazed down at it. How could I possibly respond to this gesture? I was lost for words in this moment. Gazing up into his eyes, I took a few steps towards him. The slight bit of anger I still had around him was completely gone, as I stared into his deep brown eyes. I felt warm and fuzzy; the same way I used to feel around Dimitri.

We were completely mesmerized in each other's looks. I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to kiss him again. I knew it was crazy for me to think that, especially when I still hadn't completely forgiven him. But I knew, with a doubt, that I was still very much attracted to him. Dimitri looked at me, then down at my lips. Did he want to kiss me?

"You look absolutely beautiful, Rose," He whispered to me.

Our lip started getting dangerously close and I didn't know if I should pull away or cave in. A part of me craved to feel his lips against mine again and I did not know if this was part of the sentimental gift that brought me back to the past or truly something I wanted. What did he want? What did I want?

* * *

 **Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed. As always review! Thanks for the support :)**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

Note: There will be no flashback to the past in this chapter, due to a long present. Next chapter will have one.

Present Day:

My instinct was telling me I shouldn't kiss him, but my body wanted his lips to touch mine again. He was an addiction that was hard to shake and he was so handsome. I knew we didn't love each other, but that didn't mean that I wasn't attracted to him, that I didn't want him. But, could there ever be something between us again?

"Are you sure my dress isn't too much?" I said softly to him, feeling myself get even closer to him.

"You are beautiful with whatever you wear," He replied.

It was hard to say who made the first move because it was all a blur. My body tingled as his warm lips brushed against mine, but before I could take in the entire situation I heard a voice calling down the hallway towards us.

"Guardian Belikov and Guardian Hathaway, can you spare a moment?" boomed Guardian Steele.

Both of us quickly pulled away from each other and turned our attention towards Guardian Steele, who was quickly going down the hallway. Unlike the other guardians, he still wore his proper uniform. Of course, he wouldn't let loose just a bit. There always seemed to be something up his ass.

"You both need to meet with me tomorrow morning at eight o'clock, regarding something urgent. I highly suggest that you don't be late because I run a tight schedule."

"Got it," I replied, while Dimitri had a more formal reply.

Guardian Steele nodded and briskly turned around on his heel. He walked almost military-like away from us and I rolled my eyes. He was always about standing tall to intimidate others, but I was confident I could easily kick his ass in a spar.

Before he was out of distance from us, he stood in place and didn't turn around. "I suggest you two remember that you are guardians and work together. Maybe take that into account before starting something." He then proceeded down the hallway, out of distance from us.

"Fucking asshole," I said, loud enough for Dimitri to hear.

We briefly made eye contact with each other, neither of us knew how to respond to each other. What happened before Guardian Steele interrupted us? A mix of emotions swarmed me and I didn't know how to respond to the situation. By the expression on Dimitri's face, he didn't know how to respond either. We stared at each other and I crossed my arms over my chest, glancing at the ground.

"Rose, what happened – "

I cut him off, not wanting to hear the rest of what he had to say. "No, stop. We don't need to talk about it."

I stared at him, with a part of me wanting more than anything for the past to be completely different. What would our life be like if he didn't falter in the cave? What would it be like if he begged to see me after he was restored? I couldn't dwell on the what-ifs and the past because there was no point. The past was set in stone and I could only focus on the future. I guess Dimitri was right, it was a mistake.

"Thanks again for the belated graduation present," I said, raising the box and giving him a nod. "I'm going to go get some rest. See you tomorrow morning."

I didn't give him time to respond, but instead lifted up my dress and began walking quickly down the hallway. A small part of me wished that Dimitri would call my name, but I knew he learned not to push any further. As I approached the end of the hallway, I turned around to sneak a glance over my shoulder. Dimitri was nowhere in sight.

I leaned up against the wall, taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself from that encounter. Closing my eyes and clutching the box with my present, I could still feel the warmth of his lips against mine. Damn it, why was this still on my mind?

Opening my eyes and shaking the thoughts of the kiss, I changed directions and started heading towards the kitchens. There wouldn't be many people in the kitchen and I knew I needed a bottle of wine to help push away any thoughts of Dimitri. I sent Adrian a text to meet me in my room and that I brought alcohol, knowing that he would stop whatever he was doing to join me. I needed him keep Dimitri out of my thoughts for the night.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a trail of kisses going down my neck on my naked body. "Don't stop," I moaned when the kiss hit my sweet spot on my neck. I felt his fangs casually brush against my neck and I wanted to feel the high from his bite so badly, but I knew I shouldn't.

Adrian and I were curled up on my small, not-so-luxurious double bed in my room. His lips moved up to meet mine and I caved into his touch, letting the kiss deepen in passion. My mouth opened up to his tongue, which gently grazed mine. Briefly pulling away I rolled myself on top of him, with his hands finding their way to my ass.

I pulled away suddenly, clutching either side of my head. "Fucking hell," I murmured, as dizziness and pain sear throughout my entire head. I felt weak and disoriented, after the night of drinking. In addition to that bottle of wine, Adrian had brought over some other hard liquor and of course, I caved.

"Hungover?" Adrian said, with a gleam in his eyes.

"Very," I muttered, massaging my temples. "And let me guess, you are perfectly fine?"

"I can handle my alcohol well, thank you," He replied. "What time is your shift?"

Cursing, I quickly got off of Adrian to grab my phone and look at the time. It was seven forty-five, I had to meet Steele in fifteen minutes. I ran across the room, trying to find a clean pair of guardian clothes to wear. Maybe Christian was right, I should be keeping my room more organized. Finally coming across a pair, I threw on panties, a bra, and my guardian attire. My head was pounding and I knew I needed food, water, and ibuprofen, but I didn't have the time.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, to put on my shoes and felt Adrian smoothing my hair. I did not even want to know the state of my hair. "Don't forget your new stake," Adrian said. He was referring to the stake Dimitri got me as a gift. I didn't outright tell him about the very belated graduation present, but he noticed it last night sitting on my desk.

"I'm good with my old ones," I said, quickly grabbing two from my desk. I glanced at the stake Dimitri gave me, still feeling very touched by his gift.

"Leave whenever you want, Adrian. I'll see you later tonight," I told him, grabbing my coat, gloves, and scarf. I shut the door before I could hear any of his comments, taking a deep breath before I began walking down the hallway.

I started to briskly walk down the hallway, as I button on my coat and slipped on my gloves. Naturally, Steele's office would be in the main building and away from everything. Cursing as I checked the time, I quickly stepped up my pace. The last thing I wanted to do was further piss Steele off. Ever since Hans disappearance, Steele had become quite hostile towards me. Not sure why considering I helped interrogate a Strigoi.

As I hurried across the Court property I saw Eddie emerge in the distance from one of the nearest food places, that most guardians would go to. "Hathaway!" He hollered, quickly running up to me.

"Keep my pace or leave," I said. "I have a meeting with Steele that I can't be late to."

He kept my pace easily, considering he was way taller than me.

"Have you talked to Dimitri lately?" He questioned.

I looked over at him briefly, before looking in front of me. "Why do you ask?"

"He seemed completely off when he showed up last night to trade shifts. Broodier than usual, as if something was on his mind. Just wanted to know if you knew what could be wrong with him."

Shrugging, I continued my pace. Weren't we both thrown off by that brief kiss last night? It was unexpected and I still did not know how to feel about it. "I really don't know, Eddie," I replied.

"He wouldn't even talk to Tasha, according to Jill. Which is weird because they seemed close to the resort."

We made our way to the main building where Steele's office was located. Checking my time, I saw that I had a few more minutes. "Eddie, let's talk about this later. I really need to get to this meeting. See you for training after my shift?"

"Yeah, Hathaway see you around. Hopefully, Steele isn't a complete asshole."

I laughed and quickly ran off.

* * *

Dimitri was already in Steele's unwelcoming office when I arrived. After Steele took over as head of guardians at Court, he had completely redone his office. Instead of the warm and inviting feel that Hans always had it was cold and put off. I guess one could say Steele was the definition of a minimalist, with the extreme lack of decorations. Apart from a picture of Queen Tatiana and a standard cuckoo clock, there was nothing else that could be categorized as décor. He didn't even have a coffee maker.

His wooden desk sat in the center of the room, with multiple file cabinets lined up behind him. The room was relatively small, making it feel more like an interrogation room instead of an actual office. He sat at his desk with his hands resting on it and crossed together, looking annoyed at my lack of an appearance.

"Knock, knock," I said, knocking on the slightly opened heavy wooden door.

"You're late," Steele said sharply, sitting up straighter in his chair. I swear this man had a superiority complex.

I looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was still a minute before eight o'clock. "Actually, I'm early, but nice try," I smoothly said, taking the chair next to Dimitri.

"Rough night?" Steele commented, opening up a few folders on his desk.

I glared at Steele, not even bothering to look towards Dimitri. I started to regret not looking in the mirror before I left for this meeting. I could only imagine my even messier bun and my make up being smeared. Maybe I ended up going a little bit overboard with the drinking, but I mean I did have the rest of the night off.

"Great night actually, you would be jealous," I returned to him.

Steele rolled his eyes, then briskly shut the file when the clock chimed eight.

"I'm sure both of you are curious or maybe even angry why I called you to this meeting, but I can assure you it is for good reason," He started, attempting to sit up even straighter in his seat. "As you know, there has been increased Strigoi activity in the past few months that target Royal Moroi and their guardians. After the recent Strigoi attack outside of the gate at St. Vlad's, we can no longer ignore this rising problem. We decided to employ a mission in an attempt to subdue any further attacks on our people."

Before I could let him continue, I spoke up. "Well, why am I here? I have responsibilities protecting Lissa, who Queen Tatiana is training to become a more prominent figure here at Court."

I glanced over at Dimitri, who wasn't indicating how he was feeling about this meeting so far. I wished I was capable of hiding my emotions as easily as him.

"You are here under the Queen's request for you two to put an end to these attacks. We have determined Strigoi packs in a few areas across the United States, mostly near Court and the Academy," stated Steele.

"Why can't the Queen request other people? She picks an insubordinate guardian and a restored former Strigoi?" I said, in disbelief. "I'm staying with Lissa."

"Do you want to lose your job completely, Miss Hathaway?" Steele stated.

"Rose," muttered Dimitri. "Don't do anything stupid." His tone made him sound like he was my mentor again.

"No, sir," I said. "But you chose us? Aren't there some other power duos out in the guardian world?"

"Guardian Petrov says he was your mentor at St. Vlad's and you work well together. To hunt Strigoi we need a good team and you are our best option."

Well, he was right. Out of the other mentor and novice pairs at St. Vlad's, Dimitri and I always stood out the most. We knew each other so well during battle and had that instilled trust at one point. But how much did I trust him now?

Steele continued on about how Dimitri and I are the most capable of guardians and some of the top-ranked, even though we are young. I was still taken aback by this entire situation, especially since Tatiana wanted me and Dimitri go.

"Also, I think after last night you wouldn't mind spending any time together," commented Steele.

I could feel my face growing red with embarrassment and I lowered my head. Of fucking course, Steele had to see that one moment of weakness on my part. If only Steele knew the entire past with me and Dimitri.

Steele continued, with a smug expression on his face. I knew he would use it against me. "I can assure you Lissa will be perfectly safe at Court with plenty of guardians watching after her. Both of you should see this as an honor to serve our community."

I noticed that Dimitri hadn't said anything, but was politely nodding the entire conversation. His face was still expressionless and it was as if he was taking the information well.

There was a moment of silence amongst the three of us, with the clock ticking in the background. Steele looked at us intently, before grabbing both files and handing them to each of us. I took mine wordlessly, hoping that there was at least some good intel.

"Do you have any further questions?" asked Steele.

"When do we leave?" Dimitri said, finally speaking this entire meeting.

"January 2nd. You will both leave the Academy, since you may have clothes or items you didn't bring to Court. The mission should only be a few months long, then you will be back to your normal positions."

Dimitri nodded, thanking Steele. How was he always able to be so polite? That was a skill that was still in development for me, that would probably never be fully developed.

Steele soon dismissed us and I stood up processing this information. Could they mission be connected to Hans Croft? That case was still unresolved and it also appeared to be another planned attack—at least to me. "Is this connected to Hans Croft?" I said, turning around to make eye contact with Steele.

Dimitri also turned around to stare at Steele, as well. Steele's face paled at my question and he quickly broke eye contact with me. Clutching his hands together I could see the whites of his knuckles, as he violently shook his head. "Hans Croft is might as well dead and will not be discussed."

"Can I see the file then?" I asked.

"There is no file," Steele said, with anger rising in his voice. "If I recall you have a shift that you need to attend to and Guardian Belikov would probably like some more rest."

Grumbling, I swiftly turned around on my heel and walked out of the office, making sure to slam the door shut. I wished I fought back with Guardian Steele, but I knew it would be best to keep my mouth shut. I needed to collect my thoughts and find a way to get the file.

Dimitri walked next to me in silence, giving me the occasional glance. After we stepped outside and felt the cold breeze, rippling down my spine, I broke the silence. "Steele was lying," I stated. "There is a file, I know there is."

"I know he is, Rose," Dimitri replied. "But there is nothing we can do. If it was an important part of this mission, we would have seen his file."

Sighing, I calmed down my anger. I knew he was right.

We started walking towards the guardian quarters, with me knowing I needed to put myself more together and see if Adrian was out of my room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri studying me, with the same curious expression as the night before.

"I think we need to talk about what happened," whispered Dimitri.

"I think we don't," I returned to him. "It was a mistake and I just want to move past it."

I dug my hands deep into my pockets, wondering how much information I was going to tell Lissa about last night. As soon as that kiss happened I wanted to run to her, but I knew I couldn't crash her special night. Shit, I also needed to tell her I was leaving her for a few months. My stomach churned at the thought of it, knowing that she would be upset. She just got engaged and was excited to plan a wedding, with running ideas by me. What if I didn't make it back alive?

"Did you feel anything?" Dimitri asked me, once we passed by a few guardians. He wasn't dropping the conversation about the kiss, of course. The one thing about him that changed since he was restored was that he dwelled on the past a little too much.

I looked at him, wondering what answer he expected out of me. "No, I didn't," I lied, still remembering the pull I had towards him last night . . . the warmth of his lips. "Did you?"

"No."

"Why would I feel anything when I know that we no longer love each other?" I said lightly, with a wimpy laugh. We immediately stopped and stared at each other, with his eyes silently agreeing with mine. "You think we will survive this?"

Dimitri stared at me, with mixed emotions across his face. There was a mixture of hope combined with fear. "I would like to think we could because I don't think they would waste two perfectly capable, young guardians. Although, Steele was right about one thing."

"What was it?"

"That we make a great team."

I gave him a smile and we walked in silence the rest of the way to the guardian rooms.

As we approached my room, we stopped and stood right outside of my door. It was hard to believe that we only had a few days left at Court before we would be swept away and forced to spend time together. A few years ago I would have dreamed for this to happen to me and Dimitri, but now not so much. Maybe at the end of this mission, we would actually become friends.

Even though I didn't want to be near him, I still felt drawn to him. We were about to leave on a mission that we might never return from. Lissa wouldn't understand how it felt, neither would Christian or Adrian.

"Did you have a good rest of your night guarding at the dance?" I asked, remembering what Eddie said. I figured that was the most casual way to bring it up.

"It was fine. Anything exciting you did after the dance?"

"I drank," I stated.

He gave me a disapproving look in return. That same look I had grown so accustomed to during my training sessions.

"Okay, it was valid. I honestly wanted to distance myself from the bond. Didn't want to be pulled in for anything too intimate with Christian and Lissa. Bad enough I witnessed the entire proposal through Lissa's eyes and it was almost as if Christian was proposing to me. Almost as if that'll be the only proposal I'll ever get." I held up my hands in defense.

Dimitri looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "There is someone out there for you, Rose. Why are you doubting fate?"

"Fate and I aren't exactly getting along right now," I said. "Besides, I'm not looking to be with anyone. I am focused on my duty protecting Lissa, which is now on temporary hold. Still, no men for me." I didn't even want to mention Adrian to him. I mean it wasn't any of his business about who I hook up with.

Sadly I was completely right about one thing: fate hated me. Adrian swung open my door shirtless, giving me a warm smile. "Little Dhampir, I thought I heard your voice. I was getting lonely without you here," He flirted. Although his smile quickly faded, when he saw Dimitri standing close to me.

Adrian looked at Dimitri, with his eyes turning into slits. "And you, you fucking asshole. What are you doing talking to Rose?" He stepped out of the room and startled Dimitri by jabbing him in the chest.

"Adrian, shut up!" I shouted at him.

He blatantly ignored me, his eyes fixed on Dimitri. "You think I'm a wimp, don't you? I'll show you that a Moroi can fight and beat up a Russian God."

"Don't be a fucking idiot," I said, immediately standing in between the two. "If I wanted Dimitri to beat up, I would have by now. You seem to forget that I'm capable of defending myself."

Adrian started relaxing, then took a few steps back. "I still hate you, Belikov. Don't you ever forget that."

Dimitri glared at Adrian in return. "You think that the only thing I do is hurt her? What I did was best for her!" Dimitri said calmly, but I could sense the anger.

"Dimitri, it's not worth it. I'm fine, really. I'll see you later, okay?" I grabbed Dimitri's hand, giving it a squeeze to reassure him. "I think we all need a bit more rest from the ball last night." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Adrian's face relax and stare curiously at us.

Dimitri nodded and said goodbye to me, not even acknowledging Adrian's presence. As he was out of sight, I yanked Adrian into the room wordlessly. As soon as my door shut, the words came flying out of my mouth. I was pissed about Adrian knowingly opening up the door, then ridiculously threatening Dimitri, and furthermore embarrassing me.

"I'm fucking over my past with Dimitri. So why the hell are you bringing it up?" I yelled.

"Then why are you lying," said Adrian nonchalantly.

I stared at him in disbelief, before walking away from him to the other side of the room. Trying to let out my anger in other ways, I started sorting out the mixture of laundry and clean clothes from the ground.

Throwing a heap of clothing into my laundry basket, I turned towards Adrian and put my hands on my hips. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said through my teeth.

"You still have feelings for him. Don't even bother lying, Little Dhampir."

"What are you? A mind reader?"

"No, but I can see your aura. It is brighter when you are around him."

I threw my hands out in disbelief. "You're making up things. Maybe you still have too much alcohol running through your system."

He shook his head, walking towards me. I continued sorting through my clothes between clean and dirty, ignoring him. Adrian approached me and gently grabbed my arm, spinning me around. Glaring up at him, he released his hand and pushed a few strands of hairs behind my ears.

"I could be, but it looked like your auras were meant to be together. I think he still loves you, Rose."

* * *

 **Author's Note: I dwelled over the situation for days if I wanted them to kiss or not. When I posted Chapter 10 I still didn't know what I wanted to happen. I had two different start points for chapter 11 and I kept flipping back and forth. So honestly, the end of chapter 10 was an unintentional major cliffhanger because I couldn't make my mind up. Lol. Here's to hoping I made the right decision and you guys are happy-ish. :o **

**Anyways, as always please drop a review and follow. You guys are so supportive and it makes me so happy that my little idea is making people excited and eager to read more. :)**

 **Also, it is currently 2:30 am where I am when I'm posting this. I'm total a night or morning writer. For whatever reason, I cannot write during the day. So I usually am up during strange hours, especially since I'm on break. My boyfriend seriously thinks I'm crazy for doing this. OH and I finally filled out my profile page in case you are interested to learn a tad bit more about me. ;)**

 **Happy Friday and happy weekend!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

6 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

Over a year ago, I never would have expected to be back in Baia with my family. When I had been reassigned to Princess Dragomir at the Academy in America, I was certain I would never return. Apart from the expensive flight, it was unreasonable that I would have the time off to see my family. I felt at peace being home and speaking my native language. It was almost as if I could restart and wipe the past year from my mind.

My family was overjoyed that I was coming back to Russia, with no plans of returning to America. I needed distance from Court, St. Vlad's, and Rose. She wanted me to be the same person I was before I turned, but I knew that left a permanent mark on me . . . it could never be erased.

I saw the struggle and plead in her eyes when she begged for me to talk to her when she confessed her love to me. How could she still love me after everything I have done? How could she look at me and not be brought back to the time where I would use her as a blood whore, convince her to become a Strigoi with me, and hunt her down. Every time I would look at her or hear her voice I would think of every wrong thing I did for her. I could not let myself continue to love her. I had to be selfless, so I let her go. It broke my heart to do that, but I knew it was for the best.

I continued walking down the old cobblestone streets of the small town, looking at young Dhampir and human families enjoying the beautiful afternoon. It was hard to believe that about a year ago Rose had been walking these very same streets in an attempt to find me. I used to dream of her being here and seeing the life I live, but I knew that was far from possible. I missed her presence and everything about her: strength, stubbornness, smile, and care. She drove me crazy and there were many times where I didn't want to mentor her anymore, but at the same time, her craziness drove me to love her.

I thought about her frequently when I first arrived in Russia, still wondering what she truly thought about where I'm from. One of the last conversations—before I turned—about Russia with her was telling her how it wasn't an arctic wasteland. Did she enjoy herself here, despite her mission to end the evil I had turned into?

The truth of the matter was, I saw Rose wherever I went around Baia . . . even in my home. My family asked how she was doing and spoke of her determination to end the torment I was in when I was Strigoi. She wanted desperately to find a way to restore me but didn't see how it was possible. They loved her as a person and even knew that she was completely in love with me. When I explained to them everything that happened with Rose before and after I was restored, they were upset but understood.

It was months later and I would occasionally think of Rose. I had come to terms with that there was a part of me that would always love her, especially for the measures she took for me, but I had moved on from that deep love I once had for her. Out of sheer curiosity, I was tempted to send something to Rose asking how she was doing, but I had restrained myself each time. I didn't want to interrupt her life, which I hoped she was living to her fullest.

Laughter and shrieks interrupted my thoughts, as I approached the local town pond. A mixture of humans and Dhampir's were swimming on it, in addition to many sitting out to bathe in the warmth of the sunlight. It was a beautiful day and, for once, very warm. Smiling, I took out my phone hesitating to send a message to Rose. I didn't know how many times I went to start a message but never ended up sending it. As I typed my usual message, I saw an excited familiar face approaching me.

"Dimitri Belikov, is that you?" the young woman shouted.

I stared at her, suddenly recognizing her. Wow, she had changed a lot since St. Basil's. "Klara, I hardly recognized you," I said, pocketing my phone and forgetting about sending a message to Rose. We hugged briefly and gave her a warm smile. "You have changed a lot since St. Basil's."

"And you haven't at all. Finally got the duster you always talked about getting, I see," She teased, tucking a few pieces of her blonde hair behind her ears. "I remember when we trained together you were always going on about the new Western book you were reading to strengthen your English."

"Still a hobby of mine," I grinned.

Klara and I had been very good friends back at St. Basil's and the only two in our class from Baia. We spent our years being sparring partners, prank partners, and sneaking around campus after hours. Ivan always questioned why Klara and I were never together, but we always brushed it off saying we were more platonic friends than anything else. After what happened to Ivan and I was reallocated to Princess Dragomir, we lost touch completely. Ivan's funeral was the last time I saw her and the guilt had eaten me up. I blamed myself for losing the third person in our friendship.

It felt great seeing her right now, especially since a few years had passed. "Finally got a vacation?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yes, finally. It's good to be home and not having to worry about duties constantly. But how are you here? I thought you were still allocated to Princess Vasilisa, even after you were restored?"

I wasn't surprised that she knew about my Strigoi phase. As soon as Lissa had restored me, the news spread like rapid fire. There were Dhampirs and Moroi across the world that wanted to come to Court and see me. Lucky for me, I got to see a few people and avoid reporters. I just wanted to disappear at that dark time in my life, to be swallowed by my guilt for each horrible thing I did. Now, I saw the light in life and I knew it was time to live my life to its fullest.

"It was never the right fit for me in America, especially after being restored. I needed to come home, so St. Basil's kindly offered me a teaching position," I said happily.

"No girl back for you at home?" She poked at me.

I shook my head, curiously looking at her. "No."

"Good because I would like to see more of you," said Klara boldly flirting.

I looked at her, slightly taken aback. As I looked into her green eyes, I realized that she was still pretty, smart, kind, and funny girl that I once knew. If you asked me months ago, I would have told myself I did not deserve another chance at finding someone, but now it felt different. I recalled what Ivan always said to me about Klara, pushing for me to give it a chance. Could there be something more?

Curiosity bested me and I agreed that I would like to see her more. We began walked the trail around the pond, catching up with everything going on in our lives—I made sure not to mention Rose, knowing that would be a touchy subject. Midway through the walk, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to tell my family I wouldn't be back for dinner. Then I saw the message I was going to send to Rose. I stared at it for quite some time, with Klara asking what was wrong.

"Nothing," I said, deleting the message. It was time to truly let go and move on.

* * *

Present Day: Rose's Point of View

I sat on Lissa's bed, staring over her shoulder and watching her flip through wedding magazines. She had only been engaged a few days and was already eagerly getting ideas and planning out nitpicky details that Christian wouldn't care about. Right now, she was trying to determine the bridesmaids color dress, which I was able to have a strong say in.

But would I even be back for the wedding? It was a morbid thought, one that I was trying not to think about. Lissa was still oblivious due to me not understanding how to bring up the fact that I would be leaving her for several months on a Strigoi hunting mission. She had been so happy lately, how could I stomp on that? Besides, I didn't have much opportunity to have alone time with Lissa.

Luckily, I was able to get some quality alone time with Lissa today. Christian was preoccupied with Tasha, Adrian was with some of his cousins, and Eddie was walking the grounds. The past few days had been spent with everyone celebrating the engagement, with Lissa even telling Queen Tatiana. I was pleasantly surprised that Queen Tatiana said that she highly approved of Christian as a husband to Lissa. Lissa was excited that Tatiana thought so highly of Christian, considering his family background. I personally thought Tatiana was in it for further approval from the community.

"Liss, I need to talk to you about something," I said, interrupting her thoughts about the wedding.

She gave me a side eye, then quickly looking back at a magazine. "Let me guess, you witnessed the proposal?"

I rolled my eyes, cursing how she just knew. "I honestly tried not to, but sometimes the bond has a mind of its own. Felt like Christian was proposing to both of us." I shuddered, while Lissa laughed.

"That is all you needed to tell me? Rose, that was a bit overdramatic. I was worried that something happened to you regarding Dimitri."

My face immediately darkened at that comment and I saw Lissa staring me down. There was no way I could mention the kiss to her. "Liss, Guardian Steele made me and Dimitri meet with him a few days ago. We have been selected for a mission to hunt the Strigoi groups that are killing Royal Moroi and the Dhampirs that guard them. We leave January 2nd, early human morning."

Sadness spread throughout Lissa rapidly. Tears began welling up in her eyes immediately after processing what I was saying. The bond told me that she knew there was a chance I couldn't come back. "They can't do that," She whispered. "We are bonded, they can't separate us!"

It took me time to find the words on how to reply to her. "It's unfair, I know it is. I tried talking to Steele, but Tatiana specifically requested that Dimitri and I go on this mission. There is no way that either one will budge."

"I'm scared for you and for me. What if you don't make it and I go insane like Robert Doru?" whimpered Lissa. "I can't do this without you and I can't get married without my best friend and only remaining family by my side."

"You have Jill."

"That isn't the same, who knows when she will find out about her true blood," She said, immediately pulling me into a long, tight hug.

I started getting emotional too, knowing that this very well may be the last time Lissa and I would have this time together. This entire situation was unfair, but there was nothing else that could be done. If Tatiana, Steele, and Alberta all thought that Dimitri and I were the most capable, then it was a done deal. Tears leaked out of my eyes, to join Lissa's tears streaming down her face.

"Promise me you will do whatever it takes to come out of this alive?" whispered Lissa.

I sighed, hoping that everything would be okay. It was hard to make this promise because I still didn't know the full extent of the mission and how many Strigoi there were. "I promise."

* * *

New Year's Eve approached quickly and it was hard to believe my days left at Court were soon over. The majority of my free time was devoted to spending time with Lissa—which annoyed Christian at first, but he came to understand. Lissa was thrilled about another New Year's dance, which took place during our Moroi mid-day and human night. The idea behind it was to celebrate the New Year with the entire human world.

My mother had arrived yesterday to see me before my mission. I could tell that she had mixed emotions—like myself—about my mission. She attempted several times to talk with me about my feelings, but I denied her. I didn't want to feel more emotional than I already was, but here she was in my room helping me pack.

"Rose, I don't think you will need this dress," Janine said, glaring at the skin-tight dress I had laying on the bed to pack.

I shrugged. "What if I have to camp out in a club? You know those are Strigoi breeding hotspots. I have to look the part."

"You can look the part wearing other clothes," She said crossly, helping fold a few other shirts and pants that were for sure going. "Will you even be in a city that would have a large club?" Hesitantly she folded up the dress, not making eye contact with me.

Rolling my eyes, I started zipping up a full suitcase. Now I really wished that I asked Lissa to help me pack because at least she wouldn't be so critical. But I knew it was best I didn't invite Lissa, especially since she would try to convince me to stay. If I actually had a choice, I wouldn't go.

"Classified," I grinned, happy to give her some sass. "If you're just going to criticize my life choices, then I will be happy to finish packing alone."

We packed in silence, neither one of us knowing what to say to each other. I knew what mom wanted to talk to me about, but I still didn't want to talk about it. Although my relationship with my mom had gotten significantly better over the past two years, it still was awkward and new. Never would I have expected her to purposefully take a few days off to see me before the mission.

Mom started walking over towards my desk that was filled with clutter. A disapproving glance on the state of my room, before she started to sort through the assortment of objects on my desk. She purposefully made obnoxious noise—in an attempt to get her point across—but I ignored her, continuing to hang up unwanted clothes.

"Are you going to bring this stake?" She asked.

I turned around to see her holding the box with my belated graduation present in it.

"It's absolutely stunning and it even has your name engraved on it. Was this a Christmas present from Adrian?" Mom added, eying me curiously. Then she came across the note, reading it slowly with her eyes widening. "Dimitri Belikov got this for you?"

"It was for graduation, but never had the opportunity to give it to me. It's just your standard mentor to student gift," I quickly said, covering it up. I really didn't Mom's business in the current Dimitri situation, especially when Lissa didn't even know what happened that night.

"My mentor never got me something for graduation," Mom remarked, with a click of her tongue. She put the cover on the box, then placed it in one of my suitcases. I wasn't planning on taking it, but I knew I couldn't do anything about it now. "Are you going to the dance with Lissa?"

I shrugged, putting the final things in my suitcase. "I need to read the mission file, still, and I'm not really in the celebrating mood. Lissa is going with Christian and it will be their first time at a public event since the engagement was announced."

Lissa was special enough to get a section published in the big Moroi newspaper about her engagement to Christian. It wasn't surprising, really, considering she was the last Dragomir alive. Ever since her parents and Andre passed away, the eyes had been on Lissa—especially wondering if she would replenish the Dragomir line. The article was completely sappy with it saying they had a forbidden love but denied the odds. Two Moroi being together wasn't a forbidden love. Hell, I was the one who once had a forbidden love with Dimitri.

I looked around the room when I was finished packing, feeling very at ease. If it wasn't for Mom's constant insistence then I would be packing last minute. Mom left the room shortly after I was done, leaving me in a very tidy and organized room—I knew Christian would be proud.

The only thing hanging in my closet was my dress for the party, that would be starting shortly. Lissa and I had ordered it weeks ago when she was adamant about getting me another nice dress. It was another typical Rose dress that flaunted my curves. The dress was a long sleeve turtleneck style, but was extremely short and embedded with beautiful gold beading. It hugged my curves tightly, making it feel more like a club dress than a Court dance.

I really didn't want to go, but knew I should make an appearance at some point. I threw on my dress and the matching gold heels while pulling my loosely curled hair to one side. Putting on a bit of deep red lipstick and dangly earrings, I knew it was good enough. It looked like I barely tried and that's all I needed.

Looking at the time, I knew it was a little too early to make an appearance. I absolutely loathed being one of the first people at the dance and I knew I needed to get through the mission file, just in case I had any questions. Sighing, I sat down at my recently cleaned desk chair and started going through the file.

The information really wasn't that interesting. It mostly gave background information on the Royal and non-royal Moroi that had been attacked over the years, in addition to their fallen guardians. There was also an entire section on the proposed Strigoi locations near the Academy and Court, as well as a few out on the West and East coast. There was no telling if these Strigoi campgrounds still existed, but it was worth looking at.

Putting up the finished file on the desk, in deep thought of what I just read. There was a copied section of the statements regarding Guardian Thomas's attack, but nothing on Hans Croft. That attack was planned, there was no doubt about it. Why was there not anything on him? Strigoi taking out the head of guardians at Court, in addition to two other experienced guardians and a Moroi that worked in the main government building wasn't suspicious?

Frustration clouded me and I briskly stood up, knowing who I needed to go to, Dimitri. I was surprised at myself for actually wanting to see him, but I knew that he would be the only one that would understand the hole in the mission. He knew what happened to Hans Croft and witnessed Guardian Thomas's last words. There was no way he was the only one who found that file incomplete.

Dimitri was stuck with patrolling the outskirts of the ballroom, which was a job no guardian would want. Having to look in at a party you couldn't attend, while standing out in the cold, was just cruel. I knew Dimitri didn't care since he hated parties in general.

I dropped off my coat when I entered the building to that the party was located, already getting a look from a nearby female Moroi. My dress wasn't nearly as bold as the Christmas party, so I knew she was just being bitter. Taking it as a compliment, I neared the entrance to the party.

A waiter brought in a freshly stocked tray of champagne glasses that immediately excited me. "Don't mind if I do," I said, snatching one off of the tray. The waiter gave me a rude look and I shrugged, before running back off to the area Dimitri was patrolling. Out of the corner of my eye, I managed to see Adrian flirting with some female Moroi girls while drinking. Of course, his "medication".

The air was cold and I instantly regretted checking my winter coat in. Goosebumps spread across my skin, as I walked across the balcony to admire the starry night. Laughter and chatter could be heard through the big glass windows to the ballroom, but I quickly tuned it out, to observe the stillness in the air and the land.

Leaning over the edge of the balcony, I stared out at the grounds taking in the site. It was hard to believe that soon enough I wouldn't be here for months. I had grown so accustomed to the way of Court and my usual routine. Feeling the warmth of the champagne go down my throat, I let out a long sigh. I needed this peace before I left.

"Why aren't you at the party?" said the Russian voice I knew so well.

Smiling I turned around, raising my glass to him. "Just the person I was looking for."

"Finally realizing you can no longer avoid me?" Dimitri said, joining me in leaning against the balcony railing. Amusement danced across his eyes.

Rolling my eyes, I took another big sip of my drink. "I wasn't avoiding you, I was just taking some time to myself before I'm constantly by your side," I pointed out, making him chuckle. "They left out Hans Croft from the file."

He nodded. "I had a feeling you would be angry with that."

"It's suspicious, you can't deny it. What happened to Hans Croft should have been included in the mission. Steele is hiding something, I'm almost positive he is."

"You want to break in to get the files, don't you?"

I smiled, for once relieved that he continued to know me so well. Instead of a disapproving look, he agreed that he would help. "We need to see Hans case file. There might be something in it that will help us, maybe even find him," I stated.

We stood there in silence, gazing in at the party. I silently wondered why Dimitri wasn't continuing his patrol, but I knew he felt that he had nothing better to do. There were also guards walking closer to the wards, making him as a second pointless precaution. If anything were to be fishy near the gates and wards, he would be contacted immediately on the radio, making his job completely useless.

Through the large windows, I saw Lissa talking to Adrian's parents, with the bond telling me she was having a great time. Even though it would be hard for us to be apart for several months, I knew that she would be safe and okay. Lissa was making so many new friends at Court and would be busy with Queen Tatiana. I just hoped I would be back for when Lissa started classes at Leigh.

A cool wind blew and I shivered, suddenly remembering that it was below freezing and I was wearing a very short dress. Dimitri eyed me, then wordlessly slipped off his duster and holding it out to me.

"No, I'm fine. I should head inside soon," I said, pointing to my now empty champagne glass. He muttered something under his breath, then draped his duster over me. I stared at him, giving him a small smile. "Now you'll be cold."

Dimitri shrugged, then crossed his arms over his black guardian attire. "You need it more than me."

After a few moments of continued silence, I looked over at him. "Dimitri, can you promise me something?"

He looked hesitant but then agreed.

"If I am turned and there is no possible way for me to be restored, you need to kill me." I immediately saw the fear and doubt flicker in Dimitri's eyes. "I did it for you and I need you to do it in return. You owe me this."

He remorsefully nodded, "I promise Rose, but I also have another promise to you." I gave him a curious look, beckoning him to go on. "I promise that I will do everything in my power to get you back safely. Lissa needs you and you deserve to live."

"You need to live, as much as I do. I can't lose you again," I said, seeing his face soften. "I still don't forgive you, but I know that my life is boring without Dimitri Belikov in it."

Dimitri didn't reply, but I also didn't expect him to. There was nothing left to say. We continued leaning up against the railing and staring in at the dance, looking at the oblivious Moroi. None of them even knowing the potential danger they were in. Lissa was laughing with Christian and Adrian about something and I even spotted Eddie having a good time with a few guardians positioned in there. Dimitri even looked amused staring at the people in there, even shaking the head at some of the ridiculous things some Moroi were doing.

After a while of standing there in silence, I checked my phone realizing that it was fifteen minutes until midnight. I knew I should make an appearance at the party sooner, rather than later. Sighing I turned towards Dimitri, momentarily pulling his duster closer to me.

"I better get in there or Lissa will be mad she got me this dress for nothing," I said lightly. I slipped off Dimitri's duster and handed it to him, with my hand lingering on it for a few seconds. "Thank you, for listening to me and keeping me company. Meet me in my room after your shift and we can plot to get the file?"

"Plot makes it sound so evil, Rose," He said with a laugh, taking the duster out of my hands.

I grinned. "It's simply just disobeying orders."

He shook his head, then looked at me in my dress. Before I could let him say anything, I walked away from him. I knew what he was about to say, but I couldn't bear to hear it. Sometimes words were better left unsaid.

I joined the party and walked over to Adrian, Lissa, and Christian, making sure to grab another glass of champagne for the toasting. Lissa was the first to notice me and pulled me into a tight hug, giggling. Someone must be having a little too much champagne.

"About time you showed up!" She squealed. "Just think, after this, we have the entire rest of the day."

"Perfect, more drinking!" said Adrian, who was already drunk. "Best day of the entire year for us. Wouldn't you say, Rose?" He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me away from Lissa into him.

I smiled at him, already smelling his breathe filled with alcohol. "Cheers!" I shouted, with all of us clinking our glasses together. I was excited to have a great time with everyone, but I knew that this would not happen for several months. These moments were something that I always took for granted, now I was cherishing them.

"Cleaning up again, Hathaway, with an even skimpier dress," teased Eddie, approaching us.

I gave him a light punch in the arm and grinned at him. "Got to give them one last show before I disappear, do I not?"

Everyone laughed and we chatted about Christian and Lissa's upcoming wedding plans. Lissa said that they were planning on setting a late fall wedding, but that may change depending on when my mission will end. Tension immediately began to rise between us. Why did the timing of this mission have to be so shitty?

It was Adrian who broke the awkward tension. "Time to countdown! A minute left to go."

Soon the entire room—of mostly young Moroi and Dhampirs—began counting down loudly. As the excitement in the room rose, the thoughts of leaving everyone in a few days were gone from my mind. I was focusing on the present and the happiness throughout the Court. It was time to enjoy ourselves.

The clock suddenly struck midnight and everyone started screaming "Happy New Year!" Fireworks shot off in the distance and confetti started flying down from the ceiling. Of course, nothing was as grand as the ball dropping in New York, but it certainly felt spectacular. Lissa and Christian were pulled into the cliché kiss, while other Moroi's and Dhampirs were sharing the New Year's kiss with each other. Before I even had a chance to down my drink as planned (to be the lonely single girl), Adrian pulled me into a deep kiss and dipped me downward. He nearly made me lose my balance, but he secured his arms tighter across my lower back and head. I pulled away from the kiss instinctively, not wanting this become anything more than what it was.

"Happy New Year, sexy Little Dhampir," He grinned at me, before letting me regain my stance.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri through the window looking at me. I could have sworn a part of him looked jealous, but it was hard to say. The second he knew that I saw him, he had turned around to walk away and continue his guard duties. His expression remained in my mind and I couldn't help but wonder if Adrian was right. Did a part of Dimitri still love me after all of this time?

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Happy 2018 everyone! This was quite the year for me. I graduated with a BS in biology in May and started a Ph.D. program this past fall. I have made so many new friends and memories that will last a lifetime. It's been a great year for me. :)**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter and enjoyed Dimitri's point of view. It was fun writing in a different point of view and I plan on writing more about his past year in Russia soon. Please, please, please don't hate me for Klara. :o**

 **Also, a clarification about the previous chapter: Rose and Dimitri did kiss. I know one reviewer was confused, so I didn't know if anyone else was. It wasn't a deep kiss, but it was very brief. Brief enough to stir things up. ;)**

 **As always, review! When I started writing this story I felt I would be lucky to have maybe 10 follows. I'm blown away by the reviews, follows, and favorites I have received so far. Thank you for the continued support! I'm so thankful for every single one of you.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

Author's Note:

I just wanted to drop in before the chapter. I received a lot of mixed reviews from my previous chapter. I knew I was taking a risk for hate, disappointment, and anger by introducing Klara, but I would like to clarify a few things to hopefully put you more at ease.

1) We have only seen one tiny scene with her. Dimitri was seeing if there was a chance to be with her. We have no clue if he will reciprocate any romantic feelings for her, but he feels he should attempt to move on. He is under the impression that is what is best for Rose and him. Delusional? Perhaps, but hey he has gone through a lot from turning to being restored.

2) We still do not know the full reason why Dimitri came back to America. If he had this new-found love, would he really leave her for a job halfway across the world?

3) I think of Dimitri as a man of honor. Do you feel that he would allow a kiss to happen with Rose if he was with someone else?

I want you guys to know that I totally hear you about wanting Rose and Dimitri together. This story is going to be approximately 40 chapters, so I have a long way to go. I promise you I know what I'm doing (I have had the majority of the story mapped out from when I started it) and I promise I won't let you down. Both characters have been through a lot emotionally and there is a lot to forgive and sort out on both ends. It is a process that I feel can't be rushed.

All I will say is this: wait until the early/mid-chapter 20's for Romitri. It's coming and I hope you can be patient. I told you I wouldn't wait until the last few chapters to see if they will be together or not. These characters are going through individual journeys that can be brought together.

That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I honestly think this chapter will make you feel better about a few concerns I have seen in the reviews for chapter 12. I take what you guys review into deep consideration and I did alter a few small things in the chapter for you.

Also, I dropped two Easter eggs in the chapter. I say pay attention to the title of this story and timeline. ;)

Without further ado, here is the chapter. Thanks for the support!

* * *

4 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

Klara had returned to her guardian duties several weeks ago, promising me that she would visit when she could. We weren't officially anything and I would hardly call our outings dates. There wasn't any romance to them, we hadn't kissed or even held hands. Our "dates" were mostly to catch up after all of those years lost since St. Basil's. She was a great person and I could tell that she was falling for me, but I still had not fallen for her.

It was still a challenge to let myself feel love again, mostly because I still felt like I didn't deserve it after everything I had done. It wasn't just Klara I was feeling this with, it was my family too. Everyone noticed the change in me and couldn't understand why. No one understood the torment and guilt that I am going through since being restored.

I stood in my old bedroom, packing my things to return to St. Basil's. I had been granted a full-time job there, relieved that I could finally settle into this new aspect of life. I would be able to travel home frequently, maybe even occasionally get to see Klara. My life was turning around, for the better. It was time to accept that I deserved happiness post-restoration.

I opened up my nightstand drawer, immediately grabbing a few spare stakes to pack away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a folded-up piece of paper, unsure how it showed up there. Placing my stakes in my duffle bag, I sat down on the edge of my bed to open it up. I didn't recall seeing this originally, but I wasn't expecting anything to be in there. Opening up the letter, I quickly froze recognizing the nickname from the girl that drove me crazy. . . Roza.

 _Hey Comrade,_

 _You probably have questions why you are finding this note in Baia, in your old nightstand drawer. Before you even criticize why I am here in the middle of the semester, let me at least tell you why I abandoned school. I remember us talking about what we would do if one of us were to turn Strigoi. You said that you wanted someone to kill you, so your soul would be saved. I'm honoring that promise to you because I know I have to be the one to do it. I'm sorry. .God, I wish things were different._

 _I know this is ridiculous to even write this note, considering you are Strigoi. I doubt you will ever get to read this. There is still a part of me that prays there will be something to save your soul. I know that if you were here, you would call me foolish for wishing for the impossible but as you know I can't resist a challenge._

 _Being here with your family in Baia is a whirlwind of an experience. I remember dreaming of coming with you to meet them when we thought everything would work out for us. I know people would think of what happened to us as some sort of karma, but I don't think it was. I don't regret meeting you, I don't regret falling for you, and I certainly don't regret loving you to the point where it hurts. I'm grateful that we got those last moments together before both of our worlds changed forever._

 _I guess the whole point of this rambly note is to tell you that regardless of what happens, I'll be okay. The memories that we created together will never fade because I know my love never will completely. You are my other half, my protector, my advocate, and friend. You somehow never doubted me for all of the crazy things I did. That's what our love consists of trust, honesty, and protection. I know I will never find that with anyone else because you were the one that was meant for me. I'll try to move on without you, but I know no other relationship will never be as great as us. I hope you feel the same way._

 _So, wherever you are, just know that I love you and miss you every day. Living a life without Dimitri Belikov in it will never be the same. You have truly changed my life in the greatest way possible. I just wish you would come back to me._

 _Love,_

 _Rose_

Clutching that piece of paper in my hands, emotion poured throughout me. I left her at Court, never knowing the anguish that she went through without me. The Princess never mentioned the torment Rose went through without me. She nearly lost her entire future in an attempt to give me peace. That was the thing that I loved about her, her strength and determination for the impossible.

And Rose certainly did pull out the impossible. I never knew the full circumstances of everything she did to find the way to cure me. I knew that she must have done something insane to get Victor Dashkov out of prison, but I never got to hear the full story. Just knowing her, I knew that her motivation was purely selfless. Sure, she wanted to be with me after I was restored, but Lissa told me that Rose wanted to do it just to save me.

Breaking my deep thought, I folded up the note and tucked it away in my bag, her words continuing to echo through my head. Placing my head in my hands, I closed my eyes in an attempt to process this information. I missed her terribly, a part of me still wanted her. But the guilt I felt being around her at Court was too much to endure; she didn't deserve me. Was I even capable of having a connection with someone again? Was I capable of feeling that love again with anyone? The truth of the matter was, I was scared to let myself fall for someone and to let the love I felt for my family, friends, and Rose come back.

Sighing, I knew that I couldn't avoid sending something to Rose. I had to know if she was okay and that I was thinking about her. Blatantly ignoring the few texts from Klara, I typed out the same message I always intended to send to Rose. For once I didn't hesitate, I clicked the send button before tossing my phone on the bed. The internal conflict I felt when deciding if I should send her faded away from me. Mumbling, I repeated the words that I sent her.

 _I miss you, Roza. Life is not the same without you in it._

* * *

Present Day: Rose's Point of View

"Want me to join you back in your room?" asked Adrian, who was still sloppily drunk. It was well after midnight and I was trying to get out of the dance as soon as possible.

"No," I firmly said.

Adrian pouted, then put his hands together begging me. It was quite pathetic and normally I would cave in, but this time it was different. After seeing Dimitri's look of disappointment in the window, it was enough to tell me that I shouldn't be sleeping with Adrian anymore. It was wrong.

The emotionless and forced sex with him wasn't worth it to me anymore. Ever since Dimitri showed back up in my life, being with Adrian had become less appealing. Once again, I was using him to take my mind off of Dimitri. I knew Adrian didn't care, but I couldn't do this to him anymore. I deserved more than that.

I turned to leave the dance, but Adrian kept following me. "Little Dhampir, come on. You know we want each other." He grabbed my hand, trying to pull me towards him.

"I don't want you anymore. I don't want this with you," I said, my voice growing louder with each word. Adrian looked surprised and stumbled a bit back. I was even surprised at my own words. I yanked my arm out of his grasp, still looking at him intensely. "You still are infatuated with me, Adrian. I still can't return that, no matter how hard I try."

He looked completely heartbroken at my words. I wasn't planning on doing this at this moment, but the words came flying out. My timing with things sucked, but I knew it was for the best. Soon enough I would be far away on a mission, giving it plenty of time for the heat to die down.

"This is wrong, Adrian. We were stupid thinking that we can be friends with benefits," I said calmly and quietly, so no one around me could hear.

I started walking away, needing to clear my head. "Belikov will just leave you again, no matter how he feels!" shouted Adrian. "I love you, Rose, with all my heart and yet you still can't let him go. Let him go and be with me!"

I heard a few whispers surround me and I clenched my fist, as I paused in my spot. "Stop trying to read my feelings, you don't know how I feel," I stated, voice trembling. I continued walking away from the party, even blocking out Lissa's frantic messages to me through the bond.

Fuck all of this. I remembered the moment where Adrian asked to just be friends with benefits. As soon as I left his room, someone else was already at his door. What game was he trying to play here? He was an asshole that didn't deserve me. At least Dimitri never pulled that shit with me and at least was honest. I paused at that thought, biting my lip. Was Dimitri actually honest?

As soon as I was away from the party, I went into one of the less traveled corridors in Court. Sinking down to the ground I started crying, first starting as silent tears, but then soon letting sobs escape me. The emotional rollercoaster I had been in the past few days was overtaking me. What part of going away and potentially never coming back did people not understand? Lissa was the closest one to understanding out of all of them, but even then, she didn't feel the full capacity of what it entailed. She thought about herself and what would happen to her if I died.

What about me? What about my life? "Piece of shit people," I muttered, brushing away my tears. Mom wanted me to be emotional and here I was, but where the hell was she when I actually needed her?

* * *

I slowly made my way back to the room, taking off my heels as soon as I entered the building. My coat wasn't zipped up and the cold wasn't bothering me at all . . . I was numbed. Thoughts about Hans Croft, breaking into Steele's office, my friends, and Dimitri weren't on my mind. The only thing I wanted was sleep.

Throwing my heels in the doorway of my room, I flopped on the bed. The darkness in my room soon overtook me and I felt myself fading into sleep. Except, my eyes felt like they were barely closed when I opened them to the sound of a knock on my door. I swear to God if that was Adrian. Groggily climbing out of bed, I swung open my door already yelling. "Adrian, I fucking told you I don't want to sleep with you!"

I startled Dimitri, who was not expected to be greeted by a yell. I covered my mouth, muttered a quick apology. Looking sheepishly at the ground, I could feel my face getting red with embarrassment. What time was it? How was he already done with his shift?

"Wasn't expecting you so soon," I said, finally making eye contact with him. I pushed my door further open and extended my arm, gesturing him into the room.

Dimitri stared inquisitively at my room as he entered, most likely surprised at how clean it is. The few times that he had come to my room at the Academy, he always commented on how unorganized it was. What was with boys in my life and their excessive need for organization?

"Just sit anywhere," I said, immediately pushing aside some of my bags and my heels on the ground. "I'm sorry about that. I completely blanked about the plan to get the file. The night was more hectic than I thought."

"I heard." Dimitri made quick eye contact with me, before taking a spot in my desk chair. He was hunched over in his seat looking down at his hands. I quietly sat at the edge of my bed closest to Dimitri, much like how I would sit when Christian would come over. "Why do you let Adrian treat you that way?" He asked softly, as soon as I was settled.

I was slightly taken aback by what he said. "What way?"

"Like you don't deserve respect," said Dimitri, raising an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged at him, staring down at my hands. "I don't know." That was all of the words I could get out of me before I started feeling a tear come down my face. I quickly brushed it away, not wanting to cry in front of Dimitri, especially when it involved Adrian.

Dimitri grabbed ahold of both of my hands, causing my eyes to meet his. "Are you actually happy here at Court?"

My eyes were still watering and I quickly shook my head, letting a few more tears trickle down my face. "I love being Lissa's guardian, but something is missing here," I whispered, "so no, I'm not happy."

I was embarrassed admitting this to Dimitri, but I felt very much at ease. He was the person that I knew I could tell something crazy to and he wouldn't pass judgment, he would accept it. From the time I was seeing ghosts, to the time I told him nausea meant Strigoi's, and even my ridiculous things he believed me. In this moment now, I could still see he was the same type of judgmental person towards me after all this time.

"What about Lissa?" Dimitri replied.

I glanced sideways, frowning. "She understands me in many ways, but not in the ways I need her to. She thinks that I'm feeling good about this mission, but I'm scared, maybe even terrified."

More tears leaked out of my eyes and Dimitri raised his hand to wipe them away. The warmth of his hand against my face took me back to the time I was at my weakest at the Academy when shadows of ghosts haunted my every move. When the darkness was too much for me to bear.

"I'm sorry," said Dimitri, placing his hand back in mine.

"For what?"

He paused in deep thought, before looking intensely at me. "For leaving you here without anyone."

Those were the words I dreamed of him saying many months ago when I wished he would come back from Russia. Four months ago, I still dreamed of him returning and being with me. I promised myself that after that month past, I had to give up hope. So, I let go of him, I moved on, but then he was thrown back in my life unintentionally. How was I supposed to feel?

Sighing, I leaned forward getting closer to him. "You left for good reasons, Dimitri. Sometimes you need to be selfish in order to make yourself happy," I said. I wanted to ask why he never sent me anything after he left, I wanted to know if he still cared about me, but I couldn't find the courage to ask him.

He nodded at me slowly, but his nods soon turned into shakes. "I treated you horribly, you had every right to be angry when you stepped off that plane at the Academy. You have every right to be angry with me now. I never gave you a chance to talk to me after I was restored, I immediately dismissed you. You were trying to be there for me, I should have stayed and at least be your friend-"

"You know that it wouldn't have worked at that time," I whispered to him.

He was silent and it appeared he was deep in thought.

Suddenly I had a bit of courage and without thinking I blurted out something I had wanted to tell him for so long. "I missed you," I admitted to him. He appeared shocked, yet touched at my words. "When you left me, I didn't just lose someone I used to love, but I lost my friend. The friend that never doubted me when everyone else did."

Dimitri paused at what I said and I could see slight confliction in his eyes. He was still at a loss for words. Shamefully I looked away, beginning to regret what I said.

Before I could think of a quick apology, Dimitri cleared his voice and looked at me. "I felt like I lost some part of my life too," Dimitri returned to me, hesitating to say anything more.

We stared at each other for a while both tense and unsure how to respond. Soon enough, he released my hands from his grip. I leaned back to regain my posture, feeling a sense of calm throughout me. What happened with Adrian at the dance was far from my mind, as I stared into Dimitri's dark eyes. Somehow, after all of this time, Dimitri still knew what to do or say to calm me, to give me a temporary sense of peace.

"We should get some sleep before we leave. The human morning will come quicker than we expect," said Dimitri, standing up to leave.

This entire heartfelt conversation had caused my mind to be flooded with other thoughts, but as he was walking towards the door I suddenly remembered the real reason why he had come. To get the file. To figure out the motivation behind Steele's impulse to conceal the file.

"Wait," I said, springing from my bed and running towards him. I pushed my hand against the door, to make sure it remained shut. "We still have to do one more thing, get the file. You aren't backing out on me, right?"

"Of course not, but it is your call if you want to or not."

"Damn right we are getting it," I said, dragging him to sit down on my bed. I sat next to him, making sure to keep my distance. I gave him a mischievous smile. "I have a plan and I think it will work."

He groaned. "Rose, if I recall your plans were always risky. Remember the scavenger hunt plan for you to get Kirova's earrings?"

I grinned at him, happy that he remembered. "If I recall, Comrade, you were the one who helped me carry out that plan and even showed me the way through the underground tunnels."

Dimitri froze after hearing the old nickname I used to call him. I stared at him in return, also not expecting that to slip out of my mouth. Yet at the same time, it felt so natural to say it to him . . . it felt like old times.

"Never thought you would call me that again," said Dimitri, with hints of awkwardness tracing his voice.

Shrugging, I gave him a frown. "Do you not want me to call you that? I know it's a thing of the past, but technically for this mission, we will be comrades."

Dimitri looked at me smiling, then let out a laugh. "It wouldn't be the Rose I knew so well if she didn't call me that name. Now, what is your ridiculous plan?"

I smiled at him, then started excitedly telling him my plan. He frowned and tried arguing that it wouldn't work at nearly everything I said, but soon came to trust my decision. The entire time I was explaining this to him it felt like I was back at the Academy. I wouldn't realize for quite some time, but this was the moment where I started falling for him again.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed! I will be returning back to school/work next week, so I'm not sure how frequently the chapters will be coming now. Also, would you prefer shorter chapters 3 times a week or longer chapters 2 times a week? Thinking about altering it, but I can do either. Just curious your opinion.

Let me know if you found the Easter eggs I was talking about. :o


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

2 Years Ago:

The nightmares came as expected not long after Spokane. They always possessed the same elements: destruction, pain, suffering, death. Mason's freckled face filled with so much life and determination, in time. He didn't even have a chance to show fear of death, his life ended that fast. The guilt that encompassed me was amplified with every stare I saw across campus, with whispers surrounding my appearance. They attributed their beloved Dhampir death to me.

Mason was well loved around campus, unlike me. He was giving and kind, with no ounce of hatred or aggression instilled in him. Stan always said that Mason would become a fantastic guardian, which used to always aggravate me, but now I understood. Mason put everyone before himself regardless of who they were. Me? I was more selective.

Wiping away the few tears that trickled down my face, I crawled out of bed. I needed to get some fresh air and feel the sunlight on my face, even though I knew it was well past curfew. I think every guardian knew the guilt that I felt with what happened in Spokane, especially since I kept pushing back my molnija ceremony. Maybe they would see this as an opportunity to let my rule-breaking antics slide for once.

I was only about halfway across campus when I saw Dimitri patrolling. He appeared to be deep in thought and I wondered if I would manage to escape being seen by him. Normally I would want to spend extra time with him, but lately, I couldn't look him in the eye. Out of jealousy and hatred towards him, for even considering Tasha's offer, I had told Mason about Spokane. I didn't want to hear his talk, didn't want to hear his disappointment.

"Rose, what are you doing out here past curfew?" said Dimitri.

I shifted my weight back and forth between both feet, giving him a shrug as I paused after hearing his voice. "Bending the rules, as usual," I stated, knowing that it was a lie. I hadn't told anyone about my frequent night terrors, not even Lissa. She had enough problems to deal with on her own and I didn't want her to worry. She needed to focus on Spirit now, especially since she was coming off her meds.

"You're lucky I traded shifts with Stan or else you would have found yourself in detention," Dimitri stated.

"I knew you had a soft spot for me, Comrade," I grinned.

Grumbling something, he grabbed ahold of my arm and started escorting me back to my room. It felt awkward, considering the last conversation prior to Spokane was about him running off with Tasha. Dimitri cleared his throat and let go of my arm, once he knew I wasn't going to run off. "I heard you finally scheduled your molnija ceremony," He stated, keeping his gaze ahead.

"It's not a big deal," I said, with no hint of emotion in my voice.

"Your first marks are always a big deal, regardless of how you obtained them."

He pulled out his large set of keys from his pocket, as we walked around to the back door. I still had no clue how the guardians were able to tell apart the different keys considering there were so many. Without fumbling, he unlocked the back door and held it open for me letting me pass through.

"Thanks for the personal escort, Comrade," I whispered to him, turning around to walk up the back staircase to my room.

"Rose, wait," He said, causing me to pause in my place. Slowly turning around, I made eye contact with his dark eyes. "Are you okay?"

I was going to lie, but there was something about the tone of his voice. It was filled with sincerity and concern, that I immediately succumbed to it. Swallowing, I slowly shook my head. "I don't know if I'll ever be okay." My voice trembling and I pushed back the tears forming.

Wordlessly, he stepped inside the back staircase and approached me. Shaking my head, I started walking up the stairs backward not wanting his comfort. I didn't want to be weak around him, I didn't want to show him any more vulnerability. Except, he was too quick for me. Grabbing my arm, he pulled me in towards his chest, neither of us caring about the danger of being caught together.

As I rested my head against his chest, sobs began to escape me. Dimitri's arms tightened around me and I clutched onto a part of his shirt, grateful that I had someone there for me. He ran his hands through my hair silently, giving me a chance to let out all of my built-up frustration, guilt, and sadness that surrounded Spokane. I felt vulnerability and weakness, but as Dimitri's arms tightened around me I felt strength and comfort.

"Come on Roza, let's get you back to your room," He whispered, as he lifted me up and started walking up the stairs. I had so many questions about what was happening with Tasha and if he was going to take her up on the offer. Why was he here then if he was going to take Tasha up on her offer? Pushing those thoughts away from my mind, I continued to clutch his shirt and enjoy this moment. It very well may be the last moment like this with him.

I hadn't even realized that we approached my room until he gently put me down in front of my door. Sighing, I turned around and unlocked the door, still feeling his presence close behind me. into that moment, I trusted him with every part of me possible. "I can't sleep, without nightmares," I softly said, loud enough so he could hear. "Every time I close my eyes, I see them feeding on Eddie or snapping Mason's neck."

"You'll get through this, you're strong," said Dimitri. "Is there anything else I can do?"

"Stay with me," I said, with so much hope in my voice.

I thought he would say no and talk about how we need to maintain our boundaries as mentor and student, but he didn't. "Only for a bit," Dimitri muttered, before making sure no one was around and walking into my room.

There were many times where I imagined Dimitri Belikov in my bedroom, mostly involving fewer clothes, but today was far from my fantasies. I didn't know what possessed him to lay next to me, holding me as I fell asleep, but I wasn't going to argue. I just laid there, enjoying the soothing sensation of his touch. He was willing to break the rules for me, just out of care for me. He could get fired over this, maybe even lose his guardian status, but I knew he wanted to make sure that I was safe. This was a moment that I would never forget, no matter what happened to us.

* * *

Present Day:

"I had other plans for New Year's then to be roped into your ridiculous plans," muttered Eddie, as soon as I opened up my bedroom door. He was annoyed that I sent him multiple texts to meet me in my room, as soon as he was off shift. From the dark circles under his eyes, I knew that he needed sleep.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed his arm and yanked him into my bedroom. "You'll miss scheming with me when I'm gone for months. Besides, when have my plans ever failed?"

Eddie opened up his mouth to say something but quickly shut it knowing that he didn't want to put up a fight with me. At least someone learned from past lessons. Suddenly he made eye contact with Dimitri, giving me a curious expression. I bet anyone would be surprised to find Dimitri sitting on my bed in my assigned room—it was unexpected.

"I want the Hans Croft file from Steele," I stated, ignoring Eddie's questioning glance towards Dimitri.

"It is called asking someone, not coming up with an elaborate plan," Eddie remarked. "Besides, you have access to case files here."

"Edison," I said sternly, catching him off guard. It was rare that he would hear his real name and I knew it bothered him every time he heard it. "If you think it was that easy to get, why would I come up with a plan? Steele won't budge, no matter how much I bother him and the file is nowhere to be found in the database. We need your help."

"What does Hans Croft have to do with your mission?" Eddie questioning, crossing his arms over his chest. "You are hunting Strigoi, not trying to find a dead guardian's body."

Rolling my eyes, I looked over at Dimitri for help. The fewer people who knew what Guardian Thomas said before she died, the better. Before any of us could reply, my door swung open to Lissa. Even after hours of dancing and celebration, she still maintained her poise and elegance. Damn, I should learn a few tips from her.

"Sorry, I'm late. Tasha dragged me into a conversation as soon as I got your text and –" She paused, with her mouth gaping at Dimitri in my room. As she noticed Eddie as well, she immediately connected everything together. "Oh god, you have a plan."

"The last time we did a plan together, it was to break Victor Dashkov out of prison," stated Eddie. "Now she wants to steal Hans Croft's file."

Lissa agreed with him, followed by their set of eyes staring at me. I glanced over at Dimitri, who was silent and in deep thought. My eyes met Dimitri's briefly, begging for help. Clearing his throat, he stood up, to stand next to me. "Her plan after breaking Victor Dashkov worked, did it not?" He eyed both Lissa and Eddie, both sheepishly looking at the ground. Dimitri was living proof that my elaborate plans could work.

"We wouldn't want this file if it wasn't for good reason," Dimitri added

Sighing, Eddie looked over at me then back at Dimitri. "Fine, I'll help, but I'm never going as far to break a Moroi out of prison."

Grinning I gave Eddie a pat on his back. "Good, so where do I begin?"

* * *

I'll admit that I wasn't sure if this plan was going to work. Lissa was still a bit against using compulsion on Steele, considering Steele was Tatiana's right-hand man. If Tatiana were to find out or the compulsion didn't work on Steele Lissa could kiss her chance of becoming Queen goodbye. When I asked if her that would be a bad thing, I immediately got smacked in the head by Eddie. I could sense through the bond that Lissa still wasn't positive if she actually wanted to become Queen.

As Lissa and I walked next to each other in the guardian wing of the main building, I could sense a bit of fear. She hadn't used compulsion like this since we broke Victor out of prison. Pausing in the hallway, I grabbed ahold of her hand, giving her a serious look. "Are you sure that you are strong enough to do this?" I whispered to her.

Lissa nodded. "I can do this. This compulsion won't be nearly the extent of what I did at the prison." She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "Are you sure you can handle it, the darkness?"

I gave her a shrug. "Don't worry about me. I'm used to the constant darkness surrounding me. Remember Adrian's constant dark aura comments?"

"About Adrian – "

"I couldn't do it anymore," I said, quickly avoiding the conversation.

Lissa continued to press. "Does it have anything to deal with Dimitri? He's back in your life in a major way, with the mission and everything."

We continued walking with both of our eyes peeled for Steele.

"We are getting back to being friends, after everything that happened," I stated, knowing that it wasn't exactly a lie. I wished I had the opportunity to discuss all of my thoughts through my head, but I knew Lissa was busy with many other things such as planning the wedding of her lifetime. I wasn't going to bother her with little conversations between Dimitri and me.

Steele alert Lissa said through the bond. I quickly stared ahead and saw him coming back inside from his walk. Not even a holiday could interrupt his habitual Moroi afternoon walk.

Lissa glanced over at me and I gave her a slight nod, after checking to see the empty hallways. This was usual for this time of day, considering the majority of guardians were patrolling, training, or asleep. Besides, we had Dimitri standing by the main door to distract any guardians that would come through. Who would turn down a conversation with him?

"Guardian Steele, just the person I was hoping to run into!" said Lissa, waving him down.

He walked over to us, with a curious expression on his face. Steele still looked absolutely ridiculous, with his slick-backed, artificially dyed hair. It took forever for Lissa to see my Matrix reference to him, but I could sense through the bond that she agreed he was a wannabe Neo (which he wasn't even close to). The only thing he was missing was a slick-backed duster, but no one could take trademark from Dimitri.

"Princess Dragomir, what a pleasure to see you. I'm assuming you would like to hear more about Guardian Hathaway's mission before she departs in a few hours?" He smoothly said, with a bit of anxiousness in his voice. "I'm afraid I can't tell you much or talk long, I have some things that require my immediate attention."

"You can stay and talk with me for a few minutes," said Lissa, staring him down. Through the bond, I could feel the magic swirling inside of her, as she started using compulsion. Uneasily, I glanced over at Steele to see if he was susceptible to it. Even though spirit compulsion was the strongest out of all magic, how well it worked varied on each person.

"I suppose I can allow a few minutes," Steele replied smoothly.

"Where is the location of the Hans Croft file?"

I felt Lissa's compulsion strengthen, to ensure that Steele would reveal where it was located. Steele's face wrinkled and I could sense that he was trying to resist. Glancing over at Lissa to see if she was okay, I could see and sense her intense focus.

Lissa demanded Steele again, continuing to steady the compulsion. "On a password protected file on my personal computer," Steele replied smoothly.

"And the computer password?"

I immediately took out my phone and started typing in the password, as Steele repeated it. It was long and lengthy, something that wouldn't be completely obvious to a hacker. As Steele repeated the password again, I could tell that he was hiding something. There was something in his eyes that showed he wasn't telling the full story.

"Lissa, he is holding something back. Look at him," I told her through my teeth.

Lissa maintained her eye contact. "I'll try Rose, but he is hard to hold. I don't know how much more I can keep him under." Steele opened up his mouth to say something, but Lissa quickly demanded him to be quiet.

I turned on the headset (set to a different frequency so no one else could hear) and quickly asked Dimitri if there was no one around. He replied that there were some guardians coming, but he would do his best to distract them. "Lissa, just a little bit longer, please."

"What else are you not telling me about obtaining the file?"

"There is a secondary password to get into the file that changes every hour. I can track the password on a device attached to my set of keys," He spat out, but I could see the trouble beneath his eyes.

"Take it out of your pocket and show it to Rose, now," said Lissa sternly.

Steele immediately took out his set of keys from the pocket and held it out to me. Grabbing them, I immediately saw the device he mentioned. It was small and rectangular, with the screen displaying a random combination of letters and numbers. Wherever this Hans Croft file was located in the computer, it must be accompanied by others. Taking out my phone, I quickly snapped a picture. Hopefully, it wouldn't change before I got access to the computer.

I handed Steele back his set of keys, smirking at his trance on his face. "Thank you," said Steele, immediately pocketing the keys. "But why did I give these to you? No other guardian is allowed to have these, especially not a new one."

Panic shot throughout the bond and I quickly ushered Lissa to end the compulsion. Weakness was spreading through her and I could feel the darkness beckoning me to take it. Closing my eyes, I took the darkness hoping to Vlad that I wouldn't have a massive rage.

"Rose, I'm okay," said Lissa through her teeth. "What more do you need?"

Truth was that I still needed Steele to unlock his office door, but I knew Lissa couldn't hold on any further. I still didn't understand why Lissa would attempt to lie to me when I knew she couldn't go any further. "No, Lissa stop it. End the compulsion, I can figure something out."

She gave me a look telling me to not doubt her but knew that I was right. "You will forget that you told the password and location of the file, as well as showed anyone your keys. Rose and I were not here and you were on your way for a walk," repeated Lissa.

"On our way for a walk," murmured Steele, turning around to walk out the door he came from.

As soon as he was out of distance, I quickly turned on the microphone on the headset. "Phase two is a go," I murmured. "We did not obtain access to his office and he is sent on a walk. Be ready, Eddie."

Lissa's face was paler than usual and I could tell that the brief compulsion exhausted her. Steele must have been hard to compel, surprisingly—I personally always thought of Steele as being weak on the inside, strong on the outside. I gently grabbed ahold of her and led her to a nearby bench, letting her sit down.

I pulled out a vile of blood from my back pocket, seeing her shocked expression. It wasn't often that a Moroi would come across a little shot of blood unless you ventured into a sleazy bar. Of course, Lissa attempted to graciously turn down my offer, despite the hunger in her eyes.

"Will this replenish your hunger until you're scheduled at the feeder's?" I said to her, with a twinkle in my eye.

"I can't accept the blood without knowing who it came from. It seems intrusive," She remarked. Lissa always had a thing where she needed to know the person who the blood came from, as well as having her particular preferences. Unlike other Moroi, she spent a decent amount of time before and after feeding talking to the person. She felt it made her more human and less prone to lose control and kill the feeder.

Glancing up and down the hallways, knowing it was a matter of time before someone would see. I yanked up the sleeve to my leather jacket, to show the bandage on it. "It's from me, alright?"

Lissa widened her eyes. "Since when do you know how to draw blood?"

"Guardian secrets," I said, echoing the words that Dimitri would always say to me. As guardians assigned to highly ranked Moroi, it was essential that we knew how to draw blood. Mostly so if we were in a threatening situation and our Moroi needed blood, we could stockpile it. Better than becoming a personal feeder, since you need full strength.

She hesitantly took the vile out of my hand, but as soon as it was open her hunger took control. Downing blood instantly, I could feel the hunger subside in her. Color began returning to her face and she wiped the few drops of blood away from her face. "Have I ever told you how amazing you are?" Lissa whispered.

"No, but you can tell me later," I said.

"Rose? I see Steele approaching with his normal brooding look. I'll start distracting him with the ward talk, but I'm not sure how long I can hold him," said Eddie.

I thanked Eddie, then turned towards Lissa. "Time for you to go. I'll let you know as soon as I'm done," I told her, helping her stand up.

"Good luck Rose," Lissa said, before quickly disappearing down the hallway.

Running my hand through my hair, I started walking down the hallway quickly towards Steele's office. According to the time, I had twenty minutes before the password would change and probably less time with a non-compelled Steele. Hopefully, Eddie came up with a long elaborate story with Dimitri.

As I approached Steele's door, I was greeted with a familiar Russian drawl. "Hesitant to take the blood once she found out it was yours?" Dimitri said, with a small smile. He leaned up against the door frame, while I crouched on the ground and pulled out a few bobby pins from my hair.

"Shocked that I drew my own blood, nonetheless knew how to," I replied. I ripped off the rubber parts at the end of the bobby pins with my fingernails, seeing amusement across Dimitri's face. "She asked me how I knew and I said guardian secrets."

A warm smile spread across Dimitri's face. "Wonder where you learned that line from?"

I shrugged, then started bending the bobby pins to the right position. "A special friend of mine," I said. "Although, I still don't know all of the guardian secrets you promised to tell me."

"You will eventually," He replied, walking away from the door frame to give me space. He assumed his given position which was to block me from immediate view and keep an eye out for anyone wandering down the hallways.

I didn't respond but instead focused on inserting the flat end of the bobby pin into the lock. I listened and felt for the pins in the lock, but soon became aggravated when I couldn't lift all of them up. Letting out a few long groans of frustrated I banged on the door angrily, before checking my watch. Only ten minutes left before the password would change and who knows how soon Eddie would radio in saying Steele was heading back.

"Fucking open," I wailed, even though I knew it wouldn't open. I leaned against the door hopelessly pounding my head against it.

"Need help?" questioned Dimitri, keeping his back facing me.

"Since when do you know how to pick locks?" I scoffed, doubting that the "perfect" Dimitri would partake in activities like these. He always chastised me for learning anything mischievous, but right now it appeared that he was embracing the challenge.

Checking to make sure there wasn't anyone in the hallway, he turned around. "Unfortunately, a skill that I learned when I was Strigoi and wanted to break into unwarded houses," He replied, immediately sensing a slight hint of guilt in his tone. He quickly brushed off any sense of guilt and crouched down by me, taking the bobby pins from my hand.

He began working on the lock, still hovering over me. He was so close that I could smell his aftershave, reminding me of the time that he held me so close after Spokane. When he risked everything in his career to make sure I was able to sleep through the nightmares I was having. It made me crave for the old times when the only problem I had to worry about was trying to make myself not love him, to become Lissa's guardian, to get over my grief . . . my guilt . . .

Pushing those thoughts away, I gazed up at him. "Comrade, I doubt you will have any more luck than me. I have had many years of experience and you had several – "I quickly stopped when he effortlessly picked the lock, swinging the door open.

Before I could fall back into the office, he used a free hand to grab me around the waist. "You were saying?" He stated, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Thanks," I said, stabilizing myself and standing up. "Come on, we don't have much time left."

* * *

I still couldn't believe that I was pulling off this plan. Using compulsion on the head guardian of the entire Moroi and Dhampir community and breaking into his office was risky itself, but to also steal a highly secure file. Damn, sometimes I was even blown away by the gambles I would take. If anyone was caught involved in this, we would be in trouble. I could kiss my guardian status goodbye, same with Dimitri and Eddie, and we would be thrown into the real world. Who would want that?

The first password worked perfectly, but locating the file was the hardest part. "Next time you call my computer cluttered, I think you should retract that statement," I told Dimitri, opening up random folders on the desktop.

Steele's computer was the definition of cluttered. There were many folders that didn't have any documents in them. One would think for a man who had a minimalist office would result in being minimalist everywhere. Nope. I guess he had to be messy somewhere.

"Did you really think it would be easy to locate the file once you logged on?" questioned Dimitri.

I rolled my eyes in response. Of course, it wouldn't be obvious where top secret files are, especially if they are meant to be kept secret. Even running a few keywords in the search bar didn't bring up anything. Checking my watch, I realized that we were running even shorter on time, it was down to a few minutes.

Tapping my fingers on the desk nervously, I stared at the files. There was something unusual about them on the computer. "Dimitri, do you see how the majority of these files are numbered with particular names attached to it? Then there is a random file named old family photos?"

"Rose, believe it or not, Steele may have been young once."

"I think this is where all of the info is," I stated, ignoring Dimitri's comment. With no further hesitation, I double clicked on the folder which immediately prompted me for a password. Bingo. "Look up the latest photo on my phone and read it off to me. The password is my birthday." I tossed him the phone.

I saw him hesitate and I glanced over at him. "Did you forget my birthday?" I added.

"No, of course not." I saw him type in my password without any hesitation. "I was just looking at the picture of you and Lissa. It's beautiful wherever you were."

He was referring to the screensaver I had of me and Lissa on a beach in St. Lucia. She had surprised me this past February on a vacation, so I didn't have to think of being lonely on Valentine's Day. No Christian, no Adrian . . . just us –with other guardians and a feeder, of course.

I blushed slightly, realizing that I was in a skimpy bikini in the photo, while Lissa sported a sophisticated one piece. "The one time where I truly escaped reality and got Lissa to be a sort of human schedule," I said lightly.

Soon enough he was reading the password and I was quickly typing it in. The file folder loaded and my mouth dropped open with the number of files that were in it. Skimming through I saw a file that read S: Belikov, Dimitri. I made eye contact with Dimitri, who was just as curious as mine. It was the file they had made for when he was Strigoi.

As soon as I was about to click on his file, Eddie came blasting through the headset. "Rose, Dimitri you need to get out of the office. Steele is on his way back, in a hurry."

"Almost done," I said quickly, skimming for the Hans Croft file. I immediately grabbed the file and began copying it over. I expected it to be quick, but it certainly was not. My heartbeat was racing, as I started hearing voices down the hallway. "How big is this file?"

"Rose," warned Dimitri, who quickly moved over to one of the windows and began unlocking it. "We need to go."

"Lord Ivashkov, what do you possibly need from me?" boomed Steele's voice on the other side of the door. "I have other matters to attend and I don't need to hear your drunken tales."

The file finished transferring and I quickly yanked out my flash drive. Closing the files, I saw the door knob jiggle and Dimitri cursing in Russian. As I logged off of the computer, I ran over to the window. Luckily Steele's office was on the main floor, so the drop was nothing.

"I have a problem with a guardian," stated Adrian.

From Steele's tone, I could see that he was growing impatient. "What is the problem then?"

Dimitri jumped out of the window first, smoothly landing on the ground. Checking to make sure no one was coming, he ushered me to climb out of the window. I wanted to hear what ridiculous nonsense Adrian had to say, but I knew I needed to get out or else my whole plan would fall to pieces. Swinging my legs over to the ledge, I lowered the window. The cool breeze blew against me and I regretted not wearing a heavier coat.

Cautiously I looked down at Dimitri. Granted it wasn't much of a jump, but every once in a while, heights would mess with me. "I'll catch you, Rose. Just jump."

"You aren't a cheerleader skilled in catching people," I stated, with a small laugh. Before he could reply, I jumped down from the ledge to let gravity pull me towards the ground. I didn't open my eyes under I felt Dimitri's arm around me and placing me on the ground. We did it.

"Are you going to continue to doubt my plans?" I smugly said, as we hurriedly began walking away.

"I'll never doubt you again," stated Dimitri.

I smiled at him, as we quickly walked back to the guardian quarters. I realized that there was a chance that Dimitri and I could be friends. As we walked in silence, I stared up at the starry night that was starting to fill with light. It was almost the human morning. Soon enough we would be boarding a flight to the Academy, where we would be relocated.

"I'm going to miss this," I said, breathing in the cool January air.

"I know, but at least we have each other."

Dimitri and I made eye contact, with both of us smiling. He was right; we at least weren't alone on this mission. Solo guardian missions were miserable, at least from what I have heard. It rarely happened, but when it did, no guardian wished to be selected. What if you died and were never found?

I opened up my mouth to say the unexpected. If you had asked me a few weeks ago I would have dismissed the thought of ever being in a confined space with Dimitri. As he continued to find his place back in my life, I realized that maybe I could finally have the full closure I always wanted. It wouldn't be easy, since talking about the past still felt hard, but I knew it was possible.

"Whatever happens, Comrade, I'm happy that we were chosen to go on this together."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **A guest had a comment about Rose talking to Guardian Thomas's ghost to figure out the more she said. That will be addressed eventually. Another guest had a comment about Rose being out of character for sleeping with Adrian and her not wanting to live up to her reputation at St. Vlad's. That will also be explored and addressed in future chapters. I wanted to alter that aspect of her character a bit for how I am laying out this story, but I promise that will be addressed since it is a bit out of character. Rose has her reasons (whether they are sound or not) why she let herself cave into the reputation.**

 **I'm absolutely blown away by your support the last chapter. There were so many lovely reviews from everyone and it was my most highly reviewed chapter yet! I posted the last chapter right before I went to bed that night and I woke up with so many supportive reviews, I nearly cried. Thank you for the support because I couldn't do it without you. You guys really are the best. I was seriously speechless with the reviews I got the last chapter. Let's keep the reviews coming, even if it is short!**

 **After a bit of feedback and my own personal opinion, I have opted to post chapters 2 times a week but have them slightly longer. I will post around Monday and Thursdays (may be different depending on your time zone). I think in the long run it'll be less stressful for me with school starting soon. Don't worry I'm not going anywhere! The support has me pushing out these chapters. ;)**

 **Let me know what you think about this chapter! Also, I felt totally weird about googling more details on how to pick a lock. I personally have never needed to know how to pick a lock, but apparently, it is a valuable skill in case you get locked out of your house. Oh dear, the little things that make you smile.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

Note: Just to avoid confusion, this took place before Dimitri found the letter from Rose.

6 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

"Did anyone contact you when Dimitri turned?" asked Klara, during our family dinner. After Mama was aware that I was spending time with an old friend from St. Basil's, she had insisted that I invited her over one night. My family, especially Mama, was always very fun of Klara. We had grown up as the two Dhampirs in this small town that would be off to train, to guard. Luckily, no one suspected anything further than two friends catching up, but who knows what Yeva saw or thought.

I looked down at my plate, silently hating this to come up in conversation. This topic would never be a favorite or get easier to talk about, no matter how much therapy I went through. As soon as I arrived at Baia and got settled, Mama had demanded that I go to therapy. I tried protesting and telling her that I was coming to terms with everything on my own, but once Mama said Yeva saw something I knew I couldn't escape. No one argued with Yeva, especially when it came to the future and what was best for you.

Klara reached over instinctively and rested her hand on my arm after she saw my frown. "Sorry, Dimka I wasn't thinking when I asked that."

My sisters and Mama remained quiet, but Yeva cleared her throat to speak up. "The lovely Rosemarie Hathaway paid a visit to us unexpectedly about a year ago and told us about Dimitri's turn. She was Dimitri's student that he mentored and came to put his soul at peace. Remarkable girl, especially with how brave and fierce she was."

I took a long sip of my wine, not making eye contact with Klara. Rose was a subject that I had yet to mention to Klara when we were catching up. What was I going to say about her? That I fell hopelessly in love with my underage student, in addition to being assigned to the same Moroi? It was not an easy topic of conversation, especially when the thought of Rose would stir up some unresolved guilt.

"Why was she the one to come to Baia and tell you? She was just a student of Dimitri's," said Klara with a shrug.

I moved around in my seat uncomfortably. I didn't like where this conversation was going, but I knew that if I changed the topic, Klara would be asking me about it later. Briefly making eye contact with my family, I tried to tell them with my eyes not to elaborate on the subject of Rose. They knew that there was more to Rose and me than just a student-mentor relationship. We never spoke about it out loud, but silence spoke greater volumes than words.

Sonja was the only one who avoided my gaze. After thoughtfully chewing her food, she used her napkin and turned towards Klara. "No one sent her, she came on her own free will. Left St. Vlad's to come all the way to Russia to find and stake Dimitri from my understanding."

Klara opened up her mouth in shock, before turning back to her food. I glared at Sonja, who gave me an innocent shrug in return. As Sonja and I were wordlessly staring at each other, Viktoria spoke up. "I think you would have really liked Rose, Klara. She felt like another member of the family while she was here. I miss her and have been meaning to send something to her."

"You must have had a special bond with your student," pointed out Klara.

"We got along well," I said, refusing to elaborate on more. I saw my chance at changing the conversation, so I quickly took advantage of the temporary silence. "Did you hear about the local coffee shop that may be closing down?"

Mama started talking about the information that she knew, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Yeva's mischievous grin. She spoke up, immediately cutting off Mama. "I don't think anyone would go to that extreme for their mentor if their feelings weren't more than friendship. Don't you think, Klara?"

Present Day:

My alarm went off when it felt like my eyes had barely closed. As soon as the adrenaline faded post-plan, I realized that my body needed sleep desperately. I was eager to take a look at the file but soon was convinced to rest after Dimitri insisted. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to be looking at the file when Steele was lurking around; it wouldn't be safe.

I hit the off button on my phone, letting out a loud groan. My alarm absolutely ruined every single morning when it went off—at least the sun was shining. Yawning I climbed out of bed and yanked open my drapes to see the sun glistening on the snow. Only an hour before I would leave this place for several months.

Mixed emotions swirled in my head as I fixed my hair and makeup, as well as throw on proper guardian attire. I knew that I would be changing out of these clothes as soon as possible, but I might as well look the part during the departure. Besides, the all-black look was sleek and did wonders for my figure. Grabbing my bags, I gave one last longing glance at my room before leaving. I would be back to it, at least I hoped.

As I began walking down the hallway, I saw Dimitri leaving his room with his duffle bag. I doubt he expected his temporary position guarding Jill to turn into a Strigoi hunting mission. Our eyes met and without him even asking, he took one of my bags. We wordlessly walked next to each other, both filled with emotions of dread, adventure, and fear. It was just going to be the two of us for quite some time. We were going to become each other's person.

"We are meeting in Steele's office, right?" I asked as Dimitri held open the door for me as we left the Guardian building. I was kind of hoping to see Eddie waiting for us, but I knew that he was exhausted after being up for nearly twenty-four hours.

"Yes, just to give us a debriefing and give us the credit cards. There will be a few guardians that will hang around to say goodbye and thank us for going on this mission."

I bit my lip, processing his words. "Have you been on a mission before?" I asked, surprised that it never came up in the past. Dimitri would always talk about the honor and responsibility that came with being a guardian, as well as the things to always keep in mind. He never mentioned the mission aspect of being a guardian. How your ideal world could instantly be ruined by a request from the head guardian and the Queen . . . of course we would have that luck.

Dimitri nodded in return and I gave him a surprised look, not sure how to respond. I could sense that he didn't really want to talk right now, so I dropped the conversation. Maybe at some point during our down time, I could get more information out about his past. I was curious, but also not surprised that he knew more about my life than I knew at his. I was the more talkative one.

We maintained our silence, as we continued the walk across the Court grounds. Through the bond, I felt Lissa's sadness seeping through her, in addition to the tiredness and hunger that ran through her system. Briefly slipping into her head, I could see she was laying in her bed with Christian attempting to comfort her. Even with his soothing touch, she still wasn't okay.

Frowning, I pulled out of her head and starting to feel a pang of sadness. Part of me wished that she didn't come to say goodbye to me, but I knew I had to see her one last time before this mission.

"What's wrong?" Dimitri curiously asked.

"How do you say goodbye to someone when you don't know if it'll be your last time," I responded softly to his question. We briefly made eye contact, with him intensely staring at me. I knew I shouldn't be negatively thinking, but I also had to face the truth. There was a chance that only one of us or both of us wouldn't return. "Don't say that I'll come back alive. There is a chance I'm not."

He nodded his head, deep in thought. "I know. But I have always realized that your life comes before mine if I can help it."

"Don't be ridiculous," I said shaking my head. "You deserve to live as much as I do. I wouldn't have gone to all of that trouble breaking a criminal out of jail to find a way to save you."

"You never had to go that far for me," whispered Dimitri.

I was relatively surprised that he hadn't completely shut down this conversation. Talking about what I did for him when he was a Strigoi was a topic he avoided. He thanked me for everything that I did for him, but he never seemed keen to know the details.

Without thinking, I reached over and placed my hand in his, causing both of us to stop. "I would do it all over again if it meant that you would be saved from eternal damnation."

Something was bothering him and it was written all over his face. After collecting his thoughts, he stared me down in my eyes. "Even after everything, I put you through before and after I was restored?"

"Yes," I replied, "it is the whole principle about both of us deserving happiness. If I remember correctly, those were some of your last words before you departed America."

Despite the anger and hatred I felt towards Dimitri for some time after he left, I knew I was being completely honest. I never wished for him to have a bad life—even though I know some women would have. Sometimes it came down to temporarily putting your happiness on hold for someone else's. Part of this Dimitri-worth Zen logic came from the principles of guardian training about sacrifice. Some people were meant sacrificing yourself for.

I wouldn't call my life unhappy, but I wouldn't say that it was the best it has been. Now that I knew Dimitri was happy, my mind was at ease. It was time to truly focus on myself since I didn't have to worry about Lissa while I was away. This mission might be a good thing, after all, at least that is my forced positive mindset was thinking.

"We better hurry and get to Steele," I murmured after the awkward silence continued. I pulled my hand out of his, with a small longing to keep it there.

Dimitri agreed and we continued making our way to his office.

I hate goodbyes, especially with the most important people in my life. It was the reason why I tried leaving the Academy without Lissa knowing near the end of my senior year. It absolutely broke me when she found me leaving the Academy and pleaded for me to stay, told me that she knew I loved Dimitri and worried that she would never see me again. This goodbye felt similar, except that I wasn't alone. At least Dimitri was with me and not out to kill me.

We stood on the runway, with Dimitri distracting Steele so I could have a private moment with Lissa. Tears were trickling down her face and sadness was seeping through the bond, which caused my own emotions to catch up with me. I pulled her into a tight hug, telling her that I will be back before she knew it and that she will be okay.

"I'm worried about you," She whispered, after a bit of time passed. "I'm sorry I was acting selfishly and only thinking about myself. I'm sure you're scared that you might not come back from this or come back with one less partner." Lissa pulled away from the hug and glanced over at Dimitri.

I gave her a warm smile, happy that she was at least attempting to understand the emotions that were running through me on this mission. "We are trained to do this and face death. No one truly wants to die, but I have to remember that I'm doing this to benefit you and everyone else."

Lissa sighed. "It's unfair."

"That's the life of a guardian," I returned to her.

She dug in her winter coat pocket to pull out a small velvet box. "This was meant for your birthday, but seeing that you will be gone I thought you should have it now."

I took the box from her and opened it to reveal a small, dainty silver ring. At the top of the ring was a tiny flower that was shaped into a rose. "Lissa, you didn't need to do this."

"Think of it as a good luck charm, besides it is infused with some spirit. Just in case any of your headaches come back since you'll be outside of the wards a lot. Not sure how much life is left on your current one." She pointed towards my other tiny ring, that was just a simple gold band. Any person would think that it was a piece of trendy jewelry, not even knowing that it was infused with magic.

"Thank you," I said, closing the box.

We hugged again and this time I couldn't help, but let a few tears trickle down my face. The hug was only short-lived, due to Steele loudly clearing his throat and saying something about how Dimitri and I need to go on the mission, as well as Eddie and Jill needing to get back to the Academy. Geez, Dimitri would pack his stuff within ten minutes at the Academy and then we would be driving through Montana to our first destination. Can't the guy give me a break for once?

I pulled away from Lissa and then walked towards Christian, who was sheepishly standing in the distance.

"Take care of her for me, please," I told him.

"I promise. Take care of yourself too," Christian told me, raising an eyebrow to give me a knowing look. He wasn't just referring to the Strigoi I would be hunting down, but also the fact that I would be constantly around Dimitri. I hardly had the opportunity to speak with Christian about how Dimitri and I were beginning to start out our many problems but knew it was better to keep that personal for now.

I told him I would do the best I could do, then turned around to get on the airplane. Dimitri quickly said his goodbyes to Lissa and Christian, while I walked over to Steele. Giving him a long look, I gave a grin when I noticed he was wearing a leather jacket. It wasn't nearly long enough to be Matrix-like, but it was a start.

"Guardian Hathaway, what do you need?" He asked. "I thought all of your questions were fully answered in the office."

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like the man from the Matrix?" I said. Steele's face immediately blushed and he tried saying that he had no clue what I was referring to. Rolling my eyes and letting out a laugh, I started walking up the stairs to the plane.

I was nearly inside of the plane when I heard a loud, barbaric shriek of my name. I knew that voice too well, especially the slight slur in his voice. Adrian. Oh god, I was hoping to avoid him completely.

After Lissa had returned post-compulsion, Adrian had bombarded her and asked her questions. As he was walking around campus with some of his friends, he sensed Lissa using spirit in the main building. His curious and nosy personality had to "coincidently" run into her. Adrian worked his non-spirit-used charisma, that was great at guilt tripping people, and was able to get something out of her. Lissa never told him the context as to why I was breaking into Steele office, but he volunteered to help. This was probably all in an attempt to win back my heart and be my "savior". Lissa told me that he was adamant about proving his worth to me and maybe things would go back to normal. Out of pure kindness, I sent him a text afterward thanking him for distracting Steele and in return, I got a sexual message saying that I could make it up to him in a way. God, why?

"What the hell is that?" said Eddie, who was on the plane and trying to get some rest. Jill remained passed out on one of the couches and hadn't even stirred. Meanwhile, Dimitri was already settling down in his spot and gave me a curious stare.

"It's not a matter of what, but who," I muttered, loud enough so Eddie and Dimitri could hear.

I peered outside of the door and saw Adrian charging down the runway and heading towards the plane. Steele tried stopping him, but Adrian pushed his way through. Wow, Steele way to show who was boss. I guess he was still put off by my Matrix joke he didn't care if Adrian would temporarily stall the departure.

"Little Dhampir, were you really going to leave without saying goodbye to me?"

"Slipped my mind," I casually said, leaning against the plane door frame.

Adrian began walking up the steps towards the plane, but I continued standing there to hold my ground. He was still wearing the clothes from the New Year's dance and it became very apparent that he was hungover. After publicly humiliating the rich playboy Moroi last night, I wasn't surprised that he got more carried away than usual last night.

Somehow Adrian managed to get up the stairs to place both of his hands on my shoulders. I wiggled uncomfortably at his touch, pleading that Eddie and Dimitri weren't watching.

"About yesterday at the dance. I know that you are under a lot of pressure about the mission, but I thought – "

I gently removed his hands from his shoulders, making sure he maintained his balance. "What I said yesterday hasn't changed." God, yesterday felt like an eternity ago, with everything that occurred. I was truly looking forward to sleeping the entire time on the plane ride.

Adrian's expression looked like he was accepting his fate, but soon the puzzled expression turned into anger. "You think that you can humiliate me in front of my people. You think that I won't say anything about our agreement? How you became a blood whore to get over your feelings for a man that will never love you again?" He hissed, but his attempt to be quiet was failing.

My mouth dropped open, it was a huge metaphorical slap in my face. Growling I grabbed ahold of his shirt and yanked him close. "I suggest you get your pretty boy ass off these stairs before I do something that both of us regret."

"Your threats won't do anything. I'm untouchable," Adrian said, with that sly grin I was growing to hate. I tightened my grip on his tall frame. I'm sure to any onlooker it would look hilarious that a short girl with an hourglass statue would be subduing a tall, lanky boy. I was short but threatening.

"Guardian Hathaway!" barked Steele, finally snapping out of his embarrassment. "Please let go of your restraint and get on the plane. Lord Ivashkov, I strongly recommend coming down onto the runway before I stop turning a blind eye to your illegal substances in your bedroom."

Wow, I was actually impressed with Steele. I released Adrian, but even Steele's orders didn't stop me from giving him a punch in the face. It definitely was not my strongest punch, but it was enough to leave a mark. As Adrian stepped back swearing and clutching around his eye, I saw Steele hurry up the steps that led to the plane.

He deserved that Lissa thought. I made eye contact with her across the runway and gave her a smile.

Smirking I waved goodbye to Adrian, before stepping onto the plane. I refused to make eye contact at Dimitri, as I took my place next to Eddie. Blocking out the surrounding noise, I closed my eyes and placed my hand on the spot on my neck. I was lucky it wasn't scarred like the feeders, but if you looked close enough there was a faint scar. The scar wasn't just from Adrian or Lissa, but it was also from Strigoi Dimitri. Strigoi bites were completely different than Moroi bites, especially when it came to pain. Pushing away any negative thoughts, I closed my eyes and was fast asleep before the plane even took off.

The last time I was on Dimitri's bed at the Academy was under Victor's lust charm. After the night in the cabin, I always wondered if there would be a time where I would sneak into his bedroom to take in more stolen kisses. Even though we made plans to keep our distance until graduation, I knew that it would not have been possible. The attraction between us grew substantially after that moment in the cabin . . . there was no way we could keep our distance after that. Of course, fate had a crueler intention.

I used to think that the entire universe was trying to make it impossible for me and Dimitri to be happy together. After the one moment where I felt truly happy and I didn't have to think or worry about Lissa, Dimitri and I were both punished by what happened in the cave. It was the nail in the coffin for us to ever be together.

Dimitri was packing quietly and I watched him go through his organized stuff, hesitant on a few items of clothing. He held up a blue v-neck shirt cautiously, eying his suitcase (which was significantly smaller than mine) and then the shirt.

"Blue looks good on you, pack it," I chimed in. "The majority of your clothing is black, white, and gray. You got to have some color in your life."

He gave me a look, before muttering something in Russian and throwing it in his suitcase. I knew he wasn't going to admit that I was right, so I took the silence as a compliment. I laid back on his bed, hoping that this wasn't going to get awkward. Instead, I focused on throwing my flash drive in the air and catching it. We hadn't had a good opportunity to look at the file, especially since sleep was a higher priority. As soon as we got to our temporary living arrangements in the Montana site, we would look at it. I was anxious to see what was on it; I hoped it wasn't pointless obtaining it.

I heard the suitcase zip up and I sat up in bed, to see Dimitri finishing up packing his things. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, keeping his eyes fixed on his belongings scattered throughout the room.

"Did you pack every Western possible?" I casually asked.

"Only my favorites. Not sure how much time we will have," He said.

Standing up from his bed, I began walking over to the door. As soon as he was done packing we had to meet Alberta to get the keys to the car. I already asked him if I could drive, but naturally, he said no. Instead of criticizing my driving abilities—which he had never witnessed might I add—he said something about how I'm low on sleep. Ironic, considering he read a damn Western the entire plane ride.

"Before we head to Alberta, I'm going to go say goodbye to Eddie," I told Dimitri, sensing that he wanted a little bit of space. Through his stoic expression, I could see in his eyes that he was sad to leave his room. It echoed how I felt a few hours earlier, the chance of never seeing your former life again.

"Meet you in fifteen minutes," replied Dimitri.

I gave him a small smile, before exiting the room and softly closing the door. Eddie's room wasn't that much further down and I knew that Alberta gave him the rest of the day off. After the chaotic New Year's shift, Eddie deserved a day off. Even though we were trained to be awake and functional for long hours a day, we were still new guardians and working on tolerating little to no sleep.

Gently tapping on the door, I stood there with my arms close to my chest. Tiredness was slipping in and out of me; my body craved for consistent sleep. I was hoping that Dimitri and I would take a full day to relax before actually starting to hunt Strigoi, maybe even interrogate a few. My body needed to recover before I could even think about fighting off multiple Strigoi in a night.

Eddie opened up the door, immediately inviting me inside. His room was relatively neat and put together, but I noticed that his suitcase was still sitting there untouched. By the looks of his bed, I could tell that he was napping still. "Sorry if I woke you up, I thought it would be a good time to say goodbye."

"Don't worry about it, Hathaway. All set to go on your big mission?" He asked.

I shuffled back and forth on my feet shrugging. "Don't really have a choice, but I hope I come back and earn a badge," I said lightly.

I was still attempting to focus on being positive about the mission, but the impending potential doom still hovered in my mind. Maybe it was this constant darkness that surrounded me, which caused me to think these things. Something I need to look into I noted in my head.

"You think you'll be okay with Dimitri?"

"Why does everyone keep bringing that up?" I groaned, throwing my head back in frustration. "I'm more mature than people think."

Eddie laughed and pointed out that it was a funny joke, while I stuck out my tongue and flipped him off.

He continued, "People keep asking because we know how much he broke you. It took you awhile to fully recover and we don't want to see that happen again because we care." I could tell that he wanted to once again bring up me potentially not being over him, but after how that went down last time I knew he didn't want to.

"I just want to be friends with him," I whispered. "I miss him in my life, Eddie. He hasn't been in it for long, but when he was there it always felt right, pushing feelings aside. I missed his friendship and having someone there for me."

Eddie nodded slowly taking in everything that I had to say. He looked at me and could tell by my slouched posture and frown that something was still on my mind. "Something else is bothering you. What is it?"

I gave him a long look, before letting out a long sigh. "There are just so many questions that I want to ask him, but I don't know how. I want to know why he gave up on loving me so easily, why he never cared to check in on me after a year of being in Russia. Actually, that's what surprised me the most; he never cared to ask how I was. He talked to Hans and Lissa a few times, but never once mentioned me," I sighed.

Something dark clouded over Eddie's eyes, but I quickly ignored it continuing on my rant. "I felt ridiculous waiting almost a year for him to send me something. I left him a note in Baia before I left to go hunt him down, just hoping that one day he would be Dimitri the badass Russian God again. I guess he never found that letter or maybe it didn't make him care."

Stopping and looking over at Eddie, he continued frowning. Something was certainly bothering him. Before I could ask him what was wrong, Eddie quickly cut me off and walked across his room. "I think you should know something."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it?"

"Dimitri did send you something saying he missed you."

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I know, I'm so mean for the cliffhanger.

Sorry for the delay. Stuff has been CRAZY this week. Now that the second semester of grad school is starting up we have to "declare" a lab that we will be joining for the remainder of my Ph.D. program. On top of figuring out that, there was also some pretty icy weather. There was a temperature drop in a single day from 56 F in the morning to 20 F by the evening causing wet roads to freeze over. Crazy, right? So, I had to deal with all of that chaos instead of actually do edit and get out this chapter. Ugh… no delays for Monday/Tuesday (depending on your time zone).

As always, review and tell me what you think! The previous chapter had so many wonderful reviews and it is nice to see new people reviewing. You are all appreciated and keep me motivated to get the chapters done and uploaded in a reasonable amount of time. Keep it up! Woo! Also, thank you for all of the new followers and favorites. Makes me smile every time I see this story growing. :)

Thanks for the support!


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

Note: I know the present day from the previous chapter was a cliffy. Still, make sure to read this flashback. It has some interesting stuff to it.

4 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

I never got a reply to the text message I sent to Rose. I started to regret my decision, realizing that I sent it at the moment and without thinking of the repercussions that would follow. It was not wise of me to think that Rose would even reply, considering what I did to her. When I told her I didn't love her anymore, I saw a flicker of light leave her eyes. The light that held her determination, care and love all for me. Erased and broken just like that. It wasn't my intention to break her in that moment, but I was filled with anger, sadness, and embarrassment.

My thoughts were soon interrupted by voices going through the headset unit. There were a few guardians switching out and coming into a shift, I silently scolding myself for losing my focus. Shaking my head, I immediately returned my focus to the grounds. It still felt strange being back at my old school and doing guardian duties—especially since I dreamed as a novice to escape and explore the world. I did with Ivan, who was also adamant about exploring, but of course, seeing everything was cut short.

I sometimes wished that Ivan was still here and I was guarding him. I doubt that my life would have been as complicated as it is now. Then again, if Ivan didn't pass away I would have never met Rose. Would that be a bad thing? No. She was meant to have come into my life, even if it was only temporary. Her natural determination, strength, and fierceness were somewhat of an inspiration. She reminded me of the duties we have as guardians, to take risks to protect our Moroi. In her case, Princess Dragomir.

"Belikov, can you patrol a few extra hours? A few guardians have come down with a nasty cold," radioed in a fellow guardian.

"Yes, I will cover," I returned, even though I didn't necessarily want to. Walking the same route repeatedly definitely grew boring, especially after an already long shift. I was grateful for my job at St. Basil's, but it wasn't the same as it was at St. Vlad's. It was Rose who made every day interesting, who made me look forward to my mornings and evenings. Forgetting her was impossible, with part of me regretting leaving in the first place.

Sighing, I continued my walk around St. Basil's, wishing that things were different. What if I never turned Strigoi? Pondering those thoughts were soon interrupted by the gate guard talking to me. "Uh, Guardian Belikov? Someone is here to see you at the gate. Says it is important."

My eyebrows furrowed together, not sure who would be seeing me. Klara was busy working and I wouldn't see my family for a few weeks. "I'm on my way. I request that someone can alternate between patrol route five and their route until I return."

"On it," replied a different guardian.

As I made my way towards the gate, curiosity continued to rise. Not many guardians would receive a visit here, especially me. I would call myself more of an introvert since I preferred keeping to myself and didn't have many friends. I used to be more open, but ever since Ivan a part of me wanted to close off. I was worried to get close to someone because I would lose them in the end. Kind of what happened to me and Rose. I lost her in some way.

I saw the short figure with a pixie cut in the distance, but I wasn't sure if I was imagining things. As I got closer, I realized that my hunch was right. She turned around to give me a warm smile and it felt weird seeing her again after all of this time. The last time I saw her was in the cave, right before I was pulled down by Strigoi. Right before the life flashed before my eyes.

"Guardian Belikov, a pleasure to see you again," She smiled at me with her hazel eyes. She opened up her arms to me, beckoning me to give her a warm hug.

"Guardian Petrov," I said, immediately walking over to her and returning the hug. As I hugged her I felt a pang of guilt, realizing that I had failed to reach out to Alberta. Alberta and I always had a good working relationship at the Academy, especially when Rose was involved. She seemed to seek my opinion when it came to Rose and her training, as well as my opinions on other matters.

She pulled away from the hug, still giving me a warm smile. I noticed that her hair had gotten significantly grayer than the last time I saw her. After all, it had been two years since the last time I saw her. "Why did you come all of this way?" I questioned.

"A few things, actually, but one of them was to see you," She stated. I realized that she probably came to coordinate with the head guardian at St. Basil's about the guardian training plans. There had been a lot of talk in America about changing the guardian age to sixteen, instead of the current age of eighteen.

We began walking towards the Guardian quarters, with me offering to help her with her two small bags. She was chatting about her flight over here, as well as how much cooler it already was in Russia than Montana. I asked her how the trials went for the novices, seeing if she implemented a few things I had in mind for improvements.

"Who did you leave in charge of matters at the Academy?" I asked. Rarely Alberta would be the one to leave the Academy for a task.

"Stan," She replied, briefly making eye contact with me. "I know you don't think fondly of him, but he will be able to have things under control for a short period of time. Besides with Hathaway and Castille gone, there isn't any worry about pranks or disobedience."

I let out a low chuckle as I opened up the door to the guardians' lounge, with Alberta immediately impressed. St. Basil's had multiple generous Moroi families donating to the education of the students. They were adamant to have the best program across Russia, with each guardian coming out top ranked. If it wasn't for St. Basil's, I wouldn't be where I was today.

We sat down in some leather seats, both awkwardly looking at each other. Alberta cleared her throat and took a sip of coffee, I grabbed her, then looked at me cautiously. "You look well, Dimitri. I made sure to put in a good word about you when the Court was seeking employment for you back in Russia."

"I appreciate that a lot, Alberta, thanks."

She smiled. "I came to see you on some official business too. I'm afraid you have heard about the increased guardian deaths occurring?" I gave her a curt nod. "Well, the Academy is losing its guardians, as they are being allocated to the Moroi living outside of the Academy. I came to offer you a job, back at the Academy."

I stared at her, slowly nodding my head to take in this information. I felt honored that Alberta would come halfway across the world to formally give me a job back in Montana, but I did not know if I could take it. I was settling back home in Russia and finally able to spend time with my family. Mama was helping me process through everything for my time as a Strigoi and even my pestering sisters gave me much amusement. I was finding happiness; did I want to uproot that?

"Put some thought into it, Dimitri, but guardians at the Academy feel that you deserve another chance. It wasn't your fault the events that occurred; we were all very fond of you there. You even did a remarkable job mentoring Rose. She scored the highest in her class."

"How is she?" I whispered.

Alberta tapped her fingers on the side of the coffee mug, looking for a way to answer the question. "From my understanding, she is doing extremely well. The guardians at Court are very impressed with her dedication to guarding Princess Vasilisa, as well as her other guardian duties."

Nodding my head, I replied, "that is great to hear."

"You should be proud of how hard you mentored her. She came a long way with you influencing and motivating her," Alberta continued. She eyed me carefully to see if my facial expression would change at all, it didn't.

"I'm happy you gave her another chance after she returned to the Academy," I said. Through Lissa and my Strigoi memory, I learned about Rose's sudden departure from the Academy, as well as her triumphant return. She begged Alberta to let her back into the Academy, so she can take her test.

"I know she loved you," Alberta returned to me. I looked at her in surprise, but it was written all over her face that she knew. I felt stupid for never seeing the hints Alberta dropped over the months I was mentoring and training Rose. She always sent me to calm Rose down or to check up on her. She knew there was more to Rose and me than being a mentor and guardian.

"I loved her too," I admitted, realizing that there was no shame to say that to Alberta. Rose was now nineteen and there was nothing going on between us now. Besides, at this point, it was just a casual conversation between two people in the past. It wasn't like I could get fired over this.

There was a bit of silence between us, as we sipped on our coffees. I was relieved that I found a way to escape the shift, mostly because I was tired of seeing nothing each lap I did. Swallowing my mouthful of coffee, I gave her a genuine small smile. "I'll have to think about accepting your offer. I have my family close by here and I'm starting to get in a better place."

Alberta completely understood and we continued talking about other things. I offered her a tour of St. Basil's, which she kindly accepted. She wouldn't be meeting with a few other guardians until much later and wanted to have something to do. It felt nice to have someone here that reminded me of my other life in America, but her words about Rose still stuck in my head. I know she loved you.

* * *

Present Day:

The whole world came to a transient pause, as Eddie spoke those words to me. What did he mean Dimitri sent me something? I nearly lost my balance, unsure if what I heard was true. Slowly making my way over to Eddie's bed, I sat there trying to fully process what he said. Thoughts swirled in my head wondering why this information was new to me. What did Eddie know?

"Rose?" He said, crouching down in front of me.

I snapped out of my dazed thoughts, then look at him in the eyes. "What do you mean he sent me something?" I spoke through my teeth. I was trying to contain any emotional outburst and handle this situation calmly. Although, I was the definition of a ticking time bomb in this moment.

Eddie sighed and stood up, to lean against the wall. "Dimitri sent you a text message four months ago saying that he missed you," Eddie calmly said. He refused to make eye contact with me but instead stared out the window.

"How do you know this? Why didn't I receive this text?" I immediately took out my phone and began going through my texts. There was nothing from Dimitri. Eddie continued to not make any eye contact with me and appeared to be processing things. "I deserve to know the truth!" I hollered at him, not caring if it would attract attention outside his room.

He ran a hand through his already messy hair, murmuring something. I kept demanding that I know the truth and I could see Eddie's body beginning to tense. Although, he kept shaking his head telling me that it wasn't easy to say. "Then why did you even bring it up?"

Eddie had a short fuse, considering I didn't have to pester him for long. "Because I deleted it," He yelled, startling me.

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. Pushing away any tears that were forming, my eyes narrowed at him. "Why the fuck did you do that?"

"Because he did not deserve your time after everything that happened."

"Since when are you allowed to have a say about me and Dimitri? You don't know how we were when we were together," I retorted, my voice growing louder with every word.

Eddie threw his hands to his sides and walked across the room. It really was like I lit a fuse inside of him. Something about Dimitri and I had been building inside of him for quite some time. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to look at me. "He is toxic to you, Rose, whether he is Strigoi or not. You failed to stake him when you were in Russia, allowed more innocent lives to die in Vegas because you clung to the chance he could return to normal."

I looked down at the ground, knowing that my failure to kill Dimitri did result in more innocent lives being lost. I wasn't doing my part as a guardian there, but instead put my feelings and love towards Dimitri first. "But he is back, I did save him."

"But at what cost?" Eddie questioned. I didn't have a chance to reply before Eddie continued. "When he was restored, he continued hurting you. I saw the torment you went through when he refused to see you and when you saw him, he told you that it wasn't going to work out. You wouldn't let it go, you kept dwelling on the past and any thought of him. He consumed you, Rose."

I was taken aback by Eddie's built up emotions, but knew in some ways he was right. With my voice shaking I calmly replied, "That doesn't give you a right to keep messages. I waited to hear something from him for eight months, kept questioning if I ever meant anything to him, to begin with. You had no right."

Eddie shook his head and joined me next to the bed. "He consumed you, Rose. You basically said it yourself. You needed to move on and I knew that text didn't mean that he wanted to be with you, but you would take it as a sign that there was still hope to be together. I did it to protect you."

"What did the text say?" I demanded, ignoring his remarks. This was still a lot to process, considering that this was all new information to me. Eddie was right in a several ways, but at the same time, he didn't fully understand how everything was between Dimitri and me. Eddie didn't know the physical pull I had towards Dimitri or the sense of calmness and love during my and Dimitri's conversations.

Eddie sighed and took out his phone. Apparently, he had forwarded the message to himself before deleting the evidence from mine I grabbed his phone out of his hands and nervously looked at the message.

 _I miss you, Roza. Life is not the same without you in it._

Shaking my head, I stood up. "I need to leave on the mission." I tossed Eddie's phone on the bed, needing to get out of this room now. Dimitri missed me being a part of his life. Sure, it didn't necessarily imply that his feelings had returned to me, but it was enough to know that I impacted his life. That he felt a sense of loneliness being away from me. I got a sense of that on New Year's Day, but knowing that he tried telling me that months ago . . . all that time lost. Would things have been that different if I had received the text when I did?

Silently I walked out of Eddie's room, not bothering to even say goodbye. I was angry and hurt, as well as conflicted with these feelings about the text Dimitri sent. Now the real question was, what do I do with this new information? Do I tell Dimitri?

* * *

I was already waiting in the car when Dimitri approached with Alberta. After the chaos I had been through the past few weeks, I was eager to get to this isolated state of mind. Sure, we had to send in monthly reports to Steele and report anything major, but for the most part, we could keep to ourselves.

"Hathaway, I'm surprised you aren't trying to drive," commented Alberta, when Dimitri opened up the back door to the SUV to place his duffle bag down.

"She tried to convince me to let her drive," Dimitri replied. "We already agreed prior to this that I would be the main driver."

I snapped around in the passenger's seat, making eye contact with both of them through the open door. My eyes narrowed at Dimitri and I stuck out my tongue childishly. "Main driver my ass. You said I needed sleep for this leg of the drive, but I never agreed that you would be the main driver."

Both Alberta and Dimitri laughed in return. "A couple years later and she still can be defiant," Alberta commented, causing me to smirk.

I returned to facing front and took out my phone to send something to Lissa that I was officially leaving the Academy for the mission. As I pulled up her name in my texts, I saw that she finally sent me the pictures from the Christmas ball and New Year's Eve. Smiling as I flipped through them and saved them, I didn't even glance over at Dimitri who got into the car.

"Have everything?" Dimitri asked as he started the car. "Including the important information?" I could tell by the tone of his voice he was referring to the flash drive with the Hans Croft file.

I bit my lip and nodded. "Don't worry, I triple checked as soon as I got in the car."

Soon enough we were leaving the gate and I glanced out the side mirror, seeing the Academy fading in the distance. Dimitri was silently driving, as usual, which reminded me of the time he took Lissa and me back to the Academy. He was able to pick up on the bond between Lissa and I, just in that short period of time. Went to show how observant and logical he was.

I couldn't stand the silence anymore and soon leaned over to turn on the radio. Of course, I put it to the top 40 station, that always had a mixture of horrible pop tunes. "Where did you get that ring?" Dimitri observed as I adjusted the dial to the radio.

Glancing down at my hand, I realized he was referring to the ring Lissa just gave me. The newness of it glistened in the sunlight, which made quite the appearance. I knew that it wouldn't look that great for long, especially since I would be getting my hands dirty soon. "Lissa. Nothing major, just another charmed ring and an early birthday present."

Dimitri nodded, showing that he understood what I was referring too when I mentioned charmed. I turned up the volume and leaned back in the seat, listening to music. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri cringing at the tunes. Who knew how soon he would listen to it before he would change it. Leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes, I figured it was a good time to have a rest.

Our first stop wasn't anything major, considering it was just Missoula. Since it wasn't the nearest major city to the Academy, it made sense that there would be some Strigoi hideouts. After the death of Guardian Thomas, we thought there must be some Strigoi lurking in the city to see the Moroi and Dhampirs that travel in and out. On the bright side, Missoula had decent hotels, restaurants, and activities so we wouldn't be completely bored during the downtime.

"So, how many Westerns did you end up packing?" I asked Dimitri, realizing that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. The sunlight felt great and gave me so much energy. There was no way that I could fall asleep.

Dimitri shook his head, saying that he didn't count how many. I started guessing outrageous numbers, teasing him at his obsession. I always thought it was completely hot that he was some gorgeous Russian reading classic American Western novels. Dimitri chuckled at my outrageous answers, even telling me that I wasn't even close.

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"Thirty," He replied, sheepishly.

I widened my eyes at him. "Holy shit, I was just exaggerating when I said fifty. How will you have time to read all of them? Is every ounce of free time going to be devoted to reading?"

He shrugged and quickly changed the subject. "Do you want to talk about what happened before we left Court?"

Groaning, I placed my head against the window. How did I know that he was going to bring this up? Of course, he wouldn't have even thought to bring it up if Adrian wasn't so obnoxiously loud. Adrian was your standard privileged royal, that would always get what he wanted throughout the years—because of his Queen Aunt Tatiana. For once in his life, he didn't get what he wanted: me. Then he had to retaliate and try to hurt me in return; little did he know that it would make him look like a bigger ass.

"We don't have to talk about it," He quickly added.

"What do you want to know?"

I realized that if I wanted questions I had for him answered, I needed to be willing to answer my own. I would be a hypocrite if I expected to always get answers and never answer his own questions. At some point in this trip, I wanted to talk to him about our past, really talk to him. Not dance around getting to the deep root of the problem. I knew it would take time to talk about it, especially since we were both extremely stubborn people.

Dimitri turned down the blasting radio, then paused to form the question. "Was Adrian telling the truth?"

I closed my eyes, trying to come up with the best way to address this question. "He exaggerated a little," I said, already feeling ashamed of myself. Why did I succumb to the image everyone saw me as? Why did I think I was only worthy of that?

I couldn't read Dimitri's expression, but I figured shock ran through him.

"I made mistakes after you were restored. I was trying to find a way to temporarily escape reality to forget about everything that was going on between me, between us," I calmly said. "Adrian was there and soon enough it fell into a cycle that was hard to break. I haven't let him . . . you know, for several months." I figured it was best not to outright say it.

Dimitri nodded, then I saw a look of guilt pass across his face. "Did I give you any scars?" He whispered. The pain was extremely evident in his voice, as he battled the mixture of emotions. Torment was written across his face and I wondered if it was something that he ever fully came to terms with.

It didn't help that we never fully talked about what happened when he was a Strigoi. Sure, I had told him I forgave him for everything that he did as a Strigoi after he was restored, but I could tell he didn't completely buy it. "They are hardly noticeable."

His body immediately tensed some more and I instinctively placed, my hand on his shoulder. The sense of my touch immediately caused him to relax slightly, but I could tell the torment was continuing to rise in him.

"You would have to examine my neck closely for a long time to even see a faint resemblance. Also, it could be a result of Adrian and Lissa too," I reassured him. "I still forgive you for everything you did as a Strigoi, that never changed."

"You forgive so easily, Roza. It is something that I have never quite understood about you. Almost immediately after I was restored, you said you forgave me."

I shrugged, immediately remembering the moment I felt and saw everything happen. The light that shone, the sob echoing from Dimitri as he laid in Lissa's lap . . . the tiredness, yet happiness that poured throughout Lissa into the bond. It was a moment that I would never forget, especially the relief I felt. Even though things didn't work out between me and Dimitri, that moment was something I would cherish.

"As soon as I knew it was you, really you, it was easy to forget everything. Everything that I felt for you before you were turned was amplified in that moment I saw your eyes brown, not red."

"Everything that you felt?"

I nodded, snapping out of the reflection back to his restoration moment. Pushing away any emotion about the pain that he caused me when he broke things off indefinitely, I made eye contact briefly. "Some things have changed since then, Dimitri."

"I know."

"It's what you wanted," I pointed out.

From the tone of his voice in that moment, I could sense that something was unsettling to him when he responded. "Sometimes I wish things were different, but I know things happen for a reason."

"I wish things were different too."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Hope you enjoyed! Some of the Hans Croft file will be revealed the next chapter, so stay tuned. ;)**

 **This past weekend I dedicated to spending time with my boyfriend and my best friends, so I took some me time away from writing to focus on my personal life. Thank you for your patience!**

 **I haven't had the opportunity to start writing the next chapter, so please be patient on my upload time. I try my best to get chapters up twice a week, but due to a hectic life outside of this story, I don't always have the opportunity. Trust me, I hate not writing and uploading. You guys make my day with every review, follow, and favorite.**

 **OH! So I can't believe I haven't told you guys a little fun fact. In 2013 I met Richelle Mead! It was kind of a crazy and surreal experience, I barely remember it. I was on twitter the day before I met her and saw her tweet something about being in Kansas City, which is 20 min away from my parent's house. I googled why she was there and she was at a book convention. Naturally, I texted my best friend who got me into Vampire Academy and we made plans to go meet her. She signed my Last Sacrifice book and took a picture with me. She was super nice, but sadly I couldn't talk to her for long. I wish I could share these pictures with you guys on this website. Sigh...guess you have to take my word for it. It was also when the movie was about to be filmed, so there was a lot of buzz about that. I remember talking to her about her thoughts on the casting for the movie and she told me that she was very pleased with the casting of Rose and Dimitri. Not sure if she was obligated to say it or if that was the truth. Still, cool story to share.**

 **Sorry for my babble. Not even sure if you guys read this. Haha.**

 **As always review! Hope everyone is having a great week. :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

Note: Few notes prior to this chapter. First, yes, I changed my username. I changed it for a few reasons, but I always wanted one that had a bit of meaning behind it. It took me awhile to come up with it, but I'm happy with it. Sorry if you get confused. Haha.

Also, I'M SO SORRY for the delay! My computer started acting up mid-last week and I had to take it in to get it looked at. Totally delayed everything when it came to writing. I am pushing to get back to a normal schedule, but this semester seems even more intense than last one. Don't worry this story is going to continue, please be patient. I can guarantee weekly updates, but not bi-weekly updates. I hope everyone can understand.

Anyways, this flashback is occurring after that awkward dinner event, where Yeva brings up Rose and her love for Dimitri. I'm jumping around due to wanting to reveal certain things in Dimitri's past in certain points of the story. It is a series of puzzle pieces that will all come together in due time. Enjoy!

* * *

6 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

After dinner, I quickly excused myself to get some fresh air. No one responded to Yeva's comment about Rose, but I could sense the tension that filled the room and didn't die down when we started talking about mundane things. I didn't look at Klara the rest of dinner, not wanting to see the confusion on her face. I had spent hours with her since I saw her again but never mentioned Rose. Then again, she never asked for details about my mentorship with my student back at St. Vlad's. It didn't seem of interest to her.

The sun was beginning to set and I stared out into the distance at the colors painted throughout the skies. Sighing, I picked up a rock and tossed it across the ground. From the distance, I could hear my sister's voices arguing and my mom trying to settle down the fight. I wondered how soon Klara would join me and ask questions . . . if she would even bother to talk to me tonight.

My prediction was right and soon I heard Klara's voice, coming from behind me. "You seemed tense at dinner with the mention of her." Through the tone of her voice, I could sense the uneasiness she felt about Rose.

I turned around to see her standing a few feet away, with her arms crossed over her chest. She was biting her lower lip, feeling a sense of awkwardness. I didn't know how to reply, so I turned back around silently. Klara soon joined me, sitting down next to me on the old family bench. The same bench that we spent many summers as children sitting on laughing about ridiculous things.

Klara sighed, then placed her hand on top of mine. "Are you trying to pretend she didn't exist? Why have you never mentioned her to me?"

"She isn't important in my life right now," I stated, shocked how those words quickly slipped from my mouth. From Klara's expression on her face, I could tell that she wasn't believing what I said.

I couldn't even completely buy what I was saying, especially when considering that before I turned Strigoi, Rose was the most important person in my life. I was hopelessly in this forbidden love with her, with both of us caving into our feelings moments before I was turned. The last thing I thought about before the Strigoi bit into my neck was Rose and what she would do without me. I wanted her to know how much I loved her, but I saw the other guardians dragging her away as she cried out to me.

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Klara. "Was it true what Yeva said?" She said quietly, afraid to hear the answer.

I paused, realizing that Klara deserved to know the truth about the situation. "Yes," I said, making eye contact with her.

"Did you love her?"

I barely hesitated in my response this time. "She was the most important thing in my world before I was turned. No matter how bad of a day I was having, she always found a way to make me smile and laugh. I loved her, so much that it hurt."

Klara nodded slowly, quickly removing her hand from mine. "Then why aren't you with her now?" She questioned.

I sighed, not knowing where to begin. Klara knew a little bit about my life as a Strigoi, but the conversation never got far before things would get tense. "My feelings changed," I stated. "It was best for the two of us to move on and be happy."

"Do you think that you are ready to move on?" Klara asked. I knew where she was going with the question, but I also knew it was a valid one. Was I ready to move on? Was I ready to let myself feel that sort of overpowering love? Did I deserve this sort of love after everything that I had done?

I didn't reply, causing Klara to stand up. I could tell that she was angry and upset at my lack of response, but I honestly didn't know what I could tell her right now.

"I'll wait for you, Dimitri, but not forever." She quickly walked away after that, not bothering to stop back in the house to say goodbye to my family. I watched her watch away and I swore under my breath. What was going on with me? Klara was a perfectly nice person and knew me extremely well, but she wasn't Rose.

Rose. I hated to admit how great of an effect she still had on me. Sometimes I wondered how life would be different if I cried in her arms after I was restored, that I begged for her attention. Why did I have to push the one person that meant the world to me away? I couldn't blame it all on the guilt because there was more to it. There was a part of me that was scared to continue letting myself love her because of the consequences it would have on her . . . I couldn't let her career guarding Lissa be potentially ruined because of me, because of us. I stood up to head back inside, knowing that I needed to stop dwelling on the situation. Nothing could be changed.

As I was nearing the house, I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks, when I saw my grandmother standing in the pathway to the back door. She had an eerie look on her face, almost as if she was hiding some terrible secret. Before I could even ask a question, she began walking away from me.

"Babushka where are you going?" I said loudly.

Wordlessly, she ushered me to follow her. Some people would question their grandmother's intentions in this moment, perhaps wondering if they were losing it, but I knew that I should follow her. When I was little, I never believed that my grandmother had the special touch to foresee the future. After she predicted a few incidences that occurred at St. Basil's, I immediately started realizing she had some special touch in life and to always listen to her (or at least try to).

She had her reasons for leading me away from the house, whatever they may be. Even when she explained what she saw, she always left a part out. Almost as if you had to find the missing piece to the puzzle. That frustrated me to no end and it felt like she was being such a tease about her special gift.

I followed her outside of our property and down the street, not sure where she was planning on leading us. I was still extremely frustrated at Yeva for even bringing up the topic of Rose during the meal. Klara's questions didn't help the situation, but it was Yeva's last comment that put the nail in the coffin.

Sighing, I kept up with her. For an old woman, she could still walk very fast. It took me awhile to understand where she was leading us, but I soon noticed that we were approaching the local park. Why was she leading me here? What did she want to show or talk to me about that it couldn't be near my house?

"Babushka, why did you bring up Rose?" I asked as I caught up with her. I sat down on the bench next to her, still slightly frustrated at her.

She smiled at me. "Everything happens for a reason, my darling boy. You will see why in due time."

I shook my head at her. "To ruin my chances with Klara? I wasn't ready to tell her about Rose just yet."

"For clarity, Dimka." I gave her a confused look in return, causing her to continue her unclear prediction. "The future is bright for you and the girl who lights up the room. Happiness and love seep from every corner, as well as the ability to understand and accept each other's flaws. The future is there and intact for you, my boy, you just need to discover it with her."

"Are you referring to Klara or Rose or someone else?" I questioned her, raising one of my eyebrows. She just smiled at me in return, not saying anything. "You can't even help lead me in the right direction?"

"In due time, you will see. Just keep your mind open," said Yeva mysteriously. "You will choose between the girl you need and the girl you want."

* * *

Present Day: Rose's Point of View

"Steele told us that we got a nice hotel, but not this nice," I exasperated, as we pulled the car up to the hotel. We were staying at the Staybridge Suites hotel in Missoula, with their standard bedrooms accompanied by small kitchenettes, a dining area, and living room. The stone overlay on the building, accompanied by the granite interior made it feel like we were royalty. I had never stayed in a hotel this nice without being with Lissa.

Damn. We were spoiled, all thanks to Lissa. Originally we were going to stay in a shitty motel room, which was standard for sleeping arrangements for guardians on a mission, but Lissa thought it was unfair. The fact that we were constantly putting ourselves at risk and ended up in some shitty, cheap mattress, was pretty unreasonable. So, Lissa—without me even telling her too—spoke to Queen Tatiana about better arrangements for me and Dimitri. It didn't take long to convince, no Lissa didn't compel (the natural charisma did help), and we ended up in the best hotel in the city.

Dimitri seemed just as surprised as me when we looked at the surroundings. This felt all new to him as well. As we walked over to stand in line at the front desk, I stared around at everything in the hotel. There was a nice lounge area with a roaring fire and comfy leather chairs, as well as multiple chandeliers hanging everywhere. This was definitely better than a motel. Although, as we stood in line I couldn't help but feel that someone was watching me.

A few old ladies were sitting in the lounge, sipping afternoon cocktails and playing cards. It was the cliché of all old ladies that got together and I wished that Lissa was here to silently laugh about it. One of them was staring at me and Dimitri, then turned back to speak to her friends as soon as I made eye contact with her. What was this all about?

"Do you see her staring at us?" I muttered to Dimitri, as we waited in line for the receptionist. I ushered my head slightly towards the old ladies who were laughing about something.

"Rose, I highly doubt they are talking about us," said Dimitri, adjusting his duffle bag on his shoulder.

I sighed and shook my head.

"Welcome to Staybridge Suites. Do you have a reservation now or do you need to book a room?" asked the receptionist, as it was our turn. She seemed young and energetic, almost too peppy for working a shitty job.

"We have a reservation under the name Rosemarie Hathaway," I said. I gave a slightly smug look to Dimitri, who was adamant that he took care of the arrangements. There was something about men and wanting to always be in charge. I won by simply saying that if he is going to be a bitch about always driving, then I was in charge of booking all of the rooms.

The receptionist quickly typed a few things into the computer, with the continued cheesy smile on her face. "Okay, Miss Hathaway. It appears that everything will be paid for through under the name Gregory Steele?" I nodded, trying not to snicker at Steele's first name. "Excellent. So, you still want the two-bed suite? There is a one-bed available if you would like to change?"

"No," I replied quickly, feeling my face redden. "We aren't together or anything, our work just sent us here." I glanced over at Dimitri, who was awkwardly looking the other way. Wow, I guess we still could pass as a couple even though things weren't close to that.

"I apologize, Ms. Hathaway. I assumed that you were together, you would make such a great couple," She added, trying to cover her ass.

I tried holding back my embarrassment, as well as anger at her inappropriate remark. Why was the receptionist trying to get into our business and commenting on our love life? Guess she needed her fix of drama and getting into people's personal business. This job didn't seem that eventful.

A few more minutes later we had our key cards and room number. We made our way towards the elevator, with the old woman who stared at me standing in front of it. Of course, I would have this sort of luck.

"Do you have a problem?" I said, immediately feeling Dimitri's elbow digging into my side to get me to drop it.

"Darkness seems to follow you, doesn't it?" She pondered out loud.

I gave her a look as if she was crazy. "Are you talking about my all black clothes?" I said, staring down at my guardian attire. What the hell was she referring to? She wasn't a Moroi or Dhampir, so there was no way she was seeing the future like Yeva or Rhonda.

She blatantly ignored me and turned towards Dimitri. "Something has touched your soul too, something very dark. Yet, you were led back to the light by someone. Darkness is still swirling, danger is inevitable."

The elevator finally arrived and Dimitri made the first move to bring our multiple bags on the elevator. I started walking onto the elevator following him, but before I was completely through the door the lady grabbed my arm. She stared at me with her crystal blue eyes, her face completely expressionless. "Rosemarie, you need to look out for yourself. You need to make sure the darkness doesn't take over."

"How do you know my name?" I questioned.

She smiled, before tilting her head to reveal the scars up and down it. A former feeder. How the hell did she know me? She was definitely not one at the Academy or the Court. "Good luck, Rosemarie," She said, turning around to walk away.

The elevator doors soon closed, leaving silence between me and Dimitri. We were both puzzled by what this lady said, but I soon came to the conclusion to not believe anything. Feeders would say ridiculous things post-bite, especially Lissa's preferred ones. They always seemed to be in a trance, a trance that I hated to admit I knew very well. Your brain went to a different place when you were high on the bites, so anything could be coming out of their mouths. This was especially evident if they had been a feeder for a long time. Mostly because their brain seemed to continue in this permanent state of high. Although the most troubling part was that she seemed to know that Dimitri was restored, as well as know my name. That couldn't be a coincidence.

* * *

Our room was absolutely stunning and it was hard to believe that two Dhampirs had this, especially with no Royals involved. I made a mental note to text Lissa thanks, as soon as we were settled. The kitchenette in the room was definitely smaller than I imagined, but it would come in handy since we could be staying more than a few days. Our exact time here depended on if there was anything important in Missoula.

I was the first to walk into the bedroom and claimed my bed by tossing my suitcases onto it. My bed was right by the window, that overlooked the pool and other amenities that the hotel had. I wished that it wasn't the dead of winter, so I could at least enjoy the pool during the day.

Dimitri came in the room after me, giving me a disapproving look at the state of my half of the room. Of course, I had started throwing my clothes all over the ground, searching for my comfy pair of sweatpants and a shirt to change into.

"Making yourself at home, I see," said Dimitri, who was already starting to organize his things in the shared closet and dresser.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, after grabbing the things I needed. "I just want to change and look at this file, before I lose my mind." I walked past him briskly, into the bathroom. Wow, the bathroom was just as stunning as the rest of the hotel. Shutting the door, I quickly stripped off my guardian clothes, which weren't nearly as comfy as they appeared, then threw on my comfier clothes.

As I walked out of the room, I soon was staring at a shirtless Dimitri. Damn, he was just as unbelievably attractive as he was years ago. The chiseled and muscular look on his chest was still enough to make any girl swoon. Dimitri was quick to pull over his usual black crewneck, not seeming to notice that I was standing right there.

"We need to make a shopping list of anything we need. Do you want to go tomorrow before dusk hits? I imagine you will want to sleep." Dimitri said, continuing to organize his clothes.

I kicked my suitcase out of the way, immediately grabbing my laptop with the flash drive. This file had been racing through my head for weeks and now I finally had the chance to take a look at it. "Alcohol," I said sarcastically.

Dimitri gave me a long, disapproving look. "What happened to not liking alcohol?"

Laughing, I shrugged and started typing in my password to my computer. "It is called getting older and maturing. I will just have the occasional glass of wine or champagne."

His stare continued to bore into me.

"Okay, occasionally I will splurge on the hard stuff."

Dimitri chuckled. "Like what? The American version of vodka or tequila?"

"Duh," I said, flicking my hair over my shoulder. "Surprised you even entertained the idea of me having alcohol. Your Zen logic during training was that no alcohol or drugs should be used so then I'm not distracted from my duty."

"You have matured a lot, since the last time I saw you. I don't think you need my advice anymore, especially since I'm no longer your mentor," replied Dimitri, zipping up his empty suitcase.

"So, the Zen master is finally graduating his student from the Zen logic world?" I said, flailing my hands in the air jokingly. "I'm honored, Comrade, truly."

He chuckled, then walked over to sit on the edge of his bed closest to mine. Dimitri gave me a small smile when he saw me eagerly put the flash drive into my computer. "What are you looking for exactly?" He asked.

"Not sure," I admitted. Sure, I did have good reasons to see the file, especially out of my own curiosity, but would there be anything that I didn't already know about Croft? "But, why would Steele go to extremes to hide this file if there wasn't something important about it?"

"I agree with your reasoning, Rose. I just hope this wasn't all for nothing," stated Dimitri.

"It won't be," I said, double-clicking on the file.

The file immediately pulled up with the basic background information. Gender, birthday, birthplace, and family information. As suspected, Hans Croft did not know who his father was. This was not surprising, considering I didn't know who my father was until I turned eighteen. I quickly scrolled to the next page, noticing that Dimitri was watching from afar.

"Comrade, come here," I scooted over on my bed and patted it. Two years ago, I would have loved this situation more than ever, but now things were different. At least our friendship and conversation were getting back to normal and we were opening up.

He looked hesitantly at first, before sighing and coming over to sit next to me. I didn't feel awkward about it at all, but I could tell that Dimitri was. After all, Dimitri made sure to keep his distance so he wouldn't have any accidental physical contact. Sighing, I shook my head and continued scrolling through the file to look for anything that stood out to me.

There was the boring information about how well he did during his training as a Novice, as well as a detailed outline about all of his positions. He certainly had quite the resume over the years, as well as many successful solo missions that he went on. No wonder he was appointed the head of guardians at Court, basically making him head of guardians in America. On top of his impeccable record, he was even a blood master 7 and was just as good as Dimitri. I always suspected that Hans was good, but not that good.

"You know it's funny," I said, as I skim read through this section of information. "For someone who has been so successful in all of his assignments had one little slip up to result in a disappearance. Even if Strigoi's attacked the car, there would have been a least a few seconds to get in position to fight back."

Dimitri nodded, with a puzzled look on his face. "Accidents do happen. One moment of temporarily shutting off your awareness can change your life completely," He said, alluding to the incidence in the cave. "How many Strigoi were suspected to be at the scene?"

"At least six, but most likely more. The fact that they took out a Moroi and several other guardians, including one of the best, suggests there were more," I stated, scrolling past some irrelevant information.

As I was scrolling, Dimitri reached over to grab my hand and stop it. "Why are there bank records from the past year in the file? I have seen many files and none of them have ever had bank records that far back unless it was something important."

I gave him a curious look, then scrolled back up to stare at them. First of all, wow, being the head guardian at Court certainly paid well. Comparing that to my salary, made it look like I worked some shitty fast food job. As I continued to take a closer look it appeared that Hans had transferred money around between accounts, as well as withdrawing a substantial amount of money each month.

"Didn't you say the cash was being withdrawn shortly before his disappearance?" questioned Dimitri, staring at the screen.

"That was what the guardians at Court were told during an updated meeting about his disappearance. Why wouldn't they tell us the complete truth?" I said, making eye contact with Dimitri's dark eyes.

I scrolled past the bank account information, noticing that Hans had closed a few of his accounts prior to his disappearance. That was just as strange as the withdrawals over the past year.

His disappearance details were on the last page of the file and I immediately started skimming the article, finding the details I did not know. The bank account information was fishy, but I stared at the paragraph in front of me with my body tensing. Looking at Dimitri, he had the same shocked expression. It was an account from the Queen's personal Moroi assistant.

The last people Hans Croft spoke to before going to town was Gregory Steele and Queen Tatiana. While I did not hear the entire conversation, I knew that it was heated and resulted in a division between Croft's personal beliefs and Queen Tatiana's. I do not think anything vile would result, but I wonder if the disappearance has anything to do with this conversation.

"This might be why Steele didn't want this file to be public access," stated Dimitri. "It would put a target on Steele's back, as well as raise suspicion that he was involved in Croft's disappearance."

"But if he was involved, what would be his motivation?"

Dimitri shrugged. "Hard to say because there are other ways to get the head of guardian job at Court, especially since Hans was nearing retirement or at least stepping away from certain obligations."

Sighing, I tapped my fingers on the side of my computer thinking. I turned back towards the computer to read through the detailed accounts of the scene of the found vehicle. I skipped over the gory parts of the found guardians and Moroi, not wanting to enhance the images that already scarred my mind. I kept reading through the section again and again, fully knowing that Dimitri was giving me a look like I was crazy.

There were no footprints, blood, and also no trace of any resistance from the driver's side—where Hans was presumed to be situated. Generally, in most cases, there were signs of struggle before someone disappeared, but that didn't seem to be the case in this situation. "Dimitri, when you were Strigoi were you careful about covering your tracks?"

I could immediately tell he did not like the question, but he sighed deep in thought. "It depends on the situation, but for the most part, I tried to cover all of my tracks. I didn't have time to make it perfect, especially out of pure bloodlust. No Strigoi would take the time to completely cover every single part of their tracks, mostly because it would be impossible. Why do you ask?"

"I just have this feeling that someone was targeting Hans or trying to take him out. The bank account withdrawals over the past year, the push to go to town, and the fact that there appeared to be no trace of Hans at the scene. It isn't adding up."

"So, what do you think?" said Dimitri, immediately following through with the points I made.

"I think Hans is alive and not captured by a Strigoi. I think he ran away from someone."

* * *

Thanks for your patience once again! I received so many lovely reviews, new follows, and favorites last chapter and I still can't believe how much this story is growing. Also, I cannot wait for you guys to read the next few chapters. I have some amazing things up my sleeve, especially when we hit chapter 20. Anyways review as always.

Also, there are a few of you that leave a non-guest review, but I am not able to respond to your review due to a setting you have. Just know that I'm super appreciative of it! Have a great week everyone. Will get Chapter 18 up as soon as possible. :)


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

Author's Note: Well hellooooo everyone! As promised, I managed to get a chapter up this week. This is a "filler chapter" but I added some elements in there. One follower wanted to know if Lissa ever found out the extent of Rose and Dimitri's relationship…well you are about to find out!

Thanks for all of the support!

* * *

1 Year Ago:

Lissa and I were laying in her bed on a Friday night, after a long week. On top of guarding Lissa, I had multiple patrol duties, a few guardian meetings, and my on-going training. If I was going to protect the potential future Queen, I had to make sure that I was always fully in shape.

On top of Lissa's grueling tasks with Queen Tatiana, she had to make the decision whether or not she would attend University in the fall. She had already postponed it a year but was already considering taking another year off. Being a potential heir to the throne, thanks to her new found knowledge of Jill Mastrano Dragomir, had been a lot to process. Lissa never wanted to be Queen, but the opportunity was something that excited and inspired her.

"Do you think I would make a good Queen?" Lissa asked as we stared at the ceiling.

I nodded my head. "Of course, Liss. Why would you think you wouldn't be?"

She sighed and ran her hands down her face. "I don't know, I just always thought that Andre had more of the personality to rule the country. I was always the timid younger sister."

"Andre was a less asshole version of Adrian though. I don't think we would want someone like that ruling the country."

Lissa was slightly angered by my statement, but then she quickly realized that I was right. After Andre's playboy ways, especially with Mia, it was inevitable that he shared something in common with Adrian. When Adrian wasn't committed to someone, he would sleep with nearly everyone he could get his hands on. He was the total definition of a modern-day man whore. Andre was at least not as bad. At least that is what I wanted to think.

"How have you been feeling?" Lissa responded, choosing to ignore my previous remark. I knew what she was referring to; it was my unstable emotions when it came to Dimitri. I felt pathetic letting him still get to me a month after he left and months after he ended things with me. It was still hard to accept him truly not being a part of my life.

"Better than how I was last week. Started to adjust with the aspect of him not being a part of my life. I think about him less and I don't dream about him anymore, which is good."

"Are you ever going to tell me more about your past with Dimitri?" She questioned.

I sighed, not really wanting to walk down memory lane. Lissa knew that Dimitri and I were very much in love at one point, especially to all of the extremes I went to. "What exactly do you want to know?" I said.

Lissa sat up and looked down at me, giving me a comforting smile. "I know you said the feelings slowly built up during training and the night Victor's lust charm, but I never heard anything past that."

I closed my eyes, knowing that Lissa deserved to know. I put her through hell and back when it came to Dimitri, which was unfair to her. I knew she wanted to know out of genuine curiosity and also to understand why Dimitri had this great effect on me after all of this time. "After the lust charm incident, we both tried denying what happened. He denied more than me and I made the mistake of kissing him one time during practice."

Lissa gave me a surprised look.

"Don't get your hopes up, it didn't end well. We went on that ski trip and Tasha offered him the opportunity to be her guardian and they could start a family together. I was jealous of her, angry that he didn't even take me into consideration. So, in order to move on, I tried with Mason—" I stopped, swallowing and taking a few deep breaths. Talking about Mason was still hard to this day.

Lissa shook her head, frowning. "So that is why you hated Tasha. I never knew the exact reason why you despised her, but I always knew you had your reasons."

"She is also a bitch," I stated.

We both started laughing and I sat up. "Anyways, you know how that ended up," I continued. "After Spokane, Dimitri stuck around to make sure that I was okay. During our first practice back, he told me that he said no to Tasha's offer because his heart belonged to me. We kissed, and it was so powerful, that it made me love him even more. Except, we had to continue fighting back our feelings since we would both be your guardian, our age difference, and the fact that he was my mentor."

I continued talking about the entire scenario about how Dimitri and I had to keep our distance, while constantly denying our feelings during the practices. It also didn't help that Adrian was lurking around, still attempting to get in my pants at that time point. As I droned on about my feelings and the connection Dimitri and I possessed, Lissa kept nodding her head and smiling.

After I stopped talking, Lissa stared at me wanting to bring up a question. I gave her a look, telling her that I will find out the question regardless. Sighing, she looked down at her hands. "What are you leaving out? Don't say you are leaving out nothing, Rose because I'm very well aware that there is something you are failing to tell me."

Damn, she did know me well. I looked away, not knowing how I would even bring up that moment in the cabin. It wasn't that I was scared Lissa would judge me, but I was scared to let those memories flow back into my mind. "Remember where spirit got to you a lot? When you caught that group near the edge of campus . . . "I didn't need to say anything else because through the bond I sensed the guilt Lissa felt.

"The moment where you took all that darkness away," She softly said.

"Dimitri took me to one of the old abandoned guardian cabins. I was trying to fight back the backlash of Spirit, I mean he had to totally put every ounce of weight on me to make sure I wouldn't escape. After I calmed down, I was so vulnerable. I felt weak that I couldn't fight it off alone without him. Things got intense in our conversation and before I knew it we had sex."

Lissa's mouth dropped open. Shock, but a subtle bit of happiness for me radiated through the bond, as she turned to face me. "I didn't know you lost your virginity to him. I always assumed it was Adrian," She admitted.

"We told each other that we loved each other, and we would find a way to be together. He told me he would try to get reassigned to someone at Court, so we could at least see each other during our time off. I thought I actually had a chance to be with him, but then there was an attack. You know the rest," I said, with emotion building up in my voice.

Oh, I loved him with all my heart back then. When I lost him in the cave it felt like every part of me was being ripped to pieces, that my heart was going to stop beating. Time stood still in that moment, especially when I knew that my soulmate was truly gone from me. Were Dimitri and I actually soulmates? Who knows, but it was no good now.

"I gave up the fight to be with him too easily," I admitted, feeling the burning sensation of tears forming in my eyes. "I shouldn't have ever given up on him, maybe things would be different."

"Oh Rose, that may have caused you more pain."

I felt so open and vulnerable with her. Yes, Lissa was my best friend but the subject about Dimitri always felt like something forbidden to bring up to her. Mostly because he was her assigned guardian at the time and I was afraid of her reaction. I didn't want to be judged or chastised for falling in love with my mentor. Ridiculous, I know, but it was still a fear.

I ran a hand down my face, before talking some more. "I feel like I'm still mourning the loss of Dimitri. The Dimitri I knew, the Dimitri I loved and would do anything for. This new post-restoration Dimitri is not the Dimitri I fell in love with." The tears started leaking out of my eyes and I quickly brushed them away, muffling the noise of any sobs.

Lissa quickly grabbed me and pulled me into her comforting hug. She stroked my hair and my back, trying to calm me down. "Rose, the Dimitri that you fell in love with is in still in there somewhere. I have no doubt that he will come back to you."

* * *

Present Day:

Dimitri stared at me in silence, as I made my conclusion about Hans Croft. It made the most sense that someone would be after him, considering he had been withdrawing and closing bank accounts months before his disappearance. Not to mention, a skilled guardian like Hans Croft would know how to cover every single part of his tracks so he would be untraceable.

"Are you going to just stare at me or say something?" I said dryly, looking at Dimitri's brows fury. "You know that I am right."

Dimitri climbed off my bed, muttering something in Russian. "Rose, why would he be running away from someone? He is or was the highest ranked guardian who had control over all of us. He knows better than anyone that guardians aren't supposed to run away in fear."

"So, you are saying that everything I said was bullshit?" I said, closing my laptop screen and carefully placing it next to me.

"I'm not doubting your personal conclusion, I just don't think it is the right one to make. There are a lot of assumptions you put into place," Dimitri said calmly.

"You're fucking unbelievable," I said, standing up from my bed and walking out of the bedroom. I grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and quickly filled it with water.

Dimitri followed me out of the bedroom, leaning against the doorway. He had his typical brooding expression, as his arms were crossed over his chest. "Rose, you have to see my point of view with it being caution about your conclusions."

"You know, the old Dimitri would have never shut me down the way you did now," I said, quickly chugging my glass of water. I needed to get out of here and away from Dimitri, mostly to clear my head.

The sun would set in a few short hours, but I didn't care. I started throwing on my winter boots and grabbed my winter coat, avoiding all eye contact with Dimitri. He started putting up a protest about how it isn't safe to go out there alone and we really need to talk things through a bit more. I blatantly ignored him, before grabbing a silver stake and the room key card.

"Roza, we can talk about this calmly. Don't go out there," said Dimitri, grabbing my arm.

I yanked my arm out of his grasp. "Don't call me that name. You don't make sense. You are back and forth on how you behave around me, sometimes treating me like I am your student and other times viewing me as an adult. Make up your mind for God's sake," I said through my teeth.

Dimitri didn't reply, but a scowl spread across his face. He certainly never liked being told off.

I opened up the door, but before I exited the room I turned to face him. My eyes met his as I said, "You talked about guardians not running when there is fear. Yet, you ran away to Russia for a year out of fear of being around me or the fear of loving me again. How about you take that into consideration before you shut down the idea of a guardian being fearful?"

I left before he replied.

* * *

After taking a few hours to walk around outdoors, it was starting to get dark outside. Sighing, I decided to make my way back to the hotel, knowing that I would have to face Dimitri at some point. Yeah, I was still a bit pissed off about him not even fully considering my idea—I knew I was right—but I also knew that I couldn't hold onto this grudge for too long. Mostly because I would have to spend every single day with him.

I made my way back to the room, not making eye contact with Dimitri on the couch. He was reading one of his Western novels, with the news channel turned. Any average person would think he would be a father working a nine to five job with some of his odd habits. It was the one thing that I still loved about him, how he wasn't afraid to be different.

We made brief eye contact, but he didn't look like he was going to move. So instead, I walked to the bedroom and saw that my luggage and clothes that were thrown everywhere were neatly organized on my side of the room. Smirking at Dimitri's constant need to be organized, I grabbed my shower stuff and shut the door to the bathroom.

As soon as I was done with the shower and exited the bathroom, Dimitri was sitting in his bed looking at me. My hair was dripping down my shirt, dampening the front part of it. Sheepishly, I crossed my arms over my chest forgetting that I had gotten rid of my bra. I shouldn't have been that embarrassed at the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra and you could start seeing through my shirt, especially considering that he had seen me completely naked.

"Going to apologize?" I chided, strolling to my side of the room. I threw off some of the accessory pillows on the bed and climbed into it, facing him. Dimitri gave me a long look, before looking away. "I thought I was the immature one."

"Am I not allowed to voice an opinion about whether or not I like your interpretation of the file?" asked Dimitri.

I rolled my eyes and turned over to the other side in my bed. "You are, but usually you would consider it more than a minute. You wouldn't flat out say that it was unlikely. At least that is not the Dimitri I knew."

"Because I'm not the same person I was two years ago, Rose!" He exclaimed. Dimitri ran his hands through his hair that was let down. I could see the pain on his face, as he thought back to the time when everything felt right in the world. When he didn't have to deal with the guilt of hurting so many people and hurting me. "I'm not sure if I can ever go back to the person you knew."

That reminded me of the time where I talked to Lissa about losing the Dimitri I knew and him being replaced by someone else. In the present day, there were aspects of him that felt like the old Dimitri. The cautiousness, the dedication to being a guardian, and his occasional Zen logic to me, but there was something else that was still off. There was a missing piece to him that made him not himself.

Sighing, I climbed out of bed and walked over to his. Not even asking his permission, I sat next to him on the bed. He glanced up at me briefly, before looking down at his hands resting in his lap. "What is still bothering you?" I questioned, grabbing both of his hands.

He shook his head, not wanting to say anything. After some time had passed he finally managed to say something along the lines about hurting the people he cared about, hinting towards me. I knew that he was talking about the pain and torment that still radiated in him when he was a Strigoi.

"Comrade, you really need to work on forgiving yourself."

"How do you not look in the mirror at the scars and remember what I did?" He said, with emotion building in his voice. "Every time I look at myself in the mirror I see every victim I tormented, every family I tore apart. It's unbearable."

Flicking my hair over my shoulder, I tilted my head to the side to reveal the spot on my neck. "Do you see any scars?" I whispered to him, orienting myself so I was closer to him. "I don't see them unless I try. I told you this."

Dimitri looked up and met my eyes, before staring at my neck. From his distance, he couldn't see anything, as a puzzled expression crossed his face. I leaned closer to him, suddenly seeing his eyes fixed upon the small scar on my neck. He hesitantly reached over to touch that part of my neck, suddenly sending a chill down my spine.

We stared at each other in the eyes, with my expression not changing. I saw the confliction of emotion in his eyes, with tears starting to well up. I had a feeling he was returning to the time where he fed off of me and begged me to turn so we could be together. I grabbed my hand and placed it on top of his, giving him a reassuring smile.

"I'm sorry for doubting you earlier, Rose," He whispered back to me. Dimitri removed his hand from my neck and ran a hand through my hair, immediately soothing me.

"I'm sorry for overreacting," I returned to him. "We can't argue like this, Comrade, we have to focus on our mission or we won't make it out alive."

"I know," He sighed.

"Let's just not talk about Croft until we think about the file some more," I whispered to him. I was still rather close to him, to the point where I could smell his aftershave and deodorant coming off of him. It was the same scent that I had grown so accustomed to after all of that time together.

He nodded in agreement. "Did you cut your hair because of me?" He asked me, with one of his hands resting on it.

My hair was at that awkward length below my shoulders but above my breasts. "I needed to restart my life in some ways too," I nonchalantly said. "At least I didn't opt for a pixie cut."

"Your hair is too beautiful to have into a cut like your moms," said Dimitri, before quickly snapping out of the growing intensity in this moment. "We should get some rest, so we are ready for tomorrow night."

I nodded my head, realizing that his hand still lingered there. That tingly feeling that I used to always associate with him was coming back, but I quickly moved away from him to get climb back into my own bed. Silently scolding myself for beginning to succumb to him, I yanked the covers up high to cover myself. Damn it, why did I still want him?

* * *

It was a week later, and we had no such luck obtaining intel about the Moroi and guardian disappearances. Sure, we slightly reduced the Strigoi threat by staking eight of them, but so far, we hadn't made much progress in the actual mission. The Strigoi that we had run into were naïve and recently turned, which caused them not to know anything about guardians and Moroi.

On top of the failed mission, Dimitri and I hadn't spoken much since the Hans Croft conflict and our conversation that night. If we did speak it was about what food we needed to get or the plan for that night, which never seemed to change. Our plan would consist of hunting Strigoi along the outskirts of town, near the forest until dawn, then we would sleep all day and repeat.

I guess I didn't mind consistency in this mission, but a part of me was tired of doing the same thing each night. We weren't getting anywhere, so I decided it was time to change things up, without even mentioning it to Dimitri. I guess one could say that it was a bad choice keeping something from my partner in this mission, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I was capable of handling this myself.

As Dimitri was busy doing a few things in the kitchen, I walked over to my drawer that I had finally managed to unpack. Rumbling around in the drawer, I managed to find the dress that my mother swore I didn't have a purpose for during the mission, on top of a pair of sweatpants to cover it up.

Grabbing the right bra, I went to the bathroom to quickly change into my clothes. The dress was my usual black color that was skin tight, with a plunging V-neck. As I always jokingly told Lissa (and once Mom) that if you got it, flaunt it. Might as well be putting this dress to good use to hunt down some Strigoi.

The nightclubs were considered a breeding ground for Strigoi. The crowd mostly consisted of young people in their twenties that were too drunk to be paying attention. Next thing you knew, you would be getting snatched from the Strigoi in the shadows and dragged out to alleyways. The one thing that I never completely understood was the fact that the clubs didn't have wards to protect the occasional Moroi or guardians that would enter.

I quickly pulled on my sweatpants over my dress, as well as my coat. If it were up to me I would be more dressed up than this, kitten heels and all, but I knew I needed some good pair of shoes if I was going to be potentially fighting Strigoi. Throwing on my pair of black converse, I ran my fingers through my hair and pocketed a lipstick to put on before I entered the club. I looked at myself in the mirror briefly, before grabbing my fake ID (this was actually issued by Court—just saying).

Dimitri gave me a curious expression, as he finished washing some of the dishes. "I thought we agreed that we would take the night off since it is Saturday," He said.

This was the basis of our conversations now. Ever since another one of his vulnerable moments he had pushed back, almost fearful of showing that sign of weakness to me. I still could feel the sensation of his hand touching my neck and the tingling feeling of his hand stroking my hair.

"I'm taking a walk, so I'm not stuffed up in this hotel room all night," I shrugged, with his face appearing as if he had believed my white lie. "I'm armed with two stakes, so I'm sure I'll be fine."

Dimitri put down the dish towel, staring at me for a long time. I was sure he was trying to read my facial expression to see if I was lying or not, but I had learned how to keep a poker face. That year of lying to Lissa about things, as well as hiding feelings for Dimitri to everyone else had taught me a lot. Although I was fearful, considering Dimitri at one point knew me better than Lissa.

"Have fun," He returned.

"Thanks, Comrade," I said, walking towards the door. "Do we need anything at the store? I could stop by on my way back."

"No, enjoy your walk," said Dimitri.

With that, I left the room hoping that he wouldn't be following me down the hallway. A part of me was worried that he saw right through my lie, but then again, he would have called me out as soon as I was trying to leave. Pushing those thoughts away from my head, I felt my inner coat pocket to feel the two silver stakes. I could do this alone, heck I was trained to do stuff like this alone. But why was a part of me so worried?

* * *

Getting into the local young adult club was far too easy, considering the bouncer had secretly been drinking. He did the old-fashioned drink trick where he put vodka in a water bottle. Even from a few feet away I could smell the alcohol for him and it was completely obvious he was intoxicated by his giggling state. So much for being a menacing bouncer.

As soon as I handed my coat over to one of the workers, I immediately went into full guardian surveillance mode. It was crowded, hot, and loud with the music blasting, but with all of the training I had been through I learned how to tune out all of the distractions. Everyone around me already seemed pretty wasted, especially some of the girls that looked around my age. I guess there was nothing better to do when you were young and stuck in the middle of Montana.

I had only been here for about thirty minutes and already had some very attractive human men hit on me. They were all pretty close in age to me and had that pretty boy look. If I wasn't actually looking out for Strigoi, I would have loved to tease them in return, making even allow them a dirty dance, but I was working. I needed to remain focus and not let irrelevant people distract me.

Nausea suddenly filled inside of me and I knew there must be Strigoi somewhere. Scanning around the room, I managed to see a group of very drunk girls standing near the back door. Of course, it would be one of those cliché movie moments where a girl is led into the back alleyway. I didn't break eye contact with the back door, as I made my way to that area. My nausea increased with every step closer to the back door. They were waiting out there, waiting for a stupid girl to walk outside of the doors for some fresh air.

I had a stake in my hand already, which was foolish having one out in the club. I guess I didn't think things through well enough about wearing this dress, considering I only had room to store one stake (it was my down my bra and barely secure). But no one seemed to notice or care about my silver stake, for all I know they were concentrated on getting drunk, dancing, and finding someone to hook up with.

"What are you carrying?" asked one of the girls, standing near the back door. "Is that some new accessory?" She was sipping on one of her mixed drinks while bouncing to the beat of the music.

"Um, yes. They are very popular in Europe," I quickly covered. "Has anyone gone outside recently?" I glanced towards the door, then back at the group of girls.

One of them was chugging down her drink and shrugged. "I wouldn't go out there. There are always so many people smoking and dealing drugs, it isn't the place to be caught."

I ignored them and moved towards the door, knowing that there were Strigoi waiting on the other side of the door. Who knew how young or old they would be, considering this was the traditional Strigoi method of feeding and creating more of them. As my hand was placed on the door, I suddenly felt guilt creeping into me about Dimitri.

What if I went missing? Dimitri wouldn't know I was here. He wouldn't even know where to start looking for me.

"You look like you can't make up your mind," the first girl said. "Are you deciding whether or not you should get drugs? I heard they got some good stuff from Mexico. Just be careful because they try to get more out of you, sometimes are even crazy and inject you with this drug that makes you hallucinate things."

I knew what she was referring to immediately. The Strigoi venom. The hallucinogenic effect that caused you to immediately distance yourself from reality and almost go into some fantasy land. Sadly, I had witnessed that quite a bit, but that was something I didn't want to think about.

"Yes, I'm very into that," I said, with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. Although I knew that the girls were too drunk to understand. "Has anyone gone out there yet?" asking her the same question, considering she ignored it the first time.

"Our friend, Jesse, but it was really just for a quick smoke—" started one of the girls, but I quickly exited the room before she could finish her statement.

As soon as I stepped outside I immediately knew that there would be a Strigoi present. I heard painful moans escaping around the corner and I immediately knew it had to be Jesse. I rounded the corner, holding my stake high, hoping to catch the Strigoi off guard. This appeared to be the only one around.

I jumped out behind the corner immediately yanking the Strigoi away from the girl, who immediately collapsed to the ground. There was a lot of bleeding and I knew that it was only a matter of time until she would be a goner. Tearing my eyes away from her, I gave the Strigoi a swift kick to the face causing it to tumble backward.

"Who the hell are you?" the male Strigoi snarled back at me. It looked like he was at least mid-age and he appeared to be an older Strigoi.

"Rose Hathaway and you are?" I said, not giving him a chance to respond before I took my shoe to his shoulder to at least strain his muscles. The Strigoi let out a cry, as I pressed the silver stake across his face. "Do you know anything about the attacks on Moroi and their guardians?"

He started to stand up, but I pressed down my grip further, nearly banging his head against the pavement. "I don't know who, but someone is passing along information."

"What information?" I demanded, with the stake hovering above his chest.

The Strigoi attempted to fight back, but I once again subdued him. "I'll make you a bargain if you let me get away," He quickly said, but I raised my silver stake directly above his chest. "Fine, fine. They tell us about the guardian movements, as well as if the Moroi's leave the premise. I'm not sure why, but they communicate with us."

I gave him a curious look. What would be someone's motivation to give this information to a Strigoi? What did they gain in exchange? Why would they want to kill their own people? Questions raced through my head and I was quickly spacing out, but not enough to let the Strigoi out from my grasp.

"Do you know anything about Hans Croft?" I asked, figuring it was worth a chance. His disappearance was still on my mind, especially with the information in the file.

The Strigoi grinned at me, his bright red eyes reaching mine. "He's alive, but I think that'll all you deserve to know before—"

Suddenly I felt myself being pulled away from the Strigoi with such brute force that my stake flew out of my hands. My head smashed against the wall, as three other Strigoi hovered towards me. Where did they come from? I checked the area to make sure there was only that one Strigoi before I attacked. My reflexes immediately caused me to fight back against the Strigoi but the three of them were so strong, I couldn't fight them off.

The male I subdued on the ground, stood up brushing away the dirt from him. "Foolish girl, did you really think that I wasn't surrounded by others? By the looks of it, it appears that you are still very young and naïve. I'm assuming you are a recent escapee from the Academy?"

I managed to kick one of the Strigoi holding me, but that wasn't enough to get him away. Fuck. How was I supposed to get out of this one? I hated myself for doing this without Dimitri, even thinking that I would be on my own. Hans Croft distracted me temporarily from the mission, I should have staked that Strigoi when I had a chance.

The moment of hesitation that Dimitri warned me about. The moment that could cost me my life.

"I have no use of her, kill her," said the male, turning around to walk away.

I started fighting back with as much force as I could, but I knew that there wasn't a way out of this one. One of the Strigoi's leaned forward towards me very eagerly. As he fangs neared my neck, I couldn't help but see my entire life flash before my eyes. The Academy, Lissa, Mason, Christian, Alberta, Adrian, Stan, and, of course, Dimitri. I tried to tell myself that everything would be okay, that Lissa would be safe without me, but I knew I couldn't lie to myself. Nothing was okay.

Thoughts swirled through my brain, desperately trying to find a way to reach out to her. There was nothing that could be done and the only thing I hoped was for this to be quick and easy. Closing my eyes, I felt the sharp pain of the bite into my neck.

* * *

Author's Note:

I'm sorry a cliffhanger, I know you probably hate me for it. Haha. Next chapter will contain one of my favorite scenes I have ever written. I have had this pre-written since around the time I was writing chapter 3, I believe. So be excited!

Life has been crazy and weird lately for me. I have had a lot of personal things going on in my life, that writing has become a lower priority. The issues are resolving, so I'm hoping to get some good writing in this weekend.

Hoping next chapter will come faster. :)

Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Review as always.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Note: There will be no flashback in this chapter.

There were many times that I imagined dying from a Strigoi, but definitely not in this situation. It was one thing to die fighting to protect your Moroi or in battle, but a completely another thing to die when you were stupid to let your guard down. Not to mention going to a sketchy Strigoi breeding area of town just because you were pissed at your comrade, no pun intended.

Yeah, I guess you could say that I was still the same reckless Rose. The Rose that didn't think before she did something—hey, I at least improved a bit over the past few years. There was that part of me that wanted to take a leap of faith, do something for myself, and change things up. But at what expense? My life? This wouldn't be an honorable death, this would be childish and immature.

Pain rippled throughout me as the fangs sunk into my neck. I tried continuing the fight, through every ounce of sharp pain, but I knew I couldn't continue. I was being weakened and put in this weird hallucinogenic state from the Strigoi venom. The body tried fighting, but soon the sharp pains were fading, and I felt relaxed. Was I relaxed? Probably not. My body was just coming to terms with that I was dying.

Suddenly anger poured throughout the bond, drawing my mind to Lissa momentarily. Something had happened at Court, while she was practicing Spirit magic with Adrian. From the state I was in, I didn't know the circumstances, but I did think of something else. It came to me impulsively; I could take the darkness away from her.

Letting myself open up to the bond, I started taking the darkness and anger away from her, letting every last inch of it pouring into me. Lissa must have sensed something was happening because through the bond I could hear her shouting my name, wondering why I was taking the darkness, and panicking that something was wrong with me.

The Strigoi must have sensed a change in me, as I stiffened up. With some new-found strength and adrenaline, I swiftly threw my head forward, smacking the Strigoi away from my neck. It hurt like hell as I felt his teeth scrape across my neck, but I didn't care.

My hands were free, and I immediately grabbed the silver stake out of my dress, catching the head butted Strigoi off guard. My stake effortlessly hit the sweet spot in his chest, as I turned around to face the other three, including the boss-man.

Although my adrenaline was still high in my system and I felt a rage of anger, I couldn't deny the weakness spreading throughout my system. The rage was there, but could my body continue? There was still three more noticeable Strigoi, but I had a feeling there could be more around us. Taking a deep breath, I quickly assessed the locations of the remaining Strigoi. They looked confounded at my lack of outward weakness. The "boss-man" Strigoi looked outraged but also amused while the other two didn't know if they should run or fight me.

The anger built up inside of me and I quickly punched the one closest to me across the face, but he instinctively grabbed my wrist. He started bending my arm backward, inflicting more pain on me. As he immobilized that arm, my hand with the stake was trying to hit his chest. Instead, he punched me firmly in the ribs causing me to fly backward and hit the wall.

I stood up immediately, feeling more rage than before. My neck was still dripping blood, but I knew I still had time before I would faint from blood loss. That was the thing about Strigoi bites, they would bite to kill so they didn't care how big or deep the bites were. I began sparring with this Strigoi, realizing that he must have been a former guardian. I instinctively tried protecting my ribs, but I another blow hit the side of them. A bone cracked in my rib cage and my body started succumbing to the pain.

With one ditch effort, I was able to stick the Strigoi with the silver stake in its stomach. It wouldn't kill, but at least knock it down for a period of time. I slumped to the ground, holding my ribs and turned around to see where the others had gone.

They were gone, but I heard some of their hissing around the corner. Who was there? The Strigoi with the stake in the stomach was wailing in pain, unable to touch the stake without crying some more. Resting my head on the ground, I began blinking away any tears that were forming. I was in pain. Everywhere.

There was still plenty of darkness inside of me wanting to be unleashed, but my body kept saying no. There was no way I could get out of this one, at least I tried. "I'm sorry, Lissa," I said, letting a tear fall down my face.

I closed my eyes, knowing I would feel my life slip away at any moment. Instead, it didn't. As soon as I heard the Strigoi cry out in pain as someone ended his life, I opened up my eyes faintly to see Dimitri hovering over me.

"Comrade," I said very faintly, wondering if he even heard me.

"Oh Roza," sighed Dimitri, with concern written all over his face. "Let's get you out of here." He ripped a piece of fabric from his shirt, then place it firmly over my spot on the neck to suppress the bleeding. I winced in pain at the pressure but soon relaxed as I felt my blood begin to clot.

I let another tear trickle down my face. "I'm so sorry. I'm stupid."

He shook his head, wiping the tear from my face. "Let's not talk about this now. Let's focus on getting you back and safe." He looked at the wound on my neck, then muttered something I couldn't detect. Slipping his hands underneath me, he effortlessly picked me up from the ground, holding onto me tight.

"Thank you for saving me," I whispered, my arms limp as he carried me.

"I thought I would return the favor," He said, holding me even closer. "You'll be okay, Roza. Just take some deep breaths and we will be back before you know it."

My eyelids became heavier each time I blinked my eyes, as I struggled to keep them open. It was the protective instinct that I had grown up learning, to never keep your eyes off your surroundings during the human night. Although I knew I was safe with Dimitri; he wouldn't let anything, or anyone hurt me. Sighing, I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest.

* * *

We got back to the hotel room nearly at sunrise, neither of us speaking to one another. I was weak and stunned by the latest events, that I was at a complete loss for words. Just outside of the hotel, Dimitri placed me gently on the ground after I insisted that I could walk into the hotel. I didn't want to raise any suspicion in my disheveled state. My hair was stained with my blood and my dress was torn in several places, as well as a mixture of bruises and scratches throughout my body. Not to mention the bruised and broken ribs that were throughout my chest.

"Sit," He said, as soon as we walked into the bedroom.

Without protesting I sat on the bed, still decompressing from everything that happened. I was drained, and I wanted more than ever to take a long hot shower and sleep. Dimitri grabbed the first aid kit out of the closet and grabbed out the gauze, bandages, and rubbing alcohol. I wanted to protest that we didn't need to go to extreme measures, but I didn't have the energy.

"I can do it myself, Dimitri," I said, gently grabbing the items from his hands.

He gave me a look knowing that I was probably being irrational and silently disagreed, grabbing the rubbing alcohol and immediately started cleaning off the scratches on my arms. I cringed at the initial sting, but soon relaxed as my body adjusted to the slight discomfort. We sat there in silence as he helped cover my scratches and then looked at my face, noticing the huge scratch that ran from my temple to my jaw.

"That bad?" I said lightly.

He didn't respond to my comment but instead kept staring at the wound intently. "This one will sting the most, it is deeper than the others. It doesn't need stitches, so you will heal quickly."

I pushed my hair out of my face and turned my head to give him a better look at it. I let out a soft grimace at the strong sting that made it seem like my face was going to catch on fire. Taking a few deep breathes, I quickly felt relief once Dimitri finished patching it up. His hand lingered on my face and quickly went through my hair, giving me that sense of comfort.

As he finished bandaging up my neck, which thankfully wasn't as horrible as I thought, giving me a long look. I could see that he was struggling to find the right words of what to say to me, especially considering I had lied to him and was reckless. He didn't know if he should act like a mentor, friend, or what towards me. Hence, the constant awkwardness that continued to follow us everywhere.

"Thank you for saving my life," I whispered, grabbing ahold of his hand and giving it a light squeeze.

"I won't let anything happen to you, Roza." He moved his hand away from my face and placed it on top of my thigh. "When I saw you laying there with life leaving you every second, I was scared. I thought I was going to lose you."

I gave him a weak smile, then leaned myself closer to him. "In those moments I realized that it must have been something you felt right before you were turned. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. I saw the future that I won't have, as well as the people that have shaped my life. I started thinking of every last interaction I ever had, and I didn't want it those to be my last memories."

He gave me a slight smile, as we sat there for a long time staring at each other. At this point in time, it felt like nothing had happened between us. I felt like this was the first time in a long time Dimitri and I was truly acting like us. We knew each other extremely well and we were connected by saying little to no words to each other. I wanted more than anything to lay in his arms again, to feel that warmth and comfort encompass me in his tight grip.

I knew nothing could happen. I couldn't let myself love him again, mostly because it was hard to tell how he was feeling. I was scared to cross that boundary again, scared of being hurt. I broke eye contact and cleared my throat. "I am going to go shower," I whispered.

He quickly stood up and told me to not get water on my face because it would ruin the adhesion of the patches. I grabbed a pair of my shorts and an old St. Vlad's shirt and shut the bathroom door, taking a deep breath. I turned on the shower and while it was heating up I stared at my tattered appearance in the mirror. Quickly, I removed my clothes and got in the shower, instantly relaxing as the hot water ran down my back.

Silently, I let a tear fall down my face, thankful that I was still alive. My tears soon turned into sobs, relieved that the shower was loud enough so Dimitri wouldn't hear. Letting out a few more sobs, I turned off the shower and started drying off, ignoring that tears were still leaking down my face. Yanking on my pajamas, I quickly sunk to the ground leaning against one of the walls. I was exhausted; I felt like I could barely stand anymore.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but I had zoned out completely to not think about anything. I was numb. Dimitri started knocking on the door asking if I was okay, but I didn't respond. I didn't have the energy or will to. He opened up the door to stare at me on the ground, looking as if I was a little girl.

"Are you okay?" He murmured, but his tone indicated that he knew I was not. Dimitri sighed and then sat down to lean against the wall next to me. "We can sit here in silence until you're ready to move."

"You don't have to do that," I said.

"I know, but I want to."

Without putting much thought into it, I leaned my head against his shoulder. I thought he would resist and tell me it wasn't a good idea, but instead, he didn't. He let me place my head there and let me take in his intoxicating smell that I knew so well.

As we sat there in silence, it suddenly dawned on me why he decided to end things with me after he was restored. I always thought him not loving me was something that I did or out of fear of loving me. He came up with a bullshit excuse to say that he wanted me to be happy, but really it was him coming back to terms with life. He needed space and no obligations to anyone but himself. I now knew the feeling of being so close to losing your life, but actually going through what he did I couldn't fathom what that must have been like. Foolishly, I thought it would be an easy fix.

"I was afraid you would see the life leave me," I whispered. "I didn't want to leave you without you knowing that I forgive you for what you did. Why you broke things off, why you didn't try. It took me a long time to understand, but I get it now."

He brought a hand up to my hair and started running his hands through it, knowing that I loved that soothing feeling. "I never stopped caring about you Rose, not for a second. I'm happy to have you back in my life, even if it is only temporarily."

"I'll always care about you too, Comrade," I murmured. "Whatever happens after this mission is over, I won't regret going on it."

"We don't need to talk about what happened," He told me, continuing to run his hand through my hair. "I know you realize your mistakes and you don't need someone scolding you for that."

I sighed and adjusted my head. "I fucked up big time."

He let out a low chuckle. "We are human, Rose. We aren't perfect, we make mistakes, but it is learning from those mistakes that make us better people. That is the beautiful thing about life, you get second chances from mistakes."

"Except I always make reckless mistakes that almost kill me."

Dimitri let out a low chuckle. "Then you will continue learning."

"You always know how to make me feel better," I said.

I let out a yawn and closed my eyes for a brief second, enjoying the comfort of him. It didn't feel romantic in any way, but more like a friend looking out for another. Although, a part of me still wondered if it was ever possible that Dimitri and I would be brought back together. Pushing those thoughts away I quickly let my thoughts drift away.

* * *

I woke up surrounded by darkness in the bedroom, realizing that I had been placed on my bed with the covers wrapped tightly around me. Looking around slightly disoriented at what happened, I soon realized that Dimitri must have put me in bed once I had fallen asleep. Smiling, I peered over at his bed seeing him peacefully asleep. Even though the dynamic between the two of us had changed, I knew he meant what he said that he cared about me. I could only imagine the way he moved me to my bed, making sure not to wake me or cause me discomfort.

When I went to close my eyes again, images of the Strigoi biting into my neck started haunted my mind. Quietly getting out of bed, I went to the bathroom to try to clear my head. I stared in the mirror at myself, seeing the scratch on my face and down my arms. I could feel the claws dig into my arms, trying its best to grab me and feed on me. A couple of tears trickled down my face, but I suppressed any sobs. It was all going to be okay.

Finally leaving the bathroom, I looked to see Dimitri sitting up in bed looking at me. I shamefully looked down at the ground, not wanting him to see me cry. "Rose, are you okay?"

The tenderness in his voice got to me and I tears slowly trickled down my face. The closeness I was to the brink of death, the potential of losing my soul and becoming evil . . . it was too much. "I keep seeing him," I stated, clutching either side of my head. "I can't get him out of my mind."

Dimitri climbed out of bed, immediately pulling me into his strong arms. I started sobbing, with continued flashes of the battle going through my mind. Why hadn't I seen this Strigoi come out of nowhere?

He let me back to my bed after I stood there for a long-time sobbing. My face felt numb and my eyes stung from the number of tears I had shed. As he went to walk away from my bed, I quickly grabbed his hand. "Please, stay with me," I said.

I thought he would argue and tell me that it wasn't a good idea, but he didn't. Instead, he climbed on the other side of the bed next to me. We didn't touch, but it was nice knowing he was right there.

"Thanks, Comrade," I murmured, as we faced opposite directions. "Years ago, we would have dreamed of sharing a bed together. Funny how life works." I tried saying something lighten my mood from earlier, but I immediately felt awkward after saying it.

Surprisingly, Dimitri responded to my comment. "Mama always told me that life is a funny thing and you can never expect what turn it will take you. Everything happens for a reason."

"I know that," I said. I went to adjust my position but winced in pain. The mixture of bruised and broken ribs was far from ideal. "I think I might need at least a day recovery." I clutched my ribs in pain, slowly adjusting my body to find a position that was the most relaxing.

I felt Dimitri sit up next to me in bed, turning on one of the lights. "What did you fail to tell me?" He eyed me, clutching my ribs, trying to fight off the pain. "Rose, you told me you were just sore!"

He started cursing in Russian, climbing out of bed to grab the larger first aid kit. The one with the bandages meant to hold your ribs in place. Since dhampirs could heal faster than the normal human, it was vital to make sure the ribs would heal in the right position.

"Guess the natural pain suppressor stopped working," I muttered. I truly had forgotten about my banged-up ribs, especially when my body was still processing other things that happened. It was in that protective instinct mode where it felt no pain until it knew I was safe.

He walked over to my side of the bed, holding out the bandages and scissors. "Let me help you," He said, already sensing my hesitation. He grabbed my hand and helped me sit up, making sure I was sitting up straight.

As he started unwinding the cloth bandages he told me to take off my shirt. He sounded so nonchalant about it, but my face quickly started turning red. I didn't have a bra on—I mean, what girl wears a bra to bed? "Um, can you like look away?"

Dimitri gave me a confused look.

"I don't have a bra on and would like to at least conceal myself while you wrap this stuff around me," I said, feeling completely awkward about this entire situation.

Wordlessly he looked away and I slipped off my shirt, making sure to cross my hands over my chest to conceal my breasts. God, the awkwardness of the situation already seemed to increase. I granted him permission to turn around and I saw his eyes lingering on me briefly, recalling the last time he saw me with nothing on the top portion of my body. It was the cabin, the night I knew neither one of us would forget.

Dimitri cleared his throat and told me to sit up straight, apologizing that it might hurt a bit. I saw concern flicker in his eyes when he looked at the black bruises throughout my chest, but then immediately started wrapping the bandage securing around my rib cage. It did feel better having that added pressure, after the pain of putting pressure on it in the first place.

As he finished wrapping the bandage around me, I sighed with relief. "Thanks for taking care of me. Next time you get beat up, I will take care of you."

We looked into each other's eyes and I quickly forgot that I was shirtless and braless with Dimitri so close. His hand touched my bare shoulder, gently grazing it. Chills were sent down my spine and I noticed both of our breathing started to become a bit heavier. My heart was pounding not sure what to think or do.

His face was becoming dangerously close to mine and I wanted him. I couldn't deny this intense physical connection that I still had with him. Our bodies were pulling to each other, but I didn't know if this was the right place or time. If I started something, there was no going back. What if I ruined our almost friendship? What if I continued to make things awkward for us?

Oh, but I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to continue that measly kiss from Christmas, to remember the way his lips met mine perfectly, and the butterflies I would feel. I wanted him so much that it hurt. Yet, something was stopping both of us from progressing any further. It was the lack of sorting things out, the lack of opening ourselves up fully to what happened between us.

Dimitri was the first to pull away, avoiding making eye contact with me. He handed me my shirt and I quickly slipped it over my head, as he looked away. "You need some rest, Rose, we both need some rest."

I nodded, immediately started to lay back down on my side of the bed. I assumed he probably thought that sharing a bed would be a bad idea after that recent encounter, but he walked around to climb on the other side of the bed with me. "Can I have a day off, Comrade?" I murmured, a few minutes after he turned off the light.

"You can take off all the time you need. Now go to bed, Rose."

I didn't argue with him and started feeling my eyelids get heavy. With the adrenaline completely died down, I realized how tired I was physically and mentally. This entire night was a turn of events that I didn't expect to happen, especially when being faced with a near death experience like that.

Dimitri was definitely keeping his distance, making sure that he wouldn't come close to touching me. I didn't expect anything more, but it was nice having him there. It was someone to protect me in the night. It was all I could ask for in this moment.

* * *

Author's Note:

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm so happy to finally include this one part that I had pre-written about 2 months ago. This pre-written part of this chapter I wrote has probably been my favorite moment I have written. I'm not going to say what (don't want to get my expectations up, if you hated it) but feel free to guess. What do you think my favorite part was?

Chapter 20 will mark the halfway point for this story. I have some fun exciting things planned, especially for the flashback. Also, someone requested a Dimitri POV and I promise you that is coming again in a flashback very soon. Also, some other questions will start to become answered in the chapter 20's. Soooo let's get ready to enjoy the second half of the story.

Thank you for all of your support the last chapter and I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. I pushed myself to get this chapter up as soon as possible. As always review, each review makes my day!


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

4.5 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

Mama and I were taking a walk around Baia when I came home one weekend in late September. It was getting gradually colder each day, a way of mother nature to tell us that the warm summer months were soon behind us. I didn't mind the cold, most Russians didn't. When I worked at St. Vlad's, I always found it amusing how all of the students would complain during the cold. None of them would have survived very well growing up in Russia, especially the days where we would have no heat in our house. The nights where my family would crowd around the fireplace just to keep warm.

"Anything new at St. Basil's?" asked Mama.

I shrugged, gazing up at the busy street ahead. "Alberta Petrov visited St. Basil's to discuss some new law that is trying to be implemented in the American Court. Apparently, they want to lower the age for becoming a guardian to help replenish numbers," I said, burying my hands in the pockets of my duster. I frowned at the thought of it, not keen at the thought of immature teenagers becoming guardians.

Mama nodded slowly. "Why are the guardian numbers so low in America? I thought St. Vladimir's was a highly ranked school in the world?"

"It is," I stated quickly. "They have a strong program that promotes a certain rigor into the novices, but that doesn't mean that everyone is safe. These heightened attacks by Strigoi appear to be abnormal. As if someone is tipping the Strigoi off about guardian and Moroi movements. It isn't coincidental when these Strigoi is finding them."

"Who would be tipping them off? Surely it wouldn't be a highly ranked guardian who would have access to this information."

"Alberta wasn't sure, but that isn't what she came to talk to me about. She offered me my old job back at the Academy. Not as Princess Dragomir's guardian, but just as a mentor and Academy guardian. They are re-allocating a lot of guardians since due to the drop in numbers."

She remained quiet to process this new information, not sure how to take it. I reached over to grab Mama's hand, causing both of us to stop in our tracks. "I didn't have to consider the decision for too long."

"Are you going to take it?" She curiously asked.

I shook my head. "I won't leave this family ever again. I don't want to be the family member that is away and have my nephew grow up not knowing his only uncle."

"Dimka, this isn't about us. We want you to do what is best for you, especially after everything that you have been through. You deserve happiness, like every person in this world."

I looked away from her, unable to make eye contact. Mama's words were right, I knew my family would be okay without me here, but at the same time, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them again. Ever since I had returned to Baia I felt like I was just now beginning to find myself again. What if I backtracked from that?

"Is this because of Klara?" She asked.

"No, me and her are better off as friends I think," I told her.

"Is it about Rose?"

I tensed up at the thought of her name with Mama noticing my increased tension. She eyed me and continued to look forward, as we began our walk again. "I left her life for a reason, so she wouldn't get hurt. I don't deserve her because she deserves better."

She shook her head fiercely, disagreeing with what I said. "You deserve to be with the person you want."

The person I want. That made me think back to what Yeva told me that night Rose was brought up in front of Klara. That I must choose between the person I need and the person I want; it felt like a loss with whatever direction I took. How do I respond to that? Did I really have to make a decision? Did everything that Babushka saw come true? Thoughts swirled throughout my head every time I thought about that night.

"Why did you phrase it like that?" I questioned Mama. I then went into explaining to her what Yeva told me shortly after that event. It didn't' take long for Mama to know which dinner I was referring to, considering it had been quite eventful.

She gave me a warm smile and placed a hand on my shoulder. "The one thing that I learned growing up is that Babushka purposefully words her visions to be tricky and to make you overthink it. I wouldn't worry about it, Dimka."

I gave her a laugh. "Then why do I feel like I have to make this decision between Rose and Klara? Neither one I have romantic feelings for," I stated.

"Have you at least tried reaching out to Rose since you have come back? It has almost been a year since you last saw her."

I sighed, then took a deep breath of the cold fall air. "I sent her a text, but she never responded. It doesn't matter, I didn't expect her to respond to me. After what I did to her . . . I think she has every right to never speak to me again."

Mama shook her head, disagreeing with what I said. "She may dislike you, but she should at least still respect you and your decision."

"Do you think I made the right choice?"

She shrugged. "I think you did what you felt was best for you at the time. You needed to find yourself again and to start that process you needed to come home to us. Retrace your steps in Baia, then at St. Basil's."

"I feel like I'm finally getting back to finding who I am. After being restored, it felt like every part of me had to suppress every emotion but guilt. It was hard to look past that monstrous person to remember who I was before," I candidly said. It was always hard to open up about my feelings and my time as a Strigoi, mostly because of how dark it was. Through multiple therapy sessions, I was told that sometimes in order to accept your past you needed to say it out loud and to come to terms with it.

"I'm happy for you, Dimka, really," She said, "but I would really consider that job offer in America. I think you need to find yourself there again."

I gave her a look.

"We love having you here so close to us, but all of us want you to be where you will be happiest. Talking to you, when you were back at St. Vladimir's, we could tell how happy you were there. There was a lightness to your tone when you talked about your life there. We just want you happy, honey."

Mama always knew what to say to make me well up with emotions. Pushing away any tears forming I looked at her, frowning. "Why do you think I should go back?"

She gave me another one of her characteristic motherly smiles. "So you can find your way back to the girl that you love and your heart wants."

* * *

Present Day:

I woke up startled at a sudden noise from outside. Sunlight was pouring through the open bedroom window, as I glanced at the time. It was three in the afternoon. Rubbing my eyes and letting out a yawn, I turned over slowly, to see the now vacant spot in my bed. I reached over with my arm, feeling the space where he had slept. I wasn't sure how to feel about this situation.

We were planning on leaving Missoula as soon as I was well enough to travel. A few days had passed since the Strigoi events that took place and I was slowly recovering physically and mentally. Dimitri was adamant that I was well rested before moving, while I wanted to go back out there and continue the mission. We hadn't talked about what happened outside of the club or even talked about the fact that he was still sleeping next to me at night.

We did not have the cliché movie moment where we wake up in each other's arms, but it still felt intimate in some ways. He had no reason to share a bed with me, but ever since that night, he had continued climbing into bed with me. I never told him to or not to, it just happened. I wasn't sure what his intention was, but I knew that part of it was out of deep care for me.

I grabbed my phone off the charger and slowly sat up in bed. My ribs were healing, but still pretty bruised up. I ran a hand through my hair to calm down the bed headedness, as I went through the messages on my phone. Lissa had sent me several texts asking how I was doing.

Oh yeah, Lissa. She definitely sensed that something was wrong with me that night, considering she felt the natural darkness fading from her. After I woke up the next morning after that attack I had multiple texts and missed phone calls from her. I technically wasn't supposed to be contacting her, but I knew she would keep persisting. After explaining that I needed some extra strength to get through a Strigoi fight, she had calmed down. I told her that I was slightly injured but I made sure to leave out the entire almost dying part. I didn't want her to continue worrying about me constantly.

The door opened to the bedroom and Dimitri walked in sporting a pair of very sweaty workout clothes. He was running his hands through some of his hair that had fallen out of his neat pony while chugging through a bottle of water. We made eye contact briefly and he gave me a warm look. "How are you feeling today?"

"Well I sat up without wincing in pain, so I think I'm getting somewhere," I said. "Were people staring at you in the hotel gym again?"

As one could expect, humans gave us looks every time we worked out in the hotel gym. Our workouts were different and at a much higher intensity, so I'm pretty sure they thought we were Olympic athletes or something. The frown on Dimitri's face showed that the judging humans were gawking at him again.

"Have you ever thought they were just admiring your God-like presence?" I teased, quickly sending something to Lissa.

His face immediately turned red at my comment and he placed his water bottle on the dresser, before grabbing a fresh pair of his clothes. "Rose, you know I hate it when you refer to me as a God."

I rolled my eyes, scoffing at him. "Sometimes it baffles me how you still think so low of yourself and your skill. Last time I checked you are one of the most highly ranked guardians. Your blood master level and your molnija marks prove it."

"Last time I checked, you had caught up with me. I noticed your marks the other day when your hair was up," He said, as he placed his fresh pair of clothes on the bathroom counter.

I gave him a coy smile. "I learned from a God, that's why."

Dimitri rolled his eyes, then started running water in the sink to shave. It was amazing how comfortable we became living with each other in a short amount of time. Sure, we still had awkward moments, but for the most part, it felt relaxed and natural. I guess when you are forced into this situation, you have no other choice but to feel good about it.

"How did you know where to find me when I was attacked?" I asked him.

"I assumed you were up to no good when you left that night, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. When you weren't back in thirty minutes I left to go looking for you, but it wasn't completely obvious where you had gone. I tried going to our previous locations but didn't have any luck. It wasn't until Lissa called me to tell me she sensed that you took the darkness away that I figured it out. I knew you had gone to a place guaranteed to find some Strigoi's."

I nodded my head, relieved that Lissa trusted her instinct to call Dimitri. If she hadn't tipped him off, then I definitely would not have been alive today. For once it was the Moroi saving their guardian. I looked over at Dimitri who was shaving his face. I still didn't know why he insisted on shaving every other day, especially when I thought he looked even more attractive with a bit of scruff on his face.

"Thank you, again, for saving me," I said. "It's too bad that we haven't gotten any information relevant to this mission. The only thing I collected that night was that someone was tipping off locations of Moroi and guardian movement to the Strigoi and they weren't sure why. Oh, and Hans Croft is definitely alive."

Dimitri nodded, before leaning over to wash off the leftover shaving cream on his face. "I know the next place to go. I have been meaning to tell you, but I didn't want you to push to get there as soon as possible considering your current state of healing."

I opened up my mouth to say something sassy, but I knew he was right. "Well, are you going to tell me? How did you find out this information? How long have you known?"

"One of the Strigoi's outside the club told me the information in a way to beg for mercy. He said that the information is coming from somewhere in Helena. He says that word quickly spreads to them about the movements in the Academy." Dimitri said it so casually as if it was no big deal with this information. Then again, he already had time to process it the past few days when I had been healing and sleeping on and off.

I bit my lip, immediately thinking back to the Hans Croft file. He used to live in Helena with the former Moroi that he guarded. Was this a coincidence? Was I trying to force a connection between Hans and this mission? What would be Hans's motivation to spill the guardian whereabouts? Sighing, I adjusted the pillow behind me.

"So, when are we leaving?" I said.

"When I say you are ready," He said, shutting the bathroom door before I could protest any more.

"Comrade, you realize that you can be a pain in the ass?" I shouted, only hearing him laugh in return.

Smiling, I turned back to my phone scanning the internet. Whatever Dimitri and I were, I liked it. I felt more comfortable with him on each passing day. We were joking with each other and having lighter conversations, that felt like the ones we used to have during our training days back at the Academy. Although, a part of me still hoped that we could actually talk about what happened in our past. Once we sorted that out, I felt like there was a chance that things could return back to normal.

* * *

It was our last night in Missoula and we would be leaving tomorrow for Helena. Dimitri and I were folding our clothes quietly, listening to the local news station from the living room area. A part of me was sad to leave this place, considering we had been here for a few weeks, but I knew that moving locations would be the next step to continuing this mission. The sooner it was over, the faster my life could get back to normal. Did I want that?

Shortly after I finished packing, I climbed into bed and watched Dimitri finish packing his bag. He was working diligently, but also making sure that his personal belongings were perfectly packed in his bag. Smiling, I pulled up the covers close to my head and closed my eyes. It was getting late and we would have a long day traveling and getting settled again. Not to mention, we needed to keep pushing forward on this mission. The last report we gave didn't please Steele that much since he had no sympathy for my injuries. What an ass.

I didn't realize that I drifted off to sleep until I felt Dimitri climbing into bed next to me. Opening my eyes slowly, I saw him facing the other way from me and keeping his distance.

"Dimitri, can I ask you something?" I asked, knowing that he wasn't asleep.

"Yes?" He replied.

"Do you sleep here just for my sake or do you sleep here because you want to be next to me?" I daringly asked.

I could sense his hesitation. "Both," He replied. "It's comforting, knowing that someone else is experiencing the emotions of being on this mission. This is only going to get harder from here on out."

"I can't imagine being here with anyone but you. You still know me so well and I hate you for that."

He let out a small laugh. "Now you understand how that used to drive me crazy a few years ago. You knew me so well right away."

"St. Vladimir's feels like a completely different life and it has only been a few years," I sighed, orienting myself so I was fully facing him. "A lot has changed since then."

He nodded silently, as he moved to lay on his back. His expression was bittersweet, as thoughts about the past at St. Vladimir's swirled in his head. To think that the last time we were at St. Vlad's when I was a student, was one of the happiest days of my life. It was hard to believe how much had changed since then.

I scooted slightly closer to him, suddenly drawn towards him. "I don't regret anything that happened that day," I said, referring to the night in the cabin. I know you are still guilt-ridden and filled with regret, but I hope you don't regret what happened."

"I could never regret what happened, Roza," He said solemnly. "I regret everything that has happened after that, but I would never regret that. Part of my refusal to see you after being restored was because I didn't know if I could look you in the eye. I didn't know if you hated me for the fact that I took a part of your innocence away and then left you."

I reached over to grab his hand, causing his head to turn towards me. "It wasn't your fault, Dimitri. You didn't know that a Strigoi was right there to pull you down in the cave."

"I was distracted because of you. I wanted to know that you were out of harm and it gave me so much relief, Roza. My love for you was my downfall at that moment."

"Why do you think I was crazy enough to go to Russia and drop out of school to find you?" I exasperated, with my voice cracking near the end. The emotion was starting to take over. "I loved you that much."

"I dreamed an entire life with you at one point," Dimitri said, causing my eyes to instantly well up in tears. "After the cabin, I could see us living together in our own personal quarters at Court. I was scared of the backlash we would get, but I knew that it wouldn't have phased us. At one point in our lives, we were soulmates."

"But stuff changed since then," I finished, letting a slow tear slip down my face.

A part of me wanted to tell him that I waited for him for months after he left the Academy, hoping he would return. I wanted to tell him that I got his text, but someone prevented me from seeing it for so long. But I didn't have the heart to at this moment. I was scared to tell him. I was scared to continue succumbing to my emotions towards him.

Dimitri didn't say anything for quite some time. He turned over on his side to face me and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry for leaving you and giving up on us when life got complicated. You had every right to yell at me when we saw each other again back at the Academy. You aren't immature, Roza, you are mature, smart, and so beautiful."

Tears continued pouring down my face and I muffled any attempt at a sob. I was hoping the room was dark enough, so Dimitri wouldn't notice my tears. From his inquisitive look, I immediately became aware that he knew I was crying. "And what about that student at the Academy? The way she looked at you made it seem like –"

He immediately wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close to him. I was laying on his chest, as his arms continued to hold me in this embrace. My body eased any tension as I felt his warmth surrounding me. Dimitri's hand ran through my hair, brushing it away from my face and to the side. "Oh, Roza, there is nothing going on. No student could replace you."

"Good," I sighed, with my eyelids starting to become heavy.

Dimitri's fingers traced the back of my neck where my molnija marks were. "I always knew that you would do well once you became a guardian," said Dimitri softly. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his warmth breathe. It felt comforting. "You have more molnija marks than I did at your age."

"Sometimes I would like to pretend that they aren't there," I admitted. "One of the marks was a mistake, it was supposed to be for you. I mean I just skipped getting a mark after I killed another Strigoi, but still bothers me." I didn't expect to openly admit that, especially since Dimitri's past was still an extremely delicate subject.

His body didn't tense up, but instead, I heard him sigh. He moved his hands away from my neck and just held me closely around my lower back. "You were so brave on that bridge in Russia. I don't know if I could have done what you did if our roles were reversed," He murmured. "We should get some sleep, Rose. We have a long day ahead."

"I know," I said, "I'm just too comfortable to move."

"Then stay," Dimitri whispered back to me, which surprised me. I peered up at him and saw the desire of me staying this close to him. I couldn't tell what this meant at this particular time. Perhaps it was about having comfort about the unforeseeable future of this mission or maybe it was something much greater than that. Pushing those thoughts away I soon succumbed to sleep.

* * *

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed! I apologize for the delay in the story, I was busy studying for a test and I also got the flu that put me out for a few days. I thank everyone for your patience.

We have hit the halfway point of this story and I can't believe how far this has come. I hit 100 followers since the last time I posted, which has been a goal of mine for awhile since posting this story. Thanks for coming on this journey with me, I can't wait to continue sharing with you guys!

Review if you like, I love being able to chat with you guys! :)

Hope you guys are having a lovely weekend.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

Note:

Reason 3 out of 4 on why Dimitri has decided to return to America. I promise you, this is a good one!

Without further ado, the long-awaited chapter!

4.5 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

After the talk with Mama back home in Baia, I couldn't get the thought of Rose out of my mind. There was still that small part of me that couldn't let go of her. She was always intoxicating to me, ever since the moment we first met in Portland. The way she carried herself, protected Lissa and defended her intellect was so attractive. Not to mention her natural beauty, no matter how run down or tired she was during our practices. I missed her.

As I walked around the St. Basil's Academy practice with Klara talking to me my thoughts weren't in the conversation. They were thinking about Rose and the tempting job offer Alberta gave to me. Would I be going back for me? Or going back with some ridiculous fantasy that I would be able to see Rose again? She clearly didn't want anything to do with me, considering that I hadn't received a reply to the text I sent.

"What do you think?" asked Klara, interrupting my thoughts. I blinked a few times and looked over at her. My hesitation in my response to her caused a brief flash of frustration in her eyes. "Did you hear anything that I said? I suggested that we could travel to Moscow around the holidays. I have a little bit more time off from duties."

"Maybe. It is hard to plan that far ahead, considering that Mama hasn't even organized the usual family and friends get together. How many days would you have off?" I asked.

She shrugged. "It honestly depends on the other guardians. I think I will have three days off. We could be the cliché tourists in Moscow since we haven't properly explored the city before."

When we attended St. Basil's, we had an outside trip to a big city to practice guarding. We didn't get to practice on actual Moroi, but instead, we practiced on some guardians. It was the perfect, hard scenario where there were tourists from around the world and the rush of Russians walking through the city they have grown to love. The challenge was exciting and invigorating, but none of them got to enjoy the actual sites in Moscow.

Although, I did go back to Moscow when I was a Strigoi. When I turned, I craved blood and mass destruction, as well as being back home in Russia. The best way? The most popular city in Russia. I wasn't keen on going back to Moscow, but I didn't have the heart to tell Klara my reasons for not wanting to go back. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, but I wasn't ready to open that side of me to her. I didn't like speaking about the Strigoi past at all.

"Klara, I hope – "

She was too quick to cut me off. "I hope that we can see that we have a chance of being together, Dimitri."

God, she was so bold and fearless. I guess that was one of the defining features of a great guardian. She was passionate about her work, as well had a deep care for her family and friends. Not to mention that she was so beautiful and smart that any man would be lucky to have her. Yet, I knew that she would never match what I had back at St. Vladimir's with Rose.

Rose and Klara shared many similar qualities, but there was something that Rose had that Klara lacked. I couldn't quite find the right word for the difference between the two and didn't want to be that guy to compare two girls that were both extraordinary in their own way. But a part of me had to do that. Could I be happy with Klara?

I thought back to Babushka's fortune about how I had to choose between the person I need and the person I want. Mama told me that these predictions were always worded tricky and to not let that rule my life, but how could I possibly ignore it? Was my choice forced to be between Rose and Klara?

Klara and I stopped to sit down at one of the various benches that were spread throughout the campus. We hadn't said anything since she alluded to the fact that she wanted to try to be more than just friends with me. Not to mention, she didn't seem openly bothered by the fact that she knew I was having trouble processing my past with Rose. She seemed to just brush off the last conversation we had at my house in Baia. How she did it? I had no clue.

"Klara, I still don't know if I can let myself be with someone again. Honestly, I don't know if I'm ready," I candidly said.

She gave me a look for a while, before letting out a sigh. "How do you know that you're ready if you never even try?"

She has a point, but I shook my head. "The point is that the last time I let myself fall for someone, my whole world fell apart. I know that it was out of my control, but I let her distract me. That one moment of distraction nearly cost me my life."

Klara turned to face me directly, placing her hand on my leg. "Everything happens for a reason, at least that what my mother always told me. You need to push through any guilt and realize that just because you let yourself be with someone doesn't mean it will result in that again. The chances of you going through that are slim and you won't make the same mistake again." Klara was certainly persistent, and I knew that she wouldn't give up the fight.

I couldn't even respond before she leaned incredibly close to my face. My thoughts weren't fast enough to process what was happening until her lips met mine. Within milliseconds, my brain sent off multiple triggers telling me to stop. None of this felt right.

Pulling away, I immediately looked away. "I can't," I stated, through my teeth. My body tensed her embarrassment and level of discomfort.

The kiss clarified so much for me in that brief second. Klara was the stable person in my life that I needed, but my heart would never be able to love her. Not close to the way that it loved Rose.

"Is it because the love part hasn't fully returned to you post-restoration?" She asked, finally getting me to make eye contact with her. One of her brows rose, as she gave him a curious expression. Hurt still poured through her eyes, as she was trying to contain every bit of sadness that ran throughout her.

"No, you made me realize that I can still love. I just don't feel the same way about you, as you do to me," I stated.

"It's her, isn't it?" Klara asked after a few seconds had passed.

I nodded slowly. "It will always be her."

Klara may be the girl that I needed in my life since she promised stability and close proximity to my family. She possessed traits that I was attracted to, but she wasn't the one that my heart wanted. It was Rose and even though I felt like she didn't deserve me, I knew that I would never be able to move on from her.

* * *

Present Day

The sound of my alarm came too soon, as I slowly opened up my eyes. Dimitri was still holding me against his chest, both of us too comfortable to even move in the night. Groaning, I lifted my head off his chest and stretched to grab my phone off the nightstand. Shutting off the alarm, I let out a long sigh and looked over at him. He wasn't stirred by the alarm, which was highly unlike him.

My mind began processing the conversation we had last night, as well as the relaxed state I felt throughout my entire sleep. I didn't want to openly admit it, but it was the most relaxing sleep I had in a long time. Giving him a small smile, I rested my head against his chest to open my mind to Lissa's. I couldn't recall the last time I had checked in on her and I wanted to make sure it was okay.

Lissa was sitting in her room, with Christian close to her side. She was feeling very happy and eager since they just figured out the timing of their wedding. They scheduled it for late summer and early fall, during sunset. It would be the perfect photogenic moment, especially surrounded by the huge pond near the back of the Court property. She dreamed of this big wedding her entire life; I couldn't help but feel excited for her. Not to mention, she picked out the maroon colors in the wedding for me. Red and black were my colors.

"I wish Rose was here," sighed Lissa, resting her head against Christian's shoulder. "I need her here, now more than ever. Tatiana had a comment the other day about not being around much longer and how it will be a matter of time before Jill's true relation will be announced."

Christian nodded slowly, taking in every word that Lissa said. He gave her shoulder a light squeeze, causing her to slowly rest her head on his shoulders. "You know she is somewhere in that head of yours, Liss," He says, stroking her hair. "Besides, she will be back before you know it and we have a lot to look forward to."

She gave him a warm smile, lifting her head off his shoulder. "At least I know that she is okay, I can feel it through the bond." She reached over and gave Christian a kiss on the cheek. "So, it is Valentine's Day. You think it is time to celebrate?"

And with that, I quickly pulled myself away from her head. The last thing I needed was to witness some sexy time with Christian. I had seen way more of Christian than I ever wanted to see. Not to mention the awkwardness surrounding me and Lissa, when she was describing their intimate night and I dropped the line "his entire body is quite the catch if you get what I mean". Yeah, I probably could have gotten away without that line, but I couldn't resist. My mouth didn't have much of a filter sometimes.

I opened up my eyes and sat up, realizing that Dimitri and I probably should get moving. It was several hours of driving to get to Helena from Missoula and I was hoping that I could be the one driving some of those hours. I was doubtful but still hopeful.

As his arms moved away from me, his eyelids fluttered open to make eye contact with mine. I let out a small smile. "Morning, Comrade." Never did I think that I would be spending Valentine's Day waking up in his arms. Maybe at one point, I imagined it, but certainly not now. I had to force myself to not let this mean anything.

He ran a hand down his face, rubbing his eyes. "How are you feeling?" Dimitri asked the same question he had been asking all week to me.

"Good as new, like I told you yesterday," I smirked, sitting up and running a hand through my hair. "Ready to get out of Missoula, Comrade and actually explore more of the great state of Montana?"

When he threw off the bedsheets and got out of bed, I took that as a "yes". Smiling and following him, we soon began getting ready and packing our last few things. Neither one of us spoke about what happened last night, but I sensed that we both didn't' know what to make out of what happened last night. With Dimitri's change of conversation from casual chitchat to the plan about the mission, I became worried that he was starting to regret everything that went down. Was there a part of him that regretted anything? Because I knew that I didn't.

* * *

The drive from Missoula to Helena was far from eventful. Of course, I wasn't the one driving and I got little say in the radio station, so I had resorted to my headphones and surfing the internet on my phone. Dimitri had chided me for not looking through the file with me snapping and telling him that I knew the file extremely well.

I could tell that he was taken aback by me snapping and I didn't know what came over me. Maybe because I was still processing everything that happened between me and him since the moment I stepped off the plane at the Academy. Dimitri and I had made so much progress with our relationship, considering I went from swearing at him across the Academy to waking up in his arms a month and a half later. Funny how unpredictable the future is.

The daylight poured through the windows of the car, as we whisked amongst the mountains. Even though I preferred a less isolated community, there was something about staring outside and seeing no people that felt so calming. At one point in my life, Lissa and I had talked about moving away from the Moroi community and starting our lives post-graduation—maybe even head back to Portland. But stuff changed and with Lissa most likely becoming the next Queen, there was no way we could ever get that peaceful life.

My thoughts were soon interrupted by an incoming phone call. The ringtone to Cee Lo Green's song "Fuck You" came blasting causing a long and questioning look from Dimitri. "Steele," I stated, not even having to look at the caller ID to know who it was. The ringtone was a joke, a result of a drunken me going on a rant to Adrian and some other Moroi and Dhampirs about how much I hated Steele. And hey, at least one person got my Matrix reference at that party.

During one of me and Dimitri's dinner conversations, he asked me who was worse: Steele or Alta. My answer was Steele, of course, because I could get away with more shit with Alto. This time Steele was involved in my job, as well as my mental and physical health when he scheduled other guardian duties at Court. The one time that I truly pissed him off, he had scheduled some twenty-four-hour shifts. I didn't even have any time to nap.

"Just who I dreamed about speaking within the middle of the Moroi night," I said, glancing at the time on the dashboard. "What can I do of this honor, Guardian Steele?"

Dimitri let out a long sigh and shook his head. I turned my head to look at him and gave him a smirk.

"Guardian Hathaway, I just wanted to see how you were feeling. Belikov reported an injury that delayed the mission for nearly a week," Steele's familiar monotone voice responded on the other end of the phone.

I rolled my eyes. "Is that supposed to be a question? Didn't detect any change in your tone there?"

Through the phone, I could sense the tightness and irritated look that was across his face. "Hathaway, I suggest – "

"I'm fine, good as new," I responded, mimicking his monotone. Dimitri seemed to pick up on my sarcasm and used his free arm to give me a smack in the arms. "Anyways, what's up? I'm sure you called more about my personal well-being since a text or an email would suffice."

There was a pause in the conversation and it pained me how awkward this all was.

"I looked at the previous notes about a headquarters potentially in Helena. Through a few guardian sources, that are stationed in Helena, there has been heightened activity at the outskirts of the city. Sources have said that they have seen Strigoi, humans, and possibly some other Dhampirs coming and leaving. I have sent you an email with the address, but it is encrypted. Surely you have the software to—"

"Steele, do you forget the St. Vlad's curriculum?" I said dryly, rolling my eyes once again. "I had to take that code and computer cracking class, which I actually excelled in. I'm shocked that you haven't gone through my entire file."

" . . . surprising." Was all I could make out from the other end. "Okay, glad that arrangement is in order. Get going on this mission, Hathaway. There are lives on the line and somehow it is up to you."

He hung up before I could respond. Cursing under my breath, I tossed my phone in the cup holder and crossed my arms over my chest. Dimitri gave me a curious look but knew better than to ask me questions. If I wanted to talk about the phone call, I would bring it up on my own terms. That's what I continued to love about Dimitri, he knew when to press for information and when not to.

Closing my eyes, I felt the tug of Lissa. What was she doing up at this hour? A bit of panic spread across my face, wondering what if everything was alright. "Lissa," I murmured, letting my mind slip into hers.

"Rose? Are you there?" Lissa whispered. She was sitting in her enormous bathroom at her vanity table, picking at her nails. She was anxious and shaking about everything going on in her life right now. The wedding, the constant pressure of furthering her spirit ability but holding back the darkness, learning what it takes to become Queen, and the reality of the age law setting in. Soon it would go through primary voting at Court.

"Oh good, glad you have time to be here for me," Lissa continued, immediately sensing my presence. That was the weird thing about this bond, she knew when I was there, yet it was still a one-way bond. I often wondered that if we were missing something in the bond for us to only communicate one way, but then again, I didn't necessarily want Lissa in my thoughts.

"I'm struggling without you here, Rose, but I'm sure you already know that. Christian has been great, but he isn't a whole fan of this big wedding celebration. It doesn't help that the only family I have left doesn't know their true family origins and you're on a mission. I miss my parents and Andre more than ever right now, I know that may sound ridiculous."

It doesn't sound ridiculous, Lissa. I desperately wanted to reach out to her and be there to comfort her. When Lissa was little she would dream about her mom helping her plan her dream wedding, as well as have her father escort her down the aisle. None of this would be happening for her, which absolutely sucked. Not to mention, she didn't even have Christian's family to help her. She just had trashy Tasha.

"I nearly lost control with Spirit the other day, but I'm sure you must have sensed that. Adrian and I have been working with several teachers to enhance our powers, but sometimes it sends me to the brink. I guess that is why Adrian has fallen back into his drinking and smoking habits, but I feel like I can't control it. It's too much to take and it sucks that you aren't around. Never mind, that was stupid of me to say . . . I don't want you to take the darkness from me."

I want to Lissa. That was the thing that always set me and Lissa apart. She never wanted to make me do more for her than I already had to, but I wanted her. Not out of an obligation, but out of love and care for my best friend. Lissa was the only stable thing in my life, considering my mom had always been absent and Abe just showed up in recent years. She was the only person I had that would go above and beyond for my birthday or celebrate Christmas with. She was my family and I would protect her. Except I couldn't do that for her, at least not right now.

"Anyways, I hope you are safe. Call me when you get a chance because I want to hear your voice. I know I'm coming across as needy, but I just miss you. I miss our movie and wine nights, as well as just having you around throughout the day."

"Miss you too," I whispered, letting a tear slide down my face. No one said that this was going to be easy being away from the Moroi I was sworn to protect until my last dying breath. It was even harder being away from your shadow kissed Moroi. The past few weeks I had tried to distance myself from the bond, but there were times when I would stop holding up the boundaries to just feel her thoughts drifting into my head.

Dimitri reached over and grabbed my hand, which immediately pulled me from Lissa's mind. I looked over at him and he gave me a small smile. "We will be back soon, Roza, I promise."

* * *

Soon enough we arrived at the hotel, which was far less fancy than the previous one. It was a bit calming to know that I didn't have any creepy lady staring at me and telling me dark predictions, which I still didn't understand to this day. I knew darkness was following me because of the bond, but that didn't appear to be everything she was referring to.

The receptionist barely looked at us as we gave the information to them about the room and before I knew it we were opening up our room. It was the definition of your basic hotel room: complete with two queen beds, a small bathroom, and a mini coffee bar area. Guess we wouldn't be doing much cooking.

"What a downgrade," I exasperated, immediately being the first to claim my bed. "I mean we go from the nicest hotel in Missoula to this. Why didn't we go to the nicer hotel again?"

"This was all we could get in short notice," said Dimitri. "Be grateful that we can even get this hotel. Usually, guardians get to stay at motels or one-star hotels. I would define this as a luxury, at least for a guardian."

I shrugged and kicked off my shoes to climb into bed. Grabbing my laptop, I quickly connected to the hotel internet. It was time to get this location that Guardian Steele was so keen on. I was still a bit bothered that he called me to ask how I was feeling and to tell me about the email he sent. An email or text message would have been plenty.

As Dimitri began methodically unpacking his suitcase, I gave him a long look. "So, are we sharing a bed, Comrade?" I asked, beginning to blush at the thought of it. We never actually talked about the bed sharing in Missoula and if it would now be assumed.

"If you want to," He said, the words rolling off so effortlessly from his tongue. It sounded as if he had rehearsed his response from anticipation to my question.

"Yes," I stated shyly.

He nodded in return.

Soon enough we were sitting next to each other in bed, both going through separate files. I had decoded the file Steele sent me, realizing that it was about a thirty-minute drive from town. As I started looking at the information of the images, as well as the estimated layout, I began thinking of the best plan of attack. Naturally, I would want to go in with no plan, but I had learned my lesson from that (okay-learned my lesson several times). It would be smart to observe the people coming in and out of the house at night then take it from there. We needed to know how many and who we would be dealing with.

Dimitri was sitting next to me and going through the mission file and the Hans Croft file. I was a bit taken aback that he was willing to actually look through that file, considering he had dismissed my previous observations. The expression on his face showed that he was in fact very interested in something that he saw in the file. He kept moving his face from his computer to the file, with a frown coming across his face.

"I believe you," He said after a few minutes passed.

I looked over from my computer and placed down my pencil, in which I had been outlining the rough plan for this location. "About?" I said, already knowing that it must deal with Hans Croft.

"Hans Croft, he must be involved," said Dimitri. "There are things that aren't adding up in this file, especially since the Strigoi attacks starting shortly before he disappeared. Then there is that bank account information, that we already thought was strange."

Nodding, I bit my lip and bringing my thoughts back to Hans Croft. It had been awhile since I thought about it or even talking about it with Dimitri. "Before I was nearly killed outside the club in Missoula, the Strigoi told me that Hans Croft was alive."

Dimitri nodded. "You said that Hans Croft ran away from someone, right?"

"Yes, the theory that you didn't believe. Are you finally saying that I'm right?" I teased, giving him a playful poke in the arm.

He uncharacteristically rolled his eyes, then focused his attention back to the computer. "Why would he run away from the most secure place for Moroi and Dhampirs though? It doesn't make any sense. Unless he was in trouble and running from something like a crime."

Dimitri's eyes made contact with my own and I immediately knew what he was referring to. Widening my eyes, I placed my hand over my mouth. "Hans must be the one leaking the information to the Strigoi. He was the head guardian in America and it would only take him a quick information transfer onto his hard drive and an escape from Court to ensure whereabouts to the Strigoi. But why? What are his intentions?"

My partner's eyes darkened, but I could tell that he was believing this theory. "I'm not sure, Roza. All I know is that we must be on top of everything if we are going to make it out alive."

* * *

Author's Note:

I think I owe everyone an apology for my slower updates. Grad school goes from doable to crazy hard in a blink of an eye, as well as other aspects of life getting in the way. I know some of you understand and some of you may not.

I'm sorry if I disappointed any of you guys with my lack of updating. It has never been my intention to abandon this story. This story has been a highlight of my life at grad school.

I have been going through some deeply personal stuff, with part of it dealing with my anxiety and overall mental health. It has been to the point where I can't sleep at night, my appetite has decreased, and I have no energy. I went through a rough month, but I'm finally getting in a healthier frame of mind. My appetite is returning, I'm eating healthier, and I'm sleeping better at night. I have also been getting back into working out to help give my overall mind and body a better feeling after a long day of work. I'm not looking for pity or comfort, but I just felt obligated to let you guys know what is going on with me.

The writing is returning, I promise you that. I am setting myself aside at least 30 minutes a night to get back to writing, so the chapter updates will come more frequently. This year has been off to a crappy start with my mental health and some family problems, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This year is going to turn around and it will be my year.

I hope that you guys will stick around to continue the journey with me. If not, I completely understand. Thank you, everyone!


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The last thing that pushed Dimitri to go to America! Hold on tight everyone, this is going to be a ride of a chapter with important talks, mystery, fluff, and a surprise. Enjoy!

* * *

4 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

I stood on the sidelines of the St. Basil's training gym observing and assisting in the senior novice sparring class. Things with Klara seemed to be left off on a good note with her wishing me the best and said that she wanted to keep in touch. I didn't want my friendship over with her because it did mean something to me, but I knew that it wouldn't be possible at this time. I hated how things ended, but sometimes you just had to embrace the unexpected.

Klara made me realize that it was possible for me to still love someone which happened to be Rose. From the moment that I read that letter she left me, I truly saw how much I meant to her even during the worst period of my life. She loved me, regardless of what happened. Regardless of the fact that we made love and promises to each other that tragically ended in my turn. She truly was remarkable and mature even at such a young age. Yet, I knew that by now she would have moved on from me. What I did to her after I was restored haunted me. The dismissal of seeing her, avoidance after I was released from prison, and the fact that I left her. I thought leaving her would be the best thing for me, but it wasn't. It was a huge mistake.

"Guardian Belikov, there is a visitor for you," boomed Igor from the opposite side of the room. Igor was several years older than me and used to be my older novice mentor when I was first starting to get heavily invested in sparring. He taught me several tips and tricks that I still carried on to this day.

I gave him a curt nod and finished watching the sparring match in front of me. Who would be coming to visit me? Surely it wouldn't be Alberta again, considering she had important matters to attend to in America. Not to mention, I doubt she would leave St. Vlad's under the control of Stan Alto anytime soon.

The underdog novice pinned down the other one, with a smirk spreading across his face. "Got you," He said, with a goofy grin spreading across his face to his friend. "Tell me that I'm weak again."

The two boys reminded me a lot of my years here at St. Basil's. The innocent years where the only thing I had to worry about was beating a friend during a sparring match. I wished that I could go back to that innocent time in my life before it got complicated and I saw so much death and destruction. Yet, I took that time for granted at St. Basil's. I wanted more than anything to be a grown up and get away from all of the rules of the school. Now I wanted more than anything to go back to that point in time.

I gave the two boys a few things to improve on before I left the gym. I wasn't quite sure what to expect when I strolled through the doors to the guardian's lounge, where they held all visitors to guardians. Unexpected visitors, I was never particularly fond of, especially since it usually meant something bad was occurring. Yet, as I made eye contact with my grandmother I knew instantly that she wasn't here to deliver bad news.

"Babushka, what are you doing here?" I exasperated, immediately walking over to her. She stood up and I gave her a long, firm hug. "I will be home in two weekends, surely you didn't go out of your way to see me."

Yeva gave me a toothy grin, before ushering me to sit down. "You are always worth a long trip, especially when it comes to seeing my old school too." She looked around the guardians' lounge, with a happy smile spread across her wrinkled face. "This place hasn't changed since the last time I step foot in this school. Except I see that they finally replaced the decrepit chairs and couches with some nice leather ones. Good touch, I must say."

I let out a small chuckle but still looked at her. It wasn't clear to me why she would make this journey just to see me for a brief period of time. In a couple of hours, I would have to walk the grounds, as well as be stationed in one of the Dhampir dormitories to make sure no funny business was going down.

"You still didn't answer my question," I pointed out.

"I see that you made a choice, Dimka," stated Yeva. "The choice between the person you need and the person you want. Surprised it took you as long as you did to see it, but one cannot predict everything in the future."

Here goes Yeva's mysteriousness that seems to surround her. I always wondered what it was like for Rose when she met her. I'm sure this same mystery surrounded Yeva, which probably drove Rose insane. Rose wasn't one that enjoyed twisty messages and I could only imagine what Yeva told her— _if_ she spoke with Rose at all.

"Did I choose correctly?" I questioned.

Yeva shrugged and wiggled in her seat to get more comfortable. "What do you think?"

"I think that my choice was right, but I won't do anything about it. I ruined my only chance with the girl that I will always love. I sent her a text months ago and never heard anything back, so I'm hoping that is a sign that she has moved on and is happy," I sighed, trying not to pull too much emotion into this conversation. "I want her to be happy."

Yeva reached over and gave me a slap on the leg, then muttered something rapidly under her breathe. The only thing that I could make out from her jumbled words was that I was stupid for thinking such thoughts. Her eyes narrowed at me when she decided to make eye contact with me again.

"Do you really think that Rose is happy having days in her life without you in it?"

I nodded, which caused a loud laugh to escape from my grandmother.

"They say you get wiser with age, but I don't think that has happened to you," She teased, giving me a more reassuring pat on my knee. "She may have found some sort of fake happiness there, but I'm positive that the desire for you is still there."

"Then what do you want me to do? Leave this new life that I have made for myself here to go back and maybe have a chance to be with her?" I said in disbelief. It was hard to see a logical choice about this entire situation, especially when there were no guarantees that Rose would even talk to me again.

She gave me a look like I was being foolish but quickly started speaking before I could reply. "That is exactly what you should do. This isn't the life that you want, at least not anymore. Take the job offer from Alberta Petrov and go back to America. Your life will change."

There was a twinkle in her eye when she said that last piece of information. I gave her a confused expression, wondering what she meant by my life changing forever.

"How?" My voice trembled in response to her last statement. "If this is to see Rose, then she won't be at St. Vlad's where Alberta offered me the job. She will be at Court with the Princess."

"Are you really going to argue with what I tell you to do? Remember what happened last time you didn't listen," She said, referring to the one time I took what she had to say with a grain of salt. This was during my teenage years when I liked to think that I was better than everyone else in my family.

I didn't reply to her comment but looked away. I knew she would have that look on her face that she was right as always. Some of the characteristics between Rose and Yeva were so similar, it was a bit freaky. I never told Rose that she reminded me of my grandmother, especially since she wouldn't be the type to respond well to being compared to an old lady.

"You need to do this for yourself. Be selfish again, like how you were selfish to leave Rose without giving her a chance."

Of course, Yeva was able to know that piece of information without me telling her. My interactions with Rose post-Strigoi were something that I wasn't keen on elaborating on. Mostly because I knew that the extent of my interactions would result in some "light" punches and slaps from my family, who adored Rose when she visited.

"Are you sure I will get what I am looking for?"

"The future always changes, Dimka, so I can't see what will happen in the end. I can tell you that you will find clarity."

Shortly after this conversation, I went to the head guardian's office and officially resigned from my post. I knew, without a doubt, that my grandmother was right. She wouldn't have made this trip to St. Basil's if she didn't see that going to America would be an opportunity for me to find happiness. I didn't know the end result of traveling back to this point in time, but I knew that I needed to have faith.

"Everything happens for a reason," I muttered, repeating Yeva's departing words to me.

* * *

Present Day: Rose's Point of View

Dimitri and I quickly settled back into our normal routine in the hotel. We would wake up, workout, have a huge meal, then plan out where we would hunt for Strigoi. Afterward, I would take a long shower then crawl into bed next to Dimitri. It felt like such a natural routine; it freaked me out that we seemed to reestablish some sense of normalcy.

It was Saturday afternoon and we were taking the day off, mostly to give our bodies a rest. Dimitri was sound asleep in the bed, but I couldn't fall asleep. The weather was supposed to be above freezing today and the sun would be shining in the human day, which made me extremely happy at the thought of the sun hitting my bare skin. Smiling over at Dimitri's peaceful body, I crawled out of bed and threw on a pair of my sheepskin slippers, that Lissa got me for Christmas, as well as my long parka that was enough to cover the majority of my legs.

Slipping out onto the hotel balcony, I let the sunshine hit my pale face. Due to my Turkish ancestry, I could get a nice golden tan quickly in the sun. I often wondered what my appearance would actually look like if I lived a normal human schedule. Would I have that bronzed look? Or would I still be pale because of my mom? Opening up my eyes, I stared down at the busy people rushing off to work and to run errands. They lived such a simple life, at least from my point of view. Yet, didn't it get boring?

Moments later, my thoughts were abruptly interrupted at the sliding glass door opening up. Dimitri stared at me for a while, before a small smile spread across his face. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"I could ask you the same," I said smugly.

Cars were honking down below us, with a few people shouting some colorful language. I let out a laugh at the ridiculous at the situation, suddenly sensing Dimitri's presence next to me. Glancing over at him, I noticed that he was still wearing just a shirt and pajama bottoms and lacked a coat. Of course, this temperature was the equivalent of spring in Baia.

"I miss the sun," I stated, leaning on the balcony rails. "Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have the chance to leave this all behind and live a human life. Then again, I think I would get quite bored living in an office all day."

"You're meant to be much more than an office clerk," said Dimitri, his eyes meeting mine. "You were born to be a guardian."

"I think that comes with being a Dhampir, Comrade," I teased him, leaning over to give him a playful nudge. "I might go and explore the city since sleep doesn't seem to be a priority for my body."

He nodded in return saying that I deserve to be able to explore on my day off. "Anything in particular you want to do?"

"Not a clue. Maybe find some super cliché tourists things to do?"

Dimitri chuckled at me and stared out at the city. "I was thinking that we should go find that house Steele stressed to us. We should observe it in the daytime to get our bearings straight before we do our nightly observation. And seeing that we haven't had any luck with Strigoi in the city, we should check out this other source."

"And when should we be doing this, Comrade?" I asked.

"Now?" He said but quickly cut me off at my protests about how he should sleep. "Rose, we are trained to go days without sleeping. My sleep being cut short by five hours won't do anything."

"Alright, but only if you promise me one thing. Can we get Chinese afterward?" I said, pouting my lip and making puppy dog eyes at him.

"Of course," He said, smiling at me. "And how about I let you drive."

My eyes widened, and I let out a squeal, then shouted something out to the whole city about how he finally accepted that I was mature enough to drive. His face flushed red at my screaming, with him letting out a nervous laugh. Whatever possessed him to do this, I wasn't sure, but I knew I wasn't going to argue with it. Arguing would lead to him not letting me drive and there was no way in hell that I would let that happen.

* * *

As soon as I pulled up about a mile away from the house, I could see Dimitri immediately begin to relax. He held up to his word about letting me drive, but he was tense the entire way. His fists were both clenched, and you could see the whites of his knuckles, the entire twenty-minute drive out of the city to this isolated house.

I put the car in park and turned to look at him. "Christ, Dimitri it looks like you could have a stroke," I exclaimed, turning off the car and tossing him the keys. "Did I make one scary move?"

"No," He replied, taking off his seatbelt and opening the car door.

I rolled my eyes, following his lead. "So, anything that you need to tell me? Or do I need to point out that I told you I was right? I am a damn good driver."

"You were a good driver," said Dimitri, just loud enough so I could hear. I could tell that it pained him to admit that, which only caused me to laugh fairly loudly. "You went beyond my expectations."

"Like I always do," I said instinctively with a wink. Curse words flew through my head at my bold flirting towards Dimitri. Part of me hoped that he would be a stupid guy and not realize what I had just said. Quickly clearing my throat, I said, "let's get going."

We continued the walk silently, with both of us taking the opportunity to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. It was a quiet part of Montana outside of Helena like one would expect. Montana had a subset of cities, then the rest was the typical rural area. Hence, the perfect location for a school of vampires and their guardians in training.

Soon enough a house appeared in the distance, that sported a menacing iron gate in front of it. The house appeared to be one of those cliché southern plantation styles, with huge pillars in front of it. Kind of odd seeing that style house up north in Montana, but I guess the builder had a thing for the south. The property was large and sprawled at least a few acres, with their most likely being a second, more discrete entrance. As we got closer to the house, we crouched down on either end of the gate, peering around the corner.

There were several cars parked outside the house, but we were too far away to get any direct read off the license plate. Although it was quite easy to see that the windows were heavily tinted, perhaps a way to safely transport Strigoi? I glanced over at Dimitri whose expression showed that he seemed to be thinking the same thoughts as me.

I brought my attention back to the house and even in broad daylight, I could make out a few lights on in the house. I was extremely curious as to what could be possibly occurring, and I wanted to get closer, but I knew that it was too dangerous at this point. We didn't know if there were guardians, humans, or Strigoi in there. That anxious part of me that wanted to dive headfirst into battle quickly subsided, as I drew my attention back to observing the area.

"I'm going to walk the property," I said to Dimitri, just loud enough so he would hear.

He nodded in agreement, allowing me to leave and walk around the outskirts of the property. It was time to see if my thought process was right about there being a second entrance, not necessarily for cars, but an entrance to quickly shuttle people in and out. Apart from the wrought iron gate at the entrance, the rest of the property was surrounded by a large brick wall to make the lot as extremely private as possible. I was mildly amused that there wasn't a huge hedge maze like something that you would see in a book or movie.

The property was even larger than I initially estimated and cut through the forest. I started growing concerned that Dimitri would be worrying about me because the last thing I needed was for him to freak out. Then again, he trusted me enough to walk the property, so I guess he knew that I would be safe. It was broad daylight and I even had a stake, as ridiculous as it sounded.

I was also hoping that if I were to run into a guardian or human that I would act like a dumb teenager who was high and got lost on the outskirts of town. Wasn't quite sure if I would be able to pass as that, and if the person would even recognize me, but it was my quick plan that I came up with. My mind always played all sides of a possible scenario and how I would combat them. I guess that was some guardian trait.

Suddenly, I paused when I saw a change in the texture and overall look of the brick. It didn't have that faded brick look like the rest of the wall. Curiously, I ran my hand over it, puzzled at the difference. This must be some sort of secret passageway out of the property if trouble were to arise. "But is it only one way?" I whispered to myself, looking around to see if there was a way in. It would be perfect if there was this back entrance in that we could use. It would make everything go smoother.

"There is a second entrance, but I think it is only a one-way door," I stated, minutes later when I returned back to Dimitri. He was around the same area as before, but slightly more hidden. If someone wasn't paying close attention, they wouldn't even spot him. "Anything interesting happen here?"

He nodded slowly, making eye contact with me then at the house. I glanced over at the house and saw that there had been a new car addition. "Han's hunch was correct. There is something going on with guardians and humans for sure. Not sure if there are any Strigoi involved, but did you see any wards?"

I thought about it for a second, cursing myself that I didn't play close attention. Sometimes my attention span to trivial details was not the greatest. "There weren't any noticeable wards," I stated, realizing that there weren't any silver stakes in familiar places. If there were wards, then there would be no way a Strigoi could get in. "So, it is likely that there are also Strigoi in there. Did you make out anything about the car returning?"

"There was a female, who seemed to be middle-aged. She was wearing glasses and a hat, so I couldn't get a better identification. She apologized for being late to the meeting but ensured that she had good reason to. Her boss held her up giving her some new information, but no names were exchanged," reported Dimitri. Everything he said felt short and to the point, unlike many stories I ever told. Guess it was a boy thing, as well as those years of guardian duties to train him to get to the point. That was something that I was still working on.

"So, the boss isn't in this house, yet some sort of important meeting is being held? Why would they be attending the meeting without the boss there? Just seems so weird to me," I said, as we started making our way back to the car.

Dimitri shrugged, burying his hands in his duster's pockets. "The boss might want as little communication as possible with the people involved. It is a tactic to hide their true identity."

"Hans Croft?" I asked.

We made eye contact briefly, as we approached the car. Dimitri took out the keys and instinctively walked over to the driver's, but I didn't care. At least I was able to go on this mission and show him my driving skills. He didn't reply to my statement, as we climbed into the car and put on our seatbelts. I didn't get upset about it because I could tell that he was deep in thought.

As we drove down the road there was continued silence, so I had to be the one to break it. There was no way in hell that I would deal with this silence thing again especially since we were getting in a much better place. "I think we need to get a closer look tomorrow night, just see if there are Strigoi involved," I said.

"I agree, as for Hans Croft I think it is still too early to jump to conclusions. Although, I can't help but speculate like you. It is something we need to think about," replied Dimitri.

I nodded, then reached over to blast some of my music. "Now how about that Chinese?"

* * *

Can I ask you something?" I said as we sat at the little table in our room eating Chinese takeout. We had been idly chatting about the mission and our continued hunt for Hans Croft. I finished chewing my huge bite of lo mein noodles, before continuing. "It's about New Year's."

He gave me an inquisitive expression, before placing his empty carton down on the table. "What about it?"

"You somehow knew about the disaster that happened shortly after with Adrian. How? You were on patrol and I highly doubt anyone told you about that." I finished off my Chinese carton, placing it down on the table, continuing to stare at him. This question had been in the back of mind for quite some time since that disastrous evening had happened.

Dimitri looked at me for quite some time, with some sort of internal conflict. The look in his eyes showed that he wanted to hold back something, with that same barrier going up. "I saw you and Adrian kiss when I was looked in at the New Year's celebration. It was so forced, and I could tell that you didn't want it, so I was coming in to make sure you were okay. When I was about to enter, I heard it all. Adrian never deserved your time, Rose."

"I know," I softly said. "Why do you think that I ended it all that night? Having you back in my life made me realize that what I had with him would never be close to the love me and you had once upon a time ago."

"Good," returned Dimitri. "Now can I ask you a question?"

I nodded, tucking my legs up on the chair.

"Why did you even go to that party? Your happiness looked so forced."

I stared at him, before quickly gathering up the empty Chinese cartons. "I felt obligated to go and celebrate with Lissa before we left on the mission."

"Even though you were miserable?" He said, raising one of his eyebrows.

"Don't worry about it, I have my reasons. You don't need to know everything about me, Comrade," I quickly said. Immediately standing up from the chair, I started gathering up the empty cartons and putting it in the small trash can, which was already overflowing with food. This hotel was definitely not equipped to handle guardian appetites. "I'm going to take out this food, I'll be right back."

"I got your letter," He said suddenly, causing me to stop dead in my tracks.

I turned around to give him a confused look, but it suddenly dawned on me. The letter that I left on his dresser in Russia, after my emotions had been so built up. The despair, but slight hope, that I would have him back in my life. That everything could return to how it was and the amount that I loved him. I always wondered if he would ever find that letter when he returned back home to Baia.

"Oh," I said, slightly embarrassed that I didn't have a better way to reply. "I completely forgot about that letter I wrote." That was a white lie, but I didn't want to act like it was some major deal that he found it.

"Life wasn't the same without you in it, Rose. It took me awhile to completely see it, but that letter made me realize how significant you were in my life even though you weren't in it for long. Those months I knew you changed me in so many ways. I meant every word what I said in that text message."

I couldn't respond to that, as I was fighting off a battle of emotions. Instead of replying to him, I broke eye contact with him and immediately left the room. There was heartbreak behind his eyes, considering that he was opening up even more and I had just left. I didn't know what to do and saw this opportunity as a way to collect my thoughts.

Quickly throwing the trash down the garbage shoot in the hallway, I leaned up against the wall taking a few deep breaths. I wanted him, my body still craved him. The nights he spent next to me in a shared bed kept pouring into me. We hadn't cuddled since that one night, not even touched at all, but the presence of him next to me was so intoxicating. There were several times that I woke up in the night and craved the presence of my body pressed up against his and to feel the warmth of his touch. I was falling for him again and this time I was falling harder than the first time. But could we go back to what we were?

Taking out my phone, I quickly dialed Lissa's number. I knew that I wasn't supposed to contact her frequently, but that thought didn't matter. It didn't even matter to me that she could be in the middle of doing something. Yet, she picked up on the second ring.

"Rose? Are you okay?" exclaimed Lissa.

"I don't know," I said, but quickly felt her tense through the bond. "I'm physically okay, but not sure emotionally." I wanted to open up to her about what was going on about Dimitri, but I was scared to. I hadn't told her about the kiss at Christmas, the personalized stake he got me, or the fact that we had been sharing a bed for a month. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I knew I didn't have the time to.

There was a slight pause on the other end, but after a few seconds passed she sighed. "This is about Dimitri isn't it?"

"Yes," I said, not able to tell her that I was starting to fall for him all over again. Although, Lissa knew me well enough that I'm sure she figured out what I was struggling to tell her.

"Then do what you need to do in order to be happy," stated Lissa. She immediately knew I wasn't going to say more about the situation. "I'm tired of seeing you unhappy and don't say that you are happy without him involved in your life. I may not be able to listen to your thoughts, but I do know you."

I sighed, she was right. I hated her for being right sometimes. Lissa was always my voice of reason, especially since she was the more reserved one. She was one to analyze the situation, while I was one to dive headfirst.

"Listen, I have to go and meet with Queen Tatiana soon. Whatever you are feeling, I know that you will trust your heart and instinct. You are fearless, Rose, and I know that you will do what is right in the end for your own happiness."

I nodded, even though I knew she wasn't physically there to see it. "I love you, Liss. Hopefully, I will be done with this mission and I can see you soon. I'm actually missing the obsession about the wedding."

She laughed. "Love you too. Stay safe, Rose, and don't be afraid to take a leap of faith."

Moments later I was still pacing back and forth in the hallway, feeling ridiculous that I was so unsure what to do about this Dimitri situation. Yet, as time passed it suddenly dawned on me what I needed to do.

Walking back to the room with purpose, I opened up the door to see Dimitri on his actual bed already immersed in a Western book. One of the many unique characteristics about Dimitri, but something that I always found so damn attractive.

Upon my entrance, we made eye contact briefly. I sensed the tension between us, but I knew I couldn't suppress my attraction, my want, my need. He was the first to break eye contact with me and return to reading his book. I knew that he was upset at me. Heck, I was even upset with myself.

I was always told that I was fearless, with Lissa even reaffirming that personality trait. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to him and I stared at him. He was so perfect to me, so handsome. I leaned down just enough to be at the same level as him, staring at him so intently. To some people, this may come across as creepy, but I wasn't even thinking about that.

"Rose—" He started not even bothering to look up from his book

I cut him off quickly. "I never got that text message until the day we left for the mission."

He immediately looked up from his Western to stare at me. "How?"

"It is one of those cliché stories, that I'm sure possesses similarities as one of your damn Westerns," I said, with a nervous laugh.

He didn't respond in time before I took the risk. Pushing away any thoughts of regret, I pressed my lips against his. The warm tingly sensation I always had with him was there, with more passion than what I had experienced before. Our lips met perfectly, and it felt like we were the only two people in the world. This was that missing piece in my life that I had lost ever since he left Court to go back home to Russia.

I thought he would resist, I thought he would push back, but he didn't. He threw his book aside and pulled me even more towards him. Soon enough I was straddling his lap, with my legs wrapped closely around him. His hands were immersed in my hair and I could tell he had no intention of letting me go.

We briefly pulled apart from each other, with us intensely staring at each other. Sure, there were plenty of things that we needed to sort out. I still didn't know the reason he accepted his job offer back at St. Vlad's nor did I know how he truly felt about me. Yet, he was too hard to resist any longer. We would sort out our problems later, for now, it was time to live in the moment.

"Roza, why?" Dimitri murmured, his lips close to mine.

"Clarity," I told him, pulling him back in a kiss deeper than before.

* * *

Author's Note:

Remember when I told you guys that exciting chapters are coming once we hit the 20's? Well, there you go. I wanted the build up for this true kiss (I hardly count the Christmas scene as a real kiss) to be something that made sense at the time. I know that they still have things to sort through and reveal about what happened over the past year, but it felt right at this time. I hope you guys understand why I pushed it so long (but didn't drag it out the entire story haha).

Thank you for all of the continued support and the generous reviews this past chapter. I'm finally in a better place to continue on with this story. I hope you are continuing to love reading this journey, as much as I love writing it.

18 more chapters to go!

Review if you choose. :)

Have a lovely week!


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23:

Note:

This will be a shorter chapter, apologies in advance. Need to ensure that my pace is accurate and not too much is revealed at the wrong time.

Also, just wanted to give you guys a heads up, but the flashback scene may be slightly different than what Richelle Mead wrote. I wanted to expand on a certain scene with my own take, but the basis is still there.

* * *

Approximately 2 Years Ago

I would never have thought I would lose my virginity that way. I always figured that it would happen with some loser Moroi while we were both intoxicated and not thinking clearly. Being with the right person for my first time never struck me as being important, especially for a Dhampir who has essentially sworn a life of not being with someone forever, until Dimitri Belikov entered my life. I fell for him hard, the sort of cliché way that any star-struck book couple would. And the best part of it all? He loved me back, just as much.

We laid in the abandoned cabin on the outskirts of campus, holding each other as tightly as possible. Only a few words had been exchanged after the act, with Dimitri asking me if I was okay. "Better than ever," I had responded, giving him a warm smile. He smiled back at me, then soon pulled me closer to him again causing silence to form between us. Not the awkward silence after your first time, but more like taking in every moment we had together. Who knew how long it would be before we had another moment like this.

He stroked my hair lovingly, as my eyelids fluttered shut. This was the most relaxed I had felt in a long time. There were no ghosts, headaches, and darkness running within me at this very moment. Not even Lissa's thoughts and feelings were running through my head. This was bliss and something that I never knew I needed until now.

"I haven't felt this relaxed in forever," I murmured into his chest. "No darkness, no anger, no pain. Just happiness."

He chuckled and leaned down to give me a kiss on my forever, before wrapping himself around me tighter. "You deserve the world, Roza. There is no one else that deserves it more than you."

I smiled up at him, leaning in to give him a quick kiss. My heart fluttered as my lips pressed against his, as his sweet words echoed through my mind. "I want you in it, Comrade. Always."

His body tensed briefly at what I said but soon relaxed as he let his feelings succumb to what I said. "You'll always be a part of my life," Dimitri said, wrapping both arms around me. "It is hard to promise more, Roza. Everything is more complicated now."

"It's been complicated for a long time. Although the least complicated thing about this entire thing is my feelings. I love you and I don't think that will ever change no matter what happens."

"Even if I were to marry Tasha?" asked Dimitri, causing me to shudder at the thought of it. He let out a laugh, then squeezed me against his chest. "Oh, Roza, you know that it won't ever happen. There isn't going to be anyone else that I will ever love as much as I love you."

The emotions were pouring throughout me and I tried my best not to tear up.

I laid my head against his toned chest, wanting to freeze this moment in time. No matter what happened to us, this would be a moment that I would never forget. He was a part of me, a part of my soul that would always be with me no matter what happened. I didn't know how the future would work out.

* * *

Present Day:

If anyone had asked me a year ago if I would ever end up naked in Dimitri's arms again, I probably would have laughed. There didn't seem to be any plausible way that I would ever be able to be with him in that way again. Sure, I had hopes that he would come back to America begging for me, but I never thought that it would be my reality today.

The first time we had sex we were completely in love with each other and admitted how deep our feelings ran. Now, we laid there in silence both taking at the moment. The sex was definitely the best I have ever had, filled with so much emotion and power behind it. Yet, it was hard to say what was going to happen from here. I was scared to let myself fall in love with him, even though the physical and emotional connection we still had was uncanny.

Dimitri was the first to speak up, even though I wished that he didn't. "Rose, I—"

"Not now," I said, continuing to have my arm wrapped around his bare chest.

"Did you get the clarity?" He whispered to me, with a hint of humor in his voice.

I giggled and nodded my head, reaching up to give him a kiss instead of responding to him. He tightened his hold around my naked body, as we continued laying there in silence.

"I know what you want to ask me, Dimitri, but I don't want to think about what will happen from here. I just want to enjoy this moment and not read too much into it, if that is okay?" My voice was slightly shaky with what I said, but I knew it would be for the best. I needed to process things more carefully before I even categorized what all of this meant.

"Okay," He whispered back to me in my ear. It sent an entire sensation down my body, which gave me flashbacks to what happened less than an hour ago. The way he trailed his fingers down my bare spine, as we barely broke a kiss. The way he looked at me with a devilish grin before he gave me the pleasure ever girl deserves. My sex with Adrian was never this good.

The warmth surrounding my body soon caused me to relax and succumb to sleep. I wanted more than anything for this moment to last forever and just be surrounded by a dreamless sleep with Dimitri's comforting warmth. Except, my thoughts soon drifted to me sitting in a middle of a flower guardian with a water fountain running. I was wearing a flowy dress, with my hair down and neatly curled.

It took me a second to become aware of my surroundings until I realized that this must be a spirit dream. Of course, he had impeccable timing, especially when I was having the second most peaceful post-sex sleep with Dimitri. Anger soon came over me wondering why on Earth Adrian would choose now to reach out. I hadn't spoken or even thought about him since before Dimitri and I left on the vacation. A text would have sufficed, not one of his damn fantasies.

"Little Dhampir, looking as great as ever," said Adrian's familiar voice, as he walked around the fountain. He was wearing a navy suit, with no tie and the top buttons of his collar undone. Of course, he was trying to ramp up the sex appeal in this fantasy.

My eyes narrowed as I crossed my arms over my chest. "Can you return me to my preferred dream?"

"You are saying this isn't preferred?" He said, with that glint in his white, toothy smile. He gestured for me to sit down, but I continued to stand and glare at him. He sat down anyways at the edge of the fountain continuing to smile at me. "Thought I would change up your usual tight dresses for something flowier. I like it."

"Seems like you finally have the balls to talk to me since you accused me of being a blood whore," I said, with my mouth clicking at every word. "Why the hell are you here? Is this some sort of lame attempt to get me back? Because trust me, that is never going to happen."

He breaks eye contact by looking down at his fingernails, letting out a long sigh. "Rosemarie, I wanted to tell you that I was sorry. You didn't deserve those awful things to be said by me, especially in such a public place. It was embarrassing, and I certainly got my ass handed to me after the plane took off. You can thank Christian Ozera for that."

I smirked, at the sudden image of Christian smacking and threatening Adrian. It was hard to believe that I even had a grudge against Sparky. Now he was one of my fierce protectors, probably out of obligation to protect Lissa's best friend, guardian, shadow-kissed partner or however you want to phrase it.

"You're not forgiven, but I guess it is a start?" I sarcastically said, shaking my head. "Is that all you need? I would really like to get back to my Adrian-free sleep and life."

I knew it was a bit harsh and I could see the hurt penetrating from his eyes into me. He looked down at his hands and frowned. "I know I fucked up, Rose. Right from the start when I agreed with a meaningless sex. I thought I could win you back over time, but I knew that it would never happen. Your heart still belongs to him and nothing can change that."

"It doesn't belong to him," I said through my teeth, knowing that it refers to Dimitri. Yes, Dimitri and I just had some great sex, but I didn't know exactly what it meant. I didn't know that a simple kiss would turn into this hungry passion that both of us possessed. "Everything was fine until the holidays, then you started to act possessive over me when we weren't anything more than friends with benefits."

Adrian shrugged. "I was protecting you. I saw him come back with you and I didn't want you to be broken again. The life left your eyes and your aura was as dark as it ever had been once he left Court over a year ago. This was my way of protecting you."

"I disagree, Adrian. We were using each other for pleasure and—" I stopped right there, knowing that there was no point in this conversation. "I ended it because it didn't feel right doing that with you when I knew it was going to lead nowhere. I know I shouldn't have ended it in the way that I did, but it happened."

"You aren't a blood whore, Rose. No one seemed to believe me when I said that. There haven't been any rumors circulating throughout the community, I can assure that."

I nodded. "I appreciate that a lot. Thank you." At this point in the conversation, I wanted to escape this dream and wake up from the reality. Why couldn't Dimitri be waking me up to get ready for night patrolling of that house? Why couldn't we go and hunt down some more Strigoi to require intel on Hans Croft?

I paced back and forth in the front of the water fountain, as the silence continued to spread between us. Adrian looked uncomfortable and didn't know what to say and I was hoping to God he would end this spirit dream soon. Yet, I could tell that there was a part of him that was amused at my anxious behavior to be

put in this situation.

"Can I leave?" I finally said to him.

He deflected answering my question. "They are updating the spa area in Court like completely. New massage beds, new facials, and even are getting a steam room. I always pestered my Auntie Tatiana about improving that area, since it is a necessity for us royals."

I rolled my eyes the entire time he was saying this nonsense. The royal Moroi needed his damn relaxation. What did they have to possibly worry about? They were in the most secure Moroi community in America and had an army of guardians to protect them. If anything, the guardians deserved a free massage day every few months.

"I think Auntie Tatiana caved into my long and enduring question once she encouraged Lissa and me to work with spirit even more. She has been pushing a ridiculous amount, which is quite annoying. Except I'm sure you know all of this through Lissa."

I frowned, realizing that I hated spent that much time in Lissa's head. My body knew that she was okay by the general feel of having that connection to her, yet I hadn't had many opportunities to go inside her head when we had been constantly busy with the mission. Then again, Lissa had also become better at blocking me out of her head and would occasionally do that throughout the day.

"No wonder I have felt something seeping into me," I stated. I had been experiencing the funny sensation of the darkness flowing into me through the bond for the past few weeks but chose to ignore it. Sometimes I didn't even sense it, especially since I had grown so accustomed to it. "Why is she pushing for you guys?"

"No clue."

Shaking, I continued pacing back and forth with worry clouding in me. "Doesn't Tatiana know the dangers surrounding excessive use of spirit? Doesn't she know how it will hurt me especially when I'm on an important mission? Why hasn't Lissa stressed that?" Questions were flying out of my mouth, as my voice became shaky to match my body.

Adrian rose from his position and stopped me by placing both hands on my shoulders. "Calm down, Little Dhampir. I'm sure there is a good reasoning behind it. Guardian Steele apparently requested it to Tatiana and said that it would help them with their plan. Sounds shady to me, but it is all for good reason. Maybe so we are strong enough to help out with any wounded guardians?"

I bit my lip and shook my head. "This doesn't make sense to me."

"It honestly doesn't make much sense to me either. I'll keep you updated if anything else happens. Overall, Lissa is handling it well. Christian and I have been keeping a close eye on her. Maybe you should check up on her too more often."

"Don't give me that," I said backing away from him. "I have been busy when she is up and if something was wrong and she was hurt by her own means or by someone else I would immediately know."

Adrian shrugged and walked over to one of the flowers and looked at it. "Part of the reason why I came was to apologize, but I thought you should know about this heightened practice of spirit. Since you are kind of roped into all of it too."

I nodded. "I appreciate it."

"You look happy by the way. It appears that your aura has finally found that love part to it again."

That immediately caused me to blush and I silently cursed to myself.

"I guess I will let you go Little Dhampir, I don't want to interrupt that hot and heavy moment with you and Belikov."

"How?" I asked, but it was too late.

* * *

My body jolted awake at the end of the spirit dream, which was always a shitty side effect. It wasn't one of those graceful transitions from a spirit dream to normal dreaming, but I guess that is how it worked. My sudden body movement had startled Dimitri, who released his firm grip on me and eyed me carefully.

"Roza? Are you okay?" He asked me. His fingers lightly brushed against my face and pushed back a few stray hairs from my face.

"Steele put in a request to make all spirit users increase their hours working with the magic. I'm not sure why, but I find that odd. He knows the risks and so does Tatiana, who needed to clear it. Do they want me to go insane?"

Dimitri frowned, before placing a kiss on my temple. "How have you been feeling though? You don't seem angrier than usual with the amount of spirit Lissa has been using."

"I know and that is what scares me. What if this darkness is just building up and waiting to attack me at the most inconvenient time?"

I started to wonder if every time Dimitri and I would have sex the topic of this guaranteed darkness looming inside of me would come up. The first time we had sex was a result of the fallout from the darkness raging inside of me and here we are talking about it again. To deflect from talking about me directly, I quickly chimed in. "Why is Steele even interested in spirit magic? He was very much against magic usage for any guardian affairs. He was against skilled Moroi using it in battle, remember?"

"I certainly remember that. I think Croft was leaning more towards allowing willing Moroi to help fight alongside guardians in battle. He was even more convinced after learning what you and Christian did."

I recalled that conversation between Hans Croft and I shortly after Lissa and I graduated. After the big battle at St. Vladimir's the teamwork between Christian and me went somewhat viral. Apparently, some Moroi locked up in one of the dormitories was staring out the window at Christian and I fighting the heard of Strigoi. As a result of modern-day technology, a part of the fight was recorded. It terrified some people to think of a Moroi fighting alongside a guardian (I guess in my case back then a novice) and others it invigorated them at this new-found method to fight Strigoi more effectively.

"We need to stake out that house tonight," I said gazing over at the window that had its blinds partially open. It was fairly dark outside, and I knew that soon it would be the prime time to stake out that house. There definitely had to be Strigoi involved, especially since there were no wards guarding it.

"Agreed," said Dimitri, unwrapping his arms from me. "We should leave in about an hour, so make sure you are ready."

We climbed out of bed and I planned to get ready rather quickly. Except when I caught sight of Dimitri's body, I couldn't help but swoon. I mean there was still an hour to spare before we were going back to the house. Damn it. Snap out of it, you are on a mission. My brain fired at my thoughts of trying not to let this escalate any further. I figured there was nothing wrong with a little tease.

"I'm going to shower," I announced, making direct eye contact with him. I saw his eyes leave my own and look down my naked body. "The door is unlocked if you need something." I gave him a look, before purposefully swaying my hips more than usual as I walked passed him.

Grinning with my back turned to him, I shut the bathroom door. Grabbing one of the fluffy white towels from the shelf, I placed it on the floor by the shower. My body relaxed under the hot water, but I wasn't there alone for very long. Less than five minutes later, I heard Dimitri open up the door to the bathroom.

A smirk spread across my face, as I worked the shampoo through my hair. "Yes?" I called out. He pulled back the shower curtain and I noticed instantly that he was still naked. "Excuse you, Comrade. I don't think that is very polite to interrupt a girl in the shower."

"I swear you have a death wish for me, Roza," He said, with an underlying growl in his voice. He climbed into the shower, causing my smirk to grow on my face. "You really know how to tease, don't you?"

Before I could reply to him, his lips met mine and I was pressed up against the shower. His hands trailed down my body, as I wrapped one arm around his neck and another fisted his hair. This desire for him was continuing to grow and I know that there was no turning back from whatever this was or may mean.

As he moved his hands away from my breasts to my ass to lift me slightly I let out a moan. He smiled at me before we repeated what was done not more than a few hours ago. I could tell in his eyes that his desire for me was just as much as my desire for him. As we became one, I couldn't help but wonder if this was the beginning of a true romantic relationship with him or not. Did I want that? I wasn't sure at the time, but I knew to enjoy every moment of this.

* * *

Author's Note:

First of all, yes, I'm here and alive and well. Lol. Got a concerned person who messaged me asking me if I was okay. I'm perfectly okay guys, personal life has been busy and exciting things are happening for me in it. I have been focusing on my mental well-being so much this past month, it has made me feel so fulfilled and grateful for everything that I have in my life. Anyways, enough with my sappiness!

Apologies for the Adrian bit, but he did serve a purpose with providing more insight on the Court. Also, I had to incorporate some Dimitri and Rose fluff in it because why not? Usually, I'm not a huge fan of fluff chapters, but for some reason, this was really calling out to me. I moved a few things around to give some cute moments. ;)

So, next chapter the story will be starting to ramp up the action with the Hans Croft mystery and the mission. Also, I'm changing the point of view flashback to another character. Any guesses who? I'm excited to begin incorporating this added element of mystery more to the story. And no worries, there will be a lot more of Rose and Dimitri navigating their relationship.

Thank you for the lovely support!

17 more chapters to go. Reviews are appreciated!


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